comb.io - Clips

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me.

No, no, no, no, no! Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen.

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

(MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

I'm burning to death!

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is?

after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer!

Look out for the next thing!

Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir. Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Run program "Kif://3." This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

I amuse myself.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry.

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive.

General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing!

After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING) I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

(BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em.

What? It was? Hooray!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again.

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee! Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die?

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Do not compute!

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

You cheater. Break his neck!

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids.

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth!

It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

Come! Your destiny awaits!

Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

I think the view's perfect already. Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom. Wait. In a minute. A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities,

I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

I'm just too busy. Edna.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

I request a satanic funeral.

but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Women only room!

Shut up, damn it!

No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core!

I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute.

Fry, look what you did.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha--

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me.

Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

It is I, Pickles.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God! Oh, how could Amy leave me?

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so. I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient.

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years?

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go.

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Wait, that's not me.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Does it look stupid?

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

I didn't create anything. I stole it.

No. No! N-O-O-O!

We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler!

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

We were defeated in battle.

Well, that was pointless.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

Look out, a solar flare!

(ALL SHUDDERING)

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh.

Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch.

Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes!

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity?

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Pet it. Pet it.

Fry, do you remember some months ago... - when Earth was attacked by flying brains? - Hmm. I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy. On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then!

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela.

I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please?

Yo, ABBA, what's that next door? That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination?

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh?

Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect!

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century.

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats.

I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Hmm. It all sounds good.

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what?

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

What are you? Blind?

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING)

(ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry.

Where's Billy? Farewell.

Ah... Again, again.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh!

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit!

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

Oh, crud. Every time!

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer.

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah!

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing?

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Lovely. Just lovely.

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting.

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to.

Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

You do not, you big, fat liar.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Animals, attack! Please do not feed the animals!

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

That's it! Happy birthday!

He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I.

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself?

It's not starting.

Ready to catapult, Sinclair!

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Squidification? If you say so.

Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

The name's Bender.

Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know,

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying.

three, four, five, six--

I'm back, baby.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as...

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery, the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth. Thank you.

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound?

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

What, now there's a bird involved?

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians! Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

But this is creationist talk. He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP)

Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago. just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis?

"You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry.

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him!

Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

(LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short--

Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived...

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

We love it here.

We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke."

Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Steady. Steady. Now!

(SOBBING) Earth is gone!

I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

Is the Space Pope reptilian?

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

"Does not compute"?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered...

Yes! He looks radiant.

Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Okay, now I'm mad.

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Let's all go to the lobby.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company?

(FIRING) (SCREAMS) Go, me!

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

(ALARM RINGING)

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught.

A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now,

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who?

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Did you hear a noise? Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal,

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

What crawled up his Geritol?

Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm.

These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray.

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not!

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career!

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

A cuddly baby tapir.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

If that is your Freedom Day wish. Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere? From within.

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see?

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second?

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Let's go already!

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs.

Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back.

I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

(ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

Well, then, lose some weight.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not?

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS) Bloods on the Mobius strip.

I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute.

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

Hey, big lobster Take a little bath with me

FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions,

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000?

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

Those poor 20th-century women.

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you. But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

Ah, fame. Where do I come in? This fame film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your doctor money. So, are you in? Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork!

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Let the hunt begin!

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said,

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

We'll have to bring her around again.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out! (GUN COCKING) (BOTH SCREAM) Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face, and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate.

I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer. Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender."

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement.

No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell,

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us?

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you. There must be people somewhere.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

We'll have to bring her around again.

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah! You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you?

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

That's tasty. Too tasty.

Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you. Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife. Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball. Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them. Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special.

Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself?

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

I will go this far and no further. And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network. Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees. Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell,

Women only room!

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

You may feel small pain.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration,

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime

Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP)

I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

(SIGHS) I was going to tan once. What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera.

I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie. Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great.

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad?

I'm going to jump!

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better.

(BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon.

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh!

Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out."

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input.

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me. Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely...

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me!

All glory to the hypno-toad.

Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such,

What is it? I burned my finger.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office.

And this time I mean it!

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint.

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice.

On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners.

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

(GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Like anyone wants to leave the sewer. Am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics."

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king.

Bite my colossal metal ass.

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

Now's good. (CRACKLING)

(WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please.

Holy night! Intruders!

This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him. Oh, stupid TV. Bender.

That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book.

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one,

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh?

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers. Cheers.

You'll like being dead.

Ahhh! I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment. Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food?

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time?

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

Steady. Steady. Now!

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser!

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Let's blow this tomb.

All right, then.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand?

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Whatever. It's time I made a man out of you. Right here, today, while I'm not missing anything good on TV. Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr.

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom!

Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them.

so long as they only wear light, skimpy outfits. It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class.

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace.

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts?

Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

(GASPS) Bada-boing.

Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining!

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC)

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles!

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder.

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

It's Benderin' time.

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

My precious head! Oh!

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum!

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Ain't you heading home, Phil? In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one.

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned. Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook,

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right?

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that?

(BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

(GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto? Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law.

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me.

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she?

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

You a big dummy!

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING)

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon.

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

I mean, only one eye.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

None of your business! Get off my back!

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce!

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime.

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds.

There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage,

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Exactly. I use those all the time in my music. Bender, I want you to become my new washboard player. All right! Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love. Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry!

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender, the newest member of our paparazzo family. Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall?

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way.

Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones?

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

There's no right way to hit a woman.

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

There has been quite a rash of fires lately. First at the podium where Bender got his medal. Then that house next door to Bender's favorite strip club. Robot Hell had a fire, too. Right after Bender was there for a workshop. And don't forget that vampire bank where the robot keeps his hero medals in a safe deposit box.

But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat.

Let's just say a little bird told me.

And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

I'm going to allow this.

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig.

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Lay it on us, big boots.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! Leonardo, stop!

I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

I took a nappie!

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow!

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. So, Leela you must've had your pick of the litter last night at closing time. Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me.

What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

We couldn't let you end up like your older brother. That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert!

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion.

I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot!

Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa!

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage.

A land I didn't make up

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff.

I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Yes. And I'm happy to see you. And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Whoopsie-daisy.

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories. He wouldn't even remember who you are. (GRUNTS)

Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous!

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

(PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you.

Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it.

Okay. I'm happy!

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Two, three... hey.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

Die, you dirty giraffe!

I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Three, two, one.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Smells like strawberries.

Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Wait. That's not good news at all.

Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me.

Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal.

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

Lousy, stinking rip-off.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

(LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

This is all my fault.

He's a whale biologist.

in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you? Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that?

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

Four more years! Four more years!

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud.

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

(GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING) Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens?

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No!

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy.

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm."

Time up-ooh! The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living

There were no survivors.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry.

Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

My God. It's so... repulsive.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him!

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown. So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me?

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister!

Bender would never share. The very idea!

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

Does that dummy have a brother? And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh!

Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

'Sup? Kids ready?

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold.

Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

I got a real big mouth

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse.

Have a seat, stranger.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer!

Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag,

Well, you didn't!

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom.

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner!

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof.

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Allow me to demonstrate.

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper.

I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

How could you do this? (SOBBING)

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

(SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

(SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

We just busted our buns delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us, with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome!

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life.

Let me pick up the check. No!

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

I could conquer Earth, kill all humans. That's a thought.

One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own.

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there.

but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change! Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop.

and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down Down

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment.

hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe?

Leave me alone.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Professor, you'll offer Guenter the hat, and Fry you'll offer him the banana. We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana.

Bender has a little more up his sleeve.

I am Bender Please insert girder

You're one to talk!

and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

He must be afraid to break character, in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around. FRANCIS: Heh? Come on, let's go check on him. I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces! Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy?

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that,

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun...

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

A doctor, honey. Hmm...

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Attach brain slugs to them.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

You mean, like my penis?

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready.

Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted. So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Rite my riny retal rass!

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING)

I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Want to go around again?

Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor?

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking.

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder!

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on.

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head,

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

Well, let's get looting.

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny.

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING)

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town.

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

(SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep. Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING)

Oh, how could Amy leave me?

Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

(WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them!

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait.

How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree.

Three, two, one.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach.

He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour.

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do?

Who can feel like I am a child in love

I'm going to go lie down.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing.

What do you stupid voters want now?

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to.

Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed.

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

I'm sorry. What?

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that,

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Yeah, you'd better run.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww,

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Truly a great man.

Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry. Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Good luck, Bender!

For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

(BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong! Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override!

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me.

My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Let's watch some cartoons.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Times two, carry the one.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

The captain's table. What an honor.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh. Oww! The Spidarians,

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V,

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating. I can see myself in your shiny button. Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these?

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win...

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

(VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously.

Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please.

We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and... and... these fellas.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

All right! Hooray!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

(CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

my blushing translator and I have business to tend to. In the meantime, enjoy the comic stylings of Nixon and Agnew. (PLAYING PIANO) Oh, Mr. Agnew? (GRUNTING) Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty,

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome.

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

There you go. What have I done?

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me. The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING)

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

a mutually beneficial arrangement.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years.

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'?

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right.

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Maybe we can do better for her.

It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

Even older! Huzzah!

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no!

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season? (ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

Whoo! And his name is?

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for--

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

All I've ever wanted is to know you.

Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them. Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones?

Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent.

Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey!

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

It's the season finale. You want to watch?

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

My gonopores! Look it up.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible.

You're not acting hard enough!

He looks like Bender!

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected,

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub...

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

The people of that village pray for wealth. That was a... practice miracle.

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope.

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at?

In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

No shellfish! That is so unfair.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING)

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle. (ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it?

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this?

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home? Sorry, boy.

Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

No one makes fun of my nose.

You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

But also sad. Can I be both?

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

(STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh!

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

And I'm his friend jesus.

Shut the hell up! Ow!

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I'll save one of you!

If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey!

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Shut up, square!

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions!

Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

And then he did it. His new technology is great.

Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

Nixon took bold action.

Ho, ho-- Huh? - He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.

I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal.

Turn off that crap-o-rama!

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Isn't it obvious? You are.

Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM)

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart!

six kinds of beans, plus several things that look like beans. Beans, huh? Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret.

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious. Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate.

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it?

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

I can't. I'm a vampire.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL)

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell!

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

Stupid bird, I know where you live! Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

It's Petunia, your dream girl.

...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot? (CRYING) It's true! He did it! No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is.

Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful. My God, he's become evil.

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes!

(WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted.

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun. D'oh! Hey.

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Translation-- boring.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa!

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute.

Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Mmm-uuh! Uuh-aah!

I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet.

That seems fair.

But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else.

And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

Challenger-er Bender-er! That's my robot! I own him! You honor me, Chairman Koji. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium.

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.

Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet?

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago.

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?

I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry.

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster.

Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

No. Then... Then...

Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

I'm too young to die.

What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone. What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. Mom, Dad, look what I made! (YAWNING) That's wonderful, dear. Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14,

This grim scene of unimaginable carnage is brought to you by Fishy joe's. Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son.

Great news, everyone.

Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we? I sure as hell don't. Anyway, I've done my part. The species is saved! (ALL CHEERING) And so, the survival of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here.

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

so long as they only wear light, skimpy outfits.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge. (WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love--

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small?

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking,

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar.

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it.

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

I'm a good captain.

You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect!

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean. It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it?

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff.

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Hmm... mm... no.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception... to display the national silk surplus. I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away. There! Good as new.

(MOANS) (UNZIPPING)

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Obviously, the murderer is--

(GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online. (BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow?

Don't look at me!

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog.

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor...

This beat bangs Here's my chance

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah.

I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

(ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement.

Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

You want to play fetch.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is? Hello. Did that snake say, "Hello"? No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve.

We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation. Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?

Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon!

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will.

$3 at the drugstore.

"My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky."

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name?

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route. Whew. No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

(SIGHS) He deserves the truth, Velma. I think he's old enough to handle it. Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you.

Waaah! What the--

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done. You're the best around

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out,

Let's go already

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

This man has over-gasped.

Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Stop! We'll leave.

(LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down.

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Yes, definitely.

Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean--

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

And the winner is...

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people?

Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

It's all so obvious now.

Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura.

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me!

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah!

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy. Countess!

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

(BENDER GROANS)

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

(SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

(FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future.

You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in.

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy! Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies?

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.

That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Oh, good! A physical!

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right? Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us?

Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

Planet of the Clams.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him

Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak.

Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean?

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

Women only room!

(BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull. But there are 20 separate control keys. No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves. No one? It's time to hang 20!

In my day, sound didn't travel through space. There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies.

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean.

No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

How is this possible?

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me.

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water,

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Eyes, look your last.

Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married. Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes.

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard. Okay. I hope I never see you again.

No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I made a difference after all. You absolutely did, Leela.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs. Aaah!

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh...

We don't work for you anymore! What?

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie.

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the...

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah.

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh! Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship? There but for the grace of God.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Help! I'm stuck!

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not.

Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis. Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over?

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Two, three... hey.

Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope.

The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh...

until both males are exhausted or dead.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid?

Ah, yes, the bag. I've never understood people's fascination with that. The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes.

Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

(SCREAMING) Blood?

You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism.

Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale!

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever.

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time.

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this.

I want to live!

So, how about them Knicks?

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month.

I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

What the hell is it?

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

That's coming out of your pay.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me,

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money...

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind--

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

(ALL SCREAMING) I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord!

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

What about my service?

Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Noon tomorrow. If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Great. We're gonna die.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING) A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Steady. Steady. Now!

by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

One, two! one, two, three!

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you?

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Hey, rich lobster Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

We want our TV back.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Look! I barely exploded at all.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode.

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man. Cruel fate, I'm dead.

We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh!

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

- Charleston Chew? - You bet!

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

(GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

tell them right now.

Oh, nag, nag, nag.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

My antenna's fine. It's just fine.

I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could. He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS)

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well,

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Oh, Fry, you must be alive.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss,

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"?

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

and subscription to Cosmo.

(DOGS GROWLING) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit.

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating.

And yet, what did it solve?

A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it?

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name?

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING)

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do.

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

But-But won't that change history?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going.

(LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years.

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon,

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.