comb.io - Clips

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest.

All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

This wangs chung.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

It's like Comic-Con in a submarine!

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got?

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast.

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Oh, no, you didn't.

No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought. (DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Brace yourself for the worst.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Over here, Calculon! Come on, smile. Quit blinking. Red eye. Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right.

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING)

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Who put this in here? No!

I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all,

it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor?

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

(GROANING) Oops.

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

In your face! Victory is mine!

Look out for the next thing!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Who can feel like I am a child in love

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one

I admire your style, Roberto.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS)

I'm 40% scrap metal.

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War.

Popplers can't talk.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?

Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

This show is awesome!

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love."

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is?

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Give several reasons why. For one,

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the Omicronian young. We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole.

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it.

He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me.

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Ow! Hey, watch it!

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy. Bender, where's Fry? I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity.

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo!

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

The mother ship is destroyed.

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Stop hoggin' the clover!

Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row, the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he...

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this Zoidberg. Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money. Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business. What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Why with the long faces?

Look at my butt! Whooooo!

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

That is so true.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

So long, jerkwads! So long.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

It's my booties from when I was a kid. Uh, they're already bronzed. They are bronze. And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

No more hanging wires!

Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

You see-- Magic. Got it.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

Shut up. I know it.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see...

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant.

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen...

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Digby? Nibbler?

And here we go!

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender! Boo!

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail?

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

All right, I'll go.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Arr! I saw it first.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know,

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

for all eternity.

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

You get that camera out of my house.

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really?

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should...

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop,

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara.

We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

I mean physically.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

Well, let's get looting!

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

Death to the 1-X robots!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

The professie will help.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot! Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

There must be people somewhere.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't...

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I found Bender!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara?

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table.

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..."

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now? So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened?

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Stop exploding, you cowards!

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly.

Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

I just don't know how we'll get by.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

I've got the heart of a human. What?

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

'Bout time! That's my boy!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

I control all the drones from this single unit.

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Capital idea, old sport.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Happy New Year!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what.

Yep, my good friend Big Something here.

Let the hunt begin!

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time,

Stop pecking me!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

Hey, rich lobster Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes? And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two Rockettes to death?

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it! Dad? Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

(ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me.

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I'm not stealing anything!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Aw, you.

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

I got to check out this brochure.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

I don't see any irony in that.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh! No time! It has begun!

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet.

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice. Many said I was too extreme when I first called

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

Get the hell off my planet.

I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

Ah... futuristic.

Nichelle! George! Walter!

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh!

You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it!

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper!

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

We flipped a coin before the debate,

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest,

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

FRY: Ah! We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion!

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass.

By far, the most important thing is oil

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses! It's hopeless.

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

get down tonight get down tonight

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Are you two gonna be done soon?

We're going to die!

Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason,

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Who the hell are you?

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine?

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

To the end of the universe!

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved.

Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

And it once belonged to someone very special.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Now boarding stand-by passengers-- This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

Soothe us with sweet lies.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Now I'm all you got!

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Not even a little.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

The box says, "No."

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Merit badges. This brings me back.

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

I'm bored! Let's go.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it,

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.

I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan. Good morning, lover.

That's my mama.

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Can I at least get a photo? And before you answer that... (CAMERA CLICKS) (CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus.

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

Okay, everybody switch demons.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal,

Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

(GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl. Hi, Zapp. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight with me and my mom. You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

Steady. Steady. Now!

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Alexander Hamilton of New York,

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

"A" is for a... Wait!

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but--

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

(STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Bad news, friends.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

I'm actually gay.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

download porno on a crowded bus,

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Stench... Uh...

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

Look at me! I'm invisible.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

(SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Here's corpsey!

$15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real?

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

I want to hear how it ends.

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

There's no such thing as mutants.

My nose! Light of my face!

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by. Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Out of my way, losers!

Two, three... hey.

Wha-- Oh, right.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon.

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that?

an A-minus-minus!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Is this thing on?

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Rite my riny retal rass!

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this.

That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

It's getting late.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

- That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't!

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

(LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted.

Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Harpoon, my ass.

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir.

You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

Fry, look what you did.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off?

Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion.

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here.

That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

Who's kicking who around now?

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

There's hot dogs for everyone.

It's a second big bang!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

That explains it. I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Precious hamburgers?

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

their life force gets sucked out.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

There goes my... life.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

Hey, wh-- what?

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Sweet zombie Jesus!

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

(GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm... Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we?

Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg!

Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked--

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am.

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action,

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

You want some salad with that? Yuck! Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that.

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant!

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo!

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

I took a nappie!

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Nah. Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Women only room!

your keister is doing good.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp!

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

You fool! You foolish fool!

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

It's been an emotional day for me.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Have you seen this robot?

No! No! No! No!

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence!

Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then.

We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean,

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No!

You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy,

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

What the hell is that thing?

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right?

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

Just stick to the script.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough!

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Stop! We'll leave.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

In fact, forget the park.

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him?

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

Not Santa. There he is again!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

One, two. One, two, three.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

Now I'm all you got!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared.

(LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

I'm 40% back, baby!

As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach!

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Ray-blocking power!

But, dustcakes... Oh...

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING)

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard!

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you.

You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh!

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

We will not give in to the thinkers!

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. So, Leela you must've had your pick of the litter last night at closing time. Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose."

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great.

You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield. Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display? At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots!

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste. Guenter! You're alive.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

And you are outta here!

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

What's next, gay robosexual marriage?

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships.

That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

It's the season finale.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Good startling news, everyone.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me?

alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try.

All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen. Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ? Damn it, I love that little guy so much!

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man.

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

And you are outta here!

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see Hey, rich lobster

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps,

Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Between a minute and a billion years.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Yeah, see you later, chumps.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?

Can I have a turd?

Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

I bent him. Bender!

It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Hooray! I graduated!

Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

We did it! We're the right ages again!

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me. Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster.

My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

I thought I was fitting in.

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go. Very well. Let there be light!

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

Ow! My small intestine!

Thanks, Bender.

by destroying the universe.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is...

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature.

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

Who put this in here? No!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

but you never do these things till someone comes to visit. There it is, the edge of the universe.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Don't look at me!

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade!

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

and subscription to Cosmo.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum!

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper. (ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow!

but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite!

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs!

The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Let's get the hell out of here.

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh...

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

Don't worry, now, Amy.

All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Welcome to the future, human slave.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved.

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her.

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING)

Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe?

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends,

There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies,

I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie,

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right! Or I circled jobs in the classifieds you might be good at. Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Great cow of Moscow!

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Good news, nobodies!

Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

(STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender.

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead. We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog...

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and... and... these fellas.

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah!

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

"Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

This toads the wet sprocket.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

When will they learn?

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

Ah. Mighty fine smokable.

(CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time.

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things--

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

Cheese pizza and a large soda.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do

How the hell do you do that?

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it. I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater.

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray!

Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice!

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun.

Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left.

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail. We did it! We won!

Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity.

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

Stay off my turf!

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now.

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan.

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon?

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it. Next Xmas! Ho... ho... ho!

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen.

But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor. Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit!

Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker... with a nonviolent human circle. Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses? Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

What goes down must back up.

You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh,

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Damn you, Obama-care!

Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Ooh! Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

And we're out of business.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers.

Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

(ALL CHEERING) Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

Dude, give it a rest.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

I will go this far and no further.

The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through?

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

No, baby. Never.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

Wait! My sandwich!

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy?

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

I'm a professor.

I can quit anytime I want.

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold,

They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs. Aaah!

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time?

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes.

Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly!

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer,

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

Rock crushes scissors...

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

You Clobberella

This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

that collided with God! That seems probable.

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners!

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam?

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you. What is it? Is there someone else? What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

Do you have any gum? No.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

Hey, we were watching that!

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.

But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable, and it serves an important purpose. But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Target Robot 1-X, and fire! You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Yes! Here I come, future!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah?

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

(CAMERA CLICKING)

They fit together?

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it. The year 4000 is severely disappointing.

Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Come on. Come on!

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

In other words, no. Ohh!

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill...

Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds!

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

The Bender of the 15th century!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

You knocked Fox off the air.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING)

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done?

Remember me! Remember me!

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp! Way up here's the money-counting room.

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations?

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go. CROWD: Ooh!

Oh, I hate Mondays.

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination.

It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home. So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now...

Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on!

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun.

Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Fry, it's been three days.

Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

We're just happy to be involved in your life. No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Would you show a little emotion?

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

My condolences, LaBarbara.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat. People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

They'll kill us on sight.

That's it! Happy birthday!

Unless you were already having been going to do that.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry

Uh, what's with the getup?

Let what must be done be done.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner?

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

(MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That!

mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know? I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"?

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Amy, no! It's too windy!

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

I didn't want to know!

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe.

our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

But I can't play anymore!

Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him!

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that,

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

I told you where I told you when I told you how And we'll meet up at 10:00 But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was. Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan,

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow!

I help those who help themselves!

Roberto! What are you doing here?

Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

Why is it still blurry?

Oh. That's a little bright.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me!

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants! They're real.

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

(ALL SCREAMING)

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever.

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you!

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit,

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English!

concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay.

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

Ew! What a dump! Oh! just like old times. Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then. Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you!

Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

Je suis Napoleon!

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G."

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car?

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

I don't like things that are scary and painful.

I envied no man. But you wrecked everything. Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors.

Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body."

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental...

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

I know that, and you know that.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

We're whalers on the--

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

(SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

No. Convicted felon.

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look?

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

I trust you... (SNARLING)

Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

It's not starting.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel!

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

I kind of hoped this whole experience...

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands!

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir--

You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry--

What do you think, Blotto? You in? It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi.

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

We're going to die!

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

(BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought.

Rite my riny retal rass!

Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage!

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face,

Would we have donkeys?

Tonight at 11:00...

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar. Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play?

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever.

My God, this is an outrage.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives?

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out. Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now? I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

Who put this in here?

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

May death come quickly to his enemies.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little.

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

Exactly. I use those all the time in my music. Bender, I want you to become my new washboard player. All right! Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me.

Get the hell off my planet.

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.

I sure love Leela.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

(FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens.

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family.

Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Over here with the donut.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake!

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Okay, everyone, come and get it!

(GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace. Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired.

I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us?

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely...

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!