comb.io - Clips

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

Bad news, nobody.

You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Up yours, bimbo!

Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension.

Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great.

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child do it again

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

They won't stop until every human is dead.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(ZAPP YODELING)

I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

The spicy curried goat.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize.

The big brain am winning again!

By the Bard's quill!

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Good work, everyone.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

It's called line dancing, Professor.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age! Game over! Phil wins!

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener.

(ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively.

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend.

Only one way to find out.

Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges?

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER)

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time.

No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent? Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler!

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Oh, yeah, smarty paws? You may have built the ratchet, but you can't reach the core without 4,000 miles of superconducting wire. (GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

Which way to the tiny hookers?

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it.

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER)

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about?

The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

Hermes, don't press that button!

I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks,

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

I just have to go straighten up in case we end up at my place. There. My home's all clean except for one part, the inside. Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich.

He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Gross! Ick! Mm.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth.

Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Please do not feed the animals!

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

You are now dead.

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will?

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents.

Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

I meant your wallet.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones.

It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on?

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable.

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced!

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing.

Let's go get drunk.

Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh!

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad.

Hey, there's our little mascot.

Hurry, we're missing our bus! Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus!

- Hee-ya! - Ow!

Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes.

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah! they cause these dents, or "time skips." You are so smart.

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day.

Here's corpsey!

Why did we have to come here at night?

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

Now, that's hospital dancing.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Perhaps. What's your point?

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone,

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet.

A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Kill all modern humans!

You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab.

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord!

A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism.

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid?

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Five out of 10, also nice. Yep.

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na."

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here,

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I'm afraid we need to use math.

Welcome to robot hell.

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me.

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

I'm sorry I treated you so badly.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me.

I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost.

Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

Quit badgering the witness.

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone?

What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up! This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here.

It's going to blow!

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see?

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago.

Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Ah-roo, very well.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster,

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick. I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

Choke on that, causality!

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you. Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go.

Uh, yes? Absolutely.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose.

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

- Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Not inno-guilty-cent.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me?

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me

And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare. Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself.

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes. So where's the celebrity dating place?

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child?

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does?

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS)

We were defeated in battle.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again.

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM)

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted.

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

I've found the secret of robotic free will.

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING)

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard.

Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait.

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh!

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh...

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Behold! A time-traveling machine!

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting.

Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

It's very simple.

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Move it, crap-for-brains!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was.

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999. The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor. Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot,"

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes! Ow.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy,

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Let's kick him some more!

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne?

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right.

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Your tiny, tiny intellect.

And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable.

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

What are you, gay?

What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

No one makes fun of my nose.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.

That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Okay, okay, come on now.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching.

Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist.

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines.

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco.

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat

Better mascots than you have tried.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye.

Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake!

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Now everybody hit the deck!

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan.

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

Bad news, everyone.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

Obviously, the murderer is--

You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy.

I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen.

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant?

You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was!

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle. Yo! Hero in the house.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Well, we're boned.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it takeS forever

I'm your top of the line, Mom. Notice that this obsolete robot... runs on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution... and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

to be. So, you really and truly love me?

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour!

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

That certainly is honest.

(TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

Good news, everyone!

There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century?

Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

You may feel small pain.

Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A,"

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension.

I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned. Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Shh! Shut your gills!

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it.

Well, fairly hard.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh?

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

there's the question of what to do with you.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

It's used to it! Whoo!

Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups.

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

(BLARING) Action! Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break.

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

Hermes? We thought you were the creature.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

(WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Ray-blocking power!

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl.

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

Well, that was pointless.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.

Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

Never! A deal's a deal

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that?

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

I'd like to return these for a refund.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Granted, shnookums.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious,

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this.

Three, two, one.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Hold me in your arms

Bite my shiny metal ass.

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe.

Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation.

I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity.

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Wait, what's happening, friend?

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

(DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

The Cavern on the Green.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think!

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

The robot has to go.

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat.

Whose blood? Some guy's.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

it's almost sickening.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer".

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Good-bye, cruel world.

which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

For the first time,

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Second. Very well. I nominate the professor!

Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure. You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

(TROMBONE PLAYING) Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat.

LEELA: Use boaty talk!

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

Good news, everyone.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll. Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?

Hug me, Liubot. I'll always remember you, Fry.

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

I'm a good captain.

Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my. In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

Yeah, me too now. Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base. Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not.

The doctor is in.

Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs. And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg!

He'll never find me in here.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department!

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate. (GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash.

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Dr. Zoidberg, she's great. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Be very gentle, folks. This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Just stay out of my way, boy.

BENDER: Missed me!

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

(SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look.

Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Yeah, duos are good.

Feeding time. Hmm...

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever! Huh? Follow him! It's our only way out.

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality. Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Not often though. Mmm.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on...

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

(GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here!

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing.

I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.

My next clue came at 4:15

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Right here, buddy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

You killed Fry.

Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment?

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

Nothing. His free will slot is empty. I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot?

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair.

And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near!

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

For you, my lovely rugelach. Thank you. It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps. Such a smart one! You know everything about flowers.

It's not even worth watching anymore.

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that.

But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master.

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting.

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow!

I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya! I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

That was a close call, but we saved Earth. Was it as good for you as it was for the human race? Oh, Zapp. Let's save another planet right now! (SNORING)

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket.

Washbucket full.

It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Hermes, don't press that button!

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

No. Pubic Library.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Where in Legoland is LeeLa?

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

That's exactly what I was thinking.

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

For A thOusand summers I Will

Hey, rich girl!

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Well, we're boned.

Your granny can go to hell!

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

Where in funky town is the professor?!

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

BENDER: The year 10,000.

You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING)

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

I wuv my mommy.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today.

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me. This is so great!

Everybody but me is dying of old age! Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

One, two! one, two, three!

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

I meant Feingold! It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk.

I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit. And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

Fry, stop. She's gone.

Pardon me, sir--

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy!

And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot. Then I'll just take them and, throw them away, shall I, why not? (MAKING HIGH-PITCHED SOUNDS)

(HARPOON LOADING)

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

I never wear boots. See?

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy?

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron?

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Mind if I give the eulogy?

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera.

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

I don't know you people.

I have replaced your mother.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father!

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in!

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters?

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

My God. A million years.

A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Want to go around again? I do.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer.

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

- Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you

Ah... Again, again.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

I know now what my primary function is.

Greetings, masters! My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence.

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they?

Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

(SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses. Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right!

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup?

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man,

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

(STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh!

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

(SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong!

I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

do you even have a medical degree?

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today.

It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible!

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law?

Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage.

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back.

You're watching Futurama,

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

(ALL SIGH) Man! I can't help noticing a lot of your employees are native Martians. Yeah, they a proud, grouchy people. (GROWLS) Well, they do work for minimum wage in a land that was once theirs. Yeah, but they never made wise use of the land.

Have a nice future.

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx.

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons!

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

Do I hear wedding bells?

DNA and career chip, please.

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water?

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela!

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

We just got one of these. Rejected!

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out.

You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

(SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick.

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

You're not acting hard enough!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Futurama is brought to you by...

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button?

Sure, baby, I know it.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude!

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents?

Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

Oh, expletive deleted.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that.

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

Eww! It's time to take action.

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed!

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

Dumbest Pet in Show!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

You see-- Magic. Got it.

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

You're nothing but a big blowhard.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

There were no survivors.

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING)

Welcome to my life!

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up?

SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets.

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

$60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this. Nothing like a power nap.

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela?

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap. Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba.

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps--

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two,

Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry. Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent?

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

Steady. Steady. Now!

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did--

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum...

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

If you call that living.

She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Hold me in your arms

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full.

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

Yes! Right in the Ike!

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Hey, too tight, too tight!

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

No, no, listen. It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you.

but I think we've stopped the time skips. - All right! jammin'! - Hooray for Leela! And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat,

It will be a rich, full day.

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Countess! Countess! Bender!

I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Uh-oh. Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life. Aw!

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda?

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

there is virtually no chance of finding him.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive. Hmm...

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that?

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

Breathe, Fry! Breathe! "U leave me breathless"?

Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

My ice cream Manwich!

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

One month, two weeks, one hour,

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Can't we just send our avatars?

Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine!

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Did someone say something about a free hot meal?

And that's how we learned our lesson.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING)

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips. Good ending. Not great.

A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day?

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh?

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

And finally, the post office meter is for business mail only. Ah, come on! I've got a lot of ransom notes to send! Enough talk! It's time for action! I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

So every religion is wrong!

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you. But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote.

You're going to do his laundry?

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Now, that's a pun.

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING)

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me.

Here, let me help you.

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

(GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home.

You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive.

Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be,

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS) Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting,

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

(SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect.

We have only one option. Protocol 62.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct.

Yeah! Make me famous, big head!

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

Pizza going out. Come on!

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

Odor at magnitude eight.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck.

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children.

What the hell is that?

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho!

we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?

Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with-- Here he is! Come and get him!

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Death sphere in range.

Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole?

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me.

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face.

Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat--

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode...

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

(LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

(GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

A hundred dollars a week! I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey.

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Good night, Calculon.

For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Steady. Steady. Now!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING)

We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Dude, over here.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

I had dreams, too! I was going to surf the world's sewers, but I happily gave it up for you. Happily! I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite.

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

Kill all humans!

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

(WOMEN GROANING)

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics? I concur.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome!

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu!

Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup. No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Oh, my God, you're Beck!

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

Stand by for reincarnation.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

The hell it was.

The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING)

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

My body's 40% titanium.

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Get it? He's coming out of... Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Fry? I thought you were dead.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend!

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8,

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Kittens give Morbo gas.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play?

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

(BELCHING) Bort.

There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat.

Instead, she's with her ex-boyfriend and I'm stuck with a pair of skilled mechanical hands. Say, I don't suppose you're free later? Then I have no choice.

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from.

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun!

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr.

Fry! Whew! Fry!

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed.

Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip.

Stop! We'll leave.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Exciting news, people!

It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin!

I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

- These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son? Daddy's tryin' to score with a cheap floozy right now. So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it.

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent! I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker!

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Yes. And I've had enough!

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

- and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies!

Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Happy birthday!

All hail the new captain.

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.

So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good.

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits.

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie!

Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do?

You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship.

That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion.

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!

Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Burning garbage.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want?

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there?

(CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records,

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh!

I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING)

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole.

Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Whoopsie-daisy.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs. This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER)

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish. (HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard.

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant?

Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out. Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh.

In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty!

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him.

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Sure, blame the wizards.

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Any advice for them?

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

Good-bye. Whee!

Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed.

Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage.

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh--

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with.

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now.

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs,

Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say.

I can no longer face my children!

I shall enjoy this. Not me!

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING) The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there?

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

Welcome to the world of business.

I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too,

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose.

You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

(SIGHS) That was close.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

Wait a second. What are you hunting?

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Will you be my friend? Ow!

NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning.

Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't.

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but... Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters. Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy.

I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet?

Human families need a TV while they're eating, so they don't have to talk to each other.

Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop.

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy!

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

Ah, Wade Boggs. Goes down smooth. Look, I don't wanna be in this exhibit. That's why I need your help-- so I can be one tiny iota less pathetic than you. Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know.

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Blech! We have to track down my nose...

I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

Exciting news, people!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Only this time--

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good.

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

And the winner is...

So, please, vote yes.

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety,

I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk. Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!

Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

(ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

One hundred kilometers.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city?

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable...

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

Mmm... farewell.

don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back. You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE)

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all.

My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Aw, crap-- singing.

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Gather 'round, chumps.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage?

(SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.

Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

No one move. I'm back, baby.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

things will now happen just as I fake predicted.

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

New Jersey was full.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Bender, is-- is that you?

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself, if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time!

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender!

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

(ALL CHOKING) Oops.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

No! No! No! No!

Detonation in two, one-- Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird-- Oh, never mind. Zero!

I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

The tracks lead here.

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

All right! Hooray!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Those bastards!

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock.

Give us back our genitals!

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender.

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends. Uh, brunch. Right.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere.

Saying B... E-n... Der!

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking. And now you're asking for a day off?

and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short--

I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later. Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

Is he genetically engineered?

If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken. Bad news, everyone.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I apologize for nothing!

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat.

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes.

I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure?

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this?

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

(GROANING) Not exactly.

And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Jumping sound! Ow!

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender...

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING)

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

Silence! You all know too much.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Let's get the hell out of here.

What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo!

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego?

You are now dead.

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful.

I don't feel like drinking.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave...

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh. Back in my old uniform.

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it?

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited.

Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do.

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING) Oops.

MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

We're looking for something that fits in here.

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

I don't know when

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me?

What the hell's been going on around here?

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad!

Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

because I like you.

It's all right. You can say that here.

say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

I don't feel well.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

To the Science Mobile!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

Completely out of ice!

Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it. (SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks.

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know?

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

(RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm...

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea!

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured,

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives!

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner. (CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

We can worry about that in the morning.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

(ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going.

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

That was the worst delivery ever.

Fire! Look out!

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God!

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

Your Honor, that facility has been full...

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Allow me to introduce myself.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump

Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

They're my friends.

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

And so we say "good-bye"

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

I get so lonely.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi.

You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

Good luck, Bender!

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit.

No, and you don't need to see this. AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it.

Phew! That was close. And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw,

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago. As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are.

Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8. (ALL CLAMOR) Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg. (RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son.

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

(LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us! Aah!

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me!

will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

Help, Satan! You owe me!

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

I'm willing to take that risk.

I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing?

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick!

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa? I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

I think it was just an airport.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

These people really know how to die.

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Your permanent career assignment.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Greetings, eco-nauts. I'm Free Waterfall, Sr., founder of Penguins Unlimited. Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through.

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

(GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the... Hey, what's my grand prize gonna be? Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy, unless you count the satisfaction of winning.

The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery.

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon. (CHUCKLING) Oh!

Bite my shiny metal ass!

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours. We need to stop that monster, David Farnsworth!

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches.

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

(CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world!

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely,

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

Look, are you going to help or not?!

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

This thing is 40% chromium!

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.