comb.io - Clips

Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Evacuating the planet in three, two...

Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

I'll avenge your death, son!

Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second.

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Clam up, Founding Fathers.

He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

but up here, I'm above the law.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

And you smell like one, too.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

Just be sure to stay out of the methane swamps. (SNIFFING) What smells like methane?

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Okay, take a deep breath.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

Because... my stomach is about to explode.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey.

Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors.

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Humans are no threat to us.

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape. Crazy sucker.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Hey, that's what I do.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Fry's worm-infested bowels...

Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Please, just leave me alone.

(SNEEZES) Sorry.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses.

Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable.

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door.

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later,

(ALL SCREAMING)

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys?

Setting Bachman Turners to Overdrive. We're getting pretty deep. Look! Mole coffins.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

You can't dump Fry! That's my job! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No.

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats.

Michelle, baby, where you going?

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Anyone want butter on that?

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

All right, Beelzebot.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich!

Hey, there's my little space heater.

I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel.

Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Move your freaking hoof, you goat!

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit. So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care,

So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

The name's Bender.

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat. And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned.

Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party. Goodbye.

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb...

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck!

Shut up and take my money!

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year! A'ight. On three. One...

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

But-But won't that change history?

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is.

That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him. Oh, stupid TV. Bender.

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili.

I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling?

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Hooray, he's back!

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

Bite my shiny metal ax!

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each. To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago.

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes!

Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go?

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo?

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.

It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform.

Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

I'm 60% storage space.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Put her there, pal.

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet? I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there.

Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position?

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Come over here.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

(GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

Who put this in here? No! Are you people satisfied?

Table for two, please.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

his in-your-face interface.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could.

One pound of stem cells, please!

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

No, I want to live.

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father.

We never even left this building. What?

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

What was your overall business plan? Business plan, uh, yes. I keep it here, right next to my heart. This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan. So long, suckers!

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous.

And that's just the way I like it.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire!

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Hello! What's all this then?

It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

You'd better eat quickly, Philip.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

Work faster-- like this!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Well, that was rude.

This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm!

No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Wow. Nice tube.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that?

It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

And above all, have fun.

I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Remember me! Remember me!

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket...

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.

Why didn't I break his legs?!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value.

Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior.

Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome.

Uh, access denied.

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon?

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender?

The current! It's too much, already! Help!

(ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

In fact, all life is extinct.

It's time to kick some shiny metal ass!

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this.

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender,

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh!

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

The Gender Bender! Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

(SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep. Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo!

Stop! It's driving me sane!

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

The network execubots are coming! Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal!

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River...

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him.

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float.

Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Nobody wants to see you ever again!

And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Maybe we can do better for her.

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live.

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know.

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here.

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

How we doin'? Remember me! I will. I will.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were--

Now, here's my opinion.

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

So humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Give several reasons why.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

I was getting to that one!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.

No! I'm talking about my ass!

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp. What do you think, Blotto? You in?

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Planet Express Ship, is something wrong? Oh, it's Bender. He's acting so strange lately. Do you think he's gonna ask me to marry him? Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings.

There's only one way to ensure victory.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn.

What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL)

Glad to hear it.

Oy. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Yes, well, excuse me. I've got to powder my mouth flaps. Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk--

Why? (ALL SCREAMING)

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences,

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

You'd be stupid to try.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet!

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing.

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out.

I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years?

(SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa.

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade...

Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone.

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians,

DOOP? What's that?

If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour?

which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body?

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you.

Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

Also, good news, everyone!

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power.

They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...! Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho!

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

We don't work for you anymore!

To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something. What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

No! Get away from there. That's it!

(EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES) I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING)

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now?

(CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day.

(BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing!

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

There, little friend. Good as new.

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing. Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

We taught a lion to eat tofu.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

My ass is my soul mate.

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

It's a real pain in the...

There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

(LEELA READING)

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell. Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

I don't have any hands.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

A test! I demand a test! Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree. Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future!

(IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)!

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of... Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here. So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest.

Fry, just be quiet.

DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday!

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters!

(SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place.

I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche. It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss?

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

I won an award today.

Planet of the Clams.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

So, he's a folk singer. So what? So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh!

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it.

Three, two, one.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

But also sad. Can I be both?

How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans."

I bid you adieu. Oww!

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending.

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Brain! Brain make people dumb.

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it,

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Get out of my house, you commie.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not.

It'll get there.

The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Let's "conservate."

Oh, my God. It's Bender's middle finger. I'd recognize this anywhere. (GASPS) (GROWLS) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe World Series tickets?

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

Made a cool hundred mil.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened--

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Quick! In there! Huh?

Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god!

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb.

Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord--

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home?

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

That's a complete load.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it.

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you.

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no!

Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

(GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy?

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

You just lost $5.00.

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d--

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Who's my favorite robot?

So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me...

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

My ass! Sweet love of my life!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Shut up, damn it!

This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Well, let's get looting.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

You're paying for that.

Is it the secret ingredient?

'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Marianne, my love, I've never known anyone who wanted to smell so badly, and there's a way maybe you can. Really? How? We have in the doctor world something called a nose transplant. I can give you a surgery.

So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids. Whuzzat? A wolf?

It's full of ads.

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Fry, that's offensive to our people.

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg,

From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

Mario not responding!

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon.

The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines,

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way.

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

That's so fascinating!

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why?

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music! (SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep.

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

I want my hands back

instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing!

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah!

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself.

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you,

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady?

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit,

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Two, three... hey.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late.

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

We're just two happy couples on a double date.

My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Hello, boys. Whoa!

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery?

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free. Get me the president.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Aw... what's the point?!

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

Yes! Front row!

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas!

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia!

The ship's lost power!

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

The veneer is starting to peel.

So every religion is wrong!

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk!

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

I'm just so lonely!

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing.

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

I asked you five minutes ago. You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

After lengthy femputations,

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God!

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I find the defendants guilty.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

And with that... I have closure.

And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces. Goose goes up! Rejected! Growtreant from half court. Yes! Supermen lead, 45-42.

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet.

Bye, last proton.

You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer!

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Amy, you grew up on Mars, right?

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron?

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second.

Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea!

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune--

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

(BEEPING) It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby.

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

Are you on the junk, Fry?

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What?

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour. I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned.

Your backbone can't take it!

Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me?

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life?

Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

And a Toblerone.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me?

Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

It's a second big bang!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle. Yo! Hero in the house.

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Ooh, a bot-mitzvah! Shalom hunger. Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Good night, Calculon. What did you say?

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours.

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg?

Ow! Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

Leela? Amy? Amy!

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

A cuddly baby tapir.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was.

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather,

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

His name was Seymour. He was once intimate with the leg of a wandering saxophonist. He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Aw, that was uncalled for.

Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said...

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

(CRYING) Stay off my turf!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

There were no survivors.

So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up. Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G.

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Bunk! Bunk, I say!

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

- Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Death to the 1-X robots!

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby!

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh!

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains.

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Straight to hell!

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

More like episode nine, loser!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

And the winner is... Robot House?!

You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.

He that is designated Fry...

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Hooray! I'm helping.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep...

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

(EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home!

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead. All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

No! Honk! Honk!

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender.

It's tragedy on a bun.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'...

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

I do! Kif's given me dozens. Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Let my people stay! Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though. We can put it on the corporate card, as long as we discuss business. So, yesterday, huh? That business happened, right? Somebody? I'll just pay for it.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing.

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

You vile racist.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

That should've been me!

I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa!

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Okay, let's fight. That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

KATZ: Good show.

The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion,

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks.

Women only room!

Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy."

And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"?

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Good news, everyone!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Ready to catapult, Sinclair! Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I don't know how you did that.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute!

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

And what about this?

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

They know how to make ice cream soup?

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body!

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never...

I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why.

Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Oh, no, you didn't.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide!

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix.

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say

Ow! Hey, watch it!

with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh! Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk?

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

To the end of the universe!

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news!

Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

In fact, all life is extinct.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

just tell me why?

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this...

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

He's in the foundry this very moment.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable,

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles.

Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

(SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay" Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither.

Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world!

just another tooth.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

in 2003 and then again in 2063.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

I find the defendant guilty.

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now? I'm with Bender. Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup.

Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli.

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping.

See you guys Monday!

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music?

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Let's go already

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

We're saved! I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society?

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be,

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

Ah, U.S. presidents!

He's walking on sunshine now.

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

You are my hero.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

I could eat. And fertilize.

My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance. Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun!

Let's go already!

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump.

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies.

so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

I say, get the hell off me.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

No! I won't go back! I won't...

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

And now, my meddling manbot,

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

star of the hit film, Bravehead.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince.

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

Burning garbage.

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure. Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I have love enough for two.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

What do you take with that?

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three!

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

It's not starting.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty.

(LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever.

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

so that just leaves us the one option.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

My ass has blisters from the slide

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Hey, great idea.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

But they make fun women's basketball.

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now.

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

This society is a bunch of idiots.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

(ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Fry, you go with Bender.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

He did it! He actually did it this time.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

I'd kill them all. Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927?

Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Bender can't be Santa.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me!

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og.

I beg to differ!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow!

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Let Claw Plock begin!

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Calcutta, we have a problem.

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do?

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer.

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Fry, you're my friend.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor,

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Because... I have amnesia!

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

(SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless.

(CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers.

See you in a thousand years.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet.

My hair! My wedding cake!

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

You heard the man!

Get the hell off my planet.

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff.

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at?

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already!

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me!

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

I have amnesia!

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Wait. That's not good news at all.

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it!

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people!

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

See you in a thousand years.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING)

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on?

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Who wants a fish?

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back. Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh,

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth,

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds.

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet."

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

That would explain this heat.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook.

Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Oh, it's hopeless.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think.

I love you, Bender!

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words. (YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth?

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela.

Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

(BOTH GROANING)

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

We couldn't let you end up like your older brother. That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert!

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry!

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind? But I've never picked cotton or been on top of Old Smokey or worked on anything all the livelong day, let alone a railroad.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No!

- Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool?

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all. Could one of you guys get that?

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

Dance, slave, dance.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

Quick, while they're not looking!

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Puny human number one, puny human number two,

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned?

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up!

What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Now, without further ado,

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Look out! A Central Park badger!

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party.

Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello?

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

He's... He's dead.

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals.

See you at my funeral, suckers!

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

"Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed.

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract.

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning!

If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Oh, no, I'm late!

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

"It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work--

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly.

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here.

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir." Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven. A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels.

Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

This sausage is great!

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

He's coming out of...

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Gumbercules? I love that guy.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile. Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Who will hug me if I achieve something?

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid.

I love you, Bender!

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

When will the killing end?

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Guh! It's Mom--

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay?

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts.

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh.

What? It was? Hooray!

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes?

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney.

Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998.

Son, I think I can safely say--

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide"

But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo!

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.

Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them!

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

Come on, let's go home.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Shapely, seductive.

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Lay it on us, big boots.

Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid!

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Oh! What a weird dream.

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

And stop calling me.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this. Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush.

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so.

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police...

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA?

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei?

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out?

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting? Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it 10 minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time.

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet--

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week.

I will go this far and no further.

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

My doctorate is in art history.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Yes, but not by enough.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

I love you, Bender. I love you, too.

Hi-yah! Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.