comb.io - Clips

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over?

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Two, three... hey.

Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope.

The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh...

until both males are exhausted or dead.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid?

Ah, yes, the bag. I've never understood people's fascination with that. The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes.

Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

(SCREAMING) Blood?

You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism.

Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale!

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever.

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time.

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this.

I want to live!

So, how about them Knicks?

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month.

I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

What the hell is it?

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

That's coming out of your pay.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me,

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money...

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind--

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

(ALL SCREAMING) I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord!

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

What about my service?

Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Noon tomorrow. If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Great. We're gonna die.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING) A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Steady. Steady. Now!

by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

One, two! one, two, three!

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you?

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Hey, rich lobster Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

We want our TV back.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Look! I barely exploded at all.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode.

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man. Cruel fate, I'm dead.

We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh!

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

- Charleston Chew? - You bet!

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

(GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

tell them right now.

Oh, nag, nag, nag.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

My antenna's fine. It's just fine.

I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could. He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS)

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well,

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Oh, Fry, you must be alive.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss,

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"?

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

and subscription to Cosmo.

(DOGS GROWLING) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit.

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating.

And yet, what did it solve?

A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it?

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name?

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING)

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do.

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

But-But won't that change history?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going.

(LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years.

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon,

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.

Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener?

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

(SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move. (GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out!

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it!

Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next. Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash?

What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Hello! Pizza delivery!

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Permission to come aboard?

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a...

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Tear it down and try again,

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless.

if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that... when you meet my boyfriend tonight. Ah, that right. We finally get to spend some time with this Mr. Kif. I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren. This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

"The Grumpy Snail."

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow.

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing!

Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

(BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working!

That's a good one. Ow!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it? This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry. It's about pride. Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot. My only outlet was Octouran kung fu.

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm!

One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off!

Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face?

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

I get your hands? Zam!

What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale!

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

I'll bet you run your own hatchery,

It's tragedy on a bun.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Hermes, don't press that button!

I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

What's that loud digesting sound?

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that.

Also, I rigged one race. I'd have won a lot of money too, if I still had my lucky seven-leaf clover. Plus, I'd still have my hair. I got your page, Mr. Fry. Your new hair is ready. So, whatever happened to this seven-leaf clover? I hid it in a secret hiding place...

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown. As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

No. Aah! This is not happening.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh.

We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Stop that Red Menace!

Hey, big lobster Take a little bath with me

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser?

Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Aw... what's the point?!

I trust you... (SNARLING)

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint!

Oh, what's the point?

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again.

It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant.

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING) ...pause?

Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Shut up and hoot. Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING)

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting?

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Now that is irony

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

Why always the fighting?

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself.

Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth. So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before,

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

When will they learn? Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you.

Now I'm more interested in that new pizza parlor across the street. Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's your pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure. That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew!

I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter.

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

Right, men? You suck!

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

(ALARM BEEPING)

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base.

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer...

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on?

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Mine's not working. Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words." Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

(GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING)

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man!

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no.

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see.

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

I'll avenge you, master.

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

- It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension! FARNSWORTH: Indeed, but we're about to crash into some sort of huge disk!

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane?

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you!

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world.

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

Now, that I like for some reason. (SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

We'll be safe in here. The walls are impregnable, and we have enough food and board games to survive for weeks. We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography?

Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band

When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back. (ALL GASPING) Pops. Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in.

I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept.

It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

"Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror,

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk. So the picture robbed them of their souls?

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING)

Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful.

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse.

You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa...

Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out.

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase. There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there? Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you.

Yeah, you'd better run. Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

No reason at all.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.

For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained!

On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me.

Whatever. It doesn't really matter.

Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely.

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory!

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Yeah, me too now.

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia!

Wait, I have an idea.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um...

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Second. Very well. I nominate the professor!

I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone.

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right.

I'm 60% storage space.

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system. (CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor!

I think I'm going to die.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

(HARPOON LOADING)

and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate. So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we? I sure as hell don't.

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander.

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk!

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag,

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive?

I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud.

Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Somebody call the fire department!

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. And that's how I defeated Elzar, thanks to Spargle's magic liquid.

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words. I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell."

Puny human number one, puny human number two,

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

So this is where they stick old people.

Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender.

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts.

Mine's not working.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Mr. Vice President.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered.

And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear. I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight,

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

A hundred dollars a week!

You're the only woman who ever loved me.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.

There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on?

Frame someone! What up? I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril.

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY)

It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom.

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol. Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Boo! Go to hell!

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut!

I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar. If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.--

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

Add a one and two zeroes in front of that, we got ourselves a wad.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

It's so big and empty.

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back.

and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

They're on to me!

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you.

Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship,

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there?

MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up,

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards. I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone?

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Thank you, Don-bot.

Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more?

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o!

Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool,

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun...

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

All right, enough of this.

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo!

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy--

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Bad news, friends.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool? I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype.

And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!

What the hell's been going on around here?

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on.

You see-- Magic. Got it.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Cue the fireworks guy! Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood.

I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes!

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES)

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks.

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor.

Challenger-er Bender-er!

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Right up until my third heart attack.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride.

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual.

Is that better?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing...

Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here.

Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out!

Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm?

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

I will go this far and no further.

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there.

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole.

Help, Satan! You owe me!

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

I'm in trouble.

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you? A hidden camera for my bathroom. I suspect a certain robot of unauthorized butt brushing. Got ya.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence!

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar. Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd.

BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

'Sup? Kids ready?

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

No galaxies there.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Bender, quick! Waggle something!

That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive!

You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom.

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

- We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script...

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

The Art of War.

I want to hear how it ends.

You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data.

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant?

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person. Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE)

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop!

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings.

You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again!

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined!

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah?

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here?

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops!

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose.

Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

This is the brass ring, fellas.

Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend. Just the four of us. Let's go already!

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on! I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

Me too! A big fat one.

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow! Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.

Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

(ALL SCREAMING)

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits.

You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Oh, my! Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Of course I'll tell you more stories.

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel.

Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start?

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry--

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations?

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot!

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

Good-bye, cruel world.

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime.

As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

(DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

Granted, shnookums.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it.

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Uh-huh. Amy Wong. And you are? Mad at Wong family.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

You see, the active ingredient in my Good News herbal supplement grows only on Omicron Persei 8. And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats. Ha! Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line?

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Same place as your species... the beach.

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama."

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING) Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them.

No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk. Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet.

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

Here's corpsey!

when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Good riddance. What about my service?

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Soylent Green-ooh!

Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy.

And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here.

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

She's a monster. You're insane.

You rotten kids!

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

Where do you think you're going, No-cat?

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

He was born all right, just like he said. And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday,

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich. I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there! He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it.

Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice.

Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

Chief! Me find huge hole melted in ice, out past Cesar Chavez ridge! Hole go all the way outside! This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore!

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages. He's walking on sunshine now.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them. So, do we have the contract?

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry...

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Boy, that thing's big.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No.

A fancy dress gala?

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe. Fetch.

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother,

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again.

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING)

(ROOSTER CROWING)

To shreds, you say.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Have you seen this robot?

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo! That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot!

The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh...

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all!

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it.

No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone.

Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen. Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn. AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian!

Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

All right, enough of this.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

Relax, friends.

Fire indeed hot!

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly.

The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest! Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew!

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

Look on the bright side.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry?

People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss... No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards!

I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams--

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

Why with the long faces?

She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window. You know, Zoidberg, it's crazy, but when you talk this way your obvious deficiencies as a male seem... less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night--

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING)

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy

Crazy gibberish.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button?

What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see?

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase!

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary.

No! Quit asking!

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

One, two! one, two, three!

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

(SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere?

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no.

I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world. Well, in a three-block radius. Of all time!

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw.

Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all.

The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V." Trey, "V." Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question!

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired. Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

Not even close.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it.

You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr. The week I spent hiding in your closet, eating your turds, was the best week of my life.

Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated. What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

BOTH: Mmm... A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou. Oh! Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you?

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Nope. They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready. Just take the damn picture. Let me just adjust the focus, F-stop, shutter speed.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

Look, could chocolate just let me finish?

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

(BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

(CHOKES) (GROANS)

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Ah, Mom, do we have to? (CLUCKING)

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you?

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife.

(SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Hardass. I heard that.

Excellent, excellent.

- Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit!

I will go this far and no further.

Cut! That was terrible! Just stick to the script. And if you don't get it on the second take, you're fired. Let's take five, people. (BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you.

His legend lives on!

How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

(RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm...

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar.

Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people.

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here.

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

I'll say. Whoo!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

(FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was.

(HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

Where are we? Also, when are we?

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called...

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no!

Not inno-guilty-cent.

(EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap,

I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened--

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead!

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Well, once in the park.

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry.

Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa?

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled."

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock.

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

You evil, metal dog Aaah!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes.

I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Get him! Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper.

if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate! The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray!

Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Fine-lookin' eats.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional--

Fry! Oh, sorry.

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

This is the end of all things.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter.

Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for. I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing.

Nichelle! George! Walter!

Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

(TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon? (SNORTS) I highly doubt a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear. I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

(ALL SCREAMING)

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

Leela, please tell the others that...

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

(EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy?

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

The New Justice Team

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

We just need $11 million.

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play."

Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty!

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish?

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in?

Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid.

If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo! I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

Anyone want butter on that?

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (CROWD CHEERING)

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal.

how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture. Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that.

(GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us. Yeah, you'd better topple.

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax

Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell? Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir.

If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million.

Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking. Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. - That is most wise. - Who?

. Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low!

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here.

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Pizza delivery for, uh...

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

No! It's unbearable!

Yes! Here I come, future!

No! Stop the magnet!

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria.

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh!

(CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) We'll teach you not to lose immediately.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero.

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

The mother ship is destroyed.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

But really I'll be dead. Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete. I give you Dickfrancisco! (CHEERING)

Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Okay, it's your turn.

Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill.

Waaah! What the--

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Dad, do I have a birthday? Hmm. You didn't have a birth, so, technically, no. Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No!

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think.

I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone. (CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

(ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras. And where can you possibly get film developed nowadays?

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding...

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

(GIGGLING) Captain, we were supposed to land two days ago. Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her,

Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried,

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam!

I got to check out this brochure.

Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING)

I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

So, what changed? Only Fry could say, and he's gone. Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back!

Well, 'tis the season.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers?

The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well.

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

What about my service?

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records...

Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red! (APPLAUSE)

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows.

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray!

No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back.

What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

So long, suckers!

Interesting, if true.

Miss Vega Four. There it is Miss Universe

Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me. Not till now there wasn't. Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant?

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Oh, yeah, smarty paws? You may have built the ratchet, but you can't reach the core without 4,000 miles of superconducting wire. (GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface and the line's short because it's educational. I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. All right!

my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

- Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers!

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

I'll let you punch me for a buck.

Problem solved. Oh. That's a little bright.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

No! That would alter history.

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela...

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?

No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore.

I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage.

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir. No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell. Straight to hell!

(TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side,

But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Bring it on, baby!

Kill all humans!

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp.

No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with--

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

It's like brainwashing.

Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold!

Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons. Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some?

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais

Great choice. Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in. Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my!

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller.

My fish got away.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted.

Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Coming up next, Futurama!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

being a perfect shape and all.

Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel...

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you...

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

It turns out it's man.

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger.

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

(QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent.

I'm going to count to blarks.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it.

Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you.

"I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Ah, to be young again...

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

"Blood... thicker... water."

Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela!

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad.

You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding?

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time!

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend. Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you?

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business.

Space pirates! Space pirates?

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

(GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

Who's up for an orgy?

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do.

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

You're out of the gang.

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm. Huh?

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Incoming yucky.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally. Your gasps intrigue me. Explain.

Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh! Ahhh!

even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw! Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain,

Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat.

(GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

Well? What is it? What is what? Oh, right! Ladies and gentlemen. We'll be delivering this mysterious crate to Peebles Alpha. Peebles Alpha? The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.

and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.

Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared!

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

Ooh, the new one's out.

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all-- Man, we look stupid.

Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset.

One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

I'm not a robot.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS)

Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful,

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you!

She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you!

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips.

More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy.

Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and...

You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness.

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol!

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Team assembled!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

(GROANING) Oops.

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him,

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants! They're real.

At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

This is gonna be great. Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Ow! I'm hungry.

The doctor is in.

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter!

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh!

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts? Ah.

Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it.

If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens,

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil.

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank?

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee!

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile.

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS)

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

Rite my riny retal rass!

Who's the gross nerd?

Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh! Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you?

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

We were defeated in battle.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something?

Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds!

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder.

We're going to die!

Then you're under arrest. What for?

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING)

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York.

Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner?

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know,

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth.

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you. Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go.

I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere.

Where's the exploding?

What's wrong, Fry?

You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is...

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it?

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really?

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my!

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something!

And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me! (CAWING) A raven's brought word for you, sir. Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony!

and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What?

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax.

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature.

Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING)

Hermes, don't press that button!

Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

(CRYING) Stay off my turf!

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living.

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Well, we're boned.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah.

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Smells like something died in the wall.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it.

Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth,

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone,

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo!

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah!

I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy.

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff...

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

And a Toblerone.

Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us. That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh...

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream!

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow!

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it. Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here,

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

(GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Meanwhile, I have a plan.

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair.

Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

You lack the will of a warrior.

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya! I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator!

Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.

Will you come back again and tell us more stories,

Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

must win at least one game of chess,

Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

I speak, of course, of molten lava...

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Scruffy, a janitor.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?

(BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous!

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

I died doing what I loved.

So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know. Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage.

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed?

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen."

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me!

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh!

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology.

ooh! An inauspicious start...

et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh!

Are you all right?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great. We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru.

What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

I do my best, damn it!

It really is beautiful.

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

but I think we should just be friends. No!

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES) (LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela!

Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey.

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

(BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.

Let's go get drunk.

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat."

Look at Bender roll that dough!

(SIGHS) You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion.

Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother!

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it?

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

He's picking his nose! Get him!

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin'

But can I "ax" you something?

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Attention, followers.

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.

Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING)

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone,

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something!

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining!

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist.

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

We can worry about that in the morning.

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too? Old Salmonella? Son, I ought to kill you for asking. We met doing hard time on a Mississippi chain gang. And she'd been with me through 30-odd convictions. Thirty? You must be quite a bungling lowlife. Anyhow, about the guitar.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest!

(COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing. Oh, you were so brave and frugal. I'm sorry. Don't hit me.

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go! Oh!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else? Once. With my old boyfriend Sean. But look, that's ancient history, and we need some one-on-one time. I'm up for it if you are. I don't know. You'd probably be thinking of Sean the whole time. Oh, not the whole time.

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird?

You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please.

Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen.

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards,

(SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

That's the ego. All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy. No, no, no. Subduing an actor's ego is no easy task. We'll have to weaken it first. Look, I own words that are helpful. It says the World Acting Championship is tonight in Hollywood. Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk.

Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you?

Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY?

As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder!

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something? Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now. That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves.

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too.

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Son, as your lawyer,

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great!

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING) The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere.

No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit. So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits?

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No!

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be,

When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw... (LAUGHS)

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity!

but I guess everything worked out in the end.

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

One pound of stem cells, please!

Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss.