comb.io - Clips

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him...

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Enough friendly banter.

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

I recently upgraded my funk card.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them.

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow! Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Happy New Year!

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office,

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

Stop pecking me!

to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

Silence, puny audience!

But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

The Gender Bender! Boo!

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS)

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

(BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities.

An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

I got to check out this brochure.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

I don't see any irony in that.

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

Oh! No time! It has begun!

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!

ooh! An inauspicious start...

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Get the hell off my planet.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Everybody kill everybody!

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button."

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

FRY: Ah! We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Help! I'm under attack!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest,

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

I'm the greatest... the greatest!

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

(SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

To the torture cave!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

There, little friend. Good as new.

Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

They found out I work with humans, and--

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer, we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for?

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Are you two gonna be done soon?

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

We're going to die!

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap!

Who the hell are you?

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine?

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

(SCREAMS) Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool? I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

None too soon. While you were gone, the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me.

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here.

Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go.

Not even a little.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

One, two! one, two, three!

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

I'm bored! Let's go.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan. Good morning, lover.

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started.

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

(GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl. Hi, Zapp. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight with me and my mom. You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because--

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough! Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili. Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network. Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots.

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

"A" is for a... Wait!

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Robot Porno Theater?

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

Bring on the one called "Leela."

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off.

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Bad news, friends.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing.

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

(CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

I'm actually gay.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

What a nice lady.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

download porno on a crowded bus,

Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans!

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl.

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Look at me! I'm invisible.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow! Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real?

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

There's no such thing as mutants.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here.

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Out of my way, losers!

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Two, three... hey.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon.

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla! Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already.

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that?

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

an A-minus-minus!

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Rite my riny retal rass!

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination.

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

Very observant, Professor.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Noooo! She's gone.

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

For this highly Controversial mission, you'll be towing the juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter. Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak. Impossible. The tanker has 6,000 hulls.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

You the kind of sap I like.

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

Harpoon, my ass.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Fry, look what you did.

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off?

I left my window open, and moths got in.

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going!

Thank you very much.

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive. Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Precious hamburgers?

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

their life force gets sucked out.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Oh. That's a little bright.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

There goes my... life.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

I don't have time for this shazbot.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Caucasian human male.

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost.

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots...

Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Sweet zombie Jesus!

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

of the mud planet Decapod 10!

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

I can't believe you're gone.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.

Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS)

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Happy New Year!

Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela.

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

(ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

I took a nappie!

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

your keister is doing good.

Women only room!

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Oh. How about this one?

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

Spluh, it's a video-phone.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

All that matters is what I learned here,

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth,

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity,

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

That's my robot! I own him!

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

You fool! You foolish fool!

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

It's been an emotional day for me.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Have you seen this robot?

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Stop exploding, you cowards!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean,

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy,

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

I'm literally angry with rage!

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

Just stick to the script.

(BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you!

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot,

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks?

But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots,

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Stop! We'll leave.

In fact, forget the park.

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

And you are outta here!

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime.

Now I'm all you got!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan. Oh! If only I could read lips.

Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach!

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

But, dustcakes... Oh...

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you.

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie.

if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

We'll have to bring her around again.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage?

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

It's the season finale.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is!

If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer... MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell?

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see Hey, rich lobster

Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Oh, don't get me started.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

Hooray! I graduated!

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

We did it! We're the right ages again!

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me. Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software.

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Shut up and get to the point!

My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

I thought I was fitting in.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Ow! My small intestine!

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

It's just for a package delivery service.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say. So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery.

BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle.

Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

That was a disgusting story.

That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm! My fellow Earthicans,

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Flexo? What's goin' on?

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

I have amnesia!

What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Who put this in here? No!

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day.

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage!

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Go back to the castle, Sandy.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

(SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

and subscription to Cosmo.

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper. (ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow!

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me?

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do.

The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh...

There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn.

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Don't worry, now, Amy.

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh.

Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Oh, my God. What the...?

Welcome to the future, human slave.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

Ah-roo. Maybe so.

Tell them I hate them.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry.

We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38! Jump!

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag.

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Scruffy's work here is done.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies,

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun.

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie,

Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right! Or I circled jobs in the classifieds you might be good at. Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit. A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go. I'm your top of the line, Mom.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free.

All right, let's get this party ended.

(GASPS) You're a human?

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives.

(STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender.

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog...

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah!

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid...

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

This toads the wet sprocket.

Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that?

That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer!

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Whoo! And his name is?

Cheese pizza and a large soda.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared.

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

How the hell do you do that?

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person? Uh-oh, jealousy.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go.

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail. We did it! We won!

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them! Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Ah! Those were happier days. Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Stay off my turf!

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now.

Leela, no means no.

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon?

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

I bid you adieu.

It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing!

You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it. Next Xmas! Ho... ho... ho!

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker... with a nonviolent human circle. Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses? Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor. Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king.

We only have three women on staff...

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

- Hee-ya! - Ooh!

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

What goes down must back up.

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh,

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

(PIANO PLAYING)

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Pizza delivery for, uh...

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts? Ah.

I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

Initiating controlled infection.

Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

(ALL CHEERING) Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

(TRAIN HONKING)

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

I will go this far and no further.

Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

No, baby. Never.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

I can quit anytime I want.

I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts.

(GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards,

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table.

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer,

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Rock crushes scissors...

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

This isn't a war. It's a murder.

you created an alternate future.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night?

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

It's too low! Quick!

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners!

Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion.

Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot! - What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea."

So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Your mama's so ugly!

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam?

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Fire me, iffen you dare.

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Do you have any gum? No.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

Target Robot 1-X, and fire! You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it. The year 4000 is severely disappointing.

Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Come on. Come on!

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle!

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help!

In other words, no. Ohh!

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Burning garbage.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other.

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay. You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time.

To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

You knocked Fox off the air.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING)

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Remember me! Remember me!

The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done?

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands. Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum?

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

Oh, I made myself feel bad.

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on!

Death to the men!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

From those humble beginnings,

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out?

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Must kill all...

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

They'll kill us on sight.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Let what must be done be done.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner?

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it?

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Amy, no! It's too windy!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

(BOTH CRYING OUT)

Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Let the punishment commence!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I help those who help themselves!

Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

Roberto! What are you doing here?

Why is it still blurry?

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me.

got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Yes! Here I come, future!

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you!

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit,

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here. All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Women only room!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G."

Ready? Retreat!

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Correct. This box contains our own universe!

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

I know that, and you know that.

We're whalers on the--

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

It's not starting.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir--

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela!

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry--

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

What? Twenty-seven.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Rite my riny retal rass!

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face,

Would we have donkeys?

De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

What is your purpose here? Huh? All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

Take your hands off me.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice.

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out. Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

May death come quickly to his enemies.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Eating the flag is bad!

We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little.

How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Get the hell off my planet.

Who's kicking who around now? Knock, knock.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

I sure love Leela.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks.

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

I died doing what I loved.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty.

That's not good enough.

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

Professor, you did it.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family.

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

If I understand ice fishing, and I'm pretty sure I don't, we'll need to laser-blast a hole in the ice. No, no crazy technology. Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength to drill a hole the old-fashioned way. I don't see any irony in that.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake!

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.

Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well.

ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace. Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired.

The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us?

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

Me crush with club.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING)

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

He's a unique and beautiful object.

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body!

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you.

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew.

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

Who put this in here? No!

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

You know my favorite part of your song? The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail!

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting.

How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

What's wrong, Fry?

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Team assembled!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

Oh, snap. Ooh...

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

What's that? War were declared.

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you.

All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Some sexy, arousing bread.

Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

(MUFFLED YELLING) (ROOSTER CROWING)

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!

and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

Hey! Turn that damn music...

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going?

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm.

What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But...

Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again,

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

One of you guys do something!

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed.

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine?

Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically,

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be.

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Decisions I made

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species,

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here. Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy!

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Killed? In an atomic blast?

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe?

The costume contest! The costume contest!

Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah?

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo!

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic.

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine!

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

No, you shut up, please.

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Ever since 2063,

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

More! More! More! More!

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Permission to come aboard?

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

fry, throw in the towel.

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth.

Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!

Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh?

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication. Maybe we can rig something up.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer! Ow!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em. I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands. What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING)

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

(GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha!

Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing.

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

So, heads or tails?

Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Although we are technically in New jersey.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter?

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth!

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future. Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body.

Fry, you're my friend.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose.

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated?

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God! Whoa! Whoa!

What the hell was that?

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

I must be a-- a--

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

I'll put on my tutu.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(YOWLS) They're at it again.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

They know our disgusting secret!

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit.

Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond. Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender.

Oh! You know Elzar?

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian...

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o!

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad?

Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

just ask the question.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row,

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

(CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

My knee, I scraped it.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Why is it still blurry?

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

You will be destroyed!

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

Him do good Snu-snu.

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke?

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them!

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman.

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you.

No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this?

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh!

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

We need less adventures, not more adventures.

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Mmm. It stinks.

Bad news, nobody.

You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Oy. I lost another one.

They won't stop until every human is dead.

You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

(ZAPP YODELING)

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

And this time I mean it!

(DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

The spicy curried goat.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love...

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

The big brain am winning again!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead.

Read the Constitution.

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Good work, everyone.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

It's called line dancing, Professor.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared!

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela. I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!