comb.io - Clips

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

More! More! More!

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it!

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth.

Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives.

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude!

Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

I've been thinking a lot about this, and, well, would you move in with me? H-Here? But, uh, wouldn't it be crowded? Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See?

You'll shred me into a zillion...

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by. (GROANING)

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

See you at the office. Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

And the winner is--

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward!

Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

And you, sir? How can I horse you?

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day.

No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys.

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

(CHOKES) (GROANS)

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one...

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

I don't even want to...

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

I'm back, baby.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

This is an emergency.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers.

No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget.

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes.

Clamps, here are your new clamps.

I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure. Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit.

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame! (ALL CHEERING)

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! Oh!

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea. We can only hope.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg?

Bender, we have to go. There'll never be another like him.

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

The Earth is born!

(ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them--

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

Oh! What a weird dream.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved...

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum.

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes? Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over.

Brothers and sisters, let us pry. It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

(LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

(FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.

Are you with me, fellas?

Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.

We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes.

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey!

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet...

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something. What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

common cold and...

Oh, it's hopeless.

Fry, look around.

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

Kill all humans!

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh--

No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now.

Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

(WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

She'll be coming around the mountain

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way,

(BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you! Yeah, but he saved me from my abusive father. Not physically abusive. Verbally. It's a long story I can't get into while we're spinning out.

Everybody, take a Franklinator.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah. And it's straight! Coilette wins!

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what?

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

No, you're not getting it.

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

Bonder? Is it really you?

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course.

I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

A new era of justice has begun. What?

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

It's a widely believed fact.

So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

No! No! What have I will have done?

You keep it. I'll remember you in here.

So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.

Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks.

Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable?

Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone.

(LEELA READING)

I mean, how many planets can there be?

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper!

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe?

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite! We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately!

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons!

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

It's too low! Quick!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Couldn't hurt. Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse.

Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night. I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes!

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small--

I'm an appalling failure!

You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Indeed. We're here on Earth's last unspoiled acre to show the death sphere there's still purity in the world. Begin transmitting. Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him?

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

underground in the ruins of Old New York...

His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Here's corpsey!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Get him! My thong!

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.

Ah, here's my stateroom. Whoa, where is it? Come on.

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale,

Maybe there's another way.

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went!

No. No? No! No!

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

No! I want to live.

I beg to differ!

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you.

The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires. Our old farm was in Queens.

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth.

BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out.

Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

What's so funny?

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins.

By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days.

Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

It's the waiting I can't stand.

Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Yeah, very funny.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong!

Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit,

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Through the pouring rain Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon. We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

For you, my lovely rugelach. Thank you. It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps. Such a smart one! You know everything about flowers.

You really want a robot for a friend?

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said

Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer!

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those?

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here.

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens.

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye. Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty!

That's it! Happy birthday!

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time.

Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC)

But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle. Good luck, Dwight. (RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig.

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage.

Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity...

You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell. Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

The clamps! Right?

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

we've got nothIng better to do

Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

this Cadillac of men,

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

Poetic image number 37 not found.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again.

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Baconated grapefruit?

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged."

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her.

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole,

(EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

What? It's still on? Oh!

Ah, good old Bender.

And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

Before we deliver these weapons,

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan?

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us...

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

These are mighty tasty.

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot?

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

What a lonely life.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost--

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Ooh! Baby soft.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be.

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

Please. You give me too little credit.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

In the year one million and a half

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing,

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Kappa Kappa Wong.

Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal?

I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here.

(KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad.

It's a nice day.

this place has class.

We want our TV back.

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Hello, peasants.

Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

(ALL SNORING) Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before. Like, yikes!

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

Don't come back! Well, let's get looting!

Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

Who put this in here? No!

Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) I did like the part where they screamed. This is mine, right next to the center square.

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor...

Now, get in here before you freeze.

False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity. Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT) Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat.

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind?

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes?

Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any.

That was uncanny.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow! I miss Leela so much.

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps?

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

(BUBBLING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

No. I mean, yes.

Sure, I know a guy. (CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING)

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow!

You just used up today's bathroom break.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you. It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be.

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

you realize how much better life is without it. Well, let's see what's on. Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Look to your left, then to your right.

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter! Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

No, no. I was young and reckless.

Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

We never even left this building. What?

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on?

How we doing, Amy?

As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah.

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend.

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified.

Don't tell me to shut up.

Hey, sailing unit.

Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

- Don't stop. - Ew!

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy,

Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah.

Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well.

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already--

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow!

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

It's just for a package delivery service.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS) Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"?

Aah! Hey-- Aah!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up!

Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,

Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail?

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know?

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

I don't know what came over me.

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you?

Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem?

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

(SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

This makes me the oldest member of my family.

I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me.

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help!

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people-- I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety,

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done?

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share. And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. Almost got it.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

(SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

I'll explain why only after the heist has begun. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) AMY: The key to the whole operation is the casino's shrimp buffet. Today is Friday, the day the week-old shrimp get hauled off,

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

Uh, Khan? Correct!

The doctor is in.

That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...?

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

I won! I'm the greatest!

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha!

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home. Yeah. I mean, how many planets can there be?

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week!

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise...

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

And that's how you end hunger.

"May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase. Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies. Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

Oh. That's a little bright.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause!

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what?

How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission! Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience.

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter.

Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927? Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human.

You were having sex with you.

Choke on that, causality!

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

Hmm. Hmm. Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice,

I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

Let the hunt begin.

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

(BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs.

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela,

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off!

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll. Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe.

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10.

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

And I can't take life anymore!

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum.

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender?

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell. Cut.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here.

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you.

What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

Surely you know McNeal.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

We love you, Johnny!

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator. Really? You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here.

Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...

Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe.

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV.

Ah, dang it. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good.

Say cheese, Calculon without makeup. (SIGHS) As much as I hate you, I hate Langdon Cobb more. He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit. Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself. And we want to help you.

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

I'm gettin' the doorbell.

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

insanity... uh, integrity.

Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion.

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

(TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion,

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

Come on, girdle.

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! Ah!

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

Ah... futuristic.

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers.

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics.

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things!

Could you repeat that last part?

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

But, dustcakes... Oh...

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Schedule conflict.

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys! Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock.

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Terrific. Now consider the following.

Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

What? Are you talking?

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

(ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

Shh! Those words are forbidden.

I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice.

Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight. A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations!

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River... Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.

If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

So... it's just as I suspected all along.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

"A" is for a... Wait!

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher! (ALL SCREAMING)

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

Stop! Stop! I admit it.

Prepare to be surprised. So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

A grim day for robotkind.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember?

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes!

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

No. Then... Then...

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage?

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

When will they learn?

Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

I'll just be a minute.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH)

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we want to smell distant objects?

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

Now, we have a full schedule of events.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is. Am I right?

That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd--

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message.

Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab. This is my cloning machine.

That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee!

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Farewell. Noooo!

Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace!

And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me?

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me?

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln?

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

Honk, honk, honk!

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow!

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man!

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo.

"Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender!

Sounds good. See you Monday! (POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

(ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction?

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry?

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you!

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other?

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing.

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee.

(GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

It's getting late.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

And me, Zoidberg.

The Federal Sex Bureau.

What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Bender's got the upper hand now.

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

All right, I'll go.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp.

You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going.

Shut up, Terry.

What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

The current! It's too much, already! Help!

even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the... Hey, what's my grand prize gonna be? Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy,

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Sign here on this Supercuts coupon.

Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so--

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite!

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

Miss Leela? Yes, Sally? I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O!

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat.

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Sounds delicious.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh.

Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

The Clear-Cutter.

Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit. (LAUGHS) And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea!

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77--

Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

How about a lift... to your place?

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching. Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something?

Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card?

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry,

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

Not really. Would you like to see our giant karaoke machine?

How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh. Good lord.

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

(GROANS) (CRYING) It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

"Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Ah, the 67th Amendment.

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you.

Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all,

we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

(SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know? I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice. Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

Don't make me hurt you.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh.

Oh, sorry. Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that?

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Now, here's the weird part. The ego and the id are connected not physically, like decent, God-fearing Earth lichens, but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it.

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it!

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Old, past your prime, a relic from a lamer era.

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls.

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but...

- Ohhh! - That's fine.

This calls for a drink.

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it. I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

(PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

(ALL SCREAM) TARQUIN: Those sound like one-eyed corpse screams.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed.

Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?

Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B.

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm...

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo!

maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right! But to keep us there, I'd need to accelerate to dimensional escape velocity during the drift. Oh! If only Minx could see that. Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure.

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you.

Let's go already

Should we do something? There's no hurry.

Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button?

It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead?

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting.

Look, the bone vampire!

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Bender mon, lie yourself down.

Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh!

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS)

To the ends of the universe.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

I'm a tenth-level vice president.

The big brain is defeated.

go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm. And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

That's statistically impossible.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight. Oh, yeah, you women's libbers really know how to party. Psst, there I am.

Who is he?! I'll kill him!

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

The Cavern on the Green.

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really?

The new eyePhone is wonderful.

You sound just like my tennis instructor.

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly.

Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

My God! It's the Pantheon!

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict! They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you!

Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold,

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy?

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord.

MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you?

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait.

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do!

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it. Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you.

Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity.

What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING)

It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

Approved for all audiences! No!

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda?

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

(SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time. It's Amy.

I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building?

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style?

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No! Tell the slaves they can all go.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

File not found.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death. Look, Leela, I'm sorry.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender.

Don't drop that there. Oh...

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Hooray! Free sky sticks! (EXCLAIMING) Police brutality! (HOCKING)

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

Who are these people? Friends.

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions.

More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor,

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

(MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

(ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here.

(ALL JEERING) Don't come back! Well, let's get looting!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row, the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

All dead! Who would have known playing God...

Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck!

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo?

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute.

Cram it, lobster.

I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby.

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work."

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right. Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

My name's Hubert.

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend. Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal.

That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence.

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump? Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

Have a nice future.

I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Women only room!

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges.

is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Now, what's going on there? History.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor.

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it.

What're you doing, pooper doodle?

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did.

This thing is 40% chromium!

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet?

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do!

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose?

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar!

I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar,

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones. Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't--

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm...

Vintage Bubblegum!

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See?

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Come on, we better talk to the zoo director. Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him,

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular--

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

Okay, neck, tap, tap,

I said, "Sit." Bad fish! Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't--

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Bad news, everyone.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

(ALL SCREAMING)

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball?

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century--

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic.

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible?

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

- He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Why is it still blurry?

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use.

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species, showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on. But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey.

I changed my mind!

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil!

Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope. Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking.

and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great.

Want to try it? You know you want to.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight. Oh, yeah, you women's libbers really know how to party.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous

We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out.

Memory deleted.

And you are outta here!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Everyone get in bed with me.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING)

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage! This sausage is great!

Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised. So this is where they stick old people.

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting.

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car.

Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie. Yeah? He may have brains, but I have heart. Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Eat my shorts. Okay.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

You degenerate hussy!

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes--

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Firing pocket-rocket!

Hmm. Serious drama.

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

There they are!

in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Stop them! They cheated!

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Oh... Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is,

It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy!

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING)

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty! Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

I meant your wallet.

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing!

That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before. Makes me want to eat. Do you have a craft services table? No. Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Well, take this!

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

No, you admit it!

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

It'll get there.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Because I don't like being used.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis,

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at?

You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy.

Animals eat other animals.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend...

A mission of peace.

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Oh, I made myself sad.

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth. Was it as good for you as it was for the human race? Oh, Zapp. Let's save another planet right now! (SNORING)

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman.

I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's...

Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it.

Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again.

Ooh! What's that funky jazz?

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Welcome to the future, human slave.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you. (GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home!

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

So soon? Oh, well... Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

Billy Everyteen.

What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it?

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose.

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

All that matters is what I learned here,

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have.

Low wine level detected.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS)

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park.

I am your friend... Bonder.

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy.

I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING)

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin. Great Wall of Prophecy, reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey.

And you are outta here!

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy!

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

There is no windshield.

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds.

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor!

Hot diggity daffodil!

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard.

What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil,

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Well, there's the material rewards.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying!

People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything.

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat. Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards!

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Chew on this! What-ho!

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?!

No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean.

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease?

Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Sweet something of... of someplace.

(LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING)

The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING)

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny.

(CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley,

Well, here goes something...

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with. But Amy and Leela aren't butterflies. Right?

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can.

Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Uh, sure. Okay.

We're going to die!

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done.

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.

Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box.

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy! Oh.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

Egg salad? Hmm.

Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this--

Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys?

I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Whoa! Whoa! No!

Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe, probably one you've never even met, and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours! It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say? Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now,

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater."

Lady and gentleman,

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale.

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love. My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Schedule conflict.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello? My Speedos!

The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping,

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it.

Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds.

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

What you need is this fish pheromone--

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave.

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job,

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it.

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Well, the way I see it--

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute.

You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time! This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch! Cut! That was terrible!

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat!

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists...

Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger. Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

Give it to him, Andrew!

Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene...

Hail, hail, Robonia

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah!

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true?

but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went! You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING) Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes? Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over. (SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it!

Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

Steady. Steady. Now!

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color,

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert--

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never!

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was.

Jumping sound! Ow!

You killed Fry.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here.

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear!

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

What about what?

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two,

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Geez, who died?

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

Well, here goes nothing.

Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he--

As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky.

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies?

Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

Allow me. There we go.

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

What the-- What's this water made of, ice?

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me?

Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless. Oww! Not so rough!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello? Anyone?

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people--

This is hard. Now I know why butterflies are always so grouchy. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome tonight's volunteer victims, Turanga Leela and Amy Wong! Hang on. We're not quite ready to...

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

(CHUCKLES) BENDER: Yeah.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Then good luck, sister.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here. All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will.

Hey, too tight, too tight!

microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks. (CHUCKLES) Mmm! Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now?

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that!

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son?

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.

I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

(LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

(ENGINE CLATTERING) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married.

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick!

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT) Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air.

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late.

(SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods.

Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad.

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Neat. Now for the earpiece.

So, what have you been up to all these years?

Shapely, seductive.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

I'm up to something here.

The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

I'm afraid we need to use math.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point?

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

No one messes with Mom. Quiet, you.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes.

Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable...

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch. Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

That's not true.

When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both! The delivery is going to the Blips. So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys. Not these jerseys. 'Cause if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot. Okay, here are your jerseys. No, wait. Here.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

Wake up! Wake up!

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

Are there any left? There may be one.

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault.

Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts.

young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this--

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

No! I won't go back! I won't...

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we?

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see?

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus,

I left my window open, and moths got in.

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue.

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir.

It turns out it's man.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer!

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone.

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria." Maybe