comb.io - Clips

till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

of any dish to blossom forth.

This sausage is great!

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong?

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us?

You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound? Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball. Okay. Eye off the ball. Uuh! Stee-rike! Hooray! Yeah, you did it, Leela. I didn't hit the batter!

And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me.

Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

I'm a professor.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents.

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor?

The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

There's a window in the closet. Whoa.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script...

I underestimated you, medical crab.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Little one, get out of there!

And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up?

No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

Well, looks like Flexo got away clean. It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't?

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING)

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

(BOTH HOWLING) I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

Sweet ego of Montego!

Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

What did the violence solve?

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this!

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Do it! It is your destiny!

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two,

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain...

So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here. It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Nothing is impossible.

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

Brace for emergency landing!

Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Father-Man away.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet.

While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun.

My Speedos! Depth at 45 hundred feet...

The ship carrying Bender's heinie sank in the treacherous gases of the Sargaseous Sea. Once we locate the wreck... (YELLS) Asteroids!

He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

I don't know how you did that.

A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind.

Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING)

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender.

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem?

It was nothing. I--

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?!

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them?

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no.

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Well, let's get looting.

Honored guests and Kif, one of a captain's many superpowers is the ability to conduct marriage. So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

Great! Hooray for Blindy!

I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love. The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Ho, ho-- Huh? - He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Steim. Shalosh!

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.

That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You drank our emperor!

Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Ahem! Ah, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention?

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is. Am I right?

They give you a discount if you've been here before. Keep going. We're right behind you.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight. Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

You people are as loud as you are ignorant.

Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

I'm not on trial here.

No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

What is he doing with that?

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area.

Let's see if this actually works.

There they are!

(SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made. Try and find solace in the fact that somewhere out there, your keister is doing good. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years.

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger!

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me?

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all.

Aww, man. Uh...

Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing?

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist?

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly.

Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you.

No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw...

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing,

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone!

It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay.

Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

Ah, yes, the bag. I've never understood people's fascination with that. The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process.

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest!

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't.

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Quick, let's duck in here.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Pfft. Pathetic.

and you will rue the day you met me.

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss!

Once again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under.

Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us! All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell.

I'm off to the railroad to become a folk singer. (UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) (SCATTING)

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado, a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s... latest fiscal year. Planet Express is on the move!

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two."

Oh, baby, I'm there!

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

(BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

As a friend. Damn.

Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks.

We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Yeah. You know it!

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for,

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame. Steady. Steady. Now!

Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape.

You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this. Nothing like a power nap.

It turns out it's man.

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster.

I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from.

Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell. Of course, that's just for starters.

Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby.

(ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

That's so fascinating!

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

- It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

Sweden? I don't think so!

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh. Hello, Fry.

Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Hi. Hello. I don't feel well.

Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela...

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

but I still have a trump card.

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

But for the proud people of Robonia! Come on! Come on! Come on! I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela?

Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg!

All right, enough of this.

Behold the dance of peace.

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

Everybody kick in five bucks.

L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates. What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What?

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Let there be peace between us. Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you!

Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh!

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw!

(ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off. There's our man. Professor, you'll offer Guenter the hat, and Fry you'll offer him the banana.

We'll meet again Don't know where

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues.

I can't see nothin'.

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

Oh. I'm broken again.

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me!

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms. We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth.

Wait! No, thanks.

I've never seen a supernova blow up.

You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work."

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire?

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Spock? Hey, do the thing.

Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky.

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

(GASPS) I found it! I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't. (ALL GASP) I told you not to look. So, you're not from Earth after all.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor.

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common.

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain.

Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

Aah! This is not happening.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try. One last foolish gesture? Uh...

like every year before 1966. The bees are acting all crazy like they been drinking Tang and cough syrup, or as I call it, my Friday night. (LAUGHS) (COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

Your attention, please. Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela, a one-eyed woman. Hoo-hoo! Come on! Throw like a girl! Too much eyeliner!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest!

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

(ALL SCREAMING) Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot?

- and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace,

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could.

The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What?

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener!

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour.

BENDER: Now what? I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed.

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay!

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo?

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Good news, everyone!

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon,

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend.

All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Allow me to introduce myself.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew!

Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this? Two meals in one week?

Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live.

Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series.

(CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

That's detention.

That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

You stink, loser.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you.

Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that. (CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been?

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

What's this? Two meals in one week?

I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone--

proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it,

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late.

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets!

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is--

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph.

Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Whoa. A real-live robot.

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean...

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna...

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be,

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

Okay, that's it. No more killing.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments.

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary.

Man, it would have been so much easier to kill it in the cage. (SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and...

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

It's so beautiful!

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you!

(BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah!

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't--

All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too?

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride. Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk!

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

So, Leela, will you have the pleasure?

You'll come to understand them, just as I now understand the ape-men of Earth. As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Fry, you're my friend.

No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh?

You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs?

There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion...

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out!

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here.

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Oh, no, you didn't.

The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B.

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS)

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this,

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem?

No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

Oh, I made myself sad.

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

(READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical.

You owe me one.

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES)

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future.

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Look out, little drunk Sheila!

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones.

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody?

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS)

You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean?

Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Wake up, buddy. End of the line.

to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute.

finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest!

Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here. But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now?

Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it! Hey, buddy, you're learning. You'll get there. Bender, I was wrong. You're a fine parent, and I want to... Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! (BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates. What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want.

So... how's business?

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles?

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

I don't know, but look out for that lighthouse! (ALL SCREAM)

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

(MUFFLED SCREAM)

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him.

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

(ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do? Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Told you. Come on, Leela.

I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice. We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age.

(SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

And this time I mean it!

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

I just wish your brother was still around to see this.

It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit.

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh Oh, my God!

Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

(GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that.

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Oh, you speak Fish?

(FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted! Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own.

21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Just a few more feet.

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers.

Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No!

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea.

You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez, he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations.

Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through?

After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry--

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that--

I can't spell anything with these cards.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon.

Here's corpsey!

Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil!

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh!

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

You stink, loser!

Wangle a new dangle on life

I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist.

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING)

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core!

Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum. How many people can this thing carry? Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000. It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING)

That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor.

Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me.

The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry?

You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

One hundred kilometers.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.

Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

(GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING) Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them.

(SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama!

- Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

I like a man who's flexible.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash?

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald.

Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can. Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart,

Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree. Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

(CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup.

That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

Meanwhile, I have a plan.

All right. Low and away. Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame?

Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

I know that! Go get me a crowbar. Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey!

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in.

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey!

I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day,

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!

I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married.

It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie? Look, outdoor theater.

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

A towering inferno of physical perfection? I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you are not perfect. Am so. Are not. Is too! Says who? Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect.

I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women,

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you.

Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Greetings, masters! My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence.

Hmm. He's a witch!

Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Why, Antonio? Because...

That's so interesting.

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy!

How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead?

Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back.

Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy!

Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela.

Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar Ooh, love, I won't let you go

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles!

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold!

Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry...

What the-- What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Isn't it obvious? You are.

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

Hello, everyone. It's time for my annual, private get-together with my robot children. I'm her favorite. Well, see you back at the office and don't forget to tell your mom you love her. Any jerk can tell her. Bender has a little more up his sleeve.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

It shan't take long to strip down your clunker. There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

The deal will go ahead as--

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as...

Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick!

Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue,

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You.

Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right. That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

It doesn't have to. What do you mean?

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.

That's adorable. Ow!

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it!

Push, push! Use teamwork!

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit. So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits?

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies.

Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

I don't even know who you are.

And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

(BEEPS) (BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

Leela! Leela, wake up. You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted?

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

Well, that was dumb.

I'll be in the swamp, blowing the smirk off a toxic Yeti.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah! Whew.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Yeah, very funny.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Yes, listen to the father. I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler.

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over.

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please.

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends--

a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

(BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

(MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

(GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad. Mmm!

It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum.

But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master? "In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood,

- Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah!

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard!

Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle.

so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend, Bender. I-i don't know what to say.

Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick.

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad.

I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone.

One, two! one, two, three!

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?!

Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety!

So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender?

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow!

(ALL CHEERING) (NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers! Please. Help us, Pops. We agreed to deliver way more papers than we could handle. But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do!

I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

No! Are you people satisfied?

You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Now I'm all you got!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Curse my natural showmanship!

Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Tell them I hate them.

(LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

(CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity,

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth! Not so fast, Invader X! Here comes Delivery-Boy Man! Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power!

Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Six o'clock. She'll be here in half an hour. 6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic. I know she'll come. I know it.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

(EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what?

No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr, and since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again. My scrapes feel a little better now.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it.

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero.

What is it? My God!

hurt slightly. Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness. Huh?

As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector.

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do.

(ROARS) (SCREAMING)

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

(SHIVERING) Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Brought to you by Fishy joe's.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

It shan't take long to strip down your clunker.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest.

Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union,

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

That's no lady. Damn, chico.

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry?

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(GASPS) Manwiches?

You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members.

(SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

You sure picked it. Swish. Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius!

Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing?

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash

What in Babylon? no!

Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?

No, they were assassinated.

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck!

And that's how we learned our lesson.

Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that!

You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh!

We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral. Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr.

just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

And I said I'd try my very best. But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him!

Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

I just told you. You've killed me!

Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go!

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies?

Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg.

My species is as good as extinct.

what say you, single female lawyer?

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now,

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory. Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor?

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

Do what you will, but we'll see who has the last "ho." There. Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat.

I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

Welcome to Jurassic Tank. Picture time. Everybody get together. (ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants.

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed.

Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator. Uh-oh.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer.

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing,

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows!

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean...

I have formed an idea.

In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

"Tokens only." How does this work?

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky."

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right.

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana?

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more: Well, Leela,

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?

In your face, sucker!

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Let's get the hell out of here.

Boo! Who are you monsters?

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater."

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot?

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series.

That's my mama.

Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

evidently forced into servitude aboard a crab fishing boat. So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant.

Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh... We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one.

Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS)

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING) So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district. If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life,

Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

(ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

To avoid the tollbooth.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke.

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley.

It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me. Nibbler!

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered?

For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili.

I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch,

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post,

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female.

Nice to see you, Zapp.

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow.

Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

Uncle Vladimir!

Remember me! Remember me!

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

- They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers.

Who are you talking to, sir?

I find it offensive.

Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man?

Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine.

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second.

But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa!

Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos, our zoo is a model of compassionate encagement. The animals don't even know they're in captivity. See?

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

Hello. Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender.

No! No! No! No!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why?

What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma! LEELA: This is crazy.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it.

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him?

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas.

(ALL LAUGHING) (PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

Thanks, Colonel.

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

Crew, you remember Cubert.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

To shreds, you say.

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy. Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor."

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost!

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Something's happening on television!

You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller.

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend.

No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild?

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest--

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

(LAUGHS) Be more careful, friend.

just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

What a nice lady.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards.

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Why didn't I break his legs?! Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us,

We're back, baby!

I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you!

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet--

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

(GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm.

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back. Really? I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion.

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin,

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart. You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know.

Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I made a difference after all. You absolutely did, Leela.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators.

What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess,

and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.

send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

So, you want to be a comedian, is it? It's my lifelong dream. Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball.

Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Oh, I'm scared!

Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. All right!

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Sir, that's not a number.

Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want. (CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical." Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens? They're not fans.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it,

Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see.

Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero.

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING)

Dump him already.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back. (ALL GASPING) Pops.

An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast! The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know!

Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law."

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend,

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened--

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars?

Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty.

Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Oh, no, I've got it, too!

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Because there is. Hit it. Hit what?

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Hey, Three Ears!

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question?

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra!

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

Please don't pull it off. Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can. I think we've seen enough. (ELASTIC CREAKING) Too much, actually. Come on, let's try somewhere else.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty.

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars.

I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile.

This is Oktoberfest, the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture. Exquisite. Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated.

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless.

I love this job.

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

What have I done?

We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love. Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

No, you shut up, please.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

(SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all,

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole!

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time.

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

It was you men who drove this company into the ground. Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company!

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak.

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth!

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you.

Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do.

Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

It looks like a pair of clamps.

If you call that living.

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish. You were saying, Mr. Fry?

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me. So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

that collided with God! That seems probable.

The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never!

Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone.

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

(ALL SCREAMING)

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

(GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment. I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours. That's generous of you. Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you, those pennies are mine.

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well.

Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss. Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness. The People call our star witness, Mr. X,

BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid?

This is it. Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy?

What? No one calls me that!

Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive!

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater?

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci. FARNSWORTH: My God!

Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices. (ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

(BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Then I have no choice. And now this part.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

He already survived in the vacuum of my mom. I mean, my mom's vacuum.

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?

Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp!

You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa...

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go...

so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X...

Let my people stay! Neat.

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind?

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined!

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

I'll fire up the grill.

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here.

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender, the newest member of our paparazzo family. Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way,

I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats.

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

What now? (SCREAMS)

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Over my dead body.

(GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words!

No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders...

(PANTING) (CHUCKLING)

Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents!

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Such a mild insult.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.

(WOMEN AGREEING) Practically no one. All in favor of me? (MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING)

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

They just won't stop!

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon?

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't.

I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family.

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster,

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank?

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry.

So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING)

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular. Ow! Where are we?

Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion?

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh...

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers."

Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things.

I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not?

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new?

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family,

Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right!

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank--

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe?

Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Wow, this is easier than I thought.

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort?

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry?

(FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

You better not do that at the concert.

Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with.

May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days. The tea of new life is ready. Let those whose love created this life speak each other's names, then drink.

Oh, I'm gonna... Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

Start with a good high-quality oil. Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

I Will wait For you

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman.

Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING) What's going to happen to us now, Dad?

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three.

And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to...

So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender!

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor. Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it. I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way? I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart?

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh!

But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious.

Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings. What are you selling? Popplers? Never heard of 'em. Eat it or beat it.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me!

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible?

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut! (GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us.

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you.

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes. This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people!

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor.

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away?

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here.

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

(SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

One more hit, and we're done for!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

"Friend"? But I'm doomed!

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert?

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today.

NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you.

Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone.

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it!

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999.

just two robots out roboting it up.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo!

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

Anyone hear something? It's a coin slot. Bender, insert that giant nickel. Sure. (GROANS) Hush, Bender! What's your game, Vitruvian Man?

You're paying for that.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you-- Planet Express Ship, is something wrong?

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure!

This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die!

Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

(RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

O, tears! O, lamentations!

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel,

Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot!

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around!

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

Steady. Steady. Now!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

We've been hired to deliver an envelope.

Wait! My sandwich!

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable, and it serves an important purpose.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing.

I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Watch where you're shooting, private.

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun,

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember.

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

(SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE)

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth.

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us. Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had, both on the beat and in the sack. (SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it.

Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

Gravity normal. Air returning.

(SCATTING) Oh, my God!

Then suicide it is.

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure. Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

And it's pronounced guacamole!

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

We'll have to bring her around again.

Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million. (CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses?

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for.

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not! Let's just go to my place. (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me?

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really?

I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out?

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

That's exactly what I was thinking.

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks.

Ah, close enough. Come on in.

Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her.

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great?

Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

And that name is--

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever! Huh? Follow him! It's our only way out.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort?

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Huh. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

I like your tail.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see.

He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer.

Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful.

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced!

So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed.

Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh? I don't feel good.

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind! Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't! I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person.

Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you.

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict!

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Fry, you go with Bender.

Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God!

Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally. Your gasps intrigue me. Explain. Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged...

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes?

I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty. Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused.

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Your Highness, a package came for you.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Amy, you grew up on Mars, right? - Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt, "all shall perish," blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender?

"The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

And it's straight! Coilette wins! Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia! Ow! A perfect bend and a flawless entry. No splash at all!

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy?

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk!

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth!

Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy.

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen!

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

Bishop to knight four.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What?

Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows...

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied.

We're back, baby!

Great cow of Moscow!

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Scwatch its fwubby chin.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out?

Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth. Correction: our one mission now is to avenge the loss of that monument.

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my! Hey, Bender!

(LAUGHS) Billy West?

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation. What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man! Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

Thanks a billion.

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior.

Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain.

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

What have I agreed to? I'll return you to your body after you use your ghostly powers to scare Fry to death. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) That sounds fair and also fun. I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap!

Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

(ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding?

BENDER: Aw! What?

I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight?

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy. Everyone suit up. We're off to the most romantic city on earth.

The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house--

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery!

What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

Well, son, I guess this is goodbye again. Not quite yet. I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation. Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?

Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly?

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

To the garment district! (DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype.

They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride. Look. It's the symbol of Bender's old religion.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it.

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass.

Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

I hate waiting in line to die. Move it along, grandma. Stick your hand in and take your chances. CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell."

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Why didn't I break his legs?!

He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

A land I didn't make up Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons. Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING)

Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen. Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love. And I'm takin' all my friends out to celebrate. Let's go live it up!

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool.

Oh, you sad, worthless human.

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio...

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it! I know that! Go get me a crowbar. Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie!

It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

And would it kill you to use some mouthwash? Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Bender, insert that giant nickel.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal.

Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like... - to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho.

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

(SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly. Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Your Medicare dollars at work.

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Good night, sweet prince.

Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt.

I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year! A'ight.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat,

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so...

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor.

Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order!

He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Hey! Flexo! Get him!

Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices. (ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office. AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry.

Ow! Hey, watch it!

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon.

This $4 coffeepot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion! You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't,

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Yah! That ship is so white-bread.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

(GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk. The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times.

Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters.

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Harem? I can barely see 'em!

That is one unlucky guy.

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage,

in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do! What is your purpose here? Huh?

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power!

You're sweet, Leela.

Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.

Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever.

to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then!

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams!

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried.

I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I'll take care of this.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

(DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING) INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem!

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you,

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me.

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Goodbye, cruel me.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Okay. I was just at this part--

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend.

Okay. I'll do it to show you kids you can succeed at anything, if you just luck out hard enough.

Why did you do all that stuff?

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth...

We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

(MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on.

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm.

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me!

My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts.

Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice!

Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry?

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do.

That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems... that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be.

Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

(SOBBING) Earth is gone!

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063.

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

(ANGRY YELLING)

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win...

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

My God. It's the future.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party.

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!

(TRAIN HONKING)

Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares!

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No!

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation.

Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

People, as company bureaucrat,

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage?

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela.

that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact...

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha. (SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah.

We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth.

Us? Why do we have to go?

We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure. You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not!

Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure.

There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Ah, to be young again... and also a robot.

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING)

Ah... Again, again.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom.

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy.

But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry.

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

Oh, no! Please, no!

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside. What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts.

I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things!

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that?

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid!

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

It commemorate the day centuries ago... when our ancestor, Sir Reginald Wong, bought Mars from stupid natives. How can you call the native Martians stupid?

As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow. (BELCHING) Bort.

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh!

(SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad,

Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

Who's kicking who around now?

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope. Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking. When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe.

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here!

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly.

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Good morning, lover.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family. No, it's not!

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

(MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

I'll kill you! Oh!

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

(MEOWING) NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what.

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat?

Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh! Have you ever been on TV before?

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

We love it here.

Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela!

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

It's not spam. Huh?

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want.

I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted.

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz... "A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS)

I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid? Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil,

Ah, Mom, do we have to? (CLUCKING)

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What?

I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions.

And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

This is where I keep various lengths of wire.

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me. She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?

This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off. There's our man.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Come here and give me a sting. Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud.

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters--

An open casting call for child robots!

Pet it. Pet it.

I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end,

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply.

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy!

Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Hey, this is a diaper.

There must be people somewhere.

Do we have enough money to pay Bender's fine? 78... 79... 79.50. Crud. We're 50 cents short. I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet. Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh!

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach--

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too?

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

- I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months,

(MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam!

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And?

Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes. Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What?

My precious head! Oh!

Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species, in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there?

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is.

Please, no! Come on!

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently.

No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca!

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all,

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

I'll get things started with a little neck extension... Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What?

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner?

Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send.

But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me?

What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit. And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot.

- No! - No! Do a flip!

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8,

(LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry!

Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater? Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh!

(ROBOTS SCREAMING)

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth?

mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something?

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor,

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

No! I can't look.

Now, that's hospital dancing.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children. N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

You did ruin her life.

Screaming in agony.

Aw... what's the point?! Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust.

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last?

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp. So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun? They're all...

Let's go already

but I think we should just be friends. No!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

(GASPING) Fabricio!

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah?

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash!

I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See?

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

It's a miniature fruit salad tree.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar. Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction. Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah.

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish.

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What?

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families. (CRACKLING) (ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means.

You'll give me your hand in marriage

You'll be fine.

There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Death to the crab!

Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job.

It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.

Don't wanna talk about anything else

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for.

I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office. Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box?

We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence! Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit?

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Come on, let's go home.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

I don't even want to... why is...

Two meals in one week?

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great.

Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

And that's how you play the game.

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard?

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull!

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried.

Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then.

What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.

On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

I mean, I have Leela's memories.

do you even have a medical degree?

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

You were saying? Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her. Hello, everyone.

Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

(BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men! I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

(ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel.

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great.

To the subbasement! Powering up Clone-O-Mat.

Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you!

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot.

Oww! Futurama. Noun.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES) (LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela!

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy!

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it?

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether.

Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God...

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through,

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere. I will become the best blernsball player of all time!

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Bite my shiny metal ass!

What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday...

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

I love this job. Me, too.

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time.

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

So, we're cool?

Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

My antenna's fine. It's just fine.

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

(GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right.

Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music.

There's a humungous fungus among us.

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM)

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole.

Ow! Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all. Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles,

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Cue the fireworks guy!

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah!

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom!

No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself.

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Some sexy, arousing bread.

Ah... Again, again.

A flaming burp. Does it always do that?

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no! Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.

Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all.

ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg,

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Freeze, scuzzbot!

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news!

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping. You loved him as Bender the Offender.

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary.

I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Make sure they use every part of my body!

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

I'm sorry. She's gone.

Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar.

Good-bye, cruel world.

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

Hermes, don't press that button!

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript? (DOOR OPENS) TRAVERS: Hey, what's that rifling sound? Uh-oh. (GULPS)

You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever.

Ow! What was that?

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo!

Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds!

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on.

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths.

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind?

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland?

No! Nibbler. Psst.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

Next, assume my social obligations.

As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes. My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook,

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What?

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive? No.

All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby.

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH)

if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself. Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic.

But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this. Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi. Enough of your mindless chitchat. Let's get going. Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded.

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there!

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more.

No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here.

I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on.

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it? Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do. What? - I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not-- In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker.

Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license!

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human.

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem!

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension! FARNSWORTH: Indeed, but we're about to crash into some sort of huge disk! (ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time!

How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals. I just mean, your money management skills could use some work.

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension,

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Kif, show them the medal I won.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him.

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

What a wondrous affirmation of our love and all from the touch of your hand. Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

The devolution revolution has begun! Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle,

And, instead of the fifth guy--

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have--

With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one. (GRUNTING) Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego?

(GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end.

Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies?

Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him.

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right?

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by rolling of the third type. Say what?

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish. Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Death to the crab!

Oh! Bone whittling. I used to love that.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too.

But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to. Fry, look. It really is beautiful.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe. Problem solved.

How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me.

Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Humble is good.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend. Why? 'Cause I can make annoying noises? Exactly. I use those all the time in my music. Bender, I want you to become my new washboard player. All right! Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer?

Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah!

You owe me one.

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop! Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen?

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat...

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch,

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Don't be a prude, Fry.

I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas?

Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not!

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Amy, no! It's too windy! Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man.

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps.

What is this, high school? Locker check.

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human!

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms.

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor. What up? Stick to the oath. Right.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake! By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender.

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins.

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Oh, God, it's true!

I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss.

I like your dumpster.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh! I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel!

Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation.

You suck! Get a job! I'll miss you, Leela.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot.

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Let's go already!

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

I'm a banking industry regulator.

Get a load of that!

You know, I was God once.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it.

I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer,

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away!

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

- What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you?

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking. Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. - That is most wise. - Who?

Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again.

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost!

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

Of course! You don't have friends!

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious...

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged. It's a secret, so keep it under your head...

Looks like you're retaining water.

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face.

No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I don't know you people.

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me.

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath?

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

What the hell's been going on around here? Ah! Fry!

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying.

But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink!

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope,

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment. Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my...

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable,

Wish I had Bender back.

Hold on, man! It ain't like that! Geez. What does it take to kill me?

It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What?

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it!

I'm back for my son!

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery?

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare I can't see their faCes

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

(SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district! (DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in.

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

I'll call Orson Welles. Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson! You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt?

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make?

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

The Cavern on the Green.

Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time. There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future.

Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Where the food is digested. We should be safe,

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

I wouldn't count on that.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING)

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready.

- All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

(MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Gold? Why Femputer want gold?

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

No kidding, Ford.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help!

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

Live bait. Get your live bait here. Whoa! Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change! Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot. Then I'll just take them and, throw them away, shall I, why not? (MAKING HIGH-PITCHED SOUNDS)

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

Wha-- Oh, right.

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style. Skipper, we're losin' the crowd. Put in our new novelty act, Leela.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

Nothing simpler. And all I ask in return is your hands... to replace these bony hot dogs. Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope.

No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

(ALL HOOTING) What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon.

But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women. We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!"

Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh! Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps?

You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so. I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got.

Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron!

(GUITAR STRUMMING) Then I shot him and stabbed him and stole all his gold And I tried on his face while his body turned cold Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph, and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too?

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory! (ROARING)

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting,

I'll just be another 20 minutes.

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life?

(MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket. Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'.

(GROWLING SOFTLY)

I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening?

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa!

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

think twice before you step on it.

Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops. $10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where?

so I'm entitled to some answers.

Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment.

We're just trying to be cool like Bender.

of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Have a good one!

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go!

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Bathroom's that way.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone.

Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office, then write it off as a business expense. Wait! I thought of a way! The way I just said!

What the-- I call top bunk. My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Ahad. Steim. Shalosh!

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Edna! Ew! My God!

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman,

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence.

It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Let me give you my pager number.

I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything.

Cut! Cut! Cut it!

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute!

My ice cream Manwich!

Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds?

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday!

rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Ooh. Sorry. What sorry?

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it!

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him

I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in!

I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure. You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not! How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis?

Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us?

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet.

Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there! Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food.

- Probably you. - Me?

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh...

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married!

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity!

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be.

Fry, are you all right?

Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

(LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No.

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk.

Oh, don't get me started.

But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

(GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw!

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac?

FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

(CLEARING THROAT) Leela? I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me again. Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis? Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you.

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.

BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no! Come on!

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck. Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers.

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

(ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela.

Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? No.

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, gang. I think we have all the clues we need to solve the mystery of the haunted cloning machine. Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The butler, Dr. Zoidberg!

All the whole numbers have been retired. Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

(SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Then good luck, sister.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me.

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again?

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do.

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam?

(WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms. We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there!

Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face!

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups.

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS)

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING)

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening.

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

You stink, loser.

Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Damn! I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases-- You're one to talk!

What the...? Oh, now I see.

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again?

Here you go. "In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English.

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth.

Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes.

Yes. So make sure your acting is over the top and horrible. You literally cannot do this too crappily. You've already got the look. Old, past your prime, a relic from a lamer era. You really do look disgusting. A real Calculon type. Just... Ugh! Okay, you know what? Just hire him. Done. (GASPS)

And I love Leela. Any Leela.

We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry?

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me...

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling.

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up.

I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya. So far, so good. Where's Kif?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost.

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Pizza dinner on me.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics.

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure.

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence,

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

jerk. So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend--

I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

- But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

worshipping some lowlife jerk.

just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something. (CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff. This prison is where you'll be spending your 300-year sentence. Yeah, until you're defrosted and wake up refreshed, unaware of any time having passed. - (STEAM HISSES) - (EXCLAIMS) He heard you! Oh, please. It's probably just the carbonite thawing slightly.

Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp.

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

(CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Kiff, clear my schedule.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

A land I didn't make up

Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me!

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis?

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work.

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you.

Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much. The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock.

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies...

Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York. Maybe they can help us. But they could be meeting anywhere. What are we going to do, search building to building? FARNSWORTH: We'll start with that one. Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay.

Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen.

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture,

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring.

Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great

Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

(SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth.

Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

Him pending para un bending.

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles.

For this highly Controversial mission, you'll be towing the juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter. Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak.

Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler.

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

The good news is, they can't start breeding.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

You are so smart.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

This chair is so comfortable.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view. Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand?

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen,

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.?

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works.

For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR)

Tonight the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really?

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards?

(EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends.

That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah?

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

May I take your order?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum! Man, this place is a snooze.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition?

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this?

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you.

A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Hello? Anybody home?

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group?

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys. Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang?

But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

(BOTH CHEERING)

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

All right, buddy, step away from the head.

No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome.

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama."

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers,

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus.

Is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Don't let down Pharaoh now. The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

This is all my fault.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us.

And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot! Bender rules! Groove on, man!

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am,

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Let's hire someone better. Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

What the hell is it?

Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah?

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Hmm... Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

You can come out. Don't be scared.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

One, two. One, two, three!

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters?

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic.

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on.

against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented.

We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball.

We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell. Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart.

Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

(SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No.

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Honk, honk, honk!

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years!

And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but...

Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

(SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo!

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this. (GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying.

Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop. Fry, look! That's Silicon Red, the universe's greatest folk singer!

Come on! Yes! Front row!

and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Hey, big lobster Take a little bath with me

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Several days later. Look, enough is enough. Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him.

No, I think it's self-explanatory. No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes,"

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

"Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first.

You call that an ink defense?

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor?

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by...

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

(GASPING) She beat you to both things!

Oh. Don't worry, Professor.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later.

It's time to kick some shiny metal ass!

Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

ALL: To Bender!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible--

Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub.

Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr!

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

I must go. There is much to do.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions?

And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe. How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything!

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff.

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other.

I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, that's my brain!

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long. We demand bouncing, followed by rolling,

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Thirty minutes to go. Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't. Fifteen minutes remaining.

That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot.

Truly, it was a paradise.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg. Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel,

Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand.

It was me. I'm the hero.

Burning garbage. It worked!

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination.

Take this and that and one of these.

But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone. Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams.

You see-- Magic. Got it.

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar. Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd.

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead. Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof...

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo!

Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot.

his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

- Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices. Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on.

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in?

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen. Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three. Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer

Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out.

- Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Divorce is final. What?

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Whoa! Neat. Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe.

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads. Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm.

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Anyway, I should get going.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Whoopsie-daisy.

It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes. (POWERING UP)

Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

But we still need someone to pilot the ship.

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

Nothing like a power nap.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.

Yes, but they won't listen.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Put a sticker on it.

You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted!

- Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one...

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions."

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe.

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh!

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children. Anyway, I should get going.

A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful!

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

You must be hungry. Really hungry.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up.

their life force gets sucked out.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here. She's right. I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony. Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure?

The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake?

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah! (SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded.

Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes!

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords!

A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming,

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time!

You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly!

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion,

they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes.

Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

just like that huge mushroom in my shower. Hey, there's our little mascot.

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great. No, Leela. In the world of theater there are no second acts. You're not leaving. We're gonna get you your job back.

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

Yes, I will. Yep!

I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence. Take care of him, but do it quietly. Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp. (LAUGHS EVILLY) What do you know? The Feds gave Bender a new identity as a Moon farmer. He must be afraid to break character,

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

Lick my frozen metal ass.

General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing!

I don't have time for this shazbot.

Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree.

Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages. So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000?

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What--

Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans.

(ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm, mmm, mmm! Mama knows what I like!

It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm!

Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

I'm not leaving you, and that's final!

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah.

This is my best protest sign ever,

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

You got it. Oh! Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow!

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed.

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Now's good. (CRACKLING) FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up!

May we help you, strange ones?

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon.

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface!

we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin!

Then shut your yaps and back to work

Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing.

How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah!

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me

I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel.

Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No! (UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy!

BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important.

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram!

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm.

No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue!

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh!

I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work.

Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we? I sure as hell don't.

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp.

What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Wha-- Oh, right.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

(MUNCHING) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible...

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it! I know that! Go get me a crowbar. Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it...

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help?

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons. Wow, you're good.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that!

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes! Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what? Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela...

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly.

What do you mean we, mammal? Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots,

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler?

Choke on that, causality!

in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me.

Ow! My foot's cold.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

(GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS) We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.

Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit!

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic!

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Oh, my God, you're Beck!

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item?

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not.

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

(INHALES) Ah... Much better.

(CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?"

Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes!

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret.

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

Ow! I'm hungry.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

No. We do have concept of ownership.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set.

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls,

You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me!

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

You're all right. Or are you?

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait.

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth. Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving.

Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt.

No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY)

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender.

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo. Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo.

The crime is unsolvable.

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here?

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet?

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him!

Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz...

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

(ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone.

That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go!

Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to.

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

Oh, no, no. We're married.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

I love this job.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed.

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification.

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Who the sweaty hell is it?

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate?

I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit. Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of...

Bam! Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps.

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him.

Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please! I can't shoot you.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs!

Amen. Does that mean we can eat now?

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess,

Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Robot Hell had a fire, too. Right after Bender was there for a workshop.

I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party?

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess?

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12,

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves.

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

Hey, that's my cell phone.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah!

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated.

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side.

You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long. Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Three, two, one.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

- Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later. And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention.

Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio!

Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

Come on. We have work to do.

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.

Balsamic or raspberry?

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!! Come on, everyone!

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared.

Outsiders! Defend the fire!

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

Chitchat achieved!

Aw, what's wrong? I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that.

A freshly dug robot grave.

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back. Here's hoping.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail.

(HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies! This is what I was expecting. So, uh, what are the rules of this sport? You see that there? That's called a floor.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water,

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah!

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past! Meanwhile-- I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes.

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

No fair! Bender's innocent!

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death,

Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride. P-U!

But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

That is one sexy bridge abutment.

Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no!

I live in a dumpster.

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

I do, I do! Me, Bender! Yes, the robot with the megaphone jumping up and down. I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth?

You double-dipped! Geez.

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

Stee-rike one! Strike one! A personal best.

you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

A hush comes over the crowd.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this?

Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

So, are we dating now? Is that what this is all about? Please, just cut it out now. Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, amazing thing I can do to make you love me. And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober. Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

On this auspicious occasion,

I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so! Oh, my darling. Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet.

Let's kick him some more!

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No!

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Walrus don't need no chicanery.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do! You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart! There's no slot in there, either. I said shut up!

Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead. Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet.

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

What's that weird sound?

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where?

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates.

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you! Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero.

You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork. Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office,

Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G.

I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

We're here to deliver a robot.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic!

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

Besides, I got my own secrets. Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams. Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man.

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo.

He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug!

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross? The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Stop acting so stupid!

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

because you can't possibly do a scene like this. That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

(SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

The name's Bender.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Yes. You spletcha. BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

What do you mean, a scam?

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one.

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone!

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her...

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no?

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale. Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg.

We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle.

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else.

So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission.

You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in!

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it.

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it.

I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Might I have a sip of booze?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Everything hooked up okay?

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all.

No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How...

Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Silence! I concur.

It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot?

This looks like a job for God.

(ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you.

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds?

You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends,

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me.

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian! Amy, you grew up on Mars, right? - Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt,

Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95.

Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope.

It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Excellent. We'll meet aboard my ship in one month to sign the Treaty of Table Seven. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us.

Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight? Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come?

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah!

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned.

Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

Well, it's mostly for show.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh!

Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

(GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

(SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt.

Give me back my floppy face!

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians,

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell...

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped.

You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond. (SLURPS) Ah!

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba.

(CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top.

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please. Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream.

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up?

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

FRY: And the rest!

It's not lame, it's lame.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again.

Because I don't like being used.

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home!

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight.

Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby.

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.

Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die!

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives.

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender?

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us.

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in. So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it?

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me. The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

What would happen if Fry never came to the future? Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener?

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

"Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot, I'm the luckiest man-bot alive.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch...

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time.

Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

I spent most of my teen years loving my body.

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way.

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Hey! Turn that damn music...

Is he blackmailing you somehow?

Attention... all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated.

We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

"I'm sending in more trains."

In another life, we could've been friends.

What crawled up his Geritol?

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman.

We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again.

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk?

Ugh! Aw! You sure you won't come to your mom's wedding? There'll be chicken or fish, circle one. I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

That's coming out of your pay.

Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim?

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon.

We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs. And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player...

They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die. (CHILDREN CHEERING)

You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth.

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there?

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

Hey, brainey! Think fast!

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.

Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography.

Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

Another job well done.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

- Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne. Whoa!

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

Why do they always treat us like dumb kids? We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile. Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food.

What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.

mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived.

That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah?

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him. I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time?

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Come on. We have work to do. Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence?

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah?

(GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence. ALL: Whoa!

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad.

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

Give me back my floppy face!

Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real.

These rare and fascinating deep-sea fish are extremely sensitive to light. Over here, Calculon! Come on, smile. Quit blinking. Red eye. Blurry. Lens cap's still on.

Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

"Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will,

No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank--

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela?

ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

That's a doozy. Hey, look at this. I can pull my thumb off. Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. Don't let him get your nose. (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, Lord. It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody.

Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage.

Stop! We'll leave.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

My God! It's full of geezers.

Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie. Yeah? He may have brains, but I have heart. Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

We did it. Whoo!

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course.

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.

I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

I got your hookup, Fry.

or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it.

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

(BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me.

I'm not a robot.

Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP) (SNORING) Hey, I was watching that!

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey?

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

It's not-not a smart bet.

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture.

The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male.

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

Everybody kill everybody!

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie!

Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela.

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

It's been 50 years since they disappeared. I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew.

Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office,

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double. I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself.

At severely reduced pay, of course.

The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

You owe me one. Whoa.

I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us!

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them.

Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Uh, cross-town express.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian-- And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients.

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair!

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

It will if we go back in time and stop him! (COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense.

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

want to kill all humans?

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

(SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

Ow! Come on, Fry!

Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like.

Well, into the toilet.

Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt!

(PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING)

to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

Don't you need this one?

Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

I'm lowering the platform. You ready to come up?

You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that. What'd I miss?

I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon?

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf!

Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

No! No! No! No!

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!

No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS)

I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time?

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea!

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible, beautiful, creative soul. Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

Well, you didn't!

Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator.

I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

(ALL SHOUTING) FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement!

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing.

Dating your ex, Fry?

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero? Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault.

Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

Cool. It's just like the good old days.

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

We just got one of these. Rejected!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. But wait, there's more!

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

(BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm. Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub. Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes!

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING) (CATS MEOWING)

I guess I kind of make fun of people as a defense mechanism.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

(EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked. I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again! That calculus lecture was harder than I expected.

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

(STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime!

Mmm... you. Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea."

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name?

The big brain is defeated.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments.

Huh? How do you do? Hmm. Ah, here's my stateroom.

(GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

This robot will do everything for me.

I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch.

The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender?

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Lost control of the ship! Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

One, two! one, two, three!

(GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now. Well, Jezebel's heart did wander

Not when I'm in charge.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here?

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here, let me help you.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

I... am... Destructor!

I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat,

(LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Take this, Mr. President, sir!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you.

Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks.

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'. You reserved the whole rink? Yep. Buzzed ahead, let 'em know whose aide was comin' by. The mayor's, that's whose. Oh, Chaz.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life. Detonation in two, one--

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move.

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting?

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards.

Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh!

35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you. (GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available.

Give me a little time.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Next up, challenger Bender,

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe.

FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you.

Yes. You spletcha.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time?

No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING)

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

(BOTH GROANING)

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

(ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING) (GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship! Coming through!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me?

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Me want snu-snu!

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

"Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze,

Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

And you are outta here!

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall.

So do it, robot. It's easier than it looks. Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll never be a musician now. Or maybe... You'll be the best musician ever.

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile.

Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Who's my favorite robot? It's me!

Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa!

Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.

I demand the floor! I may only have one share,

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around?

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

"I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket.

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

Planetary invasion!

My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary. I wish I could help raise awareness about broken robots. But what can I do? I only weigh eight pounds.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth. Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my!

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

Let's watch, shall we?

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home?

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry...

This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream.

Zapp Brannigan! Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence.

and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something. (CLAPPING) BENDER: Now what? I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it.

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one. But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh? A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter!

Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay?

It will play in Peoria.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

I've not heard of them.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

my parents are up there, looking down on me.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

There's no time for that! The Professor needs us! Crew, as you know,

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go.

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous.

Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger, since if something different happens, I might be liable for damages. But believe me, you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve.

You like that one, jack?

Fry, you're my friend.

You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude. What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh! Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon.

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Don't mess with Earth.

Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

There's no slot in there, either. I said shut up!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING)

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Presenting the Queen of England,

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck!

Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Leela! Leela, wake up.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day.

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby!

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it.

So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

They're not fans. That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery. Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work. This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday.

Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead. Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people.

Ah... prewar scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently...

Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him!

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not.

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

Yes, I remember.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya!

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word?

500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600. Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that.

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits?

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects,

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from...

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

One, zero, uh--

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

Liftoff! I'll roger that.

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either.

He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

Pretty, though.

Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us,

Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn! Oh, very well.

(GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me?

and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots. Yeah! Hooray! Great. Bender, you're famous! Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers...

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears. What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it! All right. Then just one hand.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

This is the worst kind of discrimination--

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18?

I can quit anytime I want.

Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting. The womenfolk can cook what we catch.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

Bender, snap out of it.

Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

Hey, Fry. Amy. Leela. Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple.

They've blown out one of our engines.

Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! (ALL CHEERING) I mean, da Vinci! (ALL BOOING)

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display? At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3,

You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right.

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild?

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit?

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

Read the Constitution.

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express...

While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy! Oh.

Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

(WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

I'm going for a scuttle.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory.

Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those?

Ooh! When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news as well. Let Amy tell us. That way, it soften the blow. Why Amy being so quiet? Um-- Well, um--

I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What?

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J.

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that. (CHUCKLES)

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining...

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please. That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks.

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil--

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine.

Just a few more feet.

I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence. Take care of him, but do it quietly. Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp.

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

(GASPS) How did you do that?

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS)

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding-- if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that... when you meet my boyfriend tonight. Ah, that right. We finally get to spend some time with this Mr. Kif.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us?

How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers!

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went!

So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama!

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings!

Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular,

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek!

Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin!

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick?

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope.

Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

This is a mutiny!

(CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that.

I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) (CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

Now I'm all you got!

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore.

How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby.

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog.

Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this!

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps."

- Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne. Whoa! Hey! What's the catch? She looks normal. She's not a hologram.

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was.

Whoopsie-daisy.

This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now. You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck! (BOTH LAUGHING)

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me.

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop!

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed.

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes.

You suck! Get a job!

That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations!

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life,

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me.

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh...

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you--

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up!

(ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

(ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively. I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town.

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi.

Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA.

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right.

That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed.

Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine. What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into,

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused...

I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father. Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low!

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale.

but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount?

I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS) You're a human?

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance.

My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like.

Okay, let's go through this once more from the-- Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes!

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing. You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

I am one hungover cryogenicist.

Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is,

There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery,

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor?

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

Then I've risked all and lost.

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared.

Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Your call is being-- Connected-- By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers. Look, Morris! It's Leela calling. Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface? We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

(DIALING) (GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies.

Let the games begin!

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

No one loves you 'cause you're tiny and you're made of meat. Could you maybe pay a little more attention to these asteroids? Sorry, Captain Leela. I guess I'm just having one of those manic Mondays.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup. (SIGHS) As much as I hate you, I hate Langdon Cobb more. He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit. Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself.

(BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she?

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss.

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care.

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.

I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy. Eww! That's it. It's done. I can't believe it. My mind is boggling.

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science.

Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel.

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like?

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah... Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted?

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

Thank you very much, Morris.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please. He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

(HEARTBEAT) No!

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

(SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

This! You for this. Thanks! No!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus,

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him.

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom!

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

All glory to the hypno-toad.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

(WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation,

"Gwoble wappo"?

Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

I'm the only trained pilot here.

Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days.

There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission! Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point.

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan.

Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS)

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?

There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad!

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out!

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me.

Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot.

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Well, that was dumb.

Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Here he is! Come and get him!

I'll get my kit!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there?

And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real. Well, that probably won't happen this time. I wanted to show you what life could be like if we were together. Computer, run program "Kif One."

Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but...

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

Cue the fireworks guy! Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by...

If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is...

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz?

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit!

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't

Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Hooray, they're saved!

I said, everything's going to be all right.

Please insert liquor!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom.

I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Join me on the morrow as I embark on my maiden hunt. (WHIPPING) I said join me!

(GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Right. If they try to look in the box.

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this.

Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad!

Good night, Hubert.

But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface.

Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you.

Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Oh, God, it's true!

Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

Not surprising enough.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no!

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe?

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.

But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong!

We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President?

Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive!

while us men reminisce and smoke some stogies.

Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

And this time I mean it!

Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating.

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams. Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red!

And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it!

So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it.

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

(ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me.

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew?

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

But, sir, that plan makes no sense.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things.

What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit.

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it.

I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

(LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles...

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

Now let's have a kiss.

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor.

here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me. I don't know what to say. Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it down, boys. Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery--

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet?

I thought I understood this world.

No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk. Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever.

I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

Dirty boy! Dirty boy! You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry.

It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way. But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult.

Oh, no! It's midnight!

I used a ruler and I erased all the pencil lines when I was finished. Charming. Now, into the ditch with you. (EXCLAIMS) (DOGS BARKING)

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

English - US - Line 21

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES) Defeat is ours.

Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am.

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.

(WHOOSHING) Planet Express Discount Prisoner Transfer at your service. Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg?

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look.

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it!

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

Shh! You're not cops, right?

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen. And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Prepare for liftoff.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! (MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy.

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

You'll have to look sooner or later.

(ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

I got to go with Bender.

Ew! There it is.

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) My fellow mutants, until recently, I dwelt on the surface, where a man can gaze up at the sky in wonder without a wet clump falling in his mouth. MALE MUTANT: We can do that, too. (PLOPPING) Who's ready to fight for equality?

Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

To the sub-basement! You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING)

Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

Computer, Captain's musk.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

It'll get there.

It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

What do you stupid voters want now?

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die?

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif!

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue. Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both!

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the...

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS)

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off!

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

(SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE)

I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius! Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push.

Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why?

Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we want to smell distant objects? Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

There is one way, but no, it's too horrible. Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot! Correct. I'd have to remove his memory card. He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories.

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry.

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece?

And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch. Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

The box says, "No."

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh! All hail Femputer!

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt. I figure a one-eyed lady skullbuster might bring out the freak-show crowd.

Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded.

Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it. The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal.

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots...

Konnichiwa, brother.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING) Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be.

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay. Yo, ABBA, what's that next door?

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly.

Lrrr demands the comfort of pop-psychological platitudes!

Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber.

See you on the other side.

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

(GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

$100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here.

Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah!

But it's 10:00 in the morning!

Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer.

What the hell are you doing?

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

(SCREAMING) (SCREAMING)

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

Somebody help us! It's humans.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now. That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves.

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself. Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything--

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology.

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

So, do we have the contract?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward?

Forget it, you flimflammer. I can smell a scam a mile away.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining?

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

"You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

(BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job.

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much!

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume!

Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. So, Leela you must've had your pick of the litter last night at closing time.

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry.

Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

Well, life goes on... except for you.

That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

(PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

(GROWLING) Oh! What are you, some kind of attack fungus? Or just a moldy schnauzer? - (GROWLING) - (YELLING) Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough. Well done, Amy. I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment.

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Before that, it was off.

but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

And mix them all together in a big jug.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish. Multi-ball!

And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg!

Truly, his is the most famous face in Hollywood. Even if no one's ever photographed it, nor ever will. Once again, television has given me a reason to live. A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house.

But if they liked you, then I wouldn't.

What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

- Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death. Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right. You shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

We'll bill you for the couch.

Conquer Earth, you bastards!

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

No! I want to live.

Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts. "First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'? And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long.

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying?

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her.

That's adorable. Ow! But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky.

I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

We'll just use the backup dolly.

That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs.

Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

Oh, God, you're alive!

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge.

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum?

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job.

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here. He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me. (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING)

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

I have amnesia!

There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh. Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

Let's go, Doc, chop him up.

No! Don't open that coffin.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster,

I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator. Really? You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions.

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke.

I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys! Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body.

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

(EYEPHONES BEEP)

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it. They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site?

Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight,

With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

I could make the costumes. I have an old five megawatt broadcasting tower in the attic. And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform.

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock?

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid."

With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING)

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Robot Hell had a fire, too.

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really?

(HEARTBEAT) No!

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through!

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

This is my sweet little Betsy.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow!

Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like... - to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho. Nothing simpler.

(BOTH GRUNTING) (CLEARING THROAT) Leela? I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me again. Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis? Sorry, Fry.

I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside.

It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot.

I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen.

How about a few words, Professor?

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me,

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

I love rocket skating.

What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news?

it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what? Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean?

I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents.

You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us. Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch.

That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere, - and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere,

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays?

Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger,

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

All right! Yes!

True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates.

because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

I learned it from a decongestant commercial.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Keep up with your studies, huh?

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

And then I'm-a stab it. Stop! It's driving me sane!

One, two! one, two, three!

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Uh, I suppose so.

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING)

Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see?

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999. The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor. Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper.

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever... between the already ill defined robot sexes. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done.

I haven't seen you guys in years. What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing. Cool. Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING)

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

I had nothing to live for in my old life.

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going?

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh!

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks.

Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand?

I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

- Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

Let my people stay!

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin! Ow!

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you.

but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

What tapes? You've seen me naked?

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm?

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Stupid bird, I know where you live!

These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter... As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING)

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say?

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book.

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here.

Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here. Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

Good news, everyone.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.

Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know...

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks.

Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons. Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some? "Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

(ZAPP YODELING)

One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell! Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99.

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening?

Your task is nearly completed.

There must be people somewhere.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

This is quite a large ranch you have. 17.9 billion acres. We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth.

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac.

I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

What if a paper were to land in a puddle?

You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

Very well. Let there be light! I got it! I got it!

What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules!

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please.

Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters.

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger, since if something different happens, I might be liable for damages. But believe me, you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad?

and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello?

In a future year that ends with a 20

Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care."

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm sorry. Don't hit me. Ooh! I like the way you hit! But I don't get it. Most women I've met can't even stand next to me without collapsing. What's wrong with those women? Well, some of them didn't have legs. But it's not them. It's me. How do I put this delicately?

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. Ah. Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough

in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you? Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh!

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING) Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing.

A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

Again, yeah. But basically, you'd just be--

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure. Now's good. (CRACKLING)

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones.

don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

Let my people stay!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks.

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry. How's your grammar? Praiseworthy. Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan.

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

Times two, carry the one.

Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you?

Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying!

Here I go! (SCREAMING) (RINGING DOORBELL) I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town. Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

INEZ: Look, we're your family,

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered!

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

My life is ruined.

Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off. The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Well, that was pointless.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares.

Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please?

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery,

(BLARING) Action!

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

And that's that. Whoa! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi. So, you want to come in maybe? I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry.

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt."

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

Would you like some human with your salt?

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them.

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether.

How's them eats?

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building.

Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

Not bad for a city boy, huh?

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know.

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words. (YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth?

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

(ALL GROAN) Well, I lost two straight hands to the Borax Kid.

It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

"You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor?

I'm the greatest! Oh, monkey trumpets. You have coughed at our offer of peace, so you must die. The very bead used to crush our dreams...

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?

Don't take her out! She's a firecracker!

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me. That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card?

Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

- Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it.

(BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you?

Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less.

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING)

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate.

Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out.

Psst, there I am. Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth?

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh--

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

You can't hit what you can't see. Ow!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs.

One, two! one, two, three!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B...

It's the Carcarons!

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single?

Hey! I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Xmas dinner, everyone.

How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye.

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

You're paying for that.

Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh!

Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

Well, here goes nothing.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private!

Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting.

The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

How long have you been at it? 700 years. We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter.

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give.

The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

Here, let me help you.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon!

Or we could not do that.

It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed

I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Bubkes. Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me?

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh!

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Happy birthday, Leela!

Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

(ALL SCREAMING) (ALL JEERING) Don't come back!

Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus.

Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what?

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel.

No time! Run! Run to safety!

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man!

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

"Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards,

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps.

Whoa! Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good.

Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit!

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

(ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair!

Bender! Shut the hell up!

(CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Hey. What smells like blue?

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING)

Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is,

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh.

We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car!

No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful.

Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on?

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium...

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission,

That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

(CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant.

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Exciting news, people!

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick. I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender.

No need to pack pants, people!

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

(GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant!

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Come over here.

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop.

aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here. There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING) (GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time.

(GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence?

People will wait for something good.

We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there! He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window.

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

Good news, everyone.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa!

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

(DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

This is it. Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it.

All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in. (COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present,

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma.

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not!

things will now happen just as I fake predicted.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

(SNORING) Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING)

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you.

(RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Bye. Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar.

Quiet. The beast approaches. Nibbler!

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium.

No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope.

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie?

You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

They've blown out one of our engines.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in,

No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday. This was the storage room.

we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred...

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry...

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants! Oh, what now? Activate glass window.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

I promise nothing!

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it! Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage!

100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal...

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself.

- Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this?

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place.

The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip. FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker.

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that.

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that.

Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

You owe me one.

No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes...

Stench... Uh...

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING)

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

My organs are moving into position. Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you. What is it? Is there someone else?

Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!

The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me?

(STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food.

Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast.

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip.

You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four,

Come back when I've had some sleep, baby. Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable. He stinks like the inside of a Tauntaun. Won't someone notice the stench?

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot.

Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What?

KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated.

And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What?

It's a second big bang!

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then!

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

(SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams.

Come ons, comes on!

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at--

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go.

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster.

All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela!

I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering, anyway? Uh... this. Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

But don't tell no one. Spread the word.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?

Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus. But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head.

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it? Ah, just as I thought. The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet. New York City: The year 2000.

Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament. Belay that Parcheesi tournament.

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

I must now embark on a perilous journey... to give birth in precisely the same swamp in which I was born.

Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela!

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela.

Welcome to the future, human slave.

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela.

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this!

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody,

Y'all come back, now, you hear?

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

What in Babylon? no!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Pfft. Pathetic.

Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Written and xeroxed. Good heavens.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you.

Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

This calls for a drink.

I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

What's the catch? She looks normal. She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all.

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

First one, than the other.

Hmm. I guess I'm still kind of nervous. One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf?

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy!

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop!

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

"I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

an A-minus-minus! And now for the presentation of the award. Listen, folks I'm practically giving this prize away to Dr. Wernstrom for his fish thingy.

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry.

Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology.

No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

I'm a delivery boy!

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here?

Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid. You're the last store open.

Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you. We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful.

Please insert liquor!

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING)

(SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera.

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment.

Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all.

Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is,

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

Give him hell, Morbo!

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love?

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

$3 at the drugstore.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker. Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.

(WOMEN GROANING)

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Bender would never share. The very idea!

You haven't ignored the last of me.

I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Hello, Leela. You're fired.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm.

No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park.

(RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to...

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS)

Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

My condolences, LaBarbara.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Succeed, and I shall reveal to you... the age-old secret... of perfect flavor. Oh, yeah! Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING)

And if I did, I'm sorry. It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not.

WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory,

Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking?

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster. Wow! We've sure got a lot in common, Beck. I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres, even as he reinvents them, just like you. So do it, robot. It's easier than it looks. Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless.

You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six, home of the quantum lichen people. Well, that explains that. They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey. Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo.

As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr. Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot.

So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you.

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Bender? What are you doing?

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

I will go this far and no further.

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

(ALL GASPING) Fry?

(SIGHS) and finally death?

That's funny. Careful, sir.

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

You want some? Sure.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes.

No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

Bring it on, baby!

That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely.

Ooh! Interesting.

You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Zoidberg was popular?

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars.

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter.

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

(ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

You were in a zoo!

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say.

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface.

Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

What do you think, Fry?

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry.

I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym.

As always, once I release the fox,

The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had. Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING)

Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Approved for all audiences! No!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

ALL: To Bender!

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

There's one! Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8?

Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things!

His legend lives on!

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds.

Now, get to work! Life is good.

I got your hookup, Fry.

and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

(ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that. Okey doke. One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

I'm afraid we need to use math.

(RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car.

(GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm,

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them,

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient! (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died!

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

(CRYING) Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!

Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body?

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill.

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm!

Crew, you're working too hard.

No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here?

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

(GROANS) Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button.

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy.

Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

only to have it remain in my hands with elastic! And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces. Goose goes up! Rejected!

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up?

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose!

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Huh.

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins.

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Show us this... the wheel.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!

Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

(GROANING) Oops.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo!

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers.

Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right? Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain.

We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

One, two! one, two, three!

My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever.

Answer me that, Professor!

Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

Who wants a fish?

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals. Whoa. Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period.

(GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

(ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS)

Good-bye, cruel world.

No! No! What have I will have done?

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.

Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company"

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale."

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shh!

so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot...

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.

Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What?

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up?

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four.

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

(GROANING) So full. And I still have to eat the metal box.

You really mean it? Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley,

These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me,

(TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

"But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

(BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight. Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar.

You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

whether it's a whole crowd,

Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it.

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe.

(CROWD APPLAUDING) As Mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th Annual E-Waste Recycling Festival! (CHEERING) Down in front!

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer...

Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that. I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados.

Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay. So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I?

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous. Nude rock bands. Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg?

As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover!

It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop.

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela.

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Well, 'tis the season.

You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING)

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

and eating penguin eggs.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it!

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow--

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here. Later, if anyone asks when I got away, tell them right now.

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

- Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp.

There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license?

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke.

Stop! Stop shooting!

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun.

I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes.

a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

My doctorate is in art history.

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY)

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end,

Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

You're both getting a promotion. Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"?

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying.

Oh! (SNIFFLES) (MUNCHING)

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella!

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app. And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

Now it's personal.

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons.

(ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes.

When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

A man can sneak off to do two things.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with.

That is one unlucky guy.

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

(GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true.

Seriously, I have no idea.

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

It's nice. Too hot.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it.

This show's been going downhill since season three.

I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

(MUTANTS CHEERING)

Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night.

Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except...

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker.

No. 600. Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo?

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Damn! Then you'll need a disguise. Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter! Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds.

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog...

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round.

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren.

Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment,

Thank you, Abraham.

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on!

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

I said it. (WAILING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain,

(WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat.

I'll avenge you, master.

Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it.

(STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

That was a hell of a massage.

Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe.

I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

Hit by a pitch. Take your base.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg!

Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us!

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

I'm lying to make her feel better.

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

I'd like to make one final statement.

That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship.

But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap. Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God.

I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"?

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Hey, Leela, look at me!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

(WIND BLOWING) Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do.

What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

(ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

What people skills! She's completely perfect!

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal...

It's a shmundred degrees, and all we have to drink are non-diet sodas.

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow!

Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out!

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it. Quick, get in.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night?

Faster! Faster!

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day. Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence. ALL: Whoa! We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING)

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Get a load of that!

I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

...Some of that special sauce.

Ugh! When the mine caved in,

a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps,

Soothe us with sweet lies.

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!

Turn off that crap-o-rama!

Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant. Leela, do me a solid and pick up the next space hitchhiker you see.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast,

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot!

Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Hello? Anybody home?

So what's Mars Day about, anyway? It commemorate the day centuries ago... when our ancestor, Sir Reginald Wong, bought Mars from stupid natives. How can you call the native Martians stupid? They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me.

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

Sir, that's not a number.

the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture.

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but...

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

Please, just leave me alone.

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn.

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody?

Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years?

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. It's on.

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name.

Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call. I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

Hello? Is anyone there?

So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

(EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

You look beautiful, Mom.

We'll have to watch its every move.

That's adorable. Ow! But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is...

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged!

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

You're a wonderful man. Finally, the atom is safe.

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads. Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

You lack the will of a warrior.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Wait! No, thanks.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it. Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

(CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk. Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

It's not a pun. It's a play on words!

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING) (BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks.

There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Oh, my God. What the...?

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is...

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats?

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes.

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer.

Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate.

Marv Albert here at Madison Cube Garden... where the Harlem Globetrotters take on a squad of atomic supermen... in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever.

Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash?

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

- Hee-ya! - Ooh!

to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy.

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so...

Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you.

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours!

And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story.

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies.

You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

We'll bill you for the couch. Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it?

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

I hate you! I hate you!

A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news? I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

So long, suckers!

Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we? Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait.

Sentimental drivel poop!

(BOTH SCREAMING) Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years.

I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid. My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

No one insults the turtles!

Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm.

Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right! And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay?

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief.

Cool. Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing. Oh second thought, I'll take that one.

What words? Star Trek?

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day,

The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum. Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

- Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind?

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning.

My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do.

You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

I said that's enough. Get her purse! Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem?

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what.

I believe this belongs to you.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece. Ow!

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

It's Petunia, your dream girl.

It's okay if I say it.

Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..."

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

We're doomed. Doomed!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells?

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Whoopsie-daisy.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

(BEEPS) Tell my mother to pick me up outside Quiznos. That's three dead. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

(RINGING DOORBELL) I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town. Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet!

Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot. Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr. The week I spent hiding in your closet, eating your turds, was the best week of my life.

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh?

Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Escaped? No one escapes.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Bender is falling! Whoa!

Food was good, though.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine. They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her!

Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Now to find Scruffy.

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave.

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Ooh, the new one's out.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

I want to live!

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee!

There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there. What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

I got to check out this brochure.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

No. It must have something to do with those time particles... I used to grow the supermen. Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you

What the... He isn't dead.

Someone toss me out the window!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet. Here we are-- your new home.

What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules.

Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian,

our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING)

Good news, everyone!

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War.

Courtesans and gentle fops,

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there?

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing.

It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

Welcome to Fenway Park, home of the Boston Poindexters, where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes. Hey! You opened a franchise! Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's bean pizza--

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right.

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion.

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one. No!

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things!

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God!

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

(ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No!

Hand me that backup disk.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

Although, on the other hand...

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

(CLAMORING CONTINUES) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis?

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn!

Planet of the Clams.

I hid it in a secret hiding place... whose location I never told anyone, not even Scruffy. So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

Great. You are not going to regret this.

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck!

I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me.

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Computation complete.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me?

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike.

- You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering...

Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing?

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

We just need $11 million.

(ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes.

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles!

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

What in Babylon? no!

Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting. (ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster!

Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity.

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise!

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh!

You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

(BOTH GRUNTING) (CLEARING THROAT) Leela?

Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son?

Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom.

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

What? It was? Hooray!

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

All right! Closure! Oww! Futurama. Noun.

Hmm. Huh? Planet Express Ship? Is that you?

Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood.

Yeah! Then knock yourself out.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages. (FIRING)

There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not.

You can't count on God for jack!

I speak, of course, of karaoke.

What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago. As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur,

I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class. Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities.

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

What is this, Mercury?

We are the robot elders.

Also, good news, everyone!

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

You don't mean that. But I do.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Wait, what's this about Fry?

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Mario not responding!

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

(INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

Who's my favorite robot?

now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes?

Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

That proves it!

When will they learn?

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

That seems fair.

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion.

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow,

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two.

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?!

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office. Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert!

whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Pawn to rook eight.

It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

English - US - Line 21

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations. Yep. I once et there back when I what was a senator.

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding.

Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining?

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest...

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life!

Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package! The Nimbus! We're saved!

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum...

It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us.

What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that. You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah.

With gusto. Aw. So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

I'm still not following you.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown. So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth... That's my name. Don't wear it out.

After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

(GRUNTING) Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction.

Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach.

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired. Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

Give it to him again, Andrew!

into a full-blown religion.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan.

Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing-- You know, as a major Hollywood director I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long!

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone!

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

I can't watch... Enough.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving.

Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No!

Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord."

Are we at the fair yet, Mommy?

bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages!

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket.

Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

Whoa! Told you it was safe.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

(SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

(CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund.

It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

More! More! More! More!

(BEEPING) It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not.

And non-union action! I like ice cream.

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it,

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

- (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions. You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you.

Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor?

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

Get me the president.

Infusing female oil! Removing item.

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking--

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

They smell like burning rhesus monkey.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him? She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

The stock's only worth three kajiggers!

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Like the Kardashians.

Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out.

My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great!

Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this Zoidberg. Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money. Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business. What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer. I'll miss several of you, but I know it's the right thing to do. Please, don't try to contact me down there.

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

No! No! It's tasted human blood!

FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist?

But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him! Whoa!

Esther, you ugly. We have only one option. We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag.

Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you.

Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

What you did to Guenter was cruel.

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do...

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called...

You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that. A half-eaten employee directory. Inspector 5's home address! His ass-ias is gracias!

I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

Is that even necessary?

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove,

Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water?

Because I'm so smart?

Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn.

We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants. For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up.

He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him. Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING)

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING)

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should...

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

Bender, we have to go. There'll never be another like him.

I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela?

banana, banana, banana.

(GRUNTING) What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

To my loyal butler

Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

This calls for a drink.

Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry!

the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

And clean the black parts too.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

(RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios.

I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise.

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't. (ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you? A hidden camera for my bathroom.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

(LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband.

(GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune.

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

Great cow of Moscow!

How we doin'? Remember me! I will. I will.

The costume contest! The costume contest!

The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right?

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go?

Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.

Linda? I can no longer face my children!

She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab,

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

(SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this.

Oxygen. Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth.

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle!

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

(SIRENS WAILING)

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break.

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry.

Flame creature?

Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what?

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes?

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

(GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS)

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us.

(LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you.

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us!

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

Just get out of here. Go!

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither.

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date?

I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long. Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up?

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second.

Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING)

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

I, I've never seen anything like this.

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open. Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card?

No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

We're looking for something that fits in here. Damn it. I should have paid more attention in kindergarten.

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump. Hold on to your helmet.

Wake up, my king.

Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender!

Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect?

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here.

It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics. Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board.

Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to...

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

Oh, God! I'm dead!

(DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby.

Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable.

How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please--

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney? I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV.

Toss it in the garbage.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face.

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

Bam! Ten seconds. Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there...

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh! (SOBBING) Aw, what's wrong? I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that.

Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too?

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

What the-- We missed!

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger.

The murderer. It was...

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova.

Leela, about the wedding-- I don't know what I did to make you love me, and I don't think I tricked you into it, but maybe I did. And if I did, I'm sorry. It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do...

File not found.

one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles. Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper.

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay!

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir!

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

What's happening? I feel weird.

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

I'll fetch my hand tools.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me. The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

Oh, thanks, Bender.

- (STEAM HISSES) - (EXCLAIMS) He heard you! Oh, please. It's probably just the carbonite thawing slightly. Take him down to processing while I stay here and get hooted at.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

Oh, yeah, I get a good feeling about these. "Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad--

It's on my list.

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

(BENDER GRUNTING)

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Stop doing things.

I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing. Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner?

Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh!

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.

Oh, my God! Huh?

All hail the new captain. Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

All right, enough of this.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand.

expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse!

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious.

Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later. I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this.

We're all named Angus.

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it.

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you. Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?

I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

There. It was hard work,

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that!

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents.

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship.

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure.

(ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING) Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling,

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela.

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards?

Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry?

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

All My Circuits is brought to you by...

Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story,

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

(SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

(BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature!

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

Hey, look, Leela.

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm. Ohh! Yack!

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob.

Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING)

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then--

I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing.

It's a life of quiet dignity.

Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach--

pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard! Maybe I have been selfish, hiding my ass under a bushel.

Oh, dear! Oh, yes!

You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening?

That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself. And I said I'd try my very best. But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms. Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine,

Happy New Year!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

Pizza going out. Come on!

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all--

Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee!

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted!

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you!

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again.

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods.

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side, even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me! I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry...

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this? We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

How is this possible?

Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Initiating controlled infection.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere? From within. This ship should be able to sneak, undetected, through the sphere's one vulnerable opening. What vulnerable opening?

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy?

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

Ow! LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies.

And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Psst! Fry, take a dive!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS)

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak.

Happy New Year!

I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true...

The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

I got her! Ow! Oops!

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you!

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke.

Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow! Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

(CATS MEOWING) (STATIC CRACKLING)

My God. It can't be.

(SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy! Need a lift? Oh! Oh! Ooh! Great Mother Mars.

bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

All hail the new captain.

(CRACKLING) (ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means. You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up?

Ah... futuristic.

Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up.

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance.

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning.

I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor...

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited!

Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Stop acting so stupid!

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared.

I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace. - Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire! (MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right.

in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee!

Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes.

Wait a minute. You know lots of rock stars. And most of them like to look like they care about things. We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco. And we can call it "Bend-Aid" after me, Bender. And you can sing that song you're writing. And I'll let you sing backup.

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation...

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot.

Wow. A grim day for robotkind.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

(SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay."

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju-- What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits? Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting...

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it.

You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life.

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this?

Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out. After 40 years, I want to see the world. (SIGHS) What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine

Well, this is it.

And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

I've been hiding it for so long.

Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering...

Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together.

I hope this is the control stick.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Give us back our genitals!

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand!

Okay. My best friend's life is at stake. I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

(LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it.

accuse Bender of polishing his ass with my toothbrush. (GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again!

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses! It's hopeless.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

Am I going crazy?

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

You better believe it!

Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah!

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot. Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

How do you like me now?!

I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady.

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

Hello, peasants.

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization. I think I'll enjoy serving under him. Uh! You know your problem, Fry? You're not ambitious. You should be chief. What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide.

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us!

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations.

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over!

I think it was just an airport.

We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

Now it's my turn maybe?

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

- Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus!

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the...

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go. So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help. Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) (ALL EXCLAIM) Whoa. Wow. AMY: A whole forest grew overnight. (METALLIC CLANGING) All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up.

It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories.

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

Holy night! Intruders!

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace. And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way!

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh!

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin! I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

will you... (SCREAMS)

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

(BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges,

Countess! Countess! Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet?

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody.

I'm just saying, is all.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot?

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job,

Let's try for a twofer.

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet, where your race has lived since the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin?

$15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there? Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream?

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that!

Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister.

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

(LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you."

Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!

Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem. (CHUCKLING)

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease?

oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady Whoo! And the lady is mine she's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love!

Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb!

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Nibbler! Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun.

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends.

Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee!

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks

We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

So far, so good.

Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say?

Let's go already! (OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her.

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

- Marco! - Polo!

Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk?

Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit,

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer...

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy.

Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look. Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos--

On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go. CROWD: Ooh!

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed!

- Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Does not compute.

One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

Eww! It's time to take action.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music?

Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here?

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

You sayin' my son's a Commie?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda.

We live to suck another day!

"You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?"

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared.

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

That's an order, soldier.

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years.

By God, I think the boy's got something.

Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it?

What could possibly--

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right!

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Let's go get drunk.

Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Run program "Kif://3." This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you?

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh.

I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid.

Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING)

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

Yet disaster loomed.

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"?

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe?

There! No rampaging for you tonight.

You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are?

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif!

I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now.

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it.

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Hello? Anybody home?

Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela,

Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar. LEELA: Flight attendant's log.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it! Hey, huh?

Yes, but not by enough.

Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second! Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk!

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

(EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

This is my cloning machine. This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown,

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom,

Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you Now that we've got their attention,

Then how are we going to get in, by bending the bars of this exhaust grate? That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real?

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

It turns out it's man.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere.

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock.

And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

And you are outta here! What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green...

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots. People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave,

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

And I smell bad.

it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Let's go get drunk.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo

They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter! Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass?

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right. I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment.

Draining male oil!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

Wait, I remember this place. They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride. Look.

Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope,

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Something's come up.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

just the way he likes them now?

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us. - What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I--

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho...

It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you.

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler.

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

That's the ego.

Shh. Be very quiet.

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal?

His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection.

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (DOORBELL RINGS)

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes!

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no!

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry.

Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm! (POWER SURGING)

I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

(SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry?

Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV. What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo.

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Oh, my darling. Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together. But behold!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Leela, please tell the others that...

Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh!

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Careful! That's a week old!

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me. Hey, Fry. Amy. Leela. Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

None of your business.

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Bender, what's going...

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship!

As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob?

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure. Now's good. (CRACKLING)

Look what you made me do.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.

(SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus.

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English?

No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this?

Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

(INAUDIBLE) Amazing.

So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

No, but I control this arm.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals,

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy?

Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either. The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born!

would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared.

He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins!

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

There's a toy lodged in my brain We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow! Then shut your yaps and back to work

the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age.

Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron.

That's awful. It's like brainwashing. Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams.

(CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight. No, wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage? Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

except the senior officers, scientists,

Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too.

Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

Oh... Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay. Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o!

Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again,

I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world-- the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.

Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what?

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror,

you realize how much better life is without it. Well, let's see what's on. Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise

(EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it!

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime! But I thought you were terrified of outer space.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great!

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but... Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open.

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor.

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying.

Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

How did this happen?

Harpoon, my ass.

I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter.

This is no ordinary honey!

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners!

Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

There it is Miss Universe

I hope everyone likes eggs.

But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

My name's Marianne. Hello, you!

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been!

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was!

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Here, let me help you.

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms.

What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING)

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why? (ALL SCREAMING)

I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

I had just built my new shipping and receiving emporium, and I scoured the hardware store parking lot to assemble the finest crew imaginable. There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift,

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Maybe there's another way.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened?

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels.

Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have.

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst.

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique. Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV? Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays?

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body... into a tender, delicate form. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey!

An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth. We now go live to the White House lawn, where such things usually land.

(GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis,

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy?

Computer, run program "Kif One."

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you.

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.

Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen,

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although...

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you!

(GROANING) (CHOKING) I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it.

It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream,

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Well, I have studied abroad...

It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

feed your head...

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it.

The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live! (CHEERING) You know what the best part is? From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat,

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No.

Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions.

But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see.

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Hey! What the... May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo?

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy?

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all.

All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

Thank you, Fry.

As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir?

But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting?

You can't own property, man.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby!

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner.

Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine...

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works.

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

What's that, old friend? My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

(CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot!

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells. (GRUNTING)

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING) Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time. So act now! The perfect getaway awaits! That sounds great! Aw, but you can't possibly afford to take me to a place like that. Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun.

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I've got one last thought.

It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero! (ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed,

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love.

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this?

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Besides, I got my own secrets. Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo.

What's this for? Try and scrape it across your chest, like a knife on burnt toast. Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Exquisite choices, sir.

Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya!

Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable?

You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.

I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Mmm. It stinks.

Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

Burning garbage.

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo!

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin.

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing. Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa?

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is?

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me.

With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left.

How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely.

Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

How could you do this? (SOBBING)

What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits? Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting... and my unaccountable brilliance... our paper route now has over a million customers! We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you?

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James.

How do I get out of limbo?

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

She's naked but unharmed.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Whee! We're on-line.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too.

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small--

Futurama is brought to you by...

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry!

As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr. Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot. I'll try to endure. Good. 'Cause I'm not changing it. Now, turn, ye two,

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

(YELLING) (GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING)

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

(HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh!

And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

I like it. I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head.

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe.

Peace! We out! Hey, Bender.

in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are. There is but one being who can resist them--

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break.

Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians...

so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window.

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are.

Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man. Ooh, delicious. This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us...

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Bender is falling! Whoa!

You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

I don't give a grand crap.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery-- This is a song called "My Broken Friend." People say my broken friend is useless

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it.

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me. Ow!

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry,

Those poor 20th-century women.

I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these...

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

I'm so into you. Oh, my!

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor.

What's his problem?

Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky.

(HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real?

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job.

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

What are you talking about?

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

I'm gonna go home and get dinner started. Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

(GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

Come on, Fry. Let's go.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating!

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry.

for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away.

How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings.

Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

That's my favorite kind of "this."

Oh, my, no. Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship.

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men?

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time.

He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Neat. So, where we going?

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister!

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all.

He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye.

Oh! Stop, or I'll shoot! Zoidberg? You can't hunt a Yeti by yourself, sir. It's suicidal!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no!

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous.

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this.

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

I can no longer face my children!

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry,

Fire! Look out!

Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress.

Filings to filings, rust to rust.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

MAN: (THROUGH WALL) Prove it, loser! Well, we should get going. It was great to meet you, though, and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence. Keep up with your studies, huh? What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth, the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused? I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour!

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING) What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you!

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

It's getting late.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY?

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew.

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

My work here is done.

A cuddly baby tapir.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah?

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret!

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Why is the food in your concession stand so old, Mr. Takei? You see, Amy, this used to be the most popular kabuki theater in the entire outskirts of town. But people stopped coming after they built that darned basketball arena.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure.

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you.

In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body? (GIGGLES) Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the U.N. tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything.

That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad...

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?

Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is. Fan beats man!

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Let's recap what's happened so far.

Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter.

Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me. Ow!

Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool?

Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor. But I'll give it a try!

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission!

Yes, sir, many of these entries merit a ride in the mighty bosom of our space shuttle. And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES) Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space?

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone.

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

Oh. Where's the Professor?

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

But I don't think-- Next!

The odor of pure time leaking. When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe. Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah!

Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay.

Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World,

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight? Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

So act now! The perfect getaway awaits! That sounds great! Aw, but you can't possibly afford to take me to a place like that. Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need!

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Well, let's get started.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Yes, I will. Yep! Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home?

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah!

...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

- Forget it. You can't tempt me. - Really? - There's nothing you want? - Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me with things I want. Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like... - to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho. Nothing simpler. And all I ask in return is your hands...

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen.

But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me.

It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles. Want to try it? You know you want to. A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great. I'm not sure. Look, here's my disposable cell phone number. Think it over. Give me a call when you're... Hang on. I got to take this. Hello?

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage!

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

His mind, his memories--

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

Scruffy believes in this company.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Ray-blocking power!

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes.

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

(CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad.

there will be terrible consequences. The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences." If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo.

But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

I can't believe it! I love you!

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers!

There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

Although, on the other hand...

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah!

Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets.

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

You stink, loser.

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no!

But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING) Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh!

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

Winners don't use drugs

I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Yes! The rich get richer.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me.

A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage.

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish.

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers!

(BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

Now, he's wearing a hat!

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please...

Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique. Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV? Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor.

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution.

I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis?

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough.

You kept track of it all these years.

No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

(OWLS HOOTING) I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..."

Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside...

That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror...

(SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either.

Rite my riny retal rass!

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes.

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

How deliciously absurd.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa! Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play.

Well, I didn't know you were back in town.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it!

They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender!

Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot. My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Stupid air-needing lungs.

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING)

Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink!

Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

(KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

(MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Fire me, iffen you dare. Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today.

Incoming wounded.

He's got arm hair.

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone!

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here!

Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right! And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to...

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling.

Haile H. Selassie!

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas? Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet.

(YELLING) (GASPING)

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet.

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true!

Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

Bad news, everyone.

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus!

No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire. Bender, you risked your life to save me.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson.

It turned out I'm not an alien orphan. I'm a mutant with wonderful parents. Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle? Please. It's been a long time.

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day?

So, uh, how's rehearsal going?

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?

All right, enough of this.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder.

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

You guys went obsolete years ago.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off?

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What?

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING)

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING)

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly.

I'll remind you later, you hot stud you.

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama."

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low!

No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show. Can I get anybody a beer? Sure.

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview?

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny."

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

Missed it by that much.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Once and for all, Fry,

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho.

(GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

I-i don't know what to say.

Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable...

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

"The Grumpy Snail."

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no!

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.

A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper,

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

(CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

Hey, rich girl!

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you.

Stop! We'll leave.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos. (SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it?

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

The universe is caught in a time loop.

You look sad. You want to go down to the phone store and check out the new ring tones? No. It's been a weird day. I'm just gonna stay here and think for a while. Okay. (KISSES)

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way.

Aw, what's wrong? I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script,

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

(CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop! Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen?

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Any new business? No.

No! I can't look.

Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends.

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home? Sorry, boy.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right?

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious.

Be very gentle, folks. This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

Off you go, apparently.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

and that's with three E's. Two men on, and they're down to their last out. Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind,

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged."

Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

You look great.

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception...

I'm de-promoting you, soldier.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live!

The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING)

Who do you think you are? God?

File not found.

Look out, Earth.

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

(SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses. Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho! Children, your old mother won't be around forever. Oh, shush.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore!

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender.

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death--

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred...

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody.

I can't believe it! I love you!

to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING) - Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Bender! There. Good as new.

Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone!

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop." It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela.

This grim scene of unimaginable carnage is brought to you by Fishy joe's. Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

Well, that was pointless.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear. (CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean.

I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person.

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers.

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened?

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

Zapp, honey, this is the wrong document. It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign, we destroy their fleet in one glorious burst of quote-unquote self-defense. Up high, Mrs. Brannigan.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him,

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life. With Halley's Comet out of ice,

Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor.

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"?

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it!

It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty?

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

You know you love it, sugar engine.

(EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one.

Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni!

Hospital ho! (GRUNTING)

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place.

You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

I've got the heart of a human. What?

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff!

the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable. Abbot, I need to know, what's the point of living if I don't have free will? Ah! We robot monks have meditated long on this. And we have made our peace.

Now as for economic cooperation... Oh. Excuse me. Attention... all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night.

May I crash on your couch?

(SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant.

It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING) The key is knowing precisely where to strike.

They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight?

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

Two, three... hey.

No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

You owe me one. Whoa.

Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago.

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame! (ALL CHEERING)

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you.

Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

One eye, purple hair. You're Leela!

Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING)

Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger. Does anyone have any questions?

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply.

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that.

And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Wake up, buddy. End of the line. Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela?

Do the Bender! Do the Bender!

So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie?

Ah, Wade Boggs. Goes down smooth. Look, I don't wanna be in this exhibit. That's why I need your help-- so I can be one tiny iota less pathetic than you. Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick!

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw.

Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. Ah. Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt!

That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys. (ALL GASP) No! They did it!

We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy.

All right, people... And other things. We got some big deliveries coming up, so... Your attention, please. I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today. We gather here every day. I hereby, in front of all of you, accuse Bender of polishing his ass with my toothbrush.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out?

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too?

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Precious hamburgers?

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted,

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon.

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid. No. Wait.

Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had, both on the beat and in the sack. (SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

He's doing it again.

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha!

Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point.

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us.

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING)

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you.

Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING) What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what?

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

Well, I'm rich.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt?

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Uncle Vladimir!

surrounded by bums who eat garbage?

Perhaps, like all great men, my ass has a destiny. And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What?

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

You have pressed two.

What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds, others call a pleasant jaunt in the park. The first thing. Come see for yourself. Join me on the morrow as I embark on my maiden hunt. (WHIPPING) I said join me!

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon. This is the brass ring, fellas.

Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Hey, these aren't Xmas trees.

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

(BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

(BOTH CHEERING)

Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Whatever. It doesn't really matter.

The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

His life's in danger.

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun.

I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful.

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for.

We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up! Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Surprise. (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man,

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam!

(GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

Waaah! What the--

I got 48 cents. (GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2.

Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building. Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell! (GASPS) The ship that sank in that horrible space storm? Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

Says you, salary-man. Behold the dance of peace.

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes? Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

Restrain the specimen.

So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew!

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately! But first, celebrity buzz. Linda? (LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle.

He's still alive!

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag.

No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

$10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10.

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting...

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper.

Fry has got to go.

I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing?

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job!

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer. I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking. Daisy, daisy

Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow!

Ah! More meat than a cow!

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

You mind taking your head off?

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers.

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators. You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink!

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page.

But it's so round, so hideously round.

They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i?

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Get in the tube, dummy.

just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain.

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit,

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

So what's your problem?

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

(FRY SHRIEKS) Run, boy! Run!

What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS) (BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY)

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Clamps, here are your new clamps.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

(BOTH EXCLAIM) Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains.

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance.

Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING) (CRY OF SURPRISE) Yeah, baby! 210 proof.

That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying?

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?

Take that, you twit! No, stop it! That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship.

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon?

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable?

I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Kind of lonely, though? Maybe?

He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings.

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

Is that all you got? Hyah!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

But us guys from under the red sun, we're like... Right? Am I right?

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer. Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship!

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie...

I'm enjoying the casino business. You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Then along came Bender. Hmm?

And she lived in a magical one-room... Castle? Yeah, if you believe the listing agent. Anyhow, one day, the princess went off to tell a story. And then, that's exactly what she did do, that.

All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps,

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough.

You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words.

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O!

but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh!

The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in...

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

No. You'll only make them feel bad.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING)

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this?

(BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million. And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum.

Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all.

Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet,

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING)

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

(TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa! Bender!

Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Oh, it haunts my memory still.

Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Hey, I know that guy.

I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

BENDER: Okay, Leela, decision time. How do we murder the guards? Hockey sticks or sharpened footballs? We're not murdering anyone, Bender. Then how are we going to get in, by bending the bars of this exhaust grate? That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time, like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit?

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle.

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord.

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

Who said that? (SNICKERS)

So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something?

Oh. How about this one?

What does it do?

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP)

Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it.

Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what?

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong. Say, what's this? Anyone hear something? It's a coin slot.

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Maybe the best there ever was.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick.

Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me. Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

You guys scored some primo stuff here.

It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

in our escapades. Aye!

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say,

A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding?

(MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

That's all. Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers.

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

What's with Monstro?

Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks.

and also, Jane Fonda was there.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger!

free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks. But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you?

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again,

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab.

Right after Bender was there for a workshop. And don't forget that vampire bank where the robot keeps his hero medals in a safe deposit box. Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL)

America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Hey, Bender, isn't that Calculon? Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera. Can I get a big picture? (SIGHS) Well, I was just airbrushed this morning, so all right.

This is the happiest day of my life!

(ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations,

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir.

La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund. So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? What little there is to be had. Tomorrow night at 8:00 then. Smooches. Mwah!

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That! (ALL EXCLAIMING) A one-eyed princess in a long, flowing tank top.

It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters?

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending.

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Now's good. (CRACKLING)

Hey, where's my shoes?

Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Fine. I'll be back in a few days. Man, I hate those new 1-X robots.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

- Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

He wears sandals.

You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man?

That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line! Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this?

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

performing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet, seven-time Oscar runner-up, Calculon! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) (CLAPPING SLOWLY)

That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um--

No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS) Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh!

And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you. It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes!

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL) (GRUNTS)

Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year!

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong?

roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat. (GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council...

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Cheer up, meat bag.

and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

We're not murdering anyone, Bender.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will,

Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that! (BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you!

Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago.

The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes."

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian. (CREW SCREAMING)

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

I think this chart will answer that.

She'll be along any minute.

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

I'll save one of you!

(MONITOR BEEPING) (MUSIC CONTINUES)

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food.

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Where is the great fountain? What makes it so great? Why does a robot need a codpiece? Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already. Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... (GROANING)

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto--

No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship. Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land. Roger.

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters.

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care.

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See?

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

their rich, tasty courage.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.

But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks.

When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out,

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth! Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem.

(SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony. Who is this non-Washington redskin? I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

(PANICKED CLAMORING)

Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company! Terrific. Question number one-- What was your overall business plan? Business plan, uh, yes.

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball...

All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser.

Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to.

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place.

But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?

But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death.

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety.

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

We'll have to bring her around again.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes,

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter... As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away. Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry.

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

I want my Earth shows!

How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more!

Get them! I mean, seize them!

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well! Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS)

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that?

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory.

your keister is doing good.

Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a--

What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

I love stealin' I love takin' things That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings.

That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away.

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool.

Maybe blasting this quadrant of space... into a hellstorm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little. Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance. Actually, I think I'll go down and prep the detonator. Fry, why don't you take the helm?

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits... will hold an open casting call for child robots to replace him.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car.

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me?

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh. Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

No. A tax-deductible mission of charity. This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue.

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot. I'll try to endure. Good. 'Cause I'm not changing it. Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at?

And the winner is... Miss Vega Four. There it is Miss Universe

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag,

Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe.

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass.

And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear!

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

We take them to our leader. She know what do.

Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd.

that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one!

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo.

Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

(GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian.

If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her.

I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it.

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

(POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

'Cause your song was insincere, boy.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me?

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball?

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier?

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore.

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky.

It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

(SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Care to dance? Well, you know I love dancin', but you always hated it. In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you. Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats?

there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

My gonopores! Look it up.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive!

MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash?

Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey!

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Written and xeroxed.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert.

Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

Forget about it.

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that.

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will.

Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic... Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene.

(SIREN WAILING)

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now.

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was--

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child.

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad?

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

I had no idea the company would be sold!

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him?

What's the rent on one of these jars?

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too.

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING) A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.

No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

You folks watch your genitals now.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful.

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no.

And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

Lay it on us, big boots.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later. Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor?

but then we have no memory of it.

My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead.

But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead,

you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

They're all... But us guys from under the red sun, we're like... Right? Am I right? Oh, yeah, he's right.

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said. Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you!

Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not. Well, the doomsday device is ready.

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

Now, may I please have that cheese log? O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

- What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy.

Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes.

but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling?

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

(SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that?

Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans.

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh?

Don't eat my butt!

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING)

Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this?

Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer.

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller.

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

One two! one, two, three!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

This world is horrible.

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING)

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you.

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you.

number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago.

Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times,

Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A." Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror.

The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking,

Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is...

Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners.

So, please, vote yes.

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.

It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die.

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

And now you're asking for a day off?

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

Surely you know McNeal.

The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

Look out. He's got a gun!

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door!

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope!

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes! Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom! Interestingly, the Spidarians...

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray.

I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING)

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks!

You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me. (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

But Mom said-- You heard me.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean?

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain.

Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale. Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh!

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world. Well, in a three-block radius. Of all time!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go?

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex...

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

(SCREAMS) Something's wrong! Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override!

The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body,

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

Please do not feed the animals!

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.

Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it...

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit!

Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park. Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here,

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

You mean Doohan?

Ooh, that's snug.

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown.

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing.

There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

an A-minus-minus!

People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

Hey, guys. We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days. No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

Far out. That head gave me a total head trip! Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head! Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

(GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you? Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll. Don't be silly. Zapp's a perfect gentleman. And so handsome. Did you know he wears a velour man-skirt?

Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning? It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect. It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

What's your name?

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

I'm scared and confused.

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh!

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm? All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here.

No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar? What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark?

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

He's doing it again.

(GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her.

35, you stupid meatball!

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door,

20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show.

Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city.

Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us. We're saved!

(EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow!

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm.

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene?

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho!

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

You, too? Will you be my friend?

For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms.

He's walking on sunshine now.

Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen?

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient.

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser.

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan?

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman

Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw.

causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

(WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go!

but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING) Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing. Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off.

On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield,

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah!

with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern.

Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon. Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?

You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir?

Behold the dance of peace.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more!

Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke?

Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard!

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Scruffy, a janitor.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Lost control of the ship!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen! Damn!

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor.

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom?

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone. Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right. You shouldn't have.

Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi.

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick!

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

What is this, high school?

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad?

The sun, the sea air, good friends...

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

(DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) I think there was something wrong with that rotten shrimp. Stop griping. Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe, especially the little metal box. That's the most valuable thing of all.

At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No!

Who are you, and why should I care?

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%.

Take me now, you stud!

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

What turned them to stone? Da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines. Uh-oh. Nibbler died in the wall.

Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate,

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on!

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink.

Now with the horror hair.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it!

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up!

I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have. Coilette, I'd like to spend some... quality time with you.

(WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Shotgun! Aww! In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

(COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING)

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh.

You mean-- I'm sorry.

Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor.

I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh. Can I have a refund now?

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Whoa! My home! It burned down!

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble.

Welcome home, old friend.

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry.

Yay! Calculon's back!

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out.

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

(SCOFFS) There is no controller.

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

The spoon's in the foot powder. I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us,

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter,

I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service.

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth,

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Farewell. Noooo!

Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me.

Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor."

if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis,

My work here is done.

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper,

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid--

I used this very fork.

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal.

I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants! They're real.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

(SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile!

No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty.

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

That heavenly stench. More.

Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah!

Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Who are you monsters?

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

Bring it on, baby!

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

Yes! Front row!

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they--

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again?

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol!

Now you'll never know how much I love you.

In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING) So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here.

You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here.

of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

Great Cheech's ghost!

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Flies, flies and gorillas!

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

"Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before?

Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory?

From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything!

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard?

Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been?

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Take whichever one you want.

No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine,

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck.

Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers!

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine?

Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat."

And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING) So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there.

Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back!

Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants.

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet. Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh.

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

(CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

Everybody wins!

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks.

Who are you? This is my wife, Darlene. We met at the 99 cent store. You're married? Wait a dang minute. One eye, purple hair. You're Leela! The crazy one that Sean dumped. It was mutual!

What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you,

I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Happy birthday!

Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture. Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that.

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

(ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

MAN ON TV: Coming this fall. Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past. I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen. And some cops get help from angels. Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something!

(STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face.

You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst.

(STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm...

So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system.

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky. I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.

We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

We're whalers on the--

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Commence purity chant.

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor? Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become.

So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Kiff, clear my schedule. I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm.

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know.

Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

In any case, I'm off.

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs.

So, it's a stone. Is it real?

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for,

I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun.

All right! I'll go!

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this!

(GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready?

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute.

Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good.

It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger.

It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it,

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity!

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya.

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun. Kif, you did it!

(THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go?

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev.

Freedom, freedom, freedom

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic.

Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper. No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time. See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me!

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby.

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

We're back, baby!

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society.

Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle--

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe.

Huh? I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down?

Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it."

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally.

Well, I guess we better clean up these millions of hearts.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77--

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds.

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions!

Oh, I just wish I understood why.

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back.

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, guys. Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat!

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Are you people satisfied?

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING) How... How did it go? Just perfect.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

(SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

$30? I can't afford that.

No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion. We're here. I followed the bouncing balls. I'll keep the chopper at a safe altitude while you parachute down. Okay. My best friend's life is at stake.

ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity.

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside...

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY. Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding.

(IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about.

That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher!

There it is, the stately capitol of Fry's bowel-- a heavily guarded fortress surrounding the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special.

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey... These are mighty tasty.

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it.

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

Ah, again with the orphanarium.

Don't leave me hanging, Mrs. Brannigan. I come from the sewer, but that is low. I'm not going to translate your lies. Munda, dear, as your captain and soon-to-be husband, I gave you an order. Now, let's tell these vicious lies and get back to our sacred vows. There's not going to be any wedding. I don't want your fancy ring.

For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

The secret was scratchin' really, really hard.

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one. Poor Bender. Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes.

(GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say?

Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped!

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness. "Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?!

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING)

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it!

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless.

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided. Dad...

What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0.

I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us!

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six, home of the quantum lichen people. Well, that explains that. They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey.

(SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director.

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

What about what?

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

A test! I demand a test! Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful,

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you.

I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?

Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat.

(GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Paul, we talked about this. Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again. We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

Old? Don't call me old.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

"The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me!

Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Can you help me?

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats.

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped!

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl. Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

I feel like a princess!

I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler?

Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my.

You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

(BELL TINKLING) To my friend, Bender.

But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

Did you know he wears a velour man-skirt? (GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk. The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you.

The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

Needless to say, I was mortified.

Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank. Or the day I scraped your D.N.A. from that growth on my back. Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork.

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

Item one... Duck! (YELLS)

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Welcome aboard.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

(SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins.

Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

Check it out, everyone. I'm back from hell, and I've got the Robot Devil's hands! Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers, perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so.

Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not?

Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy.

and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Where did they go?

(BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time. I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Come ons, comes on!

I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

We were defeated in battle.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester.

And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream,

For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean,

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but your friends are a bunch of freaks. Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job.

Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There.

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast?

What the hell's been going on around here? Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days.

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender!

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it.

Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock. So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

(WHISPERING) Keep going.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

(BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer!

(ALARM BEEPING)

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Ah, just as I thought. The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface.

I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious.

Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

(BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob?

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

Free soda for all humans!

Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass.

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING)

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique. Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV? Um, we're 12, so, yes.

Hey, there she goes in the genuine.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it?

We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English.

That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you.

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano.

Ah, I've heard better.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet! Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep.

- I'll take four! - Me too!

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van.

It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence. Take care of him, but do it quietly. Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp.

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together.

Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end.

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still. Let's blow this tomb.

Now get out there and prove her wrong. Beth said that? Ahad. Steim. Shalosh!

Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Hey, Leela, look at me!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron.

Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it.

How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the U.N. tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything. So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots...

Who the hell are you?

So... how's business?

Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants!

It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy!

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

(LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram.

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time

MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew!

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar. Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven.

I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it.

Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking.

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die?

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh!

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

Look! I barely exploded at all.

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will.

Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Yay! Versus The Foreigner.

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die?

I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy. On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart?

I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

I can't help noticing a lot of your employees are native Martians. Yeah, they a proud, grouchy people. (GROWLS) Well, they do work for minimum wage in a land that was once theirs. Yeah, but they never made wise use of the land. When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here,

History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Bender, is that thou?

Get me the president. Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going?

Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world. Well, in a three-block radius. Of all time!

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles. That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand.

(ALL HONKING) (SIGHS) The open road! Not a ship ahead of me. (ENGINES REVVING)

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley,

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

(SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom. Boo! More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

(SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up.

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little.

Tell them I'm in the tub.

What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh! Aha!

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Now I'm all you got!

Girls, girls, girls At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow.

We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING)

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there?

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep.

And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

I think I got whiplash.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone. Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security...

"Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet. Good morning!

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

tell them right now.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date.

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst!

Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going.

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

(GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself.

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord!

Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

It's not starting.

(SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day.

He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks!

I never said I wasn't a drama queen. And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses.

Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

All we care is we have grandchild now.

Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn!

Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him.

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh! Aha!

And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible.

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise

That's a very good question.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon. You're all terrible and incompetent. I resent that.

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

10.77-- same as my PIN number.

We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything?

Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks,

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."

Yes, it's been lovely. Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw...

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming! I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this.

Shut up, Zoidberg.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents?

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful.

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

You can't hit what you can't see. Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)</