comb.io - Clips

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

- Never! - Never! Never!

(GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC)

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

They blew it up!

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

The Art of War.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Go to hell, old man!

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor.

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Dear Captain's Diary--

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

I promise nothing!

What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide. All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better.

Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

I have something for you. A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other!

The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

You're all fired.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts,

You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby!

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Case in point, no more live bees.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor.

Never! My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken!

I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now!

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No! So, we're cool?

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot?

Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

And you are outta here!

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you!

Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave.

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire!

Hmm. I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. (GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

I am your friend... Bonder.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.

Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move.

Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend.

Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

I'm going to go kill myself.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest!

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything!

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney?

(CACKLING) (GASPS)

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them?

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes.

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

We are the Cruds, but we're over here.

That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

I'm back, baby!

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him...

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes."

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Enough friendly banter.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING)

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No!

Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa!

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

I recently upgraded my funk card.

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest.

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

See you then! We're back for our time machine!

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow! Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win...

What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep.

But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

(SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office,

and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

And you are outta here!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again.

By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try.

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor,

Where's Billy? Farewell.

Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head,

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Silence, puny audience!

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then.

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

"It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be.

The Gender Bender! Boo!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS)

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

(BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities.

An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

Now let's all go take a nap!

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Application for ingress approved.

Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous!

I'd like to return these for a refund. Don't worry. They're (SNIFFLES) unused. Oh, I'm sorry. I get so little business I can't afford refunds.

200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura.

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

I assign me. I accept.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

Mind your own business and get out!

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you.

30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

ooh! An inauspicious start...

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight. A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations!

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh. Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this!

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied!

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

I request a satanic funeral.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Until time stops. What?

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Everybody kill everybody!

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button."

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Behold... the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him.

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would. Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you?

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet? I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it!

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

- They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers.

Help! I'm under attack!

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up!

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds!

(SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

To the torture cave!

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

There, little friend. Good as new.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here?

No! It's unbearable!

They found out I work with humans, and--

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed.

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer, we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for?

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Show us this... the wheel.

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

How long have you been at it? 700 years. We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer.

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine.

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home. You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

Hold him down. Check.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box.

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap!

I'm lying to make her feel better.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.

"dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

(GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship! Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy.

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

(SCREAMS) Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

of perfect flavor.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke?

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool? I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

None too soon. While you were gone, the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs. Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%.

(ZAPP YODELING)

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here.

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

(GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

ergo, they are legally the same person.

Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

Are the pizza muffins ready?

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye.

We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey!

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

- Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain,

Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

One, two! one, two, three!

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting?

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

And, instead of the fifth guy--

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

(SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah!

a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun.

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new?

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers,

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

Hey, the TV's getting away!

I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Honey, we all do. But fair is fair. Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger.

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because--

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food.

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough! Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony.

I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

(ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela.

Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili. Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network. Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots.

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught.

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Taking all bets!

We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000?

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Robot Porno Theater?

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you. He loved science and was desperate to go to college. He even looked a little like you.

That's my fiancÉe, Mildred.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

(SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day.

Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic.

This is the brass ring, fellas.

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

Nice try, little boy.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates. Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something.

Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

No. We do have concept of ownership.

Bring on the one called "Leela."

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting.

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! Oh!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing.

Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

(CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware.

What a nice lady.

You invest this penny like you wanted.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did. Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station?

This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha. (SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's...

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

I am Darth Stroyer. Darth Stroyer? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. Let's hear the rest. Darth Trocious. Darth Sploder. Darth Urderer. Darth It-head.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero!

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans!

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl.

It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Live bait. Get your live bait here.

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow! Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

It is... acceptable.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

What's that weird sound?

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here.

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic.

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon.

Someone toss me out the window!

I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof.

the one my family kept secret for centuries. (LAUGHS) This is the original contract signed by Reginald Wong. It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for 100 years, after which it was supposed to revert to the Martians.

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds.

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla! Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already.

Then it wasn't space banditos.

Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow!

I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity.

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

Hello? This is Flexo.

Very observant, Professor.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you? First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting.

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

Noooo! She's gone.

All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns. He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?!

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

I'm just too busy. Edna.

For this highly Controversial mission, you'll be towing the juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter. Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak. Impossible. The tanker has 6,000 hulls.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

Stop acting so stupid!

I am not under stress, damn it!

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

You the kind of sap I like.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING)

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool,

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

And I remembered the last time I was truly happy.

But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too!

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

I left my window open, and moths got in.

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going!

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will

Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off.

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive. Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot.

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

She'll be coming around the mountain

Uh-huh. Amy Wong. And you are? Mad at Wong family.

How did this happen? That's a very good question.

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest!

The Cavern on the Green.

could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks.

I don't have time for this shazbot.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

(LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost.

Caucasian human male.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela.

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots...

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay?

What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code.

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING)

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

A true inspiration for the children.

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

Had enough? I thought so.

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

of the mud planet Decapod 10!

Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

I can't believe you're gone.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.

It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS)

We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you? Uh, in a small way, yes. But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Happy New Year!

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving.

under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse.

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew.

Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

It's so huge. How big does one of those things get?

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Oh, God, just kill us already.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

(ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Now, may I please have that cheese log? O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Fire! Look out!

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Oh. How about this one?

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

It's all lies, every word of it.

Bad news, everyone.

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Want to get married and whatever?

Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt!

Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

All that matters is what I learned here,

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth,

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity,

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building?

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

That's my robot! I own him!

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

What have I done?

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

Whatever. It's time I made a man out of you. Right here, today, while I'm not missing anything good on TV. Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

I don't cook much since we moved out of reality.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

All right. That's a wrap, everybody. I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya.

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl.

What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

I'm literally angry with rage!

we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more: Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

(TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion,

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

(BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you!

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot,

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words." Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village.

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks?

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood.

Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Good news, everyone.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling.

Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots,

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

And you are outta here!

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless.

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

And non-union action!

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney? I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us.

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

Ah... Again, again.

Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home. Yeah.

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on?

What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too.

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime.

Ow! Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg.

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

Time heals all wounds.

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan. Oh! If only I could read lips.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want!

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

Robots are made from old beer cans.

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Was his apartment rent controlled?

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Isn't it obvious? You are.

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up?

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

My God, is it possible?

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

We'll have to bring her around again.

Oh! If only I could read lips.

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Wait. What's that?

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit.

(RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic.

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is!

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer... MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

- But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.

Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother.

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell?

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why?

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded. Okay, neck, tap, tap,

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe.

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Oh, don't get me started.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that?

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters!

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

You know, let's just say it's heads. Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Shut up and get to the point!

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart.

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again?

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

It's just for a package delivery service.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say. So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

Skipper, we're losin' the crowd. Put in our new novelty act, Leela. Nagdaggit! I already put in the circus clown! Yeah, but he bunted. Clowns are only funny when they swing away. Your attention, please. Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela,

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

That was a disgusting story.

have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm! My fellow Earthicans,

That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

They're the cure-all that cures a lot!

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean,

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Flexo? What's goin' on?

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

I have amnesia!

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection?

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child do it again

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage!

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

Maybe later. I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss. (EXCLAIMS) I didn't need to hear that. No, and you don't need to see this.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Go back to the castle, Sandy.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

Fry, are you there? Huh?

a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag.

(SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie,

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn.

(SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists,

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender.

that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day?

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh.

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents.

Pleasant trip. Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Oh, my God. What the...?

all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Ah-roo. Maybe so.

Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

Tell them I hate them.

LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38! Jump!

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Scruffy's work here is done.

It's getting late.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha.

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

Baconated grapefruit?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit. A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark?

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go. I'm your top of the line, Mom.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

(GASPS) You're a human?

All right, let's get this party ended.

but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert.

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

Coming, gigantums!

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here.

How does a robot join this monk outfit? Just put on this monk outfit.

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world.

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw. So that's the situation.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid...

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender?

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that?

That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer!

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

It's on. (GRUNTS)

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time! This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch! Cut! That was terrible!

And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it.

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

Whoo! And his name is?

I'll avenge you, master.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

(SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person? Uh-oh, jealousy.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing.

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

A cigar! Ripping.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope.

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio?

Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe,

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.

You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Ah! Those were happier days. Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them! Oh, I'm so bad at this.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

Leela, no means no.

Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

I bid you adieu.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once.

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol?

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name?

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark.

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king.

And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

We only have three women on staff...

- Hee-ya! - Ooh!

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

(BLARING) What's that? Did they pick a new Pope?

I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm.

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly.

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Pizza delivery for, uh...

Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts? Ah.

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us!

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

Initiating controlled infection.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

(TRAIN HONKING)

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall?

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive. So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth...

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish.

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts.

(GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards,

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus.

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

He wears sandals.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

you created an alternate future.

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts.

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night?

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

I said not now! Sure, I know a guy. (CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

It's too low! Quick!

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me.

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion.

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot! - What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship! We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea."

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

forever and ever

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Your mama's so ugly!

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Fire me, iffen you dare.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum!

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic. Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself.

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle!

And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help!

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Burning garbage.

I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.

takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay. You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time.

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

(SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

I'm dying of thirst.

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either. The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed.

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands. Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu!

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum?

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong!

Death to the men!

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender?

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

From those humble beginnings,

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

(PLANET EXPRESS APPROACHING)

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what?

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

All right, let's set it up and try again.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young.

Must kill all...

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

I just pray they like me half as much as I do. I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Oh. I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind?

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you.

Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Sound Effects 5000,

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it?

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you!

Everyone get in bed with me.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed.

Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

(BOTH CRYING OUT)

You're worthless, and no one will ever love you!

Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni. Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a--

of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship.

No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Here he is! Come and get him!

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this!

Let the punishment commence!

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke. You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears!

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts?

Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone,

got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington.

Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab.

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

That's the best thing I ever saw.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

We'll have to bring her around again.

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

What's that, old friend? My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

Yes! Here I come, future!

Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right.

Take a lean back and enjoy life.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here. All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Is this the political process?

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Women only room!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

Ready? Retreat!

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us...

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

For you, my friend? Anything.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Who's that singing at your wedding?

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

No, you're not getting it.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language?

Correct. This box contains our own universe!

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him.

But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking...

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species!

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem.

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning?

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

Want to go around again?

Let us handle this, weirdie.

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela!

Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. Oh, my swollen feet.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

What? Twenty-seven.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

I'm going to allow this.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do!

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Sweet gorilla of Manila!

De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well.

That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

What is your purpose here? Huh? All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

Take your hands off me.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice.

I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here,

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots. People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave,

We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Eating the flag is bad!

Who's kicking who around now? Knock, knock.

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

I'm in tremendous pain here.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Oh. That's a little bright.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

I died doing what I loved.

Suicide booths.

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time.

That's not good enough.

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty.

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

Professor, you did it.

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

If I understand ice fishing, and I'm pretty sure I don't, we'll need to laser-blast a hole in the ice. No, no crazy technology. Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength to drill a hole the old-fashioned way. I don't see any irony in that.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

My God. It's full of ads.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

Sure, I know a guy. (CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

The new eyePhone is wonderful.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Me crush with club.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping.

Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body!

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater.

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

Get him! My thong!

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

(SNEEZES) Uh-oh!

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril.

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle? Please. It's been a long time.

Amy should be dating real man-- like him. I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side.

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to...

You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man. Behold the dance of peace.

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Who put this in here? No!

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans.

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

Sign the paper.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

There. Give it a try.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo!

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail!

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

Bad news, everyone.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

What do I care what you think?

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender.

Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Team assembled!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before?

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized.

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

The dominant male, or "beachmaster," maintains a harem of up to 50 females. Okay, harem, let's get to it. Form an orderly heap on top of me. I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face.

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we?

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

For starters, only use quality ingredients. Case in point, no more live bees. Oregano works equally well. And when you put pizzas in the oven, don't get in with them. Hey! Occupato. Most important of all is the big-screen tv.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever.

What's that? War were declared.

Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

It does sort of class-up the place.

Some sexy, arousing bread.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something.

Smite someone who deserves it for once.

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you.

that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement.

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff.

(MUFFLED YELLING) (ROOSTER CROWING)

Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working.

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

(EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going?

Just stwoke its fwuffy fur.

Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money. Loosen up. You can't take it with you. Now, I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me.

Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things. Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

There's no booze and only one hooker.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right.

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have,

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm.

I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost?

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

Those were dark times.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

My precious head! Oh!

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine?

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically,

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Decisions I made

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy!

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci?

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

One, two. One, two, three.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

You are not the one we want.

You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.

You'll shred me into a zillion...

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at.

Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors...

(BUZZING) (GROANS) (ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones!

This creature tried to sand-crab into the building.

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

More! More! More! More!

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

Permission to come aboard?

I will now perform my people's native dance.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon?

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!

Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em. I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything?

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go...

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Hello? Anyone? I guess it's just us for all eternity.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Where are we? Also, when are we?

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot.

the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor?

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Daddy done good, huh?

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true--

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

(MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.

So, heads or tails?

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain,

Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Although we are technically in New jersey.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts.

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah?

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter?

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Fry, you're my friend.

Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac. Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos--

Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway?

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

I'll put on my tutu.

I still got it!

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

Death to the 1-X robots!

Damn, that's a good costume.

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

They know our disgusting secret!

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Well, hello there, handsome.

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

That story was preposterous.

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond. Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. T