comb.io - Clips

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Good news, everyone.

mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live!

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back!

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle!

We want our TV back.

Hey! What the...

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping!

remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

You've got a degree in bologna.

Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

This man has over-gasped.

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

you got the power to turn on the light

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

Cram it, Virginia.

I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well.

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

I'm not even legally a mammal.

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship.

Johnny cakes! (SNIFFS) Good God! What's that horrible stench? Stench... Uh... It's probably this stinky bus station maybe. Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright,

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine! Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

See you in a thousand years.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

The world? That's where I live!

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah.

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right.

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV?

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

Sleep, little dumpling.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel. Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail.

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out!

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself!

'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie,

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry?

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Very well. Let there be light! I got it! I got it!

Look, the bone vampire!

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me.

You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

to support this new plea of insanity?

Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard?

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu.

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

This is the end of all things.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery.

Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING)

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here.

It's so big and empty.

Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it. I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Stop acting so stupid!

Cut! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

Look at my crazy passport. Versus The Chain Smoker.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks. In theory, it could work.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers--

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker. Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on?

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

(YELLS) Asteroids!

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in.

What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

I get so lonely.

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken.

The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word.

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will!

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise.

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

And you smell like one, too.

oh, keep smiling through

Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS) Tell my mother to pick me up outside Quiznos.

Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

More! More! More! More!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Happy birthday!

Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant?

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

(ALL SCREAMING)

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me.

It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

No one move. I'm back, baby.

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you.

Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child,

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING)

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible...

Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping.

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me.

Item one... Duck! (YELLS)

and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows. So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented.

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING)

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

Is he blackmailing you somehow?

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

(GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us. Yeah, you'd better topple.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!

Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

(GASPS) You're a human?

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer.

so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you. As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words--

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go. So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help. Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup.

- Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff.

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING)

Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous

I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something?

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other.

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead?

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy!

And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson.

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

(CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

You can drink with me, maybe?

This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay.

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours.

Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax?

Order the cake, damn it!

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.

Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends,

I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could. He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

so I'm writing it in my own ink. Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work.

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite! NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey,

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf. If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart. Okay, deaf-o. Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera. Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at.

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle?

I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things.

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

And I'm voting against the cat hater!

I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes.

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact.

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no!

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me?

Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now?

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo.

Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah! (SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady!

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater?

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind...

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and... My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory,

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth!

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

(CREW SCREAMING)

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck!

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working!

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

(RESUMES LAUGHING)

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

(GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry?

Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt?

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal. Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS)

This sausage is great!

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away.

Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar

are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat. And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

(GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

Great! Hooray for Blindy!

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone,

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you?

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options?

Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

What's wrong, Fry?

Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump? Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

You are all fools of the highest caliber.

My baby's milk money!

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey.

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y! No. He can't. You beg my pardon?

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us! Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to,

Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

(ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end,

(BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do?

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

What's new? Huh?

I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine?

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING)

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award?

Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones.

Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Hooray! I graduated!

I can't believe you're gone.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this."

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products.

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy.

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim!

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

(BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only.

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second. You can't keep me here forever.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Not even a little.

Yeah? LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing.

But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

For this highly Controversial mission,

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

(PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

You get that camera out of my house.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu.

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

I guess I'll have to eat this raw, dripping ham by myself. Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

See you in girl hell.

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

(ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah.

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That!

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

There's your problem.

I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend,

Oh, snap. Ooh...

Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

They had a place where you could buy nuts.

Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said. i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps?

Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know,

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom!

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

(ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork. So you are using pork! Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach.

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work."

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Huh? Hey, what's going on here?

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people?

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it!

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam? This is unbelievable.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles--

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

It's been 50 years since they disappeared. I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew.

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think.

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

(BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me. (SCREAMING)

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go!

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass.

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow!

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

So long, jerkwads!

How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry.

If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh?

No! No! No! No!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

Hand me that backup disk.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something.

One, two! one, two, three!

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

- All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting."

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Surprisingly dull so far. Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff!

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish?

Gutsy question. You're a shark.

My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife?

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me.

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep.

That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the...

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball. She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender.

My God. It's the future.

buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

jackie Anderson. Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Tear it down and try again,

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

(BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous!

He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract...

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Well, he lost my vote.

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know.

Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation?

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.

(SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic. I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come.

Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

(SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS)

Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Made a cool hundred mil.

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela!

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Stop, this is cruel and inhumane. Well, now, in all my years as a hunt master, I've never seen anything like this. I mean, look at that sign. It's magnificent. Oh! Thank you.

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes!

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

(BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you?

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice.

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you."

You're welcome!

where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim.

I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just--

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Sorry, gals. I'm all out.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

This is gonna be great.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm!

Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever.

Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh?

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know.

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Wow! Ostentatious.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this...

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it?

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

Notify his survivors.

Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.

My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

(CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer!

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Honk, honk, honk!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants.

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle.

Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS)

Ohh. It's true.

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp. So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun?

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING)

Help! I can't swim! Oh... Bender, why did you jump in?

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Well, he'll make a nice heap.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest. While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em!

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me?

Hmm, he seems pretty angry. Yeah, but I guess I'd be kind of angry, too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet. Maybe we ought to do something nice for him. There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!"

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

(SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Really? I'm not showing too much sucker for a lady my age? Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care.

must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

This is where I keep various lengths of wire.

'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon. We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

The deal will go ahead as--

Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this?

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really?

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony.

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean?

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Let's hire someone better. Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Outsiders! Defend the fire!

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry.

but I think we should just be friends. No!

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion.

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

I don't even breathe... oxygen.

You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again?

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.

Oooh, that feels funny.

Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process." Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay. Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Look what you made me do.

you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for.

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride!

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad. Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No!

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

What am I doing?!

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes. Bubkes.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh!

- Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.

Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good. Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman. How do you plead?

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy,

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot?

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend!

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan. Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start?

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet.

Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us!

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool.

But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles.

Now, when you say "special--"

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Who invited you?

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

Let that be a warning to you.

Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

A well-calculated move.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

(ALL SCREAMING) I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING)

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger!

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

Look at the professor go.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

'Cause now I can get rich off of you.

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What?

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer.

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like.

You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots. I am fully operational, Captain. We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots, and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots. I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

You did it, Fry! Yep.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan?

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone.

Long ago, life there was ideal. The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial.

Edna? Honey? Edna!

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing.

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

Please don't. See you soon.

That's so sweet.

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

(ALL SCREAMING) They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony! Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it.

I do! Kif's given me dozens. Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Well, here goes nothing.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon.

Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw...

There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Well, son, I guess this is goodbye again. Not quite yet. I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation. Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here?

It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for standing us up... on the only visit to the surface we'll ever have. I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination? No. Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there.

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless.

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

(ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action.

and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes. Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties?

On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel,

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private!

Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

This situation deteriorated fast.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center!

But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No!

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end. Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING)

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

You stink, loser!

(CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make?

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

You got a problem?

I gots your apologies right heres.

There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth. Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings.

I can't watch... Enough.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick.

Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know? My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory.

Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

"You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

Let my people stay! Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

It's a meaningless title.

Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

ergo, they are legally the same person.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio...

Come! Your destiny awaits!

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power!

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

Hmm. I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. (GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me!

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What?

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

Once again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under.

Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies!

That's an awful lot of eagle.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

Come on, Fry. Get up.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

So, what's in the box already?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me.

(WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles.

Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And maybe someday, I won't listen.

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere. I will become the best blernsball player of all time!

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat. Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww. Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward!

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING) Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

Ah, Mom, do we have to? (CLUCKING)

Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this. Okay. Take it easy.

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it?

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

No! No! No! No!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night.

No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base.

"I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong.

Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire.

(ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

What? Did you just say--

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

They fit together?

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

(ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people?

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction?

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Onto the Internet you go.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Let's blow this tomb.

- Hooray! - Not good enough!

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

You'll give me your hand in marriage Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems!

What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS)

What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow.

My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say? Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.

From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter.

Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

(LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ? Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball?

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then.

(SHIVERING) It's too cold, Dad. My teen region is freezing off. (SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I once survived an entire week trapped in a Swiss glacier, eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

(ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

He's alive! Yeah? LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

Here's the entrance.

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Yeah, baby. Come on!

What was that? Oh, nothing!

What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Then a couple of these...

America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good.

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza! KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife. For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort.

Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

Is that what this is all about? Please, just cut it out now. Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, amazing thing I can do to make you love me. And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever--

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool.

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Girls, girls, girls

plant one on your woman.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl!

Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up.

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold! The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave.

Don't pay me no mind.

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Hmm. Huh? Planet Express Ship? Is that you?

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook,

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on?

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes. Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

No! Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster.

I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

We sure are cheerful this morning.

continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big.

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Are you two gonna be done soon?

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too.

But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais

You doing all right out there, buddy?

There you go. What have I done?

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye"

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday?

I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

I suppose there could be a minute quantity of petroleum left, but it would be insanely deep within the Earth at pressures so dangerously high... (HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive!

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots...

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm. Huh?

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five,

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."

Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Hey, wait a minute.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie?

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama."

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long!

But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh!

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it?

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please--

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing? Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness,

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

friendly blernsball game with chum pals. So pleasant for everybody. Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that! I guess I needed a few more warm-up pitches.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

(BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no! (GROANING)

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

(RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound?

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu. This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children.

I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive!

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes!

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do.

Fry, this is the most noble thing anyone has ever done for me. Wait, Fry? I'm a lot of people, but I'm not Fry. (LAUGHS) Oh, no!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves.

You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over. Whoof! I beg to differ. (IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully.

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men...

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float.

It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand.

Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream! Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

Come on, let's go take over this casino. LEO: Fore! Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us. Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion.

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

Damn! Then you'll need a disguise. Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you.

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking.

Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children. So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing,

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass.

Hello! Pizza delivery!

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway. Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news.

So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

That's right! The ending must not be ruined!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole.

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

(GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes!

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation.

Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela.

Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city, a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20. I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger. We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President? Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster. (SCREAMS) Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

My gonopores! Look it up.

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

Bender? Bender! Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days.

(SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each?

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

(SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it.

Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes?

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

(GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore.

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks.

I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I.

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams...

and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything.

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile!

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator...

"Stop asking questions, old man,

But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

to wage war on technology! What? Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology...

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection?

I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual.

I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now,

A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man! You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

All right, I'm coming.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork.

(GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela!

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember.

Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry?

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.

Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell. Of course, that's just for starters.

The doctor is in.

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Stand by for reincarnation.

Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop--

The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated.

The New Justice Team

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy.

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound?

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit!

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example.

General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing!

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one.

Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories.

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah!

I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

An open casting call for child robots!

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Could you hold my purse for a minute?

Edna! Ew! My God!

Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract.

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah.

Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

That's sweet, Hermes.

It's fake, mon.

Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows!

Please don't. See you soon.

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

Maybe I should take this off.

You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

It's like summer, with a dab of vanilla and honey,

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy.

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my.

Huh? It's Benderin' time.

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath.

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck!

...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

Sure. What the heck?

Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

This show's been going downhill since season three. Look who's here, everyone. It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp!

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer...

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

$30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Could you repeat that last part?

Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers? Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste.

Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

That's normal. Next patient!

You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING)

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender?

I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No!

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

I don't know what's in there,

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes.

One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid?

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home.

I will be a forceful and effective administrator.

(WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol?

while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding,

Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool. They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

The name's Bender.

Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob.

You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah!

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean. It's not fair!

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

or tried to burn me--

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Come on, girdle. Hold.

But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see?

(YELLING) (GRUNTING)

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate.

Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister,

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best. Bender, which is your favorite nocturnal rat? Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

Yeah, very funny.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want. (CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead?

The WingNuts, ladies and gentlemen.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

(CHOIR MUSIC) ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you.

It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

That certainly is honest.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two...

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes. Vintage Bubblegum! The time skips are worse than ever now.

I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes...

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too.

- Don't stop. - Ew!

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father!

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery!

Hey, here's a giggle.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting.

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny. The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he?

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible,

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

At severely reduced pay, of course.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy?

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

(LAUGHS) - What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race.

We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.

Well, as long as we're being honest,

AMY: Hey, I found a safe.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy. Edna.

All right. Low and away. Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame?

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet.

(HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da!

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

"Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news?

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Enough talk! It's time for action! I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS)

Was his apartment rent controlled? Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe.

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky.

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo?

I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

May I read the toast I was going to make?

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow. We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery-- This is a song called "My Broken Friend." People say my broken friend is useless

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

No, that's not true.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live!

If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!

Man, those executives are crazy. Calculon's the greatest actor ever! Thank you, Bender. I appreciate your honesty. Quiet, robots! They're showing Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame! Ah, yes. I'll always have that.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine. That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

an A-minus-minus!

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works!

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up.

I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING)

would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes!

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

Let's watch some cartoons.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING)

Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Well, good night.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Between a minute and a billion years.

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full.

Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara.

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

And then Bender ran.

You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside.

(GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars. (ALL SCREAMING)

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach.

Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Scuffed kippers, anyone?

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

I got it! I got it!

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go.

You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it.

Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron! I hate waiting in line to die. Move it along, grandma. Stick your hand in and take your chances. CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next!

Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

(GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

this one's for Bender's cocktail.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you.

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING) (GRUNTING)

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant.

Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

I am going to get you so many lizards.

My knee, I scraped it.

When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.

It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them.

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

Is there room in there for two?

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!

Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort?

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic!

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone!

The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I am the "greetest"!

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right.

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

No wonder you love Mother's Day.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

until both males are exhausted or dead.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

(ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS)

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically,

$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

We're all named Angus.

Me? Can I phone a friend?

Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model.

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

(CRYING) Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?

He's flashin' his cash loaf again.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey!

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does?

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer. Oh, yeah!

Marianne, my love, I've never known anyone who wanted to smell so badly, and there's a way maybe you can. Really? How? We have in the doctor world something called a nose transplant. I can give you a surgery.

Who wants a fish?

Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God...

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma.

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

There must be people somewhere.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Hurry. What's happening?

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

And you are outta here!

Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something?

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister."

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

(CHUCKLING) How humorous.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

(SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads.

Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder,

Versus The Foreigner.

Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should?

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you.

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable?

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal,

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot! The engine's stalled.

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out.

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny. I will destroy her!

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house. BENDER: One 60-foot ladder, please.

Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak.

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election.

Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

That was uncanny.

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right? Well... Down the hatch. (BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this.

"All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho!

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

There. We can make these into spears.

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards. Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

He's a whale biologist.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started.

I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me.

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

Is this guy a shark or what?

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes--

Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three.

just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Permission to come aboard? Granted, shnookums.

my blushing translator and I have business to tend to. In the meantime, enjoy the comic stylings of Nixon and Agnew. (PLAYING PIANO) Oh, Mr. Agnew? (GRUNTING) Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty,

No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them,

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right!

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry?

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian! Amy, you grew up on Mars, right? - Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt,

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at--

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh! Yeah, you show him!

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats?

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

No, I'm good. Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke.

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

The Earth is born!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

It's a second big bang!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Kill him! Kill the traitor! Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler.

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be...

It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

There it is Miss Universe

(LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry!

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him!

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item?

Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's your pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure. That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that?

So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you.

It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem?

Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines. Uh-oh. Nibbler died in the wall. That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington,

Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new...

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two...

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit.

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub...

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo!

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV.

I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you.

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes!

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow.

Well, is that your universe in there?

One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing. The free will unit was just the fevered dream of a madman I once employed.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

You owe me one.

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego.

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy.

Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

- How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position.

Oh, right. How selfish of me.

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer.

The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere.

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

People in your day were backwards and crude.

I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Your Medicare dollars at work.

Look, Zoidberg, you're a loyal friend. "Friend"?

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class.

Now with the horror hair.

And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater!

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this?

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous.

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

All robots must attend!

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.

I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain. Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy.

It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey?

FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme. Things only rhyme below ten to the minus five angstroms, you dope. Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter.

mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

(LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING) ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility, the Murderflies!

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now.

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released.

he'll save us from--

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer. Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship!

He's whippin' angels now.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion.

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations.

Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

by destroying the universe. Now it's personal. Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere...

My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night.

I'm looking for human horn.

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

Wait, wait, perhaps discerning customers like yourselves would be interested in an item from our discount rack. Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off. An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do.

What the-- We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Where's me consort at?

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Let my people stay! Neat.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits.

and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

(CRACKING) Whoa!

You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil. Hurrah! Yea! Exactly! The Nibblonians-- good?

See you at the office. Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah?

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create.

as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Esther, you ugly.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

I knew this final invention would be a humdinger. Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot.

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me!

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Quit it. People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on!

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over.

No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him.

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool.

Cool. What's for dinner? What do you mean, a scam?

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses,

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif.

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

just let me put on my reading glasses.

Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say?

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how?

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo.

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ)

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food?

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman?

It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

(ENGINE REVVING)

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions.

Mind if we crash here tonight? The colors in the van are keeping us awake. All right, but hands off the minibar.

Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles. Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper.

Detonation in two, one-- Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird-- Oh, never mind. Zero!

Does not compute.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations.

Perfect. This ought to make me stand out. Look how ridiculous they look.

(SCREECHES) (ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about?

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

(ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember?

Now, come on, we got church tomorrow. Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Welcome to the future, human slave.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS)

I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg!

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

- Marco! - Polo! Marco!

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me?

So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory, sense of smell, or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field. Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking. Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do

space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh...

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did.

Average, please. Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

Ho. What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY) That is one sexy bridge abutment.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

(GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.

I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

Yes. You spletcha.

Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Behold the dance of peace.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune.

Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

That's it! This date is over! Waiter!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I--

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot. Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy.

I am unstoppable!

Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one.

Hello. Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo.

Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady!

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

Yay! Calculon's back!

I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender.

But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents. Even that team that turned out to be us in the mirror. It's time we gave up. Yeah. I don't know what else we could have done to enhance our performance. Hey, great job tonight, you two.

Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin.

just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative. Ooh.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving!

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt!

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon...

Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B.

Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun.

We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way,

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone.

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship.

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney!

Can I? That's my specialty!

Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy!

If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not.

Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now? Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender! Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business?

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much.

He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal...

I wuv my mommy.

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

That's what being a scientist is all about.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards. (WHIRRING)

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh...

Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky!

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight.

No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

It will play in Peoria.

Let the contest begin!

Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies?

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration. (MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE)

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What?

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

You better believe it!

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges. Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify.

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

(CHEWING) Ahh! Hmm... Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING) (CRY OF SURPRISE)

carry the seven... got it! Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic.

- But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

Wrong again, Zoidberg.

You can't dump Fry! That's my job! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No.

Have you lost all self-respect? All what?

Oh, no! It's midnight!

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Brought to you by Fishy joe's.

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours.

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about?

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

Um, a little help, please. Whoa!

Whoa! Neat. Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose...

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not! I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose!

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for?

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

"Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us! All eyes on Zoidberg!

Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water?

Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela.

I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy?

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit.

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Hey! Occupato. Most important of all is the big-screen tv.

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.

I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh.

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Yeah, I will! (CHEERING) Yeah, all right! Come on, old Bessie.

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Splinkies! What was that?

Coilette, your death fills me with... Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh!

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world.

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent.

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

Great cow of Moscow!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable.

Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Smell you later. She's out. Then let's begin this delicate procedure.

Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff?

(ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies." The time for stupid statements is over. Ooh, boy.

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Hey! Yaaah! Yeah!

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees. Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting,

And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort? I have a plan to get my hands on those purpleberries with new loquat-flavored orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast.

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes!

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

makes your antenna smell nice.

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious. Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate.

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

It's how we met? And then what happened?

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up?

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm!

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not?

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow!

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good?

Good work, everyone.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers.

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

$3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

(BENDER GROANS)

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops.

Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Who wants lobster bisque?

founder of Penguins Unlimited.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story!

Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court--

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Well, into the toilet.

There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs.

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama...

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender.

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

- Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor.

What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender?

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come!

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but...

Well, here we are, alone and naked.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots.

you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we?

Wait! No, thanks.

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus. I've got just the thing. Genuine Miracle Cream I bought from a traveling salesman. "Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells. (GRUNTING)

An infinite loop? I don't have time for that! Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look.

Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not!

My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

Negative. Will you go out with me?

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride. I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago.

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you.

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

- Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

But... Got to go!

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

You heard the man!

(ZAPP GRUNTING)

Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute.

Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore?

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you. And the best part is,

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw.

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

Come ons, comes on!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Phew! That was close. And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show.

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Where did they go?

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger. Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me.

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded!

(YELLS) Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already.

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew.

You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one. Poor Bender. Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots.

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass! Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Death to all humans!

Where's that Oscar?

I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too, but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom. KATZ: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate.

Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks. (CHUCKLES) Mmm!

Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela!

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

Screwed again, my friend.

Hello! What's all this then? Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that. I should warn you. It's a little under-furnished. I'm thinking of having a window installed. I think the view's perfect already.

It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

Excellent, excellent.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite! We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately!

then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle.

Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this.

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh.

do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir. It's the Carcarons! Oh, meatballs. I forgot they were coming to sign the peace treaty today. Ladies and gentlemen, my blushing translator and I have business to tend to.

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar. Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone.

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Wait, I have an idea.

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled!

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay?

One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

(GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have--

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Now, here's my opinion.

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that? Oh, my God! Who are they?

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

One, two. One, two, three!

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one!

But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion.

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

I think they look cool.

Draining male oil!

But how is that possible?

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me.

Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

On, my, no. Off we go.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing.

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

- That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up?

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind.

Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows. So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me. So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself.

Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.

I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

I said no such thing. And then I died!

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz!

You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

"Gwoble wappo"?

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see...

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though.

The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender.

People of Earth... Shh!

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING) What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake.

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission!

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday!

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built...

we have a duty to take action. Idiot.

Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!

Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited.

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked!

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you!

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil!

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now?

This man has over-gasped.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor.

We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds. Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet.

What happened to the last big thing? Nothing that doesn't happen to everyone eventually.

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

Our next speaker is Professor--

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Also, good news, everyone!

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS)

You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune.

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent.

Once and for all, Fry,

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad,

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is. (LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m...

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3--

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst.

Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside...

Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

How 'bout in the porno theater?

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had. Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What?

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

(LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

I don't believe it!

Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it?

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I still got it!

You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Who put this in here? No!

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

The rich get richer.

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit.

Hey, brainey! Think fast!

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him.

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

Magnify that death sphere.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry.

Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing?

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Seriously. I can't think of anything.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs. (MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill?

He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio. Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor!

Help! Fish police!

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great,

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops.

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

(SCREAMS) Something's wrong! Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override!

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit.

Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this,

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

We just need $11 million.

Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor.

(SLURPING NOISILY)

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done?

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor.

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else.

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine.

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Thank you, Bender. I appreciate your honesty.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks.

it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out!

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman,

But there are 20 separate control keys. No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves. No one? It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam.

this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Oh... Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down.

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!! Come on, everyone!

keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, and, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway road kill! Aw! They were? Say, you seem like a smart mark. How'd you like to make it into a TV show?

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case...

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

(ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself.

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves!

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee!

I'm so into you.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

I've never been so thirsty.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

And hard-working.

Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury. I'm going to allow this.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now!

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy!

And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands. (THUNDERCLAP)

Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts.

I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry.

I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

He's still alive!

Arr! I saw it first.

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view.

Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it.

Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job,

Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot. (SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything.

What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies!

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single?

Ahhh! (PULSING SOUNDS)

Look out for the next thing!

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get.

Honey unit, I'm home.

She actually listens to what I have to... Oh, no! He's disabled the steering!

Kif, show them the medal I won.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

I was getting to that one!

All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you. It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

The court is intrigued.

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich? Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day. Stay here.

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

My species is as good as extinct.

I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

Oh, I'm scared!

He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick?

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids?

All right. Here's the plan.

if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju--

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

- Bam! - It's okay, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection. Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs.

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

Have a nice future.

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks. (CROWD CLAMORING)

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled.

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund. So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? What little there is to be had. Tomorrow night at 8:00 then. Smooches. Mwah!

Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

No! Get away from there.

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa!

And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

I gotta get outta here! Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one! Oh.

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it.

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use?

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9-- A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news? I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children?

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag.

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you! Wha--

Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Everybody kill everybody!

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief.

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding,

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it!

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Clothing! Delicious clothing!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over.

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know?

Data error! Do not compute!

I think Bender may be telling the truth. Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling?

My tummy hurts.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards,

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat.

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going.

So... it's just as I suspected all along.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye.

I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell--

'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence! Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit? Hey, that's a good idea. Sure. If it'll win me the election, then yes. We have a saying up in Alaska. That's all.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP) (CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING)

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

All right, here's the battle plan.

It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise.

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS)

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo.

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us.

Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius.

(LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait.

They're horrible.

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it!

Still, someone should eat the hat.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file.

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to.

Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more!

Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain,

Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up!

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat,

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Good night, Calculon. What did you say?

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

So soon? Oh, well...

They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds.

Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no!

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it!

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad.

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once.

Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me.

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor.

Here's corpsey! Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud.

Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now, to get all serious.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking--

Well, let's get looting.

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her...

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV?

(WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

I should be the one in that grave! Hmm. We lost Bender. There.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING)

Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert!

There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro.

For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help.

Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it.

I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour,

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie.

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Warships dismissed!

Stop! We'll leave.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING)

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source. Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that. (METAL CLANKS) Is that you, Big Throat?

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

My precious head! Oh!

My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

No, that's how you always look.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Shh! What was that sound?

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

Well, I suppose, but I mean,

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone. Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

My God. It's full of ads.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box!

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood?

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't.

Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar!

Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING) Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now?

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship...

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Let me pick up the check. No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door!

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong. So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life.

I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool.

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery. Okay. It's crime time.

Sounds good. See you Monday! (POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

Bender, what's going... No!

Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero!

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the--

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City.

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you. Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um--

That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread.

General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this. The debris from an alien spaceship. Son, I think I can safely say--

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

How do I look? Like a sexy Yogi Berra.

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Okay, everybody do one of those three things. Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up.

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry?

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.

Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio...

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

Are you with me, fellas?

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m.

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads.

Oh, what's the point?

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there.

Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine!

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me

Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

Ooh. Pimpy. What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help?

What's this? Another bathroom?

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round?

From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper.

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school.

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae,

I get a good vibe from this place--

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

That is one sexy bridge abutment.

If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet! Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep.

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club?

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy.

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too?

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious.

You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow.

You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land. Ow.

Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene. Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium? They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else!

With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

We're gonna get fired.

He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure.

I don't like things that are scary and painful.

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin.

Shut up, Zoidberg.

It's pizza time! Pineapple?

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity.

Hey, you burned my cheek!

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

Bam! Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps.

This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING) Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again. Sandstorm!

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy. Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor."

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah.

You see-- Magic. Got it.

I can quit anytime I want.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

I request a satanic funeral.

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism.

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars,

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes!

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Of course. But, smoochy-pops, I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no.

Kill all humans!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

Surprise! It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty?

(BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you?

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding.

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us.

Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

All glory to the hypno-toad.

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story.

Fire indeed hot!

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again! A little land mammal!

Good luck, Bender!

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

I am Darth Stroyer. Darth Stroyer? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. Let's hear the rest. Darth Trocious. Darth Sploder. Darth Urderer. Darth It-head.

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair.

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

So fresh. Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

(GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here.

Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow!

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that!

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam.

Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire,

That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks.

We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice.

Edna! Ew! My God!

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

Oh! (SNIFFLES) (MUNCHING)

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice?

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

(MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose. We can sleep at my parents' house. I'll just buzz and let them know we're here. (BUZZING)

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman. In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place.

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping.

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How?

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

I've become bitter and, let's face it--

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

So far, so good.

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

(BUBBLING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Good day! (JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

American Express?

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really?

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here. He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

I mean physically.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this?

Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"?

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Everyone, I have a confession. I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

And the winner is-- Leela.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one.

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

So, what's in the box already? No peeking!

ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks!

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo!

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my...

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure.

But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits... will hold an open casting call for child robots to replace him. An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f--

Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something.

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something. (CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak.

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

Yo, you're not alone.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

Don't tell, comrades.

Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry?

What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober

And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it. They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Well, I'm moving out.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella?

Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this--

You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch. Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense.

Who the hell are you?

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door!

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room. I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph,

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me?

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

I'm 40% back, baby!

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Wow, you look happy.

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

It worked perfectly! Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive--

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one!

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest. The booty call is at daybreak.

Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh!

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

They just won't stop!

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor.

He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories. He wouldn't even remember who you are. (GRUNTS)

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh.

Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire!

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe,

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum.

Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

Me too! A big fat one.

(CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?"

It's time to activate the bomb.

Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive? No.

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus! And now for the presentation of the award. Listen, folks I'm practically giving this prize away to Dr. Wernstrom for his fish thingy.

It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot.

Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING)

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

I'd hate to be those guys.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys.

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo!

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.

If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

This is all a big load. I was the one trying to save the Popplers. You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines.

Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent?

But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo!

I knocked it up a notch. Bam! Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do?

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind.

It was... the Windows logo!

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so...

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular,

I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh!

Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

Yeah, you'd better run.

Look, why don't all of you just back off?

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry.

Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

Kill him! Kill the traitor! Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

Leela, please tell the others that...

Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry.

Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do!

Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron! I hate waiting in line to die.

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy. On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart?

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this.

And you are outta here!

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Don't worry. I'm only going to stay with you until a vacancy opens up on this floor. You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already!

Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING) The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere.

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

In fact, all life is extinct.

Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared. Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

want to kill all humans?

Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow!

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah!

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses...

Help. Police. Neat.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb.

No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed.

Oh! Ow. Suck in that gut! You want to be spayed? Ahh. Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do!

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch? So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out?

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience.

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

No, that's what Almighty jah made us

they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby.

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

"Soothing action, action, action, action."

But Your, um, Martian-ness.

Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever.

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it.

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah.

I'm telling you. There's something about Flexo I don't like. Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

- Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh!

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um...

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade,

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby.

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

And I smell bad.

Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Everything? Except that.

A man can sneak off to do two things.

where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings?

Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

Wait! Don't shoot! The beast is a Godsend. Like I said, we've more livestock than we can slaughter, but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them,

Hey, look at that weird mirror.

You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.

I mean, cheating in a fake fight--

I can't believe we're only 12 feet from the parking lot. (CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING)

I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer?

(SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

(SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

You mean-- I'm sorry.

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Chew on this! What-ho!

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

Oh, my God! Huh?

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime

See you soon. ALL: Ew! Zoidberg, what is that? That is the delightful creature I've been video dating for the past four years. Hit it with a stick! Tonight is a dream come true,

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher.

but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married.

You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem.

"Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear,

That's my little sugar doodle. Cork your face bladder. I'm working! Sorry. I had that coming. It's not easy being a derby wife. The WingNuts, ladies and gentlemen. And that bloodbath takes them to next week's finals against our reigning champions, the Murderflies.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute.

Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses! It's hopeless.

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb?

No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables.

Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

(GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm... Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we?

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common.

Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

I recently upgraded my funk card.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

(SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Stop hoggin' the clover!

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause.

Welcome to Atlanta.

I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86.

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me.

This is an outrage!

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid. Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect.

I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they?

It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

It really is beautiful.

Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb.

Do you have any better hostages?

Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling! Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

cooked with plenty of... confidence?

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy.

Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence.

Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape!

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will. Fine.

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe! Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses.

Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period.

Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone,

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right.

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink. How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela!

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode. If I could make up an ending maybe we could act it out ourselves.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong.

- No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

Very impressive.

And a flannel shirt.

Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs,

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS)

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose.

That's impossible.

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

(EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees.

We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir?

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar.

Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down... into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful!

Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No. SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

Oh, what the hell.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe. Fetch.

The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it. (SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth.

It's like Comic-Con in a submarine!

"Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate,

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that.

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

Look on the bright side.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need.

Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love. Blech! We have to track down my nose...

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished?

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes!

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off?

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards?

Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm...

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head...

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

No! Not again. Please, anything else.

Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real?

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there. Brothers and sisters, let us pry.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

Move it along, grandma.

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back.

Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender. I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna,

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault?

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Among other things. Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ?

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story. Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!

But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah...

Keep cool. She's just like any other player.

Whatever. It's time I made a man out of you. Right here, today, while I'm not missing anything good on TV. Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears. What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well.

(WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

I have formed an idea.

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job?

Just stwoke its fwuffy fur.

Whatever. Later. Bye.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream.

and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day! (JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches.

No problem. Play the ball!

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right!

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends--

After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float.

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH)

She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra.

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Rejected! (BUZZES)

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Now, we need buggalo to lure the rustlers. How many are left? You're looking at her. Betsy's the only one left. She was curled up in my hamper when the storm hit. Ooh! Oh! Aw. She likes you! Ooh! Ooh! Saddle up, men. Oh! We got some no-good rustlers to-- ooh!-- Catch.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either,

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work.

I'll break up with him at dinner.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

Wouldn't you? Nothing to do now but wait for the reviews to come in. Papers! Papers for sale! We'll take one of each.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets!

The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

with no entertainment except the (SHOUTS) rigged Bingo!

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics. We'll deliver that package or die trying.

As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin! So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

It's the season finale. You want to watch?

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday.

Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble.

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

(GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line?

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

(ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

It's a "T." It goes "tuh."

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

scoring 'round the clock!

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do,

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it?

doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale.

Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license?

No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

I hope this is the control stick.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

Peace out. (CHEERING)

Happy birthday!

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car?

Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going. I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope.

What the shmell happened? A mass extinction. That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that, while harmless to organic life,

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless.

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied.

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

Ugh. What a skank.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

(ENGINE REVVING) AMY: What kind of glorked-up drag strip is this? Mobius drag strip, man. Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000?

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow?

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired.

Yes, but not by enough.

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC)

You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie?

He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying.

Bender, four and a half weeks of oil wrestling sounds like plenty. This isn't a lousy reform Robanukah. We need more petroleum oil!

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods,

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it!

Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really.

Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Huh, wha? (YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it.

I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

The Cavern on the Green. I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

Keep that thing away from me.

Oh, all right. No time off!

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation...

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger!

Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy?

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't.

I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet.

But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

What up? Word. See?

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

I am? At last, recognition!

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration.

All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career!

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you. (GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home!

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender.

Goodbye, cruel me.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar,

And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with...

Remember when you asked to see my family tree? ALL: No. Ta-da!

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week! I'm so sorry I teased you back then.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished.

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already?

Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British.

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan.

I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then. - Bam! - It's okay, my man.

Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Hmm. Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

This is my wife, Darlene. We met at the 99 cent store. You're married? Wait a dang minute. One eye, purple hair. You're Leela! The crazy one that Sean dumped. It was mutual! Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Yes! He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride. P-U!

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING)

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence!

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

(BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

That's it. It's time for this bird to walk. Ow!

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Do I know you? Have we met?

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby!

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything. You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious.

You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us.

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more?

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable.

Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue.

Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany.

Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

I can't see nothin'.

The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Uh, on the other hand,

Thank you, Fry.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha...

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing.

How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.

We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

"Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

As a friend. Damn.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous

(SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole.

just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum. How many people can this thing carry? Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000. It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING)

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.

it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Women only room!

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam?

You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg?

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it.

I appreciate your candor.

Funny, funny stuff.

We're saved! I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society?

But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her. You're doing the right thing. Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer,

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

The evidence is mounting.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son.

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Orange? Purple?

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that. You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend? NARRATOR: The female conveys her receptivity through subtle vocalizations. Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit!

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

My work here is done.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma. We must be close.

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac. Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

Also, can I get my parking validated? The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics,

Honk! Honk! Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened?

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

And here's another one with no eyes.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance.

Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me.

You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

(LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye?

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that?

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels!

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer?

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah! Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer?

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

This is the happiest moment of my life. Aw!

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second!

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers. (LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus,

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

The clamps! Right?

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick. I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

I apologize for nothing!

Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

What up? I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Crap. Crap. Garbage.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Oh, it's far from a'ight.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

Me too. Me too.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches! Ohh!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Non-creative? Ha! I'll have you know I Bedazzle my own underpants.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

your keister is doing good.

Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold.

hurt slightly. Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness. Huh?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up!

Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer.

There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey!

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing!

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with.

Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

The very bead used to crush our dreams... shall be used to crush your bones! Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for?

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

Well, let's get looting.

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found.

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind.

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want?

Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey. - Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this.

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing.

And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that!

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

What is that box, you old witch?

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Please use the beeps. Oh! Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right!

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff?

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

Can't we just shoot a missile at it?

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

(CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through,

Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor! So, we meet again. Most amusing.

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going!

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me.

Should we do something? There's no hurry.

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this.

And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods.

Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

What the hell is that thing?

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going.

But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

And the winner is... Robot House?!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it.

Sign the paper.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me?

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg?

I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park,

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest.

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught,

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

(GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

In other words, no. Ohh!

I'm so sorry we never got the chance.

Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

Wait! Don't shoot!

It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

You are so totally... Right. You're right. I am? Huh! Maybe Zapp isn't the only one who's marriage material. You're getting there.

brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Who are you monsters?

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel.

Free soda for all humans!

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening.

- Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh! Hey! Turn that damn music...

Then the charges apply to you, too.

banana, banana, banana.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry.

You'll be fine.

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow.

My God! It's the Pantheon! This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover? Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket?

I'll call Orson Welles. Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson! You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid? There ya go.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal.

(PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender!

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do?

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave. What's that, old friend? My life story?

Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

What the hell's been going on around here?

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited!

(ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother.

You want some? Sure.

Ah, booze money.

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone.

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender? I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes!

"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and...

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Yes, sir, Captain.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week,

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

- Never! - Never!

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Because you're idiots.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen! Damn!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school. Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring.

It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room.

Who are you, and why should I care?

I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here. I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace.

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

English, please? A fight to the death.

(LEELA READING)

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

Oh, Chaz. I'm as worthless as this trash can.

I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah! And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm.

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only. Ah...

It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area.

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid. I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.

The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made. Try and find solace in the fact that somewhere out there, your keister is doing good. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did.

It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No! Greetings, Bender.

A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana.

Where is he, blast it?

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you,

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

It's me! No one else look in this mirror!

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

I'll be out in a second. I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface. - How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position. How about instead, you give us the girl...

But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him

Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline.

Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

This'a berry, berry bad!

they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry,

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror.

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer,

Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again. No one will ever want to mate with me.

Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

I shouldn't be here.

I also have a tail!

(ALARM WAILING) FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug!

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

(BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers.

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh... We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows,

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay.

Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of--

Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened?

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company?

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin'

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right.

Hmm. Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you?

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator...

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition?

Thank you, Don-bot.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I?

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela?

All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips. Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad,

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

What could possibly--

There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines.

He's even more beautiful than before!

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today.

Well, let's see what's on. Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender!

Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man...

I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch. There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys.

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

Fry, just be quiet.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk.

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook,

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

No! Eva Braun, help me!

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Tell them I'm in the tub.

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy?

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages,

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here. So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

You're looking good to Flexo tonight. Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together,

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared.

Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk. What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger, since if something different happens, I might be liable for damages.

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING)

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler!

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Bender bit a poo penny.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No!

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music?

Whoopsie-daisy.

Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

(LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you."

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is?

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that. No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you. Actually, your little stunt did a number on my back. - You mind rubbing it for me? - Uh, sure. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower.

Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?

Can you make change for a Nobel Prize? Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper.

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still. Let's blow this tomb.

You'll be fine.

Brothers and sisters, let us pry. It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What?

Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh. Amy, no! Not on your parents' planet!

(SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too.

Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

- Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Welcome home, old friend.

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards.

Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery,

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong!

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell?

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar Ooh, love, I won't let you go

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies?

Good luck, Bender!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up.

Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

You are now dead.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will.

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

There must be people somewhere.

Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress? (SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are.

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps.

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me.

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them?

Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk!

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds.

Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase. There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there?

Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you?

(SCOFFS) There is no controller.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Good news, everyone.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men! I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory,

Leela. The good Leela.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three. Look who's here, everyone.

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it.

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already.

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing. How come nobody's ice fishing?

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire? Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid?

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great.

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

It doesn't look so shiny to me.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone!

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

FRY: Launch all missiles!

Hey, looky there. (SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

I do! Aye! Welshie!

So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them.

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee! What happened?

to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

ALL: No. Ta-da!

Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

(SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken.

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am.

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job.

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

How did you do it? Well, while the Beachmaster was off behind a whale carcass, loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal?

If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Welcome to our village.

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money.

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster!

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead,

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you.

I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please. That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes!

Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero.

This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age...

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops.

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.

Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming.

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him.

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again.

Is that better?

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya?

I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man!

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

(SCREAMING) Neat.

It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff. Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?"

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

It came to me in a dream,

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

Bite my colossal metal ass.

You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING)

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Oh, it haunts my memory still.

(SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars.

Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate? Well, I sure ain't his grandma. Now, look here, Prof. I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices.

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Conrad pulls ahead.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it.

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons.

but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING)

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away.

Idiot. Noun. You!

Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

Fry, you're my friend.

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy.

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time!

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely,

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING) Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work!

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Oh, you're not even trying.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW! Huh?

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go.

Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh!

That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right?

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo... sorry about crushing your body like that. You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.

And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private?

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Blech! We have to track down my nose...

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender? (GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar?

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot?

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics? Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

Because he already died!

What's wrong? Nothing.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Let's "conservate."

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Smells like a jockstrap.

Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Perfect. Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah.

How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there! Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm.

I can't watch... Enough.

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Ah, here's my stateroom.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

To the end of the universe!

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

I've not heard of them.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh!

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

(HUMMING) Whoo-hoo!

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day,

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy.

Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry. Help me find some food somewhere. I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it. Ooh, a bot-mitzvah! Shalom hunger.

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

The toaster's not working right either.

I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro.

All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah!

and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING) Great food, huh? (BURPS)

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director.

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

My fellow fish monsters,

The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. His pajamas would be soaked with sweat. Yeah, sweat. Right. GRAM-GRAM: We'd stay at his bedside all night. And whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants, we'd read to him from his favorite book.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

This is it. Well, at least we get a window.

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh!

Go, go, go, New justice Team

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe?

And I'm a female. I'm still not following you. Wake up, my king.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

All right, a tie! I win again!

on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie. Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great.

Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No! (UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express!

Here I comes to save the days.

I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

(ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES) (PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go?

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial?

I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo!

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished.

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey! BENDER: C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that!

Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you. Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos.

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Hey, that's me.

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well

But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from!

(ALL SHUDDERING)

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

(WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation.

I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots?

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie!

And the winner is... Robot House?!

while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Huh? I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help?

I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

(PULSING SOUNDS)

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.

It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me.

one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh!

Get a load of that!

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness?

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

So, tell me about yourself.

(SHRIEKING) GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep.

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something?

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

(GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all...

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done.

Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device. Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished.

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that...

Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff!

His legend lives on!

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle.

few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard?

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Okay, it's your turn.

And the winner is number four, Steven!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked.

All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.

You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red!

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder.

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

Nothing. I'm not nothing.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

FRY: Launch all missiles!

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle.

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards.

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem.

(SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you.

I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

(SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head.

No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Pizza delivery.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall,

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is?

All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself. I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit. Uh, about the success of this quest...

Death by snu-snu!

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk.

One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.

(BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos.

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion? Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Quit it. People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor. What up?

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Who's the target consumer?

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember--

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced.

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured.

(GRUNTING) (STRAINING)

Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures.

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit.

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport.

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher.

What do you stupid voters want now?

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

Orange? Purple?

You stink, loser!

Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill." Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic!

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music! (SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

(CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save... (SQUELCHING) They killed him.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too. Right, everyone? Yeah. Sure. Do any of you collect Lovey Bears?

only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare I can't see their faCes

And this time I mean it!

I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things.

My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it.

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Well, we're boned.

Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

The "X" makes it sound cool.

What a lonely life.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh...

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

Uh... I'm looking for the wrong side of the tracks. Then you've come to the right side of the tracks. Have a seat, stranger. My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business. Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line.

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry.

I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle!

Say what? My fellow Earthicans,

The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes!

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Sign here on this Supercuts coupon.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles.

it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah... Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted?

One bowl of mild farina.

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked!

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING)

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

(STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm...

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity.

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son.

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real?

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink?

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Now, this guy had taste.

Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right!

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch. Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves.

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh--

You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait.

I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Any button! They all retaliate!

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets.

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way.

Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

- What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking.

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

Stuff the ship.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

And that includes cultural exports.

My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side. Oh, shut up!

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Xmas dinner, everyone.

So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us.

He's... He's dead.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir! Fly the white flag of war. This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship.

It's the 7:38! Jump!

And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off. The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent. Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone!

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal.

The ship's lost power!

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

It turns out it's man.

Zoidberg away! Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body.

I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me? Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course...

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things.

There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days.

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING) Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one.

You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you.

Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Okay, now you can panic.

Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Happy birthday!

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me!

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket!

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

All gone. Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is...

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything.

In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What?

(GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah!

I can give you a surgery. And when it's done, you'll be able to smell everything. Oh, Zoidberg! I want the biggest nose you can find! Dude, you made the finals.

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah.

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm.

Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh!

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth.

No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen.

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead.

One number three combo.

Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

- Marco! - Polo!

Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile.

Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle. (ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead.

Isn't that interesting, honey?

You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module.

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

Come to paparazzo. (GASPS) Gotcha! No! Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

Or whatever! Fire!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

(ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

but I'm busy inventing useless junk.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started.

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

What about my service?

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up?

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God!

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do! - Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this?

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident. A casino where I'm winning?

a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

There will be no noodles until the operation is complete. You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys,

I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here. (ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

I choose to not understand these signs. Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor.

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

(SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Thank you, Scruffy.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what?

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill!

I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

"Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture.

Low wine level detected.

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay.

When's the funeral?

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

It's getting late.

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan!

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

Hello? Anybody home?

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers?

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain.

You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh?

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm!

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up!

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey!

(SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

My fish got away.

Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is...

It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps.

Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose.

She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.

You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Okay. I'm insane.

(SIGHS) Long ago, Zoidberg and I entered into a secret arrangement relating to certain extraordinary events too horrible to reveal.

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time. FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six,

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag,

All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off. (BEEPING) As you can see, I've picked up an alien ship on the long-range scanner. It seems to be emitting musical tones in an effort to communicate.

Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip...

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me!

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law?

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Approved for all audiences! No!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

I wuv my mommy. Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender!

(MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom.

I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what.

We found a miracle cure! Giant beans? They must be worth a fortune! These babies are the jewels of the bean kingdom.

Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either.

The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us...

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii,

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about?

After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha!

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego?

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer.

(MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this. Go on now. I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow!

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about.

Let's go already!

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

What does it do?

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

I doubt that very much.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love!

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

(IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING)

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate! The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray!

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later,

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here?

I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do?

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

and that's not your golf cart.

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes!

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman. In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel.

No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me. This is so great!

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it.

We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant,

You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had.

Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him.

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder!

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people.

No! Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him.

Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I...

What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood! What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

(WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

You rotten kids!

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

(SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three,

Get out of my house, you commie.

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you? A hidden camera for my bathroom. I suspect a certain robot of unauthorized butt brushing. Got ya.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

not Zapp Brannigan.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same.

Although you wouldn't know it from looking. Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight,

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway?

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Hooray, it won't go on! The bureaucra-scan won't let anyone but the assigned bureaucrat log in. (AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Ooh! Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer.

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime!

There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES)

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

One more hit, and we're done for!

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the...

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate?

Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected,

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him!

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING)

Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose!

Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!

Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt. Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender.

...concerning our pest problem.

Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence!

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire!

It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion.

"My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great.

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm... (SOUNDS HORN)

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

There you go. What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray. And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain

(ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

That's thinkin' like a man. Hello? This is Flexo.

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind!

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(INAUDIBLE) Amazing.

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver?

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

BENDER: Okay, Leela, decision time. How do we murder the guards? Hockey sticks or sharpened footballs? We're not murdering anyone, Bender. Then how are we going to get in, by bending the bars of this exhaust grate? That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m. The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality. Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

A sexy mistake.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering.

What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

Fry, Leela, Bender, I want you to go with him. Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

(SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Greetings, eco-tourists! I am the grand butterfly curator... This week. Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat. Die, you primitive brute!

Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people!

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt.

Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards!

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine

As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?

Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please!

Why pretend anything you do matters?

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

I mean killer app!

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted,

I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking. I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid?

That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich. I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

To motherhood. Zoidberg? Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza.

let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

You're the only woman who ever loved me.

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

It was all my fault! He died because of me!

(BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring.

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something.

(ALL YELLING) And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls. In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other?

So... how's business?

unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe! Hey, what's with all the pots and pans?

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Smell you later.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff.

the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

(LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

What the hell kind of plane is that?

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

(BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah!

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh--

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back.

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

- I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

This will be your standard battle to the death.

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win!

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Don't stay up too late.

I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her.

Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that!

Son, as your lawyer,

Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

That's a big number-- 50.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

- I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING)

And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves. Can't we just go? Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

What you need is this fish pheromone--

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez.

That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Ho... ho... ho!

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun!

Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife.

Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys,

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics? Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off. The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza.

Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners.

but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo.

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Welcome home, old friend.

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway.

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected! Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day,

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little! There is one way, but no, it's too horrible. Nothing's too horrible for my boy!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you!

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do.

Aw, crap-- singing.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

and we carve a bunch of our presidents into your sacred mountain. You waste words. We want return of land that was taken from us. Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies."

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Fry, you're my friend.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk? Whee! All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair.

Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker.

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done.

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS)

Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down.

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci?

Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Who you gonna call?

I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt!

I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

So every religion is wrong!

Why the idiot convention?

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again?

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints.

Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived.

I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Hmm... Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come!

He's come to finish the job!

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket!

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell?

Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message. (COUGHS)

O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

Look what you made me do.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends,

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.

This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two...

It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened?

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about?

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot. I am one hungover cryogenicist.

Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way. (WHINES)

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell!

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

Still, a Parcheesi tournament. This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs.

such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy.

I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't

Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

We have to talk about our arrangement.

Yeah! Yes, sir. Way to suck it! Hey. I-i'm smoking! I'm the greatest! Oh, monkey trumpets.

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true.

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

My God, you're a mess.

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant.

Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business.

Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes.

Uh, I suppose so.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

She never got over it, Professor.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

Oh, what's the point?

That's your penis.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles.

Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion?

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body,

You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met.

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

Amy? But that means--

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

Ha! During your last moments in this universe, perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

Unauthorized data access.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

(GROWLING IN FRUSTRATION) Greetings, Francis. Sorry if I was a little hostile before, but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps,

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that...

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung.

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0.

Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities!

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous,

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

(MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood!

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

Perhaps too hard. Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years. Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now, to get all serious. It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty. Gene Tinker, bus.

Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds. Now we can practice for the big game.

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant

This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened.

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you.

I have something to show you.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage!

Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord!

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Free beer. Free beer.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it!

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny.

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for...

'Sup? Kids ready?

Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time.

So, I hear you're a machine... Ow! Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

I'm a banking industry regulator.

And yet, what did it solve?

But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment!

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone.

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair!

You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone.

"With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says."

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian?

This capital city Planet Amazonia.

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

You stole my kidney!

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Oh! If only I could read lips. ¿Comprende, Bender? You'll have to distract her. Merge your programming with hers while I shut down her brain. It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual.

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this. You know the worst thing about being a slave?

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Come on in, roomie.

He's still alive! Of course I'm alive.

What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible.

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real?

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me.

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Yes, we do. True dat.

We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Bot wash, yeah Oh...

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..."

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know.

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

That was quick.

I'm back, baby.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Humans are no threat to us.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg!

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my--

(SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first?

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING)

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No!

We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

Granted, shnookums.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something. Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts.

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela.

Thank you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs, I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar, but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars!

I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Shove it. We quit!

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension! FARNSWORTH: Indeed, but we're about to crash into some sort of huge disk! (ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time!

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I find it offensive.

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare. Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring?

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury. I'll see you during the recess.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But...

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault.

It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen.

before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

I'll take care of this.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime.

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Howdy, Amy. Glad to see you've come back to the country. It's where the flavor is. R.j., this is my boyfriend, Kif. This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh.

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

Just a little bit

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

Lightspeed briefs--

Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

Written and xeroxed.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Let's go already!

Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake. I know you're upset that your parents broke up. But what if Zapp really does make Munda happy? What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.

Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing.

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

How about a lift... to your place?

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Look at Bender roll that dough!

My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay?

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh...

Party on, contest winners. Party on.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over!

Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm,

(SIREN WAILING)

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart!

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good.

Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Is it anteater number two?

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Just play along. This could be our chance for romance. Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend. Just the four of us. Let's go already!

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about?

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk. Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Not to the layman, no.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured.

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space. There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies.

Here they are, freshly laundered and...

After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.

but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done. One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple."

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS)

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

that should take the tar right off.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back!

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk.

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Oh, excuse me. Hello, there.

And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down!

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing?

Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks.

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum!

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys! Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

May we help you, strange ones?

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

Look out, Earth.

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing?

We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery, the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth. Thank you.

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Don't quote me regulations.

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa! Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation.

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you. Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And it's straight! Coilette wins!

Nah. Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float! Thank you. Thank you.

And rip her shirt a little.

Bring it on, baby!

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love

world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Razzma flazzma plasma. We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING)

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING)

Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

In the belly of the beast.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10.

I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood.

But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars.

Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust?

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

Is anything not a robot?

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand.

I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they? (SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth.

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from.

What are you selling? Popplers?

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Darn it! I'll be right back.

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure! Ew! What a dump!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

hijacking your equilibRium

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate. (GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

(ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet.

You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past! Meanwhile-- I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long.

Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez.

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream.

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING)

That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine.

You could use it for picnics.

I saw that! Huh?

You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes.

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

(SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power! Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard!

Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS)

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

One, two. One, two, three.

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds.

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No!

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah.

"U leave me breathless"?

Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did,

I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa!

They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go!

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

Push, push! Use teamwork!

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang? I'm gonna go with yes again. Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds, but you've fallen in with a bad crowd.

I know how to make love.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy.

Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

(CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here!

I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

(ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time! I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

Company, attack!

Choke on that, causality!

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet? I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know.

Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

(SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

I'll take care of this. Back. Back.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela!

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Great. You are not going to regret this.

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot! - What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry.

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

What's your plan? What plan?

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics.

Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender?

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips.

I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

(CHUCKLES) Ladies, that is the kind of can-do performance I like to see... From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

Welcome to MomCorp.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey. Explain. Oh! You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor that I can survive simply by milking your admiration. Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process."

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is.

(POWER SURGING)

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages. (FIRING) (SCREAMS)

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

- Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one...

Who built you? I have always been.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

Alexander Hamilton of New York,

Guidance system? On-line. Autopilot? Present. Dark matter indicator? Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone.

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

What are you selling? Popplers? Never heard of 'em. Eat it or beat it. Mmm, mmm. These are great. Boys, this is your lucky day. I'm joe Gillman. Wow. You're some guy who eats at Fishy joe's?

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy,

What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

while I was still killing them.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING)

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom.

Show us this... the wheel.

That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right?

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date!

Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk. Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

Oh, joy! Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million. And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot!

Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two.

I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters"

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy,

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck?

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right!

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry--

Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey!

Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board. Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't.

I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time.

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily?

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone?

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

If you'll excuse me.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry.

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer, we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

- You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

and I can send you straight back in there!

Sorry, can't help you.

Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip?

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good.

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg?

I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING)

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

I'm going to relax by the fire with my bag off, so that will be all for the night. By your command. Come to paparazzo. (GASPS)

No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.

In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here.

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry,

Four million lines of BASIC.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm.

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works.

Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

There. Fixed forever.

Bring it on, soup can.

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

the great taste of Charleston Chew.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Bob Dole needs company.

You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you!

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him!

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

(SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you.

Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one! Sorry, toots.

I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Come on. We have work to do. Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game.

What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles.

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING)

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T."

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela?

And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar!

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong. (PEOPLE YELLING)

An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

the confidence to be your best.

Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing?

Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

Yes, definitely.

Spa Five? Is it good?

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson,

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed.

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA?

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich!

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp.

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying.

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot.

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow. Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health.

I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University,

Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast.

With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

(ALL CLAMORING) Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the orphanarium.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine,

Keep them and let us go?

A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Fine. I'll be back in a few days. Man, I hate those new 1-X robots.

Oh, no, you don't! I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

You left the keys in the ignition.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look!

Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses.

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do.

I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically.

Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes?

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear. Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name.

I want my hands back

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this. I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down. Ah, don't feel bad. Major MacZongo is an experienced hunter. He'll blow Mr. Peppy's head off as painlessly as possible.

All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature.

How the hell do you do that?

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this.

I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you.

Thanks for saving my life, Kif. You're my hero.

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

They smell like burning rhesus monkey.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan.

Wow. We're great kissers.

Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet? I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home.

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise...

(CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

Well, let's get looting. So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it? Ah, just as I thought.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil!

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. (BARKING)

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

We don't have much time.

(BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Well, it didn't work.

The old dine-and-dash, eh?

But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

You see, the active ingredient in my Good News herbal supplement grows only on Omicron Persei 8.

I've got to redeem myself.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone.

If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Play it one more time. No!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two.

(HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine.

I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me. According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office. Admit it.

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin'

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven,

Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

She'll be less sad when we die. Mom? Dad? I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

Yo, ABBA, what's that next door? That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination?

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal.

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Please use the beeps.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Surprise! Mind if we crash here tonight?

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this.

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on?

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine.

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet.

I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss. Here, give her these. And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No!

What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but...

It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

(SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Good luck, Bender!

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

What are you, gay?

Women only room!

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'?

I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human.

But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry.

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it...

Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

Hands up! This is a stickup again!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines.

Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

Move it, you ugly normals!

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

A doctor, honey. Hmm...

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Let me show you around.

No! Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

At last I'm beautiful!

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

(SOBBING) Earth is gone!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble?

And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back.

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

One, two! one, two, three!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back.

Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em! Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now.

(GASPS) (SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better. (CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those?

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

- What room? - Bathroom.

Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!

Holy zombie jesus!

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet,

Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history!

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

(ALL GASPING) - Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news!

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right?

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

No! I'm having fun and a sardini! 15 black. ALL: Aw...

You're nothing but a big blowhard.

We're just two happy couples on a double date.

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district. If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved!

Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

I'm back, baby.

But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon. But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history. The rest of you aren't voting for him, are you? - Sure, we are! - Why not? He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

And the winner is--

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.

Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what?

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I...

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto!

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry.

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars. It Mars that gonna be destroyed. (ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long.

You can sleep in the barn.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well... Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court. Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup.

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Hello? Anybody? Fry?

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case. I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover,

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

You can drink with me, maybe?

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables,

Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

(SOBBING) Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete

Edna? Honey? Edna! Ew!

Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat. People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other.

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Hello! What's all this then?

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

Hold him down. Check.

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally! Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom.

(BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this?

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface?

Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Oh! I don't get it. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

It will be a rich, full day.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

Whoa! Check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas! Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me.

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they?

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but...

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

One, two! one, two, three!

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop,

And I'm his friend jesus.

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa! I recognize this. It's the 1960s!

No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms. Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees.

but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda.

but I've got an ace up my hole.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Your mama's so ugly!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness!

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers?

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors...

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire!

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

So, where's the fire this time?

Hello! What's all this then?

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded!

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

In the year 252,525

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

It'll get there.

That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Hello, Leela. You're fired.

At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks,

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you. Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash? Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Hello. Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants.

(DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years...

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol!

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I made a difference after all. You absolutely did, Leela.

Here, let me help you.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem?

What the hell are you doing here?

I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble!

Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live. Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole? It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains?

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash!

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Trees down. Trees down.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Whatcha eating?

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow!

(BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh!

And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit!

Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit.

I thought you were named Angus.

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

Coming, gigantums!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

I find the defendants guilty.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror.

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

The search for food takes the elephant seal to depths few other mammals can reach. In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss.

(BENDER GROANS)

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor!

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes.

- Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back. Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up. Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um,

For A thOusand summers I Will

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today.

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

You go fight biggest brain of all.

Ni! One! What th--

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss.

Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence.

A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files. Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

Robots don't say "ye."

That's it, Brett.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS)

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More!

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

What do you mean, a scam?

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents!

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on...

that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful.

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

But we still need someone to pilot the ship.

Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out,

If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants?

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you. Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Can I at least get a photo? And before you answer that... (CAMERA CLICKS) (CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies. The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status? Not good. The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and...

Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

I'm going to build that smelloscope.

Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

because I like you.

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore.

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself,

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there?

It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here,

(CACKLING) (GASPS)

- Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either.

Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please.

Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic!

No! Stop! I say.

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

One Eye, One Eye!

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral. I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep! To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver...

I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side. My parents left after you passed out, so they didn't even see you barf.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Let's watch, shall we?

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

I still don't see why you get the window seat. Folks, this is your captain. Our snake tanks are fully loaded, so once I figure out which button launches this... - (ALL GASP) - I figured it out! (ALL SCREAMING)

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

I designed it myself.

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job,

You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping.

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

to toy with my emotions.

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not!

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Hell, no. I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto. Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks.

Turn off that crap-o-rama!

Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat. (BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING)

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo!

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling.

And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew?

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter!

Peace out, y'all!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line.

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble. (SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again?

Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not.

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

No, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do. Pee-u. Joey, you got fingers, right? Help me fix the lady's wheel.

and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people.

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor.

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING)

(GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart.

Millionaires, nothing!

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care,

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

Squidification? If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out.

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what?

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery.

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Kick it. He could make a good hat rack He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move Or a great big giant thermos Giant thermos With a twist-off top That would be good for soup

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Not necessarily.

Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me?

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend.

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.

Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

Stay tuned for more:

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING)

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

and his owner, Fluffers.

Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry--

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING)

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper.

Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart,

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Fifteen seconds.

It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

I'm still listening, you big lug. Well, what I'm trying to say is, in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children. N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Did you hear a noise? Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot?

Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer...

(ALARM WAILING)

Low wine level detected. Thank you.

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

Quick, take my hand.

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

And this time I mean it!

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

The captain's table. What an honor.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses.

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

And the winner is... Bender!

(SIGHS) (SCREAMS)

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull!

Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you--

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't. (ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that?

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm...

When will the killing end?

This is mine, right next to the center square. Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile. (BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on!

Total celebrity trash.

Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs.

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three. Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer

You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho!

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Son, I think I can safely say--

And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

Einstein is a hard name to remember.

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

We'll have to bring her around again.

you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine?

Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

Do you think perhaps, you and I...

Let the bloodbath begin!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

That was great!

(GAGGING) Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me. That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall?

Pay dirt! Hyah!

A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety.

Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it!

Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together.

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into? Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise.

Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all.

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work.

At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

I will lose all respect for you and punch you. Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow. And here we go!

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

Not often though. Mmm.

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

(BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous.

Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with.

Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Now, that's hospital dancing.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

(MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

Wow, I love symposia.

For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics? I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet.

Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk!

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris.

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING)

I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why.

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel.

Mulligan drives the ball. It's going, going and caught by the shortstop. Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms!

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender.

What I'll remember is our time together.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet! Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet.

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

One of you guys do something!

Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

Slurm her! So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair?

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz... "A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that?

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you?

The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat.

So? He seems like a nice kahuna.

No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys.

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.

The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future. Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body.

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you?

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why?

Happy birthday!

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual?

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING)

to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part.

Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

(PLAYING PIANO) Oh, Mr. Agnew? (GRUNTING)

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will. (BOTH LAUGH) (BOTH MOANING)

One, two! one, two, three!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

But that is so what I would've done.

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump!

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it.

Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me?

Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you?

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part.

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed! (GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight.

but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

Fry, it is my duty to inform you... that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard,

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself. Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

That's it! Happy birthday!

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better. Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

(ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus.

Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director. Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo?

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS)

Probably. That's right, ugly.

But, Mr. Barker-- Enough out of you! I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises!

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I!

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months,

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy.

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

And don't eat it.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

So, let's get brick-faced!

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

I'm de-promoting you, soldier.

Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil!

Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around?

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old?

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Thee will be done.

Hello? Anybody home?

The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

She asked first.

Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING) (GASPS)

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe.

Baconated grapefruit?

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law--

Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays, but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault.

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood? I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever.

Ugh! Aw! You sure you won't come to your mom's wedding? There'll be chicken or fish, circle one. I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake.

Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Everybody, do the Bender.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen.

Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth.

You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship.

An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.

(GASPS) Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well!

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest.

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators.

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds.

I mean, look at those two.

This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done? Man, that's heavy. Osmium heavy. (SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence? Say what? You're my partner, home Fry. Besides, I got my own secrets.

That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits.

Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

(SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during...

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure.

I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage.

(SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere. Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first. Um, are you Lucy Liu?

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby!

Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

No! Get away from there. That's it!

I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

Thank you, Hermes.

The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror.

I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself.

I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Oh, my God, you're Beck!

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun,

Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up.

Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Mmm, mmm, mmm! Mama knows what I like! Huh? (SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling!

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history...

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

(YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?

Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian?

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING)

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.

Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

(CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job.

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore,

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am?

Go, team! Beat those no-good Signoids! Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

It's going totally Kanye.

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Who put this in here?

It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand.

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it.

It's all right.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment. Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow.

What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back.

Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it.

I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because...

Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry.

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal?

Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here? If you can't see me, is that private? (GROANS) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.

Leave Todd out of this.

Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night.

And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable.

Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Now that's entertainment.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions. One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets!

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch? Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch?

You a big dummy!

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing. (ALL SNORING) (THUD) (ALL EXCLAIM) What? Huh? I guess we're here. Let's make the delivery. FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything?

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me!

God rest her zombie bones.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy.

It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail.

I'm sorry. What?

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story...

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones.

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us.

But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Shh! You're not cops, right?

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Whatever. Now, Admiral, in exchange for your promise not to attack us, we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

Can I have a refund now?

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something.

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache. My damn skin even hurts. It's no dream house, but we get fed through our spines and the rent is reasonable.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!"

Firing pocket-rocket!

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider.

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i?

Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you...

Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

What is the matter with you?

Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Um, a little help, please. Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth.

was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me!

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like.

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories. I'll go think some up right now.

We were defeated in battle.

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest...

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any?

- and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

(YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING)

That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

What? What is funny?

Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here,

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already.

Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul.

Mmm, Soylent Green is my kind of people. Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion. I'm swimming in my own soylent waste. It's a good thing.

I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Oh, my God, you saved my life.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.

You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No!

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there...

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

Wow. There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up,

where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING)

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide

I'm enjoying the casino business.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine!

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

"Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character?

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.

Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

"'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

I don't care if that operation will only delay the tentacles. Somehow, we got to find a way to pay for it. Oh, it's no use. There's absolutely no way we can afford to... Wait! We'll sell old Bessie! Fry, take the old gal to market and get the best darn price you can.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

One, two! one, two, three!

That's not an astronaut.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack?

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25!

And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind... Should we turn on the TV?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

light up a smoke.

Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure. Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back.

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

Oh! I hate that rodent.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

Does not compute.

Bring him, quickly. (GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

This is quite a large ranch you have. 17.9 billion acres. We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth.

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you. Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash,

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Prepare for the stereophonic experience.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

My baby's milk money!

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West.

Yeah. Why do you bring that up?

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello,"

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go. I'm your top of the line, Mom.

They're on to me!

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Let me see those glasses.

(ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.

They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

Uh-oh. Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon? There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided.

WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

Did-Did you just talk?

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

We're gonna crash!

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it!

i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

That's a good one. Ow!

Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook?

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew!

And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

My God, is it possible?

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then.

And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know.

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise.

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind. This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that?

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden?

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve,

Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do.

Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh?

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in!

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question?

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

Sounds delicious. Mmm.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Then we'll go with that data file.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route.

I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

As your god is my witness.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

Choke on that, causality!

Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion,

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared.

Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank,

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end,

Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned.

Good riddance. What about my service?

I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me.

Schedule conflict.

and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about!

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass!

I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you.

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Okay. Yeah. Mmm!

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

That's coming out of your pay.

Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

But it's so round, so hideously round.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself.

Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for. I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

(CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket.

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only. Ah...

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest,

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

(SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault!

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG.

Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker!

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal.

We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot!

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

(FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo!

Not covered. just get in the car.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells.

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers."

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Leela, no means no.

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant...

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers.

Those cats can really fly.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

Oh, God, what have I done?

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them!

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

Because I've always wanted to.

You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry?

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

Set motherhood mode.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money?

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Holy night! Intruders!

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network. Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots.

if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk.

Bender and his obnoxious ego.

What part of that do I understand? It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting... and my unaccountable brilliance... our paper route now has over a million customers! We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you? Uh, in a small way, yes.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

Beer? Underpants?

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

Oh. That's a little bright.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height--

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Your permanent career assignment.

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Hey, I know. Let's take Calculon to Hollywood so he can get back his job on All My Circuits! Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic...

We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth. Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

(STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender,

Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting,

Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him.

Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Freeze, bagwad.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

you'll be towing the juan Valdez,

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

Oh. I'm broken again.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew! Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool.

Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen.

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

My word. If these enter circulation, our economy will be destroyed, and with it, our chance at independence. Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa.

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead.

Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive.

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

$75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world.

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it!

We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball.

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all!

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish?

You both should be in here instead of me.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

(TRAIN HONKING)

(SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS)

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS)

I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

The toilet. I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg?

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt."

It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest?

Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians! Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job! I'll miss you, Leela.

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century!

Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess.

We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends. Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to.

Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

That's pretty much it.

Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no!

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

(WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Good news, everyone! Ugh!

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide!

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Do I know you? Have we met? What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Move it, crap-for-brains!

There they are!

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing!

Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles.

Oh, God, it's true!

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray.

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

This is a job for Hermberg.

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it!

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere? From within.

Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

(CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna?

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators.

And this time I mean it!

All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer.

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough.

You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail. We did it! We won!

Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists.

My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

Choke on that, causality!

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well,

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof"

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump!

No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

Don't drop that there. Oh...

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he? There, in his ice fortress.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING)

reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way. Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon!

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled!

I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity!

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now.

Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms.

(SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with. But Amy and Leela aren't butterflies. Right?

but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's--

Hey, Fry, think fast.

Ready? Retreat! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off.

Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Well, I'm stumped.

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur.

Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

That's it over there.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone,

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

How do you do? Hmm.

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching. Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do

Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

Whoa, there's writing in here! Also, this grease is flammable. (GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer?

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him.

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy?

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

All My Circuits is brought to you by...

I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work.

Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

The sun, the sea air, good friends...

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir,

That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer!

Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Hello. Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh!

Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

They're getting married.

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser. I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it.

How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

What is it? I burned my finger.

No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere. - So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

You stink, loser.

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly?

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby!

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second.

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees! It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from.

(GULPING) (BURPING)

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

To the sub-basement! You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING)

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Man, my hive's been going buck-wild since these blood-ganking butt crabs moved in. Been there, done that. They're all infected, just like the bees on Earth. Brother-sucking parasites gone and disrupted our hive mind. Now, instead of working in harmony,

Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

My God! The senile old man is right!

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

"Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

No, I guess it keeps going.

I still remember the combination. Three.

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

What's wrong? Nothing.

Who are you people?

Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus.

Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you.

Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain. Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post.

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share,

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms?

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Amazing grace... How...

Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys. The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back.

I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it.

In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one.

No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot.

The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back.

Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

I'll just be a minute.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth.

Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

That's what makes it so juicy.

Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Hello, lawsuit.

Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin.

These things are always touching me in places.

They went this way!

No! The cat shelter's on to me. Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes.

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Well, that was pointless.

They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you?

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan.

Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party.

Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not. With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

It looks so unhappy.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Sardini? I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken.

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it. Quick, get in. It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Don't shut that door, partner. I'm a crazy Texas robot millionaire, and I plan on losing billions in your "casiny." Can you assure me my losings will be safe in this here money closet? Yes. Please step aside.

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster...

Either way. (WHINES)

All right! Hooray!

Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

(SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse!

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Santa Claus is coming to town. All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.

That's my ass! My God!

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

- (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

Fry! But how did you find this planet?

how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Oh, nowi get it.

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

So now my character has a British accent?

I didn't hurt you, did I?

with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes.

It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you.

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction.

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it.

Bender! Down with Bender!

All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela!

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov?

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first.

Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed.

(BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy.

Don't wanna talk about anything else

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows!

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too?

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Come on. It'll be fun.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING)

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream?

Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters--

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Where did you learn such language?

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish. Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through!

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering?

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

"this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is.

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak.

and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

Keep that thing away from me.

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters!

I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

because you can't possibly do a scene like this. That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny!

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar. I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds?

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss.

Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance?

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN)

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

It's inhabited by robots.

So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys.

Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying!

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer,

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

There. LEELA: Momsanto? Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words!

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused.

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir?

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place. Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth!

Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it.

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Here's corpsey!

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful.

Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

You folks watch your genitals now.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator,

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent.

If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING)

You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this.

I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?

our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time.

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha!

(READING) Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one. It's "nut" so good.

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Where do all these child-sized beers come from?

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

You knocked Fox off the air.

You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.

Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh!

Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them. Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining,

It Og's first time. Be gentle!

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing! You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"!

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch?

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear? Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid.

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet.

It might be you.

You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love. Here, let me do it. Lousy arm must be rigged.

Well, that was dumb.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction.

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap! Come on. Come on!

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over!

Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!

What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS)

What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

NDND: I knew it!

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir?

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah,

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

- But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet, where your race has lived since the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence--

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist.

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

What time is it?

How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship.

Nobody wants to see you ever again!

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you.

Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal.

Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor.

Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin!

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins!

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son.

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no! Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar.

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend.

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters.

You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan. What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do?

I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut! (GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions?

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius! Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Hey, big lobster

You went to college?

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt!

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels. (GASPS) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end?

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible,

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Anything. Why did you do all that stuff?

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats.

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot!

I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us?

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING)

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over.

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond.

Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it!

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened?

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

(SIREN WAILING) (MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon?

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage?

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

- And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers. Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap.

why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals.

Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet?

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps--

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

I'm just so lonely!

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh...

I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God! Whoa! Whoa!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman.

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

- And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar?

- (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

On, my, no. Off we go.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

In fact, forget the park.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that.

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

- I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

I don't feel well

No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you.

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son.

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight!

In the year one million and a half

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us. Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch.

If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.-- Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton?

You'll never make money that way. You supply them to me and I'll sell them for two bucks a dozen at my restaurants. I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop!

You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah.

(STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY) (GUITAR STRUMMING) Then I shot him and stabbed him and stole all his gold

Ah, fame. Where do I come in? This fame film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your doctor money. So, are you in? Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me...

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong?

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

I don't even want to... why is... What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger.

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world,

There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome! Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings.

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here.

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling...

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning. (ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe!

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous. Nude rock bands. Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon.

There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?

It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is...

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

These conditions are deplorable.

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful!

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama,

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

Greetings, my friends!

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

This robot will never bend.

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

Warships dismissed!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

I'm sorry I treated you so badly.

It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet,

Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies.

See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha!

Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and--

(ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING)

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

can only be called a mystery. Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon. Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew?

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Run program "Kif://3." This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone.

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon!

But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites?

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what?

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

I'd like to return these for a refund.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years,

Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise. Be very gentle, folks.

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle. (HORN SOUNDING) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs?

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

That heavenly stench.

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap.

Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz...

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses. The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth.

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

Does that dummy have a brother?

Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain. Where's the money in that? I'll just make up my own. But, robot, you can't just make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. They have to come from the heart. Wrong again, Zoidberg. While you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope.

you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die.

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy

You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

(SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Calculon's gonna kill us for sure,

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact...

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign.

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Now here's a route with some chest hair.

In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

Flame creature?

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample.

What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh?

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on. Even my ass wouldn't watch that.

It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I love this job. Me, too.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab! How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person. Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE)

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

What? That? That's just my personal musk.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING)

Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What? It's simple, you simpletons. Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged!

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work--

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety!

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Now, tragedy... That's funny.

The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn!

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

To the subbasement! Powering up Clone-O-Mat.

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?! You all know the rules.

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy.

AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Top-secret news, everyone. I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth fighter that's virtually undetectable. How undetectable? It's right in front of you. I find that... (GROANS) to believe.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck!

Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the--

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit,

His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves.

Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad.

Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar. Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Is the Space Pope reptilian?

We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that.

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I put him through law school by working as a dog walker for antisocial dogs. Sorry. But soon after Charles graduated our marriage ran into difficulties.

I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong!

Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow!

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car!

But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years. You were ready six years ago. What? I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

I don't like you.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

We just need to draw attention away from the eye area. Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them?

The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander!

where a man can gaze up at the sky in wonder without a wet clump falling in his mouth. MALE MUTANT: We can do that, too. (PLOPPING) Who's ready to fight for equality? The devolution revolution has begun!

Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown. I love ice fishing. I shouldn't be out in this cold. I have no protective fat, hair or warm blood.

Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know?

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid...

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter,

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs.

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus,

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

(BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps.

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because...

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look.

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry...

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

But for the proud people of Robonia!

As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me. Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own. What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

(ZAPP YODELING)

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire.

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here?

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir!

My ice cream Manwich!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes!

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

Nah, I'm kidding.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

Ah, who asked you?

Fry, stay back!

But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh? A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter!

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

(OWLS HOOTING) I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes.

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender,

Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault. Yeah.

Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous!

Oh, it's a turnstile.

Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day,

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me. Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle?

Fry, help, let me in.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me.

I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot.

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy!

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Second. Very well. I nominate the professor!

Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that.

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Oy. Now he emotes!

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

(CLAMORING CONTINUES)

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise,

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it.

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What?

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great.

Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years. Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir.

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?

(LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

He's so polite.

Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive? (ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles. Well, that's too darn bad.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead.

That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror."

Or should I say, "Evila"?

Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh?

That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh?

But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change?

It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp! Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please. If someone could spare me money to buy shoes--

Does that dummy have a brother?

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here!

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside,

(ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end,

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is,

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that?

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz?

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am.

Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I...

Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants.

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it!

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers.

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo.

same as my PIN number.

Ah, relax, chum.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh!

It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

Go satisfy your bend lust,

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Hold out your arm. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow! FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory.

Any old, useless matter will do.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

(MINER GRUNTS) (ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model.

Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy.

The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly! Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

And what about this?

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers!

(EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate.

Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers. (CHUCKLES) Ladies, that is the kind of can-do performance I like to see... From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby.

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Do you have any gum? No.

This is wrong, Washbucket.

Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

The time skips haven't stopped at all.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot. She sure does. Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom?

Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together.

(FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

BENDER: Aw! What?

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Yes! The rich get richer.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Burning garbage. It worked!

ALL BENDERS: Screw that!

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

(HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying.

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button?

Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind.

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans, I'm proud to announce I'm running for reelection as president of Earth, the greatest planet in the world. ALL: Yeah!

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

(MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot. Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING)

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten,

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

(ALL SCREAMING)

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman!

At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in.

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid.

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

Hello, boys. Whoa!

Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for--

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby.

Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay. Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o!

Sweet, juicy justice!

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Professor, you did it.

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin! I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water.

You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head.

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what?

(LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

Who are you talking to, sir? You.

Heh, heh! Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans. Add a one and two zeroes in front of that, we got ourselves a wad.

I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that.

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer.

True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh--

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

(CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?

"The Grumpy Snail."

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking.

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Daddy done good, huh?

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

They Live lens?

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here.

I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table?

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything?

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING) (CATS MEOWING)

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

It's all-natural. So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

(GRUNTING) Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Leela, please tell the others that...

Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part.

I've never seen a supernova blow up.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,

Captain Branigan, you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

I find it offensive.

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you?

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming.

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots!

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

(YELPING) Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right?

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm...

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract...

No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope.

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

Now I'm all you got!

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

We never even left this building. What?

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day.

Oh. I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary. I wish I could help raise awareness about broken robots.

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here,

I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

You were in a zoo!

Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck.

A tapeworm! - We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.!

Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

(BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Well, that was dumb.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words.

I just never realized it until I met you.

Now that is irony

Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone.

I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question.

That doesn't sound like me.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder.

Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

What's that? War were declared.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me.

Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw! Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain,

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING)

So, you grow hemp.

just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Double time, soldier.

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No!

"All female employees must pose nude if requested."

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right!

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Now shut up and drag me to work.

You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Oh, I don't have time for this!

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

I can't spell anything with these cards.

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

It's like skateboarding.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa.

Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha!

Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

(SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever.

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire. (BENDER WHOOPING) We did it!

Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again.

H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

Look, the bone vampire! (MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better.

of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again. Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course!

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime.

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers.

Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

That's basically what I do every day.

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human!

Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor.

Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Farewell from the world of tomorrow! They say a spoonful of space honey...

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty?

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend?

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry? People of Earth... Shh!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

One, two! one, two, three!

No. Aah! This is not happening.

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace,

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new!

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Then good luck, sister.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone,

Hello? Anybody home?

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

Oh, heaven's no!

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death!

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside. What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula?

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you.

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING)

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement.

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king.

It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is? Hello. Did that snake say, "Hello"? No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there.

Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Burning garbage. It worked!

(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore. Dad! We screwed up!

But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot...

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool.

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy! Need a lift? Oh! Oh! Ooh! Great Mother Mars. He has the gift.

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

No! At last I'm beautiful!

Eight one-million-dollar chips, please. I think that's about eight. Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing?

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm. Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball. Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

You're pathetic.

You'll never have another chance at it!

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs.

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers,

I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

You bet, sport.

Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over. (SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium!

(ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya!

helps ease the pain. It's good!

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

Look out, a solar flare!

(ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman.

Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

"Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before?

What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship! Oh, dip!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey!

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm! Hello, beautiful. I got these for you.

My hair! My wedding cake!

I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food.

Choke on that, causality!

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Oh, shut up! Amazing. I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof. Good for you. Can we go home now?

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo.

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe-- even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon.

Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES)

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

How do you like me now?!

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself.

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth. Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Watch for the closing doors.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich!

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

Those are great.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa!

So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi.

Will there be cake?

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.

Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends. And I will not kill him.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen?

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend?

Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why?

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar. If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.--

Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Someone toss me out the window!

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes!

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us?

Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Hurray! Hurray!

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi!

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but...

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition.

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

My God! It's the Pantheon!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber!

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Massive corn clog in port seven.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad.

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

We sure are cheerful this morning.

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension.

Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry.

Allow me. There we go.

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

That's tasty. Too tasty.

Oh, boy. Yes! Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

Hello, everyone.

And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better. And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted.

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING)

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

(GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING)

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela?

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler.

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and,

Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder. Why? No reason. No reason at all.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump!

(BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

There! No rampaging for you tonight.

Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never...

It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry!

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING)

Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

No! No! No! No!

Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head.

Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist.

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

A risk-taker. That's my boy.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

One, two! one, two, three!

Well... Excuse me, sir?

We want McNeal!

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

Perhaps. What's your point?

Stop them! They cheated!

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever,

Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit!

Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met.

Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

Invalid selection.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

What is this, an inquisition? You in or not? Yes.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone.

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle?

Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad.

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed.

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy!

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank.

Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

I will. I will.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

(ALL SCREAMING) What's this dump?

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it!

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab. You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that!

Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay?

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what? Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

But most of all, I blame you, hunt master.

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm.

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator. Uh-oh.

Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned!

but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new? I was just regaling your former coworkers... with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love.

Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when

No, no, that was all just special effects.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest,

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

(MOTOR RUNNING)

Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Oy. I lost another one.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day.

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

- Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away! Go, go, go New Justice Team

Yes! Front row!

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut.

Look at my crazy passport.

WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll see you this weekend. - Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket!

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye?

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING)

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

We're going to die!

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Great. We're gonna die.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong.

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us.

enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean?

I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh?

Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea.

The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny?

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once!

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

And we're out of business.

You can come out. Don't be scared.

none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful!

If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela?

Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift--

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am!

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

It's every man for himself!

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader--

And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

You really want a robot for a friend?

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about?

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

But Your, um, Martian-ness. These buggalo aren't yours. They belong to the Wong family. You mean family that took all Martian land and gave us one lousy bead?

And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

I just wanted to be popular. Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all.

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING)

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy.

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender.

hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon.

You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o?

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows. Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I had dreams, too! I was going to surf the world's sewers, but I happily gave it up for you. Happily! I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite.

There's always going to be someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got. But you've got nothing. Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode...

What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though.

Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool,

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

But us guys from under the red sun, we're like...

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl!

We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Ah, Mom, do we have to?

What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about.

I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine!

Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

Hey, Three Ears!

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting?

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad...

As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love!

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Get in there and pitch like you've never pitched like you before! Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Yea, Leela!

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys.

TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Aah! Oh! Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last...

No! While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small.

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy!

No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite. Hey, big lobster

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

Yes, sir, Captain.

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen!

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives?

up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern...

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

All hail Femputer!

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum?

The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING)

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

Smell for yourself. Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows?

My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me.

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks?

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact.

It's Petunia, your dream girl.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

Update Facebook status home?

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

I sure love Leela.

Bunk! Bunk, I say!

Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

Why don't they just use a thought spike like normal people? FARNSWORTH: I don't know, Amy.

Quick! In there! Huh?

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens,

Nibbler? Poopsie-doodle? Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other! ALL: Aw!

Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

I can see sideways in time.

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?

Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Pay dirt! Hyah!

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Are the pizza muffins ready?

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up!

In fact, should I do it now?

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Want to try it? You know you want to. A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great.

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that.

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

(HORN SOUNDING) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs? Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first?

Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him.

So, where's the fire this time? Here.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry. You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge.

Hermes, don't press that button!

ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Did it just get warmer?

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!

No time for an injection.

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us.

You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now.

What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

He's got me beat.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate.

And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS)

Shmeezus, it's hot!

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING) Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my...

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man.

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal.

A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Come on, girdle. Hold.

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

(BEEPING) Sorry, ma'am, I'll have to confiscate your artificial kneecap. Okay, here you go. FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge?

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry!

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Bollocks, I got it, too.

No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters?

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack!

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

You scored big points tonight, sir. What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers!

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die?

(WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold!

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.