comb.io - Clips

Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry.

some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables.

Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up.

You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards?

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

Sweet ego of Montego!

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir?

This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything. Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask, but inside I'm as soft and sensitive as a girl made of custard.

(WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay.

And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint. Hey, my foot's bigger.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over?

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life!

Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Maybe I should get an extendo-arm. How long will it take to install an extendo-arm? I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation.

(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot.

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine? He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it.

There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.

to live on reservation deep underground. No one ever dare go there. This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat. (GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council...

Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love. Here, let me do it.

Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us.

As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men.

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

My ass! Sweet love of my life!

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof! We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go? Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well.

Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off. An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do. We'll take them.

Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend...

I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters.

It is the finest available.

jackie Anderson.

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did?

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

Amy should be dating real man-- like him. I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side.

We just released an endangered animal back into the wild,

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

I was programmed to take credit for this. Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

those stupid birds will do just fine.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Then good luck, sister.

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order!

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors...

Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible.

I bid you adieu. Oww!

I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives?

Then along came Bender.

It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes. Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda.

Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa!

So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

Me crush with club.

My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts? Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do.

Come on, come on.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING)

His legend lives on!

And you made me take it out of the package!

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other.

Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m.,

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive!

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me. Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school.

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music.

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

(CLAMORING CONTINUES)

So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey!

It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists,

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups.

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil.

even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for.

Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it.

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots?

Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

August 6, 1991.

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name.

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Conquer Earth, you bastards!

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

What do I need? Ulcers?

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants.

I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you, those pennies are mine. Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in.

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

Don't worry. I have a plan.

Is this guy a shark or what?

he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did. Where's your candidate, Farnsworth?

It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier?

Oh, well-- I mean, what!

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

And this time I mean it!

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit. Do you still remember your PIN number?

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore.

Hi-yah! Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet?

Would you like some human with your salt?

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite,

Go on without me. I'll hold her off.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk. What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger,

What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Behold, my latest invention.

Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING)

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening.

(BURPING NOISE)

Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

(SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area. Cool.

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for? It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew!

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen.

But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful.

Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby!

Look out, a solar flare!

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

Yeah... bam yourself.

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

(SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely?

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf?

Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about?

A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed.

That's not how it happened.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes.

Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING)

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Well, that's weird. Seymour's here, but-- Go! Go! Touchdown! But where's Philip? I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses?

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it?

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

Her? She's just a bossy friend.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING) Missed it by that much.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

- Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings!

To my loyal butler

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh!

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY)

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

(ALL SCREAMING) Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

(BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it. Quick, get in. It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. (GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow!

I am one hungover cryogenicist.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem?

insanity... uh, integrity.

four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise!

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender!

You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives.

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society? Well... all right.

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way,

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb...

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses.

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh!

ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility, the Murderflies! And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts.

Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

What do those humans design this for, anyway?

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Ew! There it is.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Please do not feed the animals!

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is.

Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Her caviar is on your neck!

After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Okay, let's ride.

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING)

I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see. I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there.

Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend--

(GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

(ZAPP GRUNTING)

And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow!

Yeah, good luck with that.

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much.

I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING)

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here.

(STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela?

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think. They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES)

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps.

Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

So just drop it here on this bloody mattress? (SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym?

I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

(ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor.

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year.

We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

Please, I'm creating.

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery?

I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors. (ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed. I dumped them in one of your ponds a few days ago. But this is creationist talk.

I will. I will.

Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins--

(GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed.

from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

No! While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

This isn't a productive area of discussion.

You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead. Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours.

The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package.

I don't cook much since we moved out of reality.

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say?

Table for two, please.

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad,

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience!

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth... That's my name. Don't wear it out. ...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot?

You do not, you big, fat liar.

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Perhaps, like all great men, my ass has a destiny. And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.

Ah, um, um! Gross!

You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

(BLARING) Action!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

Don't do it! It's not worth it!

(SOBBING) Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

To the flying machine!

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Hermes, don't press that button!

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to...

Who are you, and why should I care? Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here--

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry?

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway.

You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

Is it a kind of hair spray? No!

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS)

I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think. "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here "like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican." Good one at my expense, Hermes.

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible, beautiful, creative soul. Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that-- That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch,

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Listen, you filthy crab.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened.

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu!

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof!

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? I was just about to suggest the same thing.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake!

Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

One, two! one, two, three!

No. Then... Then...

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything!

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh...

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Look to your left, then to your right.

Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry.

They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining.

One last foolish gesture? Uh...

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

And I smell bad.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me!

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah!

It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar?

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff. What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course. We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

I'm ready for my test now, boys.

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees. Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate?

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream.

I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's--

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING)

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

You'll shred me into a zillion...

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch!

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side,

Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit.

Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.

We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that.

I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable?

Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about?

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

What? That? That's just my personal musk. You'll learn to love it. I know I did. I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit!

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box?

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Ah! Still cocked. So, he's a folk singer. So what? So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now. Silicon Red! Silicon Red! (PANTING) Hey, I have a lifelong dream, too. Of not being left alone with a frozen super-villain.

the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth. Thank you. I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors. (ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood!

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind.

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius!

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"?

you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

Bender? Bender! Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start. Welcome to the future, human slave.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice.

Come on, old Bessie. Warp drives! Get your warp drives!

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours,

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

This is a dangerous coast.

Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Run! Stop them! They cheated!

Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible,

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

I'm bored! Let's go.

Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit.

Kill Flexo! Ow!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know!

Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works!

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro.

Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job.

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit?

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Well, we're boned.

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember--

People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be Kick it. He could make a good hat rack He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away.

Time out! Time out! What's happening? We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time,

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe.

Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something? Nah. Let him have his fun. All right. Let's just do what comes naturally.

My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring.

Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long. Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him,

Now we're slavin'. Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work--

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it!

Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food.

Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

How the hell do you do that?

Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me?

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching? Only a documentary about the greatest actor in the world. Ah, yes, Calculon. I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan. No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we?

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor.

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

(ALL JEERING) Don't come back! Well, let's get looting! Fry, this is the most noble thing anyone has ever done for me.

Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away.

It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as...

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

(SIGHS) Now what?

And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

(CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

- Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

Geez, will you lay off?

This is wonderful! It is, isn't it? Wait, those are the ads. These X-ray specs will really take the guesswork out of surgery. No more chopping blindly in the goop. Don't waste your allowance, Zoidberg. This stuff is butt-grade crap. Amuse your friends with real vomit!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it! Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town.

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh?

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone.

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk.

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan?

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

I've never been so happy!

Hello? Anybody? Fry?

It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide

Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding.

No, but I control this arm.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Well, good night. I had a great time.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

More than a little. She's beautiful!

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day.

And you got a cage for the lion.

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.

No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender

How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow!

What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

I think I got whiplash.

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

That's the ego.

Let's go already!

No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I--

(SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did,

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon?

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

That's a complete load.

I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork. Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office,

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy.

Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2.

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu!

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps?

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby. Ain't you heading home, Phil? In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work.

A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky,

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye?

Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular. You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Pizza dinner on me.

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt.

Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999.

Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho! Children, your old mother won't be around forever. Oh, shush. And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

(GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it!

I find the defendants guilty.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke. You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE)

Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

Good for you. Can we go home now? (MURMURING)

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.

In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll?

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening?

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me?

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry?

He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie.

(TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg.

I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't,

Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would.

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump. Hold on to your helmet.

Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

And you all do the same.

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial?

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS)

Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9-- A world where humans are killed on sight.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York.

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir?

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa!

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself!

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl.

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker.

Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag. Mr. Cobb, you're an intensely private man. Quite right. Mmm-hmm. - And though billions of people have seen your work... - Mmm-hmm. ...no one has ever seen your face.

Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears,

Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead!

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that

He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two.

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Me too. Me too. jerk.

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars?

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

The good news is, they can't start breeding.

This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now. That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves.

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig.

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy."

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance?

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. All right!

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all--

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this,

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you.

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh?

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar.

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow! ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

A new era of justice has begun. What?

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right.

Nothing is impossible.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING)

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari.

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go. Look, please just show some humility, like the other day when everything seemed hopeless. Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic...

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Mmm! Damn good meat.

And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww. Hmm. Hmm.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

I need cheering up, Bender.

No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents. Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

This doesn't taste like old-man water.

Careful, sir. Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir.

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing.

Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb.

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth?

Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

This is the end!

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

I'm 40% scrap metal.

Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you,

But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow? Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force,

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

There were no survivors.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela...

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

This here's a volcanic vent.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

but I still have a trump card.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you.

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

Until I gave it up to go into the lucrative pot-roast-making field.

What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you--

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House.

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

Now, now. No need to give us the business.

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me.

Hey, there's our little mascot.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin! Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker. Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain?

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend.

Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys,

(MUFFLED YELLING)

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju--

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.

That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened?

You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left.

The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention.

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

All right, I'll go.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh.

Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me?

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook,

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Gather 'round, chumps.

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee! Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

Mm. Finding God, that's important, yeah.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well...

I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk.

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender? I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention.

Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye.

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

(SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble.

When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Fire! Look out!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Hey, wait a minute.

And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men?

Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry.

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev.

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to.

I like your style. I find it very...

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff. Good hustle, soldier. Oh!

Please don't stop playing, Fry.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall,

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump!

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed. Fry, Leela, Bender, I want you to go with him.

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all.

- It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Wait. What are these strings on his lap?

Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating.

I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time.

an A-minus-minus!

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky.

I think it's him. Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord?

I don't even know you.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today.

No, not MacZongo! If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Faster! Faster!

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again.

This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

All right! Yes!

Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing?

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not?

it makes me wanna puke... in a good way. Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

Where did you learn such language?

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Hello? Anybody home?

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like,

There it is, the edge of the universe.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

He's not a child! He's 34!

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what? Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Well, we're boned.

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Another job well done.

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me?

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life. With Halley's Comet out of ice,

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober.

who just wanna kill for fun.

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

followed by rolling of the third type. Say what? My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum.

So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the--

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave.

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! My love! You made it!

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

What about on the roof?

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

Anyway, I should get going.

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0.

NIXON: Telegram!

Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings. But you still have them, right? Oh, yes, but I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like.

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it!

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together.

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

End transmission.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

The Cavern on the Green.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low!

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

There but for the flip of a coin go we.

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah!

Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment.

But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout.

Let's cut our losses and go home.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't.

But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

To the end of the universe!

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution?

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor.

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Been up north (ALL GRUNT)

Keep that thing away from me.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

Move, people! Move!

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too?

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

That's what she said! Whoo!

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life.

(YELLS) Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

Happy birthday!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman. In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies?

Look out, Earth.

One, two! one, two, three!

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying?

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton?

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

And now with his annual Xmas message,

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

This is my cloning machine. This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won!

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ)

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen.

So? I'm just as important as him.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful.

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up. Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Yea, Fry! I watch TV with that guy.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

That seems like a fact worth knowing.

Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics,

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand.

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay. Rabbit goes around the tree. There.

You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right. That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that. No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come.

Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats. Ha! Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

"Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Oxygen. Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

Brace for emergency landing!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Name? Cosmic Y. Style?

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important.

Could one of you guys get that? It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Well, outer space, I guess.

He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si!

But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be...

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

Go, boy. Follow that stench. I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope.

All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain.

I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

Uh-oh. Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

(SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you. Wait! Don't shoot!

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something. Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later?

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

(CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth?

I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween. Okay. Bender has her distracted.

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy. Bender, where's Fry? I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

No one ever goes walrus.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared. Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.

then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Why didn't I break his legs?!

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time!

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager.

My baby's milk money!

And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

(SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha!

No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you.

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here. But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve.

So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful!

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office. Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone.

Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin. All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed.

It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation...

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son. - Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot. Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie.

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all.

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy?

All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this? You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew, to be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony. All the grieving families will be there, plus a Popsicle cart.

Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor?

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me?

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on!

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building!

Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness.

I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Oh, good! A physical!

Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

You're my best friend, Fry.

Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

Not often though. Mmm.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

I'm being fired.

Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

Decisions I made

Fire me, iffen you dare.

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time. FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before.

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan.

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable!

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

oh, keep smiling through

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return.

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine.

Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on.

No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda.

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three! Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

(SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words.

Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good?

Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me.

Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

(CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley,

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow. Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg?

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did.

BIG BERTHA: You make quite a show, young man. You remind me of myself as a young cannon. Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch?

Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya.

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride?

Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words.

Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her.

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown.

That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

I'll just pay for it. Well, we should get going. You guys see where my mom went?

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

And be quick about it! Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket.

With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you,

This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh. Good lord. What is this?

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along?

He's crooked, but fair.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth.

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double.

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool.

Hit it with a stick!

The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous.

Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat!

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up.

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Or should I say, "Evila"?

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

Oh. That's a little bright.

You're a wonderful man. Finally, the atom is safe.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again!

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it!

You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING)

Let the hunt begin.

So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS)

Ow! My small intestine!

Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What?

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages,

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda.

you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going?

Okay, quiet time.

Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody...

How about these cookies, sugar?

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry.

I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Ready? Retreat!

You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages. (FIRING) (SCREAMS)

And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew.

he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Gold? Why Femputer want gold?

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend?

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away.

Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us.

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?

You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken.

A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck!

Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot. I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me? Oh, Calculon!

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..."

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming. (GASPS) My old apartment.

Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me. Time heals all wounds. You know what? I will help you, but only to prove I'm not just a paper-pushing file jockey. Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

(GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts.

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela!

Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those. In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin.

One, two. One, two, three.

Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.

I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat.

My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for.

FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots! Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me will you reCognize me

I'll call and tell you about it.

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice?

10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

He's coming out of... Nice and gentle.

Today it's the owner of the Tickleodeon Kids Network.

Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion.

LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait.

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr!

Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages,

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

(DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

That's a tender area.

Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth.

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again.

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender! Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

My God. It's the future.

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela.

What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens?

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

That's so filthy it just might work.

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

Where in funky town is the professor?!

Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00?

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp. Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm?

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Fry? Where are you?

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

(STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh!

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover,

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle. Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever. Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time...

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Women only room!

Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax?

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

He'll never find me in here.

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do,

Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate?

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor,

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn.

It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

(BOTH GROANING)

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.

Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Yeah, well, a lot of them were children.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

We fought like hell, sir,

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it.

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker?

No! He'd come after me!

Crew, you're working too hard.

Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it?

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about?

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in!

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky.

Keep that thing away from me.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

Indeed. We're here on Earth's last unspoiled acre to show the death sphere there's still purity in the world. Begin transmitting. Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

MAN ON TV: Coming this fall. Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past. I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen.

Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry.

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

That's great. What's the little guy's name?

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Dirty boy! Dirty boy! You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Right kind of you, mum.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

Fry, I'm so glad to see you.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it.

You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think.

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS) How does it feel to be the hunted?

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

Sacred weed you say?

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere.

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave.

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

(CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here. (HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

If you are traveling with small children,

Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium.

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort?

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves.

If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8. (ALL CLAMOR) Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto. Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog? Ohh. You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there.

What do you mean we, mammal? Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

- (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn! Oh, very well. Merit badges. This brings me back. Oh! Bone whittling. I used to love that.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich!

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals.

Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon. (BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you.

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

I hope everyone likes eggs.

- Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

I'm acting astonished.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Any button! They all retaliate!

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow!

Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies. The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status? Not good. The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype!

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck!

Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion.

Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap. Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba. I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter.

Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Why didn't I break his legs?! Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior.

I love this job.

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA? (ENGINE REVVING)

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies.

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him. Hmm! What's that weird sound?

You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Ooh, he got me!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't-- Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man.

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS)

Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam!

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

So, I'm sending you on one last mission.

Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

So? What of it?

the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is?

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods,

Nah. I've got a lazier idea.

This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time. See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Ugh! I suppose you'll be wanting to keep your tooth fillin's.

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory!

Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see.

Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery. Okay. It's crime time.

Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left. It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

(GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles? Ugh! (CHUCKLES) Well, it's 6:00. I guess we'll have to deliver that human heart tomorrow. - Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come. Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup.

I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans.

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use.

I love you, buddy. Countess! Countess! Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet?

Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

We're gonna crash!

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.

FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real.

You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it. Come here and give me a sting.

It's the 7:38! Jump! BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

ANNOUNCER: Super shocker! (CROWD CHEERING)

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Let me give you my pager number.

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo!

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Two men go down, one come up.

The bride has written some vows...

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony.

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad.

(ALL LAUGHING) (PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball-- Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain. That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row,

And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

(LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that.

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget.

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher...

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you.

(MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something.

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh...

(PULSING SOUNDS)

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

(SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

Faster! Faster!

Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle?

Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

No! Quit asking!

Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

(MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings?

In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela!

will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not. Heh heh! Check out the one-eyed bean machine!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend...

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data.

What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned.

More! More! More! More!

How did this happen?

My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

What in Babylon? no!

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical.

We're gonna have A tv party tonight

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie?

(PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING) LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE)

My hair! My wedding cake!

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes.

LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract,

My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

And the winner is-- Leela.

Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What?

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

Whoa! Oh, what the hell. You poor man.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures.

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? (CRYING) (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) The pee-babies peed themselves. I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky."

Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching?

And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food,

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it! Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

"Download a celebrity from the Internet."

I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone.

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand?

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow! LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall?

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Hooray! I'm helping.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now. Up next, the award for Best Delivery Boy, Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me.

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero?

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown?

I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet.

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow!

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! My love! You made it!

You know, romance is an important part of our work too. Right, everyone? Yeah. Sure. Do any of you collect Lovey Bears?

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Hooray! Hooray denied!

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all.

But my favorite app is called Twitcher.

Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car!

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

(ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

I could eat. And fertilize.

In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

How did this happen? That's a very good question.

Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS) Donbot, please,

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead. Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof...

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. (FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

- Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender!

We can worry about that in the morning.

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

SHABBA-DOO: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own.

They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A."

Of course they love you!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

Then you're under arrest. What for?

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender?

but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew--

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Too bad he wasn't an alligator.

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine. Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron!

Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh!

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

I am going to get you so many lizards.

LEELA: Bender, stop!

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

By God, I think the boy's got something.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

I'm so into you. Oh, my!

Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video.

A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

If you show anyone that picture, there will be terrible consequences. The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences."

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender?

Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh!

Why always the fighting?

Oh, my. (BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS) Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing. Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby!

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude.

(WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do.

One, two! one, two, three!

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

Now, a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity. NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red!

One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

You want some? Sure.

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Smells like something died in the wall.

Maybe I should take this off.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

(DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not your claws. Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed.

Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me,

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela?

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief!

just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second.

Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle.

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela. What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together...

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence. Celebrity Ape Fight will return next week at its regular time. So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys?

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold!

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there.

It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do?

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

What's the catch? She looks normal. She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes.

And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it!

You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom? (CHATTERING) MAN: Go back to Roboklahoma!

I don't feel well.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him? She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

Learning is fun.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over. But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master?

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost!

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

Damn good meat.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you?

What does it do?

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Hey, Three Ears!

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

Come on! Yes! Front row!

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

(GASPS) That's it, I'm sure. I can tell by the words on the crate! Oh, my beloved. You complete me.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking. Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. - That is most wise. - Who?

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp--

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws?

Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race. Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay,

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Last time I checked.

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God!

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them?

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen. Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that. How do we sign?

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama,

Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got. Touch your toes. Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah!

His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio?

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

In fact, should I do it now?

That's the best thing I ever saw.

And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

I fInd that offensive!

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue,

But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill.

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING)

Whew. My God. It's the future.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so!

Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point?

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected.

(BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

(ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.

Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish. There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery,

No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

One Eye, One Eye!

So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn!

Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING)

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy rockin' through the night

Shh! What was that sound?

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl. Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

No! No! No! No!

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.

All right, enough of this. There's the atom!

No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

It's a widely believed fact.

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud.

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

(GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING)

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round.

He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years!

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story.

$30? I can't afford that.

Set a course for adventure!

and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form. (SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it. He's gyroscopically stable.

melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.

Ah, close enough. Come on in.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Free soda for all humans!

insanity... uh, integrity.

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing.

and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost,

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin'

Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Follow me. According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

Rats. just another tooth.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was.

Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job,

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute!

Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent!

LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you.

I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.

The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey!

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING)

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading.

If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right!

Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce.

Let's commence preparations for rumbling! Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event.

Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius!

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna?

For God sakes, Fry!

Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said,

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here?

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week!

Okay, the audition's all set up. Where's Calculon? And who's this goomer? (WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon. (GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh! (SOBBING)

until both males are exhausted or dead.

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes!

So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela!

While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

(RUMBLING) (GROANING)

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no.

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space. It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes.

Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

Just... Ugh! Okay, you know what? Just hire him. Done. (GASPS) It's humbling to be back on my old soundstage as a bit player.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop."

'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know?

Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS) You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost!

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human!

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon,

He's doing it again.

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started. Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true! Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that!

Here I go! (SCREAMING)

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

Hold me. (SCREAMING)

Let's meet today's celebrity judges. Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

- No. - Oh, thank God! It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do.

We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

There's your problem.

It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you.

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown?

It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

All hands on deck for mojitos.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a...

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you.

Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

in that ditch where I left you, this is for you. Time up-ooh! The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges.

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud.

In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

(YELLING) (GASPS) (CROWD GASPS)

Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours.

but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING) Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one.

Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting!

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad!

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next?

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you.

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper.

Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show.

(BURPING) The nectar causes their bodies to produce female butterfly hormones, building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system.

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS)

We don't work for you anymore!

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages. So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000?

Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I don't know how you did that.

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot?

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

jungles on earth?

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor,

From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh!

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.

I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already.

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what?

Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

I mean physically.

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye.

Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

(CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

The box says, "No."

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina?

(ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Take whichever one you want.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses.

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

come on down to the Butterfly Derby tonight.

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead!

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana?

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

Wha-- Oh, right.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah

He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting.

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Observe. Problem solved.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order.

Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

(SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord."

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother?

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great. We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither.

Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu.

I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know. Bender? Bender!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it!

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight!

That's a good boy.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love--

Fire 'em all. Mm-hmm. Mm. Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP) For you, my lovely rugelach.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew.

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool.

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh! Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?

Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Come here, Nibbler!

Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution?

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up?

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't!

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

Ooh! Oh! Aw. She likes you! Ooh! Ooh! Saddle up, men. Oh! We got some no-good rustlers to-- ooh!-- Catch.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please! I can't shoot you.

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile!

Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

I can't believe you're really real.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir.

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why?

Well, two can play at that game. And one of them is me.

You know who McGovern was, right? I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures.

And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience,

Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination!

Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor. Hello. We're here because we, uh...

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm?

Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

Egg salad? Hmm.

I'll rest easier not knowing where they are. So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

The doctor is in.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged... to live on reservation deep underground.

I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp!

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

You got the toenail.

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky. Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez.

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper. I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud.

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

I don't wanna go.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa---

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a--

That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

Melllvar's got a spaceship!

How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature?

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

Everything? Except that.

Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

Hermes, don't press that button!

What? My mother was a saint!

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Leela? You're alive! Fry!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this. You know the worst thing about being a slave?

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk!

Over my dead body.

Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho!

I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves.

I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere?

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Him do good Snu-snu.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

(SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never...

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

Fire up the sewer gas!

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill.

(BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet.

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Welcome to Mars! It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there. Brothers and sisters, let us pry.

No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence--

AMY: Hey, I found a safe.

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain.

Single female lawyer

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Burning garbage.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

(PASSENGERS CLAMORING) Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

Like the Kardashians.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies?

What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do?

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow.

(WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days. Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit,

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

(GROWLING) I'll save us by scaring him off with my crazy war noise. (PURRING)

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING)

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

for a robot! (SOBBING)

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program,

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan,

After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS)

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones.

Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one. Phew! That was close.

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh!

Exciting news, people!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp. So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun?

What's wrong? That's no lady.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked.

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him.

Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS)

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

(BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Permanent deportation, you mutant.

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs?

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Yah! Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York!

it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police.

Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private.

Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Well, that's all for today.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me.

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money!

You remind me of a young me.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent. Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place.

Hey! MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor.

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh!

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

All right, Professor, sock it to me! Top-secret news, everyone. I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth fighter that's virtually undetectable. How undetectable? It's right in front of you. I find that... (GROANS) to believe.

We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you.

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh...

Who put this in here? No!

It all makes sense.

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

(PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all.

You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

We'll have to bring her around again.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING) NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth,

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis!

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Holy shoot! Looky!

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite.

Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole.

Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Wow. Nice tube.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition"

Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast. The whale-- he be white now!

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh!

I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one.

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow.

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix. (SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district!

Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

(BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV.

You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

"You gotta do what you gotta do."

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

It turned out I'm not an alien orphan. I'm a mutant with wonderful parents. Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle? Please. It's been a long time.

I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you! Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

Fry, you're my friend.

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken.

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes?

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Whoa, there's writing in here! Also, this grease is flammable.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet.

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep.

On this auspicious occasion,

but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want?

Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later.

just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul.

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Get it? He's coming out of...

Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank.

I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space. There's something really familiar about that melody.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No!

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Uh, access denied.

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) I think there was something wrong with that rotten shrimp. Stop griping. Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe, especially the little metal box.

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Hey, that's my brain!

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says."

She's so great. I feel like I can almost remember... the magical thing I did to make her love me. But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away...

WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) Janitor to the 237th floor men's room. Six o'clock. She'll be here in half an hour. 6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself.

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills?

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius.

Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move Or a great big giant thermos Giant thermos With a twist-off top That would be good for soup He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight

No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

(CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it.

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry?

I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg!

Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Your task is nearly completed.

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.

The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

He wears sandals.

or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them. Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too.

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral?

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery,

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks.

Whoa! Faster! Faster! Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."

Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in. So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much.

I will now perform my people's native dance.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos. (SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it?

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING)

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

No! Stop! I say.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

Um... a grayish blob?

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson!

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln?

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated.

Fry, you go with Bender.

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man.

Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.

None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay. Yo, ABBA, what's that next door?

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line! Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins!

What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa!

Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

(EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse.

Yeah, see you later, chumps.

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

You were having sex with you.

"Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS)

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh!

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"?

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb. And everybody knows, once you delete a photo, it's gone forever.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me. Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own.

You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps.

Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat.

His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient?

Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Uh-oh. That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing? It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill. Activating anti-fungal ray.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour!

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

Wait! No, thanks.

(BLARING) What's that? Did they pick a new Pope? Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

It's getting late.

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry!

That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Hey, there's our little mascot.

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY)

than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

All right, I'm coming. Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

(BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember.

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

Until time stops.

Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here! Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

He looks like Bender!

Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone!

What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true.

Splinkies! What was that?

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like.

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry?

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet?

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Uncle Vladimir!

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

- Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No! Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster.

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great.

In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid.

I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

I want my hands back

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags.

All right, show's over. I'm tired.

It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me.

Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess,

Hmm, he seems pretty angry. Yeah, but I guess I'd be kind of angry, too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet. Maybe we ought to do something nice for him. There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan. Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it.

Mind if I give the eulogy?

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here--

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender?

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze?

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel!

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

Where's Calculon?

That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news,

There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport. I say, get the hell off me.

Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him. Hmm!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight?

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

What? It's still on? Oh!

I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school...

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch.

That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos, our zoo is a model of compassionate encagement. The animals don't even know they're in captivity. See?

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever?

or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges.

Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody.

are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat. And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram.

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial?

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac.

the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G?

The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends.

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on...

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Order the cake, damn it!

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

God rest her zombie bones.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons,

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them. Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones?

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard.

Wish I had Bender back.

Are you with me, fellas?

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder,

Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

The big brain is defeated.

Last one holding the bandanna is the new leader.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten,

What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

Delivery boy? No! Not again.

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why?

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame.

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas.

Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either.

Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones.

It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.

Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah.

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence! Even a young pebble could see your race is divided based on the configuration of your 23rd chromosome.

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Nu? Is this the professor's cloning lab? Cloning is a sin against nature! But yes. Follow me to the professor's cloning room.

(COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven,

Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn.

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo.

Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers?

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah...

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing...

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

(WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir. Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here. She's right.

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces. Goose goes up! Rejected! Growtreant from half court. Yes!

Quick, while they're not looking!

Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

That is for Grrrl Scouts! Men bring the skulls home, women arrange them. I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Calculon! You're alive!

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Help! Mechanical man overboard!

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong.

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

(BENDER GRUNTING)

Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you. Damn right we are! Now, come on! Let's go do a little father-son weaseling out of this.

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

I can't watch... Enough.

Off you go, apparently.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong.

I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you.

The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha...

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh!

(LEELA READING)

No. Aah! This is not happening.

In the area now known as Egypt,

Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction.

A grim day for robotkind.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

I had nothing to live for in my old life.

This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding-- if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that... when you meet my boyfriend tonight. Ah, that right. We finally get to spend some time with this Mr. Kif.

Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention.

Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing! You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face!

You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History.

Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds,

I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff.

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

I don't really have any use for these, but you can't have them back. Ladies. Imagine. Me, a girl from the sewer meeting a man made entirely of detergent. (GASPS) And look over there! It's Zapp Brannigan, the famous space captain.

Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance. Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey,

Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go!

Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said...

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

There's only one way to ensure victory.

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance.

Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One.

Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know. Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours!

I lost it... in a volcano.

Yeah, you'd better run.

Oh, what's the point?

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later.

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender. The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything.

Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.

A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Let's find those flowers. We'll split into teams.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

(BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move!

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Death to all humans!

I mean physically. What do you want?

Haile H. Selassie!

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell...

Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball!

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!"

I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him!

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home. You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside. And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub.

Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van? I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

your punishment!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever,

Looks rickety. We better test it. Welcome to our monastery.

I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter!

Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind?

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Then thou art not members of the shadow society! The what now? Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished.

Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you? Uh, in a small way, yes. But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do.

Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine.

There's no such thing as mutants.

Three, two, one.

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

There's hot dogs for everyone.

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union,

You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? Halt! You know not the function of the machina magnifica? Then thou art not members of the shadow society! The what now?

I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Part-Ay and the '66 Thunder-schewitz. Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory. Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM)

No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Pizza dinner on me.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you... by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move.

Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes.

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door! Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

No need to thank me.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back. All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again.

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry.

He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh! I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment!

Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that?

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through. (SCREAMS)

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

I call it the Franklinator.

The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING)

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter,

These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime.

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it.

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing?

Trees up. Trees down.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers!

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam

Why would I want to know?

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

Eh. I've seen bigger.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire?

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were.

If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend...

What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie.

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell!

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Amy, no! It's too windy! Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful,

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

(CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY) That is one sexy bridge abutment.

Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Right after Bender was there for a workshop.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home!

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most. We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate? Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear?

Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform,

I'm a trophy girlfriend! No kidding! These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

With my final breath.

He wears sandals.

I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell." Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business. We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad!

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going?

My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser?

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure?

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

That's impossible.

I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

Let what must be done be done.

As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

As you know, the big break-dance battle is Saturday. So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants, our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest. Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F.

It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Great cow of Moscow!

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded.

I love ice fishing. I shouldn't be out in this cold. I have no protective fat, hair or warm blood. I'm not even legally a mammal.

Let's "conservate."

Behold the dance of peace.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling.

If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million.

before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out.

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete.

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

Shake it, baby. Shake it like... I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain.

I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want.

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me.

(YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Women only room!

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow!

No one insults the turtles!

Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What? It's simple, you simpletons. Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains.

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good.

I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient! (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died!

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper.

And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry.

Wow, I love symposia.

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

I'm de-promoting you, soldier.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is! (CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes.

You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app.

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that?

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator.

This is it. Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo! (ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know.

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet? I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Time for you to shut up!

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver.

Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet.

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands. Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry!

According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb. And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way. Does that thing tell you where the queen bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

I think I may have hurt someone.

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

Esther, you ugly.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned.

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we?

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77--

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered.

Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken,

You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

Chew on this! What-ho!

Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

Finally. Oh, yeah.

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Four. Three. Two. One!

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now.

Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer. (BEEPING)

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

plant one on your woman.

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

May the blessings of the season be upon you.

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations?

They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you. This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

(SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is. BENDER: Three, two, one.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.

Ow! I'm back, baby.

(YELLS) Asteroids!

so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh...

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Good luck, Bender!

Clam up, Founding Fathers.

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead!

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise!

Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers. Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia! Sorry, babies. Leela, maybe you should lie down. Yes, listen to the father.

There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

I'm a certified college dropout.

Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Except for the parasite! How's that, Hubert? Feeling better? A good beaking usually cheers me right up, but today it's no use. My species is as good as extinct. I haven't seen a female of my kind in over 100 years! There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert.

No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite!

Oh, my! Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There.

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way. Ooh!

Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware. Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch.

Zoidberg? (POPPING) (WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too?

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid.

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

Approved for all audiences! No!

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

Versus The Foreigner.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh...

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

I love these things! Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes!

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh. Oooh. Aaah.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

What? What's going on here? Wow!

If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender?

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off.

That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

Got ya. What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes?

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience.

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad. Mmm!

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

I'm back, baby.

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500.

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds.

Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS)

Whoa, a palace! Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.

Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface. - How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position. How about instead, you give us the girl...

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening?

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS)

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection.

Oh, my God. What the...?

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City.

Good news, everyone.

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show?

Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us.

You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller. So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories.

What do you think of the view, Fry? It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

(BOTH WHIMPERING) This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet. Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm!

It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up.

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump!

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good.

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS)

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him.

Aw, crap-- singing.

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world.

But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

No! Honk! Honk!

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out. Don't be scared.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup. No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast?

Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode.

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

But I thought the Mom Store was across town.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots.

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Happy New Year!

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf!

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats.

Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927? Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human.

No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby?

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

(GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me!

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

Of course they do!

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop."

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

I am the "greetest"!

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future.

You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance.

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye. Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.

Do you think perhaps, you and I...

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean?

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me?

just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! (MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis.

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING) Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other,

Oh, what's the point?

No! Put that back and turn it on!

Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh. I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever.

Now, bees communicate by dancing.

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball.

Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey!

And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over...

What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.

No! Nibbler. Psst.

I'm not going out with Amy. It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out?

I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb?

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy?

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police!

I think Bender may be telling the truth. Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz?

(ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means.

He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY)

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

Come on, old Bessie. Warp drives! Get your warp drives!

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

Everyone, listen! Damn!

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me!

I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor,

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs. Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor.

My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker.

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case. I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender,

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me,

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family.

Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab,

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm--

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language?

We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence?

Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one.

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth.

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

(ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

You do? Really?

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks.

That was fun. Let's give him a treat. Keep your palms flat.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm.

This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a "save the ox" sign I already had. (HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes! Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom!

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

Aha! Cornered. Whew!

What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

"I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

Uh, Khan? Correct!

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

(GAGGING) This is crazy. You're from the future?

Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter?

We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

And I'll let you sing backup. But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn.

Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Zoidberg, what is that? That is the delightful creature I've been video dating for the past four years. Hit it with a stick! Tonight is a dream come true, a real, live date in a physical place that exists. I just have to go straighten up in case we end up at my place.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

(SIGHS) Everything but how they smell.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi.

There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one.

I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis?

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight?

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say?

Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Oh, gee! Bull's-eye!

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well.

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef.

Maybe there's another way. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. What am I doing?!

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry.

Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up! Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated.

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper!

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys.

of perfect flavor.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

(SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer. Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

We did it, Fry! Fry?

I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom!

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff.

Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device,

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good. Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

but you never do these things till someone comes to visit. There it is, the edge of the universe.

(CRYING) What the...

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Welcome aboard, sir.

Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on?

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

so I'm launching this high-altitude weather balloon to gather more data. My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook.

Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello?

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something?

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.

Leave him alone.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal...

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box?

Well, rest assured,

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two.

I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

"Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers...

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Plus, you get a return visitor discount.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it,

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance!

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

You gave me a 20.

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy.

All right! Hooray!

Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Please do not feed the animals!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body,

So, how did you wind up getting frozen?

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever. The tracks lead here.

Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow. You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me.

Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah!

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad.

Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word.

Okay, everybody switch demons.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action!

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean,

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip.

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face.

You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto. Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog? Ohh. You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there. Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

Let's kill him ourselves.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when--

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room.

(BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough.

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested.

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on?

We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Well, you could bother me a little.

Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

And I've got to find out what.

My Speedos! Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred...

(SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps.

Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary-- Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon?

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages,

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

(GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter,

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake.

Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Me. And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt.

Do not compute!

Fry, you scoundrel!

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes--

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna!

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo!

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad.

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that.

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it.

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Hey! BENDER: C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that! It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready.

Cover us, buddy!

It's time to take action.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS) Oh! Still warm! So, what's this delivery to McPluto?

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS)

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous,

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS)

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

Hand me that backup disk.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Ah, here's my stateroom.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa!

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP)

All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh.

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender?

You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day.

Observe. And... here we go... There.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo.

Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes!

but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course.

Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS)

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR) Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece,

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

(SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him.

We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

That's what I'm known for!

The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler?

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Welcome to robot hell.

We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Fry, swallow your food, then talk.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him

LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons.

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope.

But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Ow! This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer.

Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found. MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee.

Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak?

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

To the end of the universe!

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket. Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'.

I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as...

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio?

Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off.

All gone. Can I drive? No.

Not in person, thank God.

Let's get this show on the road.

That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage?

Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you. You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't...

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet! Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

How long have you been at it? 700 years. We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry,

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

It's a deep space emotion detector.

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling,

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

It's a necessity of the sport, it is. This is actually quite elegant. It's not what I was expecting. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies!

I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over.

Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really?

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one.

Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me!

Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket.

He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up!

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely!

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you. Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa?

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Fifty-- six-- ish?

That seems fair.

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you.

No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot.

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it.

There but for the grace of God. Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack! Oh, God.

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw.

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete. I give you Dickfrancisco! (CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed,

Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century.

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing?

Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow,

Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

I thought I understood this world.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet.

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

(GULPING) (MUSIC PLAYING)

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Behold! The Internet!

Sewer mail! He's single.

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all?

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

That story was preposterous.

Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends,

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good.

but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals.

Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all. Yes?

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with.

You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love,

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die.

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion.

NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING)

(CHUCKLES) (STRUGGLING)

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

Who do you think you are? God?

But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

You're all losers.

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten,

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers. I'll be able to pack my day with twice as many humdrum activities. Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine.

That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother?

Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots.

What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek!

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift.

Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

I never thought it would end this way--

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said. Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business!

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great?

Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING)

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies." The time for stupid statements is over. Ooh, boy.

Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

(SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together,

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.

I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking!

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

...and Bigfoot is down!

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

Well, I may not have brain smarts,

No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies,"

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time, like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit?

My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great.

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome!

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not?

The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have,

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted?

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

(GRUNTS) (GROANS)

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp! This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum.

I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much. The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to.

They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have.

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

All right. I am,

(TRAIN CHUGGING)

No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail. (BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender,

You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect!

Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back. Here's hoping.

It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes.

Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune.

Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window. All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words.

I said no such thing. And then I died!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top.

Behold! The Internet! My God.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation. What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth.

We are not amused.

Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash.

Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients? You bet!

Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do.

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela!

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Times two, carry the one.

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there?

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up

Hermes, don't press that button!

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Winners don't use drugs

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

In other words, no. Ohh!

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! Oh!

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

(ALARM WAILING)

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you.

I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

I was getting to that one!

Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty,

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

(DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out! You can't hit what you can't see. Ow!

At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Oh, please. Really? And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley--

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum.

Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20.

Hey. What smells like blue?

Nope. Pretty, though.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

What have you done with your lives?

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man!

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet.

Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh!

People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing?

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

And I still barely felt anything.

They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

(STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music?

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity!

Oh. That explains these boat eggs. Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious.

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait!

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

- Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Bite my shiny metal ass!

Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Let's dump it up! This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

- (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir.

I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over.

Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather.

Well, we should get going. You guys see where my mom went? I don't know where most of her is, but her tongue's in Zapp's mouth. (SMOOCHING) Whoo! Nasty.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

So this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home?

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species.

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela.

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito--

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City.

I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true! That dress looks great on you.

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's--

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

"zero-zero-one...

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here.

But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her. You're doing the right thing. Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer,

It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs. This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me.

(SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Wait! My sandwich!

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned.

It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself. Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Hmm. Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

All right, enough of this.

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here.

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender.

Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

(BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore. That's better.

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass!

Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING)

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private!

I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight,

(GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk. The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s. Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex.

Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits.

(ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily...

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish?

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What?

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work.

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping.

Come on. Everybody help out Fry.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence.

Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand.

He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING)

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Was his apartment rent controlled? Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe.

and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

Boo! Come on! Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Whoo! I felt that one! Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh?

they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING)

Okay, take a deep breath.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest...

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH)

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow.

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on?

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves.

Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today. Wow, this is easier than I thought. The sport is in the chase, sir. The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning?

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on.

(SCREAMING) Incoming!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

Play it one more time. No!

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's your pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure. That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife. For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort.

That would be best. Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela!

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski.

Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail! He's single.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir,

We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh.

Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend--

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys.

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die! Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. Go on.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys.

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see.

I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh! Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more!

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. (BARKING)

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

The vaccine requires the original,

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu. This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke. You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel.

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What?

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

Through the pouring rain Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

(CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow!

We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston?

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair.

than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

My God. She's gone.

- I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go.

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra.

Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

(GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University,

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look.

(CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread! The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this?

So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray! Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me.

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about! You undersold it, Professor! Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extreme-iest! Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor! Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside...

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights.

Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack? All right. We're already one hour behind. Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

I never wear boots. See?

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again!

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show. Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Uncle Vladimir!

(TRAIN HONKING)

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

(GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed! (GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it!

Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo?

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish!

Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage?

Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? Halt! You know not the function of the machina magnifica? Then thou art not members of the shadow society! The what now?

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Uh-huh. Amy Wong. And you are? Mad at Wong family.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be.

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit.

(BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

(ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING) Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling,

Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now.

It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine...

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

But your parents still don't like me. Well, "gloviously."

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest?

Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar! Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here.

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

(CHUCKLES) Peace out, Portobello. Thank you, Leroy. I'm going to relax by the fire with my bag off, so that will be all for the night. By your command. Come to paparazzo.

Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING)

Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us.

We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

for real female ballplayers to be taken seriously. I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

I could make the costumes. I have an old five megawatt broadcasting tower in the attic. And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show!

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me!

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks.

I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world-- the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil.

I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

No one insults the turtles!

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.

Zoidberg, show some respect.

Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING)

Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Next up, challenger Bender, a student of the legendary Helmut Spargle. Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man. Ooh, delicious.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world.

I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

(WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off. (BEEPING) As you can see, I've picked up an alien ship on the long-range scanner. It seems to be emitting musical tones in an effort to communicate.

(LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants.

Careful with that, you fool!

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

(CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep.

Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys.

but then we have no memory of it.

the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

Five, four, three, two,

Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

90% off. An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do. We'll take them.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him.

I don't care how suicidal it is. Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it? This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry. It's about pride. Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot.

You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian. But comedy is in my valves. My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star... back in the era of silent holograms. Your uncle was Harold Zoid? This I cannot deny.

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though.

Fourscore and 1,145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation. And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for.

That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents! It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom!

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second.

Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing?

What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders!

I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

So is our love. Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm.

That's pretty much it.

It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week, backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me.

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor?

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well.

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks. (CROWD CLAMORING)

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer?

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up.

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard.

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

I am shocked, shocked!

News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes. It seems something ain't right in the magnetosphere, so I'm launching this high-altitude weather balloon to gather more data.

Please put your hands together for my next guest,

All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

And that's how you play the game.

My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers. Mrs. Wong, do you have a neckerchief I could borrow?

Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Oh, my beloved. You complete me. Hurry on inside now. Storm's a-brewin'.

Here, Amy. We get this one for you.

What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry.

'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But...

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been.

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth! To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I better put it on my calendar.

Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

Oh. That's a little bright.

That not important. She all-knowing.

Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

- Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah!

(LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow! I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm.

Application for ingress approved.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap.

A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story.

I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug!

This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

Shh! Oh, sorry.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood? I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever.

No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

He's pending for a bending.

Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software. (BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart. He looks stronger than you, too.

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome.

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song.

Release the giant sloth!

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions."

All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him.

You got a problem? We can take it outside.

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy.

We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting.

Happy Freedom Day!

What do you mean I'm not registered?

I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is.

I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Well, if you insist. But you're paying. Ooh, ooh! Wax replicas of the most famous robots Mom ever built. They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot.

You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

No argument here.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry!

We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Can I pat you on the butt?

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it! Husband, you haven't been an Olympic class limboer for 20 years!

(ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds!

(GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING)

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock.

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers.

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax.

Psst, there I am. Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic.

Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song. It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman!

Long enough, little man. Long enough.

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

and the first half of a movie. Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um--

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

(ZAPP YODELING)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Would you look at that gem?

(DOGS GROWLING) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels.

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye,

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye. Whoa! My home! It burned down!

I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me?

One, two! one, two, three!

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here.

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that.

The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you!

Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking!

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it! Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract...

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy.

Hey... Business is great.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh!

Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness, the Martians gave us back our house. And our other casino. So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever.

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian?

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

He'll audition for a bit part on All My Circuits in disguise.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles. Who's your friend, Leela?

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that?

Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son. (BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

Mmm. That's crisp.

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom!

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems...

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Gutsy question. You're a shark.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please...

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real!

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

(ALL CLAMORING) Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the orphanarium. Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job?

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth?

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss,

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Women only room!

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No!

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

You're that Bubblegum Tate?

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

(ALL CHEERING) Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G?

Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

No! Get away from there. That's it!

Welcome to Mars!

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no!

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

(MUNCHING) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink.

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

What's that weird cat?

Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

Our poodle has two daddies.

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology.

That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks.

Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting?

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled.

But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do! - Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this?

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity.

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet!

I'm 40% back, baby!

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING)

Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

The end is near! Repent thy sins!

(HARPOON LOADING) (GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe!

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very...

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it!

I'm a genius. Get over it!

'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

Give him hell, Morbo!

You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face!

H-Here? But, uh, wouldn't it be crowded? Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness,

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

We're going to beat it out of you.

Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing. You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices.

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end.

Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Look at the professor go.

It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing.

Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom. Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light.

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

Who threw that?

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians!

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate!

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have.

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Yes, but no more so than your squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight. (SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

In how long? Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves. Ho, ho-- Huh?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men?

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm! (POWER SURGING)

(GASPS) You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy.

I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated!

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Those cats can really fly.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

The second thing.

And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

I said, hit the hay!

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff!

(ALL LAUGH) Ah!

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it.

It doesn't look so shiny to me.

How 'bout in the porno theater?

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

I saw that! Huh?

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us?

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase?

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park?

No more crutch or withered leg! Someone's sure to adopt me now! Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something?

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay. About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story... Hello, Lrrr.

Fine, okay. About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story...

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Oh, I'm doomed!

It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much.

The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product!

Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender." Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji!

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

(GASPS) You lied?

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

(ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa! Nice job, Fingers. Mwah.

You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell. Of course, that's just for starters.

I'll never tell.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony.

Once again, Eternulax The Immortal, dead at the age of 26. (LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row,

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

And Conrad is disqualified!

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

I'll wear my hilarious apron.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now.

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away. Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming!

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one?

Quit badgering the witness.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug!

Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick!

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend,

The Cavern on the Green.

ALL CHANTING: One zero zero one. Amen. Bits to live by. I'm finally at peace.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding?

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

(WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray?

Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. But wait, there's more!

you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve. Well, enjoy the Butterfly Preserve.

Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing.

First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane...

But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save...

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have--

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot!

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes.

How could this happen?

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh.

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot!

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat.

Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

Here, I'll show you how it works.

Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining!

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary.

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

No! No! It's tasted human blood!

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win!

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

You are now dead.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

This cattle prod should help.

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy. I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy!

- Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender. That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala?

Hello, Lrrr. Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging! Lrrr, why are you yelling softly with the purple-furred one? Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy. Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee! Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today...

I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness. So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients?

So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire?

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS)

"'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door!

Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

(WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Dwight, you remember the crew. Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month.

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now!

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

What's that loud digesting sound?

I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela,

No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

my parents are up there, looking down on me.

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Live bait. Get your live bait here.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car?

Last one. Oh! It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning.

Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted.

Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead.

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup?

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down.

Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

My species is as good as extinct.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

(ALL AGREEING) Yeah, I guess you're right.

If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING)

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room!

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela.

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind!

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show. Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest! (ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING)

Ah! More meat than a cow!

Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

Well, that was dumb.

(LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is.

At last... war has made me into a man. Whee!

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes.

Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet?

Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird?

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

(WHIRRING) (CATS MEOWING)

Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie.

Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

(EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad.

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING)

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

"High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

You owe me one.

Wait, I did it. I got Leela a ticket. (GASPS) How did you do that?

Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

That's not a bad idea, Fry.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend.

This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

This half date is entirely over.

will you marry me? Yes! Yes!

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

No, only what we need. Stuff the ship. Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land. Roger.

Cram it, lobster.

Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

It's Fry. Wiggles?

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right! So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

(MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children.

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all. Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem?

See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all. You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object,

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

Wait. What are these strings on his lap?

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly.

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots. People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation,

They went this way!

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

You've got a degree in bologna.

It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats?

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates.

We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

(GROANING LOUDLY)

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food.

These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer?

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend?

With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

(BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk?

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

(PLAYING MELLOW MUSIC)

Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious.

All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.

It's all about appearances.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

We were defeated in battle.

Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back.

Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore.

You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump.

oof! Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.

Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there. Incredible! Zoidberg had friends?

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift...

Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers...

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance?

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish.

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money!

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you.

LEELA: To my wonderful friends, words can't express how thoughtful you've been. I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer. I'll miss several of you, but I know it's the right thing to do.

Out of a cannon into the sun.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman!

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand.

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry--

What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are.

Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita!

Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here. (ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor. Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it. I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way? I know I should, but I just can't.

Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this blerns-a-ball.

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it.

Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money. Loosen up. You can't take it with you. Now, I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me. This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars.

They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh...

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

"century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here.

Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah! Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay?

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone! This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

(ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm.

Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

All right, yeah... whoo, whoo. Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye?

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves, 'cause we're gonna try something you would never see in mainstream tap, a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off.

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on.

Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

(BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP)

So, we're cool?

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye.

Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons!

Scruffy's work here is done.

No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes...

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it.

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

I have no idea.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy. Monsanto presents...

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

(CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years?

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer. But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either.

Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son. (BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream?

(POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES)

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in...

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

(LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

What happened to the food?

I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago,

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow!

What? It was? Hooray!

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Let's recap what's happened so far.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

people stop and stare

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling

That's thinkin' like a man.

(CREW SCREAMING)

Planet Express Discount Prisoner Transfer at your service. Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff. This prison is where you'll be spending your 300-year sentence. Yeah, until you're defrosted and wake up refreshed, unaware of any time having passed.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now?

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm.

(ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening.

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog! And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

If you'll excuse me.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud.

(GRUNTS) It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat!

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Crack him open!

Wow, this got here just in time.

Quick, get in. It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint. Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen?

Noooo! She's gone.

No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh! Yeah, you show him! Let's meet today's celebrity judges. Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate.

I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you?

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime. Aw, it's all my fault!

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now.

and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing.

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

(SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day. Live bait. Get your live bait here. Whoa!

No, we're fine. Don't worry about it. Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot?

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Dude, there's a universe in all of us.

(GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family. That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting.

Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots?

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Stop hoggin' the clover!

Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too!

We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President?

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm,

I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

To the end of the universe!

You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives!

Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him.

What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

The Cavern on the Green.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

My ice cream Manwich!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness.

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured.

(CROWD GASPING) My God!

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy?

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew!

Watch where you're shooting, private.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side.

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center!

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes.

Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

We'll need help getting in. Any volunteers? - I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage!

Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations. Yep. I once et there back when I what was a senator. Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump?

Deploying ice drill.

It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds. You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile. Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk?

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course. We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies? Of course. Your people left it so we could escape. I translated your warning that the world was doomed. Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown.

Go to hell, Heather!

We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

BOTH: Mmm... A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou. Oh! Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight...

Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election,

just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life.

Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

Ah, now for a dash of salt.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh!

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing.

I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy?

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me. Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught.

Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS)

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING)

we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS)

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

Ooh! When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Silence! You all know too much.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

All I've ever wanted is to know you.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Come on, universe!

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be,

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out?

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer.

Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

The rich get richer.

No time off! Oh, man.

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but...

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Yeah, duos are good.

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag,

So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country. And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy?

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house. BENDER: One 60-foot ladder, please.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

So long, Your Majesty.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say?

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser?

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends!

I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan?

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS) Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST)

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations.

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay.

Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction.

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years.

Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

We're not your friends! We're your victims!

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future.

It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number.

That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"?

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert.

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends,

I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet.

I want to hear how it ends.

You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

So, we're cool?

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look!

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve,

Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? No.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

Amy, no! It's too windy! Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun,

It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING)

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations.

Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now.

Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

Whoa! Check out that guy.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang.

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely...

(CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers.

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

You see, the active ingredient in my Good News herbal supplement grows only on Omicron Persei 8. And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth.

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

(GASPS) Whoa, a palace!

(SNORING) And that's how I got this scar above my eye.

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o!

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

Magnify that death sphere.

(ALL SCREAMING)

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for.

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music?

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling...

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it. Come here and give me a sting. Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive? (ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles. Well, that's too darn bad. There ain't no beeswax in the whole world.

I'm a real toughie.

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

100,000? 200,000? 200,001?

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen?

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be...

That's right... no body.

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense? Bender, your popularity is slipping.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

I don't like you.

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

(LAUGHS) Be more careful, friend.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

(GASPS) That's it, I'm sure. I can tell by the words on the crate! Oh, my beloved. You complete me.

There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer...

Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long.

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew!

(SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory! All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me.

I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this?

They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop.

What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing.

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

You just lost $5.00.

I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

(BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out. Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah?

Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next. Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash?

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you?

What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care." And... finished! Smells like something died in the wall.

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

So, what's in the box already?

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement.

No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age! Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short,

And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure! Ew! What a dump!

Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you.

Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.

You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig!

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon?

It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon!

Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone.

The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly! Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Aha! You can't escape it.

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad!

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs. (MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art.

People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to...

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

Although you wouldn't know it from looking. Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight,

Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm.

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable!

(LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Leela, please tell the others that... Whoa.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here.

Could you repeat that last part?

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo! That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS)

And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh!

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet!

Hell yeah! In my whole life,

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check.

Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae?

Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship.

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary. A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful. I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Fry, you're my friend. Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

Now, let's have breakfast.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot?

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm...

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

That's adorable. Ow!

Whoa! Check out that guy.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go.

Okay, neck, tap, tap,

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James.

Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one.

I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

The odor of pure time leaking. When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe. Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah!

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool.

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

(SLURPING NOISILY)

(CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages.

Aw, you. I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

(TROMBONE PLAYING) Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired! So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

(FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney!

You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual.

You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down,

Oh, how could Leela not be here? - Do you think she forgot? - Relax. I'm sure she's just ashamed of us. Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful.

How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

A net gain for our great city!

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try. One last foolish gesture? Uh...

Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas...

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

(READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

makes your antenna smell nice.

You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

(CHEWING) Ahh! Hmm... Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING) (CRY OF SURPRISE)

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

We're monsters!

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy?

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP)

Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away. ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

Boy, that thing's big.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth.

200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything?

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

What's wrong, Fry?

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought. Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again...

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back,

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to...

How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!

Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and...

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas.

Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie?

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk--

Initiating controlled infection.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior.

All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh?

Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life.

(GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out!

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out. Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

I shall consider it a smashing success. But I wouldn't even know what to write about.

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

I'm a class-three yacht.

Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work? Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING)

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

What? Twenty-seven.

LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as...

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci. FARNSWORTH: My God!

Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship.

Merit badges. This brings me back.

Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Problem solved.

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb.

Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three.

Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles!

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk.

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

(SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me.

(POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

I really like it.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh. Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great.

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Stop acting so stupid!

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Your permanent career assignment.

It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way.

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend.

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

No. I give you the twit-worm! Send. I'm sick of my head doing things.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

Darn it! I'll be right back.

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

(TRAIN HONKING)

So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest! (ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING)

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too.

(GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough...

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item.

Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund.

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

By the way, we're out of both choices. (ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes.

MAN: It's too violent.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

Someone's acting awfully aluminum.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow.

You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists.

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

you got the power to turn on the light

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

(LEELA READING)

A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon.

A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

That'll teach those other horses to take drugs.

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh!

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that!

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah. How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

No. It would just go in one ear and out some other hole. Come. Sit down. Now, that I can do. (GROANS) I have a terrible secret to confess, Mr. DiCaprio. I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

(SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Oh! What a weird dream.

Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY!

Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you.

No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming.

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

- I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man.

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified.

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever.

They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo!

It's good that Leela doesn't love us. She'll be less sad when we die. Mom? Dad? I showed up!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air.

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct.

You guys went obsolete years ago.

Now, to run it through our high-speed romance-alogical datafier. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal,

May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

There it is, the stately capitol of Fry's bowel-- a heavily guarded fortress surrounding the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or...

My precious head! Oh!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop!

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child?

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century.

Aah! Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations.

I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) Whoa!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now. Silicon Red! Silicon Red! (PANTING) Hey, I have a lifelong dream, too. Of not being left alone with a frozen super-villain. (STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm.

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine!

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip.

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

(LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"!

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela?

Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her.

Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help!

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself.

I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true! That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS)

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts.

Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel.

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh.

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

You couldn't afford it, honey.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Greetings, my friends! It shan't take long to strip down your clunker. There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done.

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs. Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements. We've all talked it over, and-- Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

A freshly dug robot grave.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Didn't I? No! You didn't!

Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that? Oh, my God! Who are they?

Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

I got it! I got it!

Oh, it's far from a'ight.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS)

I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy.

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh.

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?

An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Nah. I've got a lazier idea.

Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

We won't know that until you leave.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon.

I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

This is a very minor role.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

One more hit, and we're done for!

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

One! Blast off!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it.

All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid.

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby!

I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Well, I showed you.

It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew!

But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job.

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo!

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad.

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat.

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy?

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

- Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance?

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year--

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

Careful! That's a week old!

Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends--

but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting.

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

Bender's flying too low!

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

their rich, tasty courage.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party?

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here. Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death.

Let my people stay!

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway.

And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

20. 30. No, 40.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

You evil, metal dog Aaah!

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation.

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and--

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is...

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

No!! Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House!

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

Folks, it's worse than we thought.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head,

But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please,

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Now I'm all you got!

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough.

You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time!

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops,

How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees.

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar.

Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait.

Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Who you gonna call?

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

(GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me?

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

I gotta get outta here! Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly.

Smell for yourself. Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows? Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

I guess not. Well, the doomsday device is ready. Maybe blasting this quadrant of space... into a hellstorm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little. Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance.

Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat! Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

(ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing.

Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money...

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit!

Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you,

But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby! Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped--

Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

I'm 60% storage space.

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you. Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No!

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Two men on, and they're down to their last out. Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic!

Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

(ALL SCREAMING) What's this dump?

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Hmm. I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. (GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along.

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we?

You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye.

Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.?

Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

Ah! The royal bottle is empty!

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us!

What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here.

When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

This is no ordinary honey!

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love.

Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses! It's hopeless.

I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something?

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Surprise! It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

(MAKING SILLY SOUNDS) (ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered!

They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the--

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch?

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Damn right! And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest?

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission. I'll be in the swamp, blowing the smirk off a toxic Yeti.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad...

So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy?

Come back when it's a catastrophe.

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God!

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping. Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof!

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.

It's a second big bang!

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do!

A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor."

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right!

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

Good news, multiplayers.

Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.

Looks like you're retaining water.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

My condolences, LaBarbara.

I Will wait For you

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor?

We can worry about that in the morning.

There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way?

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing. Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished?

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone,

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing!

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties,

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us.

I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There.

Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will.

Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now? Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please. Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode. If I could make up an ending maybe we could act it out ourselves.

Initiate snu-snu!

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

- Aah! - What the...?!

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message.

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon?

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want?

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby?

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here.

Why you so stupid, stupid?

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

"My God, he's dead."

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

(SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe.

Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

and sometimes the same sex.

Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant?

And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot!

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust.

Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right.

Missed it by that much.

We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre.

Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here.

We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please. (CAGE CLANGS SHUT)

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle.

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished.

Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

Looks like we've got a new office cutup. Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you.

What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy.

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy.

That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out!

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry.

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

For you, my lovely rugelach. Thank you. It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps. Such a smart one! You know everything about flowers. (SIGHS) Everything but how they smell.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3...

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me,

Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain?

Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits.

Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

No, no, listen. It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred.

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Horse Pepsi okay?

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender.

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Hospital ho! (GRUNTING)

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do?

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered.

(GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Can you translate it? Of course.

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

(GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show. And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough.

That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand. And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting. Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento.

Now, the first order of business is lunch.

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu!

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight,

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING)

In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

(GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis.

I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

It's not-not a smart bet.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters. Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here.

Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP)

Ah! (BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago.

Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app. And when I say killer app,

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS)

You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs?

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here,

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000.

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it!

Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time.

There's the atom! Aw, geez.

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's--

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer.

Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it.

Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so.

Let's go already

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will.

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender.

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

(MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship. Here I comes to save the days.

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

Fry! Whew! Fry!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine. That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

Two, three... hey.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava! Wait. Hot lava?

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back.

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite! We'll be talking with General Extermulo,

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.

I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

get down tonight get down tonight

so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one.

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah.

Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface and the line's short because it's educational. I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far.

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING)

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Put a sticker on it.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment.

They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec. "Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you.

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like?

It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen!

you May have to litigate But don't worry

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts.

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

Bender, do something!

Not surprising enough.

Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING)

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

How much is it?

your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

from the alien ship into its original design.

Ah, the Xmas season.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda.

I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it.

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make.

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

Tear it down and try again,

Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up,

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Creeped out. Then it's decided! Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

sitting down with your children and hitting them?

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

What's this? Another bathroom?

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that?

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

And here's another one with no eyes.

- Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

same as my PIN number.

YOu-- You trashed my party board?

Harpoon, my ass.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash?

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years,

This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan. No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head?

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible!

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll.

I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered.

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that?

- Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING)

Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I!

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion. Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.

Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine,

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

You are so disgusting. I--

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie.

But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system.

just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa!

Howdy, Amy. Glad to see you've come back to the country. It's where the flavor is. R.j., this is my boyfriend, Kif. This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar?

Well, how are they?

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya!

Everybody kick in five bucks.

"A" is for a...

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Let's just go to my place. (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

(CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world.

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened.

One more hit, and we're done for!

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

I wish I had died instead of her.

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action.

If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar! We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party.

Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things.

Prepare to be surprised. So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING)

Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here?

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do! You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart! There's no slot in there, either. I said shut up!

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank."

Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size.

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands

Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING)

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think.

Let's go already!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Hello, you! (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It will be mine!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Please... Big z.

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it!

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

Fry, it's been three days.

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh. Ah, mm, do you have any food? Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted. Well, fans, Boston's turning the last game of the season into a real squeaker, and that's with three E's.

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor.

(CROWD CLAMORING) I still don't see why you get the window seat.

You better not do that at the concert.

I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.

Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

Uh-oh, jealousy.

It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom.

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain. It's good!

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

Oh. Well. So long anyway. Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here.

I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way.

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

Too late. This is more fun.

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING)

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed?

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender?

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot. Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING)

Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you--

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Warships dismissed!

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight. Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

(THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go?

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are."

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag.

To the end of the universe!

Boo! Who are you monsters?

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here?

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775. Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York.

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, and, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway road kill! Aw! They were? Say, you seem like a smart mark.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew!

Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement. Except for the parasite! How's that, Hubert? Feeling better?

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Well, the way I see it--

What is that sexy stink?

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down. One, zero, uh--

Boo! Go to hell!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that. Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man.

Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot. So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon?

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Fry, are you all right?

to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

You gave it a shot! Pathetic. Sorry you didn't get to mate. But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better.

Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune.

His legend lives on!

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli,

Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

I'm going to go lie down.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

Excellent. We'll meet aboard my ship in one month to sign the Treaty of Table Seven. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it.

Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout.

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

I've found the secret of robotic free will.

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love."

Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

New York City: The year 2000.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine. Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there... in that ditch where I left you, this is for you.

- No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Remember me! I will. I will.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool!

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine. They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

(HUMMING) Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Hmm. It all sounds good.

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows!

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

We're goin' back to civilization...

FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President? Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar.

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless.

(BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

To the ends of the universe.

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

I want to enlist.

And the winner is number four, Steven!

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in.

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never!

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks.

I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it?

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of. Oh! I love stuff like the Moon.

Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

"this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is.

Leela? You look beautiful, Mom. Really? I'm not showing too much sucker for a lady my age? Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care.

Esther, you ugly.

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. Here's the script. Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

And the winner is...

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat!

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry.

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl!

Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

And that's just the way I like it.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but...

(RUMBLING) (GROANING)

So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello.

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

(ALL SNORING) Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before. Like, yikes!

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

Whoa! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm 40% back, baby!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

and that's not your golf cart.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans,

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

No! You, sir, are a heartless monster,

21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

Okay, let's fight. That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style. Skipper, we're losin' the crowd. Put in our new novelty act, Leela.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime.

Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight!

Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections!

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no!

Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend!

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance?

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal,

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss... No, me.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

Would you like some human with your salt?

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

(BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do.

You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious...

Let the punishment commence! Punishment?

Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful.

I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch.

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Look out, a solar flare! What the shmell happened?

in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't!

and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

Yes? Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. What's that? Speak up, son. Don't look at me. You're invading him. I just wanted to know... Well, I'm here to invade your planet? (LAUGHS)

You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

I get your hands? Zam!

Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful,

Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on.

developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING)

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

Missed it by that much. Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE)

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds. Thirty minutes to go.

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Bender, enough! Leave me alone!

Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about?

Does that dummy have a brother? And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

What the hell kind of plane is that?

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

I can see sideways in time.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale,

No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING) Holy crap, it's a giant space fish!

Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah!

Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight.

Like this! Ow! Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream!

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure?

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS)

Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow.

A letter from Bender, my good friend.

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name?

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles!

Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis,

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

Good-bye, Seymour.

That's my robot! I own him!

Michelle! Baby! Where you going?

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again.

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send.

Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

Ooh, delicious. This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

Wake up, buddy. End of the line. Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire.

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games,

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby.

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love." Wow. This is all so confusing.

Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts?

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure.

That would explain this heat.

(SIGHS) You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular. Ow! Where are we?

I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional--

Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope. Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Good hustle, soldier. Oh!

I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve. FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay.

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup.

What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me?

(KIDS LAUGHING)

The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out?

I choose to not understand these signs.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure. Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time. There you go, dearies.

No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want.

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

I'll lend you this. Fry!

No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha!

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

It's not even worth watching anymore.

No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years. Now that's a limboer's body.

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball.

Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

(GRUNTING) Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles. That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure.

Ow! My small intestine!

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor...

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up.

Nice catch, idiot. So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon?

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth.

I learned that from a movie.

Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy.

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this. Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world.

Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Odor at magnitude eight.

But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Okay, that's it.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it!

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you. Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

(STRAINING) (ENGINE CLATTERING) (GRUNTING)

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky! I am Darth Stroyer.

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon?

"Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap!

Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right.

Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help.

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream.

Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you.

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener?

That's not for you to know. Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes.

Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry.

Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays,

What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35!

I found Bender! Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived,

Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee!

Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

- I'll take four! - Me too!

It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure.

Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul.

We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"?

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

Behold! A time-traveling machine!

To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

I will go this far and no further.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over!

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories.

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me.

Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation!

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can.

And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

Fry, look what you did.

Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security...

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot! The engine's stalled.

Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

I can finally afford my speech therapy.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground...

There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING)

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah?

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella!

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

By far, the most important thing is oil

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

score some fancy cologne at the newsstand,

I mean killer app!

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis.

Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes.

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx. You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

What? Ah! Oh, no way! Not gonna happen! What kind of girl do you think I am? Have I mentioned that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht? She's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself.

You little runts froze me! You took away my life!

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey. - Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this.

Never! My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken!

This is it. Well, at least we get a window.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now?

She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

A land I didn't make up

Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

I mean live theater!

and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement.

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery?

I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy.

Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all.

Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me?

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes. My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook,

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

It's crunch time. Let's do this.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson.

Humans dating robots is sick.

(SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW!

It's on. (GRUNTS) No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

so that just leaves us the one option.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela

They found out I work with humans, and--

He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

think twice before you step on it.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS)

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox.

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Oh, great news, everyone.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

(BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm. Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

I don't feel well

Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And?

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance.

Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh!

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really?

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this.

File not found.

Hey, look. The players who broke the various color barriers.

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING) The Earth is coming to a stop! Keep your eyes on the kitties and push! (PURRING)

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred.

Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different from yours,

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Incoming wounded.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future!

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Welcome to our village.

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

Kill all humans!

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway?

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away...

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar?

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way.

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

(SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in? Hey, the blues.

You have not won yet. Each book in this room is a gateway to a mental realm, and I shall take you there and imprison you forever! Icky!

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

Take notes, Kif.

Any jerk can tell her. Bender has a little more up his sleeve. I wuv my mommy.

I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender!

You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will,

(ALL SHUDDERING)

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up.

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan. So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering.

Right after Bender was there for a workshop. And don't forget that vampire bank where the robot keeps his hero medals in a safe deposit box.

That's almost 10 per year.

I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

(MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth.

You can't do this!

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back.

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

(ALL SCREAMING) They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Kiff, clear my schedule.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do!

He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house. BENDER: One 60-foot ladder, please. (CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers.

What do you think happened, Professor? They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission,

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

(CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

(CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

A machine that can bend? No way. But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow?

Sound Effects 5000,

That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby!

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

I never cared enough to perform it. Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay!

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

All hail the new captain.

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

I'll get the water boiling.

You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey!

It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

You owe me one.

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

- What the-- - Hey, man.

Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along?

Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass?

Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me!

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying.

Killed? In an atomic blast?

Made a cool hundred mil.

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it. That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat.

Hmm, he seems pretty angry.

And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society.

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions?

Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg?

Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Well, let's get looting!

I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

Silence! I concur.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

No good. It's full of steam.

(WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work.

Leonardo! You're alive? Here? You've learned my great secret. I was but a visitor to Earth. In truth, I am what you call a space alien. Oh!

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum.

He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me,

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Congratulations, Captain. Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods.

and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela!

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition.

That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen.

Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

(BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win!

Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

He's doing it again.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo?

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

We have only one option. Protocol 62.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics? Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type.

"U leave me breathless"?

Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate.

They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord--

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

(ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up.

(GROANING) (CALCULON CHOKING) Now, that's acting. Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten!

Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch? Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel.

Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it!

(BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING) (BEEPING) Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut!

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies.

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Whoa. A real-live robot.

She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Oh, no...! Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

All right, I'll go.

Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express.

That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm. I guess I'm still kind of nervous. One more teensy drink to help Amy relax.

Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

And you are outta here!

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

Fry, you noble idiot.

Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish.

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

It's nature. No, it isn't.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight. Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.

They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet.

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

$15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go.

Pretend you're happy.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything.

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING)

And I said, "That's a number-one record."

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad...

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

Welcome to Jurassic Tank. Picture time. Everybody get together. (ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty?

(LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out!

Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks?

I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch. There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa!

We found a miracle cure! Giant beans? They must be worth a fortune! These babies are the jewels of the bean kingdom.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it.

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. (FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program.

Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do. Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh!

One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations,

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me.

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

But I'm not done vomiting!

I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

- She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Exciting news, people!

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball-- Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain.

(SOBBING) Ahem! Ah, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention?

but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do.

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay!

- Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya?

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse?

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me?

(EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey.

BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium!

Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping.

What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up?

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily?

I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

I'm not actually 150.

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh?

What kind of moronic plan is that?

I brought his and her chicken hats!

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Walrus don't need no chicanery.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless. Oww! Not so rough!

No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful!

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours!

I'm burning to death!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell?

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank. Or the day I scraped your D.N.A. from that growth on my back. Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork.

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender.

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste! Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

Ah, relax, chum.

See you at my funeral, suckers!

"Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Yeah. Why do you bring that up?

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

What? No one calls me that!

I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans.

So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Flies, flies and gorillas!

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it!

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right.

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple?

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste. Guenter! You're alive.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Allow me to introduce myself.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

Aah! So anyway, I hope the men have been taking their hyper-malaria pills. Their what? "Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes!

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal. Succeed, and I shall reveal to you... the age-old secret... of perfect flavor.

I wuv my mommy.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from?

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy.

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale!

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

Bender, old buddy, hang in there. Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself.

I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push.

With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that.

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect!

Oh, God, my tract.

Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

Poor little guy starved to death.

Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious. No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon.

Next up, contestant number 36!

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Ah, here's my stateroom.

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he?

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

no! Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Pizza dinner on me.

(SCREAMS) (THUD)

Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh.

Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her.

Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed?

Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow!

Fire me, iffen you dare. Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad...

Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

(YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form.

One, two. One, two, three.

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

We were defeated in battle.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place.

Check out the glowing freaks.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission,

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

I choose to not understand these signs.

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix.

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order.

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

And don't eat it.

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Like what? Ooh! Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

(LAUGHING) I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview?

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them,

he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust.

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

(SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression...

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha!

You owe me one.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer.

We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater.

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War.

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

Welcome to our monastery. Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

Happy New Year!

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING) (ENGINE CLATTERING)

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

My scrapes feel a little better now. Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Sure, baby, I know it.

Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day!

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Initiate containment procedure.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel.

The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now.

Ow! Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something?

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg.

Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable,

There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Who gave you that idea? All right! They must've all come as a group. Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous! Eh, huh? Good day, fellows. Someone dumped this invitation in my begging cup.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

near that blackish, hole-ish thing. Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT.

Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line.

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?

What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps.

It's inhabited by robots.

Prepare for liftoff.

I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

I guess it's okay.

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except...

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

(SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me!

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS)

So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you,

And by devil, I mean Robot Devil.

(GRUNTING) (BOTH WHIMPERING)

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you.

Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

(ALARM WAILING)

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Hey, you got me under control.

this place has class.

And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work,

because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt.

Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Yep. That stands up to scrutiny. I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

I'm sorry to bother you,

How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES) Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

(BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

(SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you?

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator.

I'm a gigantic brain!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best.

Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy?

Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

- Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt, "all shall perish," blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender?

You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there.

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo.

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING)

May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here, 100 miles from the nearest microscope! (SNIFFLES) Why? Why? (SIGHS) He deserves the truth, Velma. I think he's old enough to handle it.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

She sure does. Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events. But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered?

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

There it is, the edge of the universe. Far out.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

He consented! You all heard it!

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Quick, let's duck in here.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes,

Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive!

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach!

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Hey, where'd everybody go? Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin! Interesting.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING)

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

I got my eye on you, boy.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello?

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive.

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y! No. He can't. You beg my pardon?

Erase her, Fry.

Shut up and take my money!

Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable!

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

You miserable dingus!

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb!

Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord.

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips,

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy?

What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams.

And we're on it now! I get it!

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Okay. Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man,

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale.

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance!

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner--

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born.

(GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today,

Well, as long as we're being honest,

False hope. I love it.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that?

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

The planet's "kerploding."

Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist.

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Yes, but not by enough.

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in.

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you.

who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you.

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Oh, God. A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy because it's essentially in perpetual motion. (SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant. I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband!

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! Leonardo, stop!

To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey.

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp?

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

These are mighty tasty.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous

(GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING) Hermes?

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet?

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk.

I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you.

I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind!

So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school. Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring.

Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech,

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work.

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans.

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner? What do you mean, a scam? I marry Calculon, divorce him,

Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel!

just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad! Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends.

Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger. No. No! Oh!

(ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face.

Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely.

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

What's this under the chocolates?

Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what?

Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks.

They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right.

in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste.

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

It's a "T." It goes "tuh."

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

Oh. Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Let's party. I'm all right

Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream.

Maybe we hit a space cow.

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry.

Everyone suit up. We're off to the most romantic city on earth.

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys. (ALL GASP) No! They did it!

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

Come! Your destiny awaits!

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear!

We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Um-- Um-- just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins. I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that?

Computer, Captain's musk.

What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me.

We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine?

Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel.

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman.

I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

or whatever you kids say nowadays,

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg. Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime.

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

I need a stapler!

Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender.

Faster! Faster!

Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds.

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff?

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING)

They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

(BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already.

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

Uuh! Stee-rike! Hooray! Yeah, you did it, Leela. I didn't hit the batter! For once I was pitching and not just belly itching. Oh, you got that too? I think there's a rash goin' around.

What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God!

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

Well... Down the hatch. (BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry.

That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more!

We want our TV back.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

She'll be coming around the mountain

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done. One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple."

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

uh, father-- uh, whatever. Whoa! Faster! Faster!

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we? Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you?

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment. Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

Oh! Hey, save some for me!

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm.

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living?

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

just as I suspected.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static. Eww!

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows? Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball... passed close by.

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING)

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A,"

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time...

Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions. If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints. You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles.

were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal...

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like?

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down.

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X!

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Women only room!

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men,

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job.

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that?

My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools!

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all.

There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found!

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm?

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day.

In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden. Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING)

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING) So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours.

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason.

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy.

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you.

Go yourself. Behold another power,

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9.

but I guess everything worked out in the end.

I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food.

(GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out! Keep going. We're almost outside!

Also, I complain a lot.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

What's happening? I feel weird.

Why always the fighting?

Stay away from my babies! The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave.

The box says, "No."

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God!

Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five. And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job.

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes.

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button.

Don't eat my butt!

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint!

We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

(MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living?

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

I'm sick of my head doing things.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection...

How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away.

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one.

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

I thought something looked different in here.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor,

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong.

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans? We sure are cheerful this morning.

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me?

I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose.

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for--

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

Except for tax purposes.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents!

Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too?

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the...

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon. (HARPOON LOADING)

Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath.

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole.

Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame.

Let's get the pizza out of here!

An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping. Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof! We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Leela! Leela, wake up. You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted?

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Shut up! I was gonna say that. We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

That's right. You shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is. Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

(ALL CHOKING) Oops.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

(WATER SPLASHING)

My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

The creature is a shape-shifter.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience...

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here,

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

$100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall.

Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

we are baby love child

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do.

(GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey. Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Uh-oh. This may take a while. You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

Leela, we're missing the premiere.

You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer?

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

Shut your fat mouth.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

(ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA? (ENGINE REVVING) AMY: What kind of glorked-up drag strip is this? Mobius drag strip, man.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

I won't keep you.

Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal? Oh, dear.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids!

I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Okay, everybody do one of those three things. Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you.

It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

What do you mean we, mammal?

Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--

How do you do? Hmm.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters!

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself. Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites.

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"!

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole. This may hurt a little.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you.

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy. KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this.

Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

There, little friend. Good as new.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo.

Oh. How about this one?

We are the true rulers of this planet.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go! Miss Leela? Yes, Sally?

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us?

Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.

I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

(PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow!

I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Phil, you're hype!

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking. And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it.

That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing?

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax.

Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine.

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

common cold and... Um, uh... Squidification? If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her? Because they're magic! They fell from the sky! Oh, now you tell me!

This is a monkey.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity. Mommy, why do the robots give you presents?

(GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice. Commemorative turkey basters.

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg!

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich.

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress,

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs.

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do.

Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend? NARRATOR: The female conveys her receptivity through subtle vocalizations. Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

Hold on! I refuse to fight.

It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate.

The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring.

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth.

I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

I think you're overreacting. Am I?

Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious?

I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor.

Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars. Thanks so much for inviting us, Mr. Wong. I've never been to a Mars Day barbecue. Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet.

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING)

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

(ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election.

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened.

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group?

Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah. Hi.

No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base.

Shut up. Come over here.

If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

My grandfather died recently.

Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork. And now, Chairman koji will present...

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon (SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living?

Oh, niggle-snoosh!

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

(CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while.

A man can sneak off to do two things. Oh, Fry.

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made of bone. As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Low wine level detected. Thank you.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert!

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror.

but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that?

I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered,

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt. I figure a one-eyed lady skullbuster might bring out the freak-show crowd.

He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out.

And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right?

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

You can do it, Kif!

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

(LAUGHS) Wait, whom. Who's tripping whom? (RESUMES LAUGHING)

Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles.

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me!

I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary.

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme,

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah!

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship.

While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Who's the target consumer?

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness. Huh?

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

(EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it!

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

That's it! Happy birthday!

And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why?

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that!

I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Want to try it? You know you want to. A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg,

You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals...

What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant?

Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING)

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day,

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all.

Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like?

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS)

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog?

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate.

how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry.

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you. Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."

The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

Amy? But that means--

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how?

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man.

If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy?

O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium!

I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance.

That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride

And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds.

You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat. You find me that damn tiara before the pageant ends. But, Mr. Barker-- Enough out of you! I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky. I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it.

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle--

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature.

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child

Come to paparazzo. (GASPS) Gotcha! No! Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me.

You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh!

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

Not even close.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty.

He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry?

This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

You'll never have another chance at it!

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Hermes, don't press that button!

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice,

Uh, yes? Absolutely.

What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I...

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

It's nice. Too hot.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Beth said that?

rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap! On this auspicious occasion,

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup!

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray.

Oh, we're trapped.

Help! Help! A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Can you find him, professor? No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great!

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei?

But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes.

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

I have something for you. A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV?

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory,

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong. (PEOPLE YELLING)

All right, I'll go.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees. Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs?

I'm really starting to swell up with beer.

That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Welcome to robot hell.

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on.

Farewell. Noooo!

And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza. FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello?

Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down?

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long.

(ALL SCREAMING)

I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah!

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die.

What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay.

You shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is. Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

Shut up and hoot. Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N.

You leave kitty cat alone!

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money. Loosen up. You can't take it with you. Now, I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me.

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired.

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em! Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared.

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant.

ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

What? What's going on?

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa! Whoa!

We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender. Now find someone and give 'em a good blast. Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson. Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink?

What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that.

Trouble in bed.

You Clobberella

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built...

He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award?

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said,

You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous?

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday. This was the storage room.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal...

or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh. Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions.

Ohh! Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy. Well, that's the last one. But what does a monkey financial services corporation want with a fleet of classic cars? We don't want the cars, just the tires! Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine...

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

This is awesome.

(SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district! (DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in.

(ALL GASPING) Pops. Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills.

and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000?

He came from above with...

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets.

Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business.

Let us handle this, weirdie.

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B...

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

And I like lollipops.

I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards. What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up?

Sweden? I don't think so!

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it! Husband, you haven't been an Olympic class limboer for 20 years! Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do?

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business.

Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very...

Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me?

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point!

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

You're all right. Or are you?

Countess! Countess! Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me.

I hate you all!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

(STAMMERING) A ghost?

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

Everybody hit the deck!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen!

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it!

We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day,

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission?

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future,

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello.

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations. Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged...

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do?

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh!

He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness?

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside.

All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

I'll get things started with a little neck extension... Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What?

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck!

Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown! What? True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never!

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry.

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same.

My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth,

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains.

The crime is unsolvable.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no.

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

One! What did she say?

Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry!

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

It says the World Acting Championship is tonight in Hollywood. Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon. If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go.

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums!

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

(BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Choke on that, causality!

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

and make the audience wait for it to start.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

Okay. This has got to stop.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

Over here with the donut.

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

You monsters have been eating our babies.

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact.

You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets. You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

Whoo! Follow me.

There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no.

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Ooh! Baby soft.

We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us! Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship.

Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God...

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand?

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Oh-hoo, what's this?

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah!

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS)

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

Then suicide it is.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones.

Huh? It's Benderin' time.

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years.

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now?

You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers.

This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor.

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town!

And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy!

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you.

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew."

Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

I beg to differ!

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game.

Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

Have you seen my sombrero?

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder.

You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

And you smell like one, too.

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that.

It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living

I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my. In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.

and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes. Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties?

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on!

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Stop that Red Menace!

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in. Oh, God.

Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!

A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside. Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it.

I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING) Oh!

I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind. Oh... What's wrong?

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

Funny thing about destiny.

Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill!

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

- Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it. The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal.

until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway.

Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet? I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home.

Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING)

(ALL SCREAMING) (ALL JEERING) Don't come back!

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say. So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery.

This is between me and the lady in the hooter hammock.

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Whoopsie-daisy.

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can. I think we've seen enough. (ELASTIC CREAKING) Too much, actually. Come on, let's try somewhere else.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

(ALARM WAILING) FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning?

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

50, going once, twice-- $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it!

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Where are we? A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never!

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING)

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it.

Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too!

No chance, garbage-can face.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Oh, shush. And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

(BOTH SNIGGERING) BOTH: Mmm... A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou. Oh!

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for?

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

or tried to burn me--

Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

I can quit anytime I want.

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

BOTH: You want us to do four things?

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know.

Whew! Fry! That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum.

Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night. I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

Good afternoon, sir.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her!

Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior.

(ARGUING) Silence! Even a young pebble could see your race is divided based on the configuration of your 23rd chromosome. What? You mean along gender lines? Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows!

Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING)

Brace yourself for the worst.

What do I care what you think?

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

This'a berry, berry bad!

Ooh, ooh! Wax replicas of the most famous robots Mom ever built. They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

$3 at the drugstore.

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

Die, you dirty giraffe!

Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can. Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart,

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo... and lead them on a rough, tough cattle drive. Then, when the rustlers attack, I'll make a citizen's arrest. It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity,

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet?

Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale.

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on.

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train,

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God.

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes?

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay?

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts,

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have. Coilette, I'd like to spend some... quality time with you.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz?

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say?

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop!

Now it's personal.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Now vent! Vent like the wind!

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Hurry. What's happening?

Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya! I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

(LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus.

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

(SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer?

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING)

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING)

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

Happy birthday!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING)

we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast.

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

(IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully. I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden when those drug lords blew up the Celtics. But I was drunk, wicked drunk. Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies.

What a nice lady.

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

I guess it's good we didn't have children.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Aw. So that's the situation.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard!

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped.

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along? Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

(BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING) Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

really tore up my insides.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah?

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

(PANTING) (CHUCKLING)

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there. Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover... tryin' to squeeze into a new girdle.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore.

Thirty minutes to go. Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't. Fifteen minutes remaining.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally.

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end?

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

They're getting married.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay.

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

There but for the grace of God. Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her.

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

You go fight biggest brain of all.

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us?

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive!

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive?

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

There it is Miss Universe

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner,

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words.

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect. Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun.

Whoo-hoo! Look at that fine jamaican bacon! Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting. Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Hello, peasants.

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh.

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there.

Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm! You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another.

Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING)

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat.

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host.

They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Let's go live it up! Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks. But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it.

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

The sparks keep me warm.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot!

I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut! (GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner!

Command Center, override! Override! (BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with.

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well--

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey!

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are!

It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela.

(DIALING) (GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling...

Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused.

You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past! Meanwhile-- I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long.

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Like the Kardashians.

You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute!

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS)

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony.

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

Yeah, good luck with that.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

I'm back, baby.

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now.

And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No!

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful. It's like brainwashing.

Miss Leela? Yes, Sally? I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Here we are-- your new home. Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Here he is! Come and get him!

No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender.

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists...

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

There it is Miss Universe There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious.

Nibbler! Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

Faster, faster! Okay, stop short! (GRUNTS) There's the old place. Hasn't changed a bit. Put on your glasses, sweetie. Ahh!

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Everyone is gone! Edna?

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth.

of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Bad news, everyone.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable. Abbot, I need to know, what's the point of living if I don't have free will? Ah! We robot monks have meditated long on this. And we have made our peace.

(CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?

This way! Oh! Oh!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew?

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

All right, let's get this party ended. (BOTH MOANING)

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball?

Cut! Cut! Cut it!

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

Because... I have amnesia!

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear. Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse.

Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo.

And it was great. We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and... and... these fellas. Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

That's my joke.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um?

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!

That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Hey, big lobster

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump. Hold on to your helmet.

The fox has been sighted.

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better. Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, and, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway road kill! Aw! They were? Say, you seem like a smart mark. How'd you like to make it into a TV show?

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good.

So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade!

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you.

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait.

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

I've got the heart of a human. What?

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

What's going on here?

The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Huh. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum! What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Who put this in here? No!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Quick! In there! Huh?

Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

It's not fair. It's not fair!

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not.

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING)

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder.

perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer,

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it!

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic.

Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground.

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

How may I pervert you?

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you.

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING)

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

It's not like you at all. Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo, the fun-lovin' love machine fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune.

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat. Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged. It's a secret, so keep it under your head... but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular.

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds,

When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Welcome aboard.

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone!

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Great. We're gonna die.

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on.

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender.

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain.

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne?

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Get ready, Fry.

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal.

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo!

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that?

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life,

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it!

Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal.

Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

- But-- - Once and for all!

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence, so, uh, if you'll accept my apology, well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us. Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I--

As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture. Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that. (CLICKS TONGUE) Call me.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

All glory to the hypno-toad.

to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen?

Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled?

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Ah! That's so sweet.

LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry.

Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that?

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry!

The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer!

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded!

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do

Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

Let's go already

But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open. Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago.

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

An omen? Dinner. Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money.

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Now, to get all serious. It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty. Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it.

I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet?

Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Ah, I just let you back in!

That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless.

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence?

He's picking his nose! Get him!

(GASPS) I found it!

Give it a rest, you two!

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him.

Well, we're boned.

And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis,

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12,

This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

That's an awful lot of eagle.

Well, who'd have thunk it? He was born all right, just like he said. And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide,

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves.

they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

Amazing grace... How...

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years.

Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price.

Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What--

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs? Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please!

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed?

Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please.

It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid.

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge.

Easy, Leela. just finger-roll that star into the cosmic basket. just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.

Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

Hey, Bender, did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for? Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced! (ALL CHEERING)

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

Come on. We have work to do.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that.

(GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on?

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.

100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom.

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff.

I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case...

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid...

I never said I wasn't a drama queen. And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun.

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

(HOCKING) Nice. All right. Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith,

You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards. I guess it's up to me to complete the mission. I'll be in the swamp, blowing the smirk off a toxic Yeti.

Gross! Go, man, go!

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

You stink, loser.

KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since. I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time. Proceed. (CLEARING THROAT) Imagine, if you will...

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay.

But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more. I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Bender, what's going...

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot.

Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me.

in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me. She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney.

Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled.

Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here!

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

you'll never find out.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go!

Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.

I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit. We'll meet again

Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk?

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber. To rescue them, you'll simply have to fly to the sun and march in through an inferno of molten plasma.

Mark, set, go, yo!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform.

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Wheels fell off my house.

Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned. Ooh! I'm going to check out that math lecture. All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer. Would you like to hear the lecture, too, Fry?

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go.

Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen. WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) Janitor to the 237th floor men's room.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth--

And makin' max contributions to our 401K

But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot.

but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things. Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds,

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

We'll have to bring her around again.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

It must be love.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

Mine's not working.

New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it--

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING)

You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see. I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt,

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

"Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed!

Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will.

Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles.

Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand...

It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice. Come on, let's grab some lunch.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

we enter a so-called "receptive state." You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

Now, here's the weird part. The ego and the id are connected not physically, like decent, God-fearing Earth lichens, but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it.

Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those.