comb.io - Clips

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle

Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself.

And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second?

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life.

Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that-- Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived,

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

Quit badgering the witness.

Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit,

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

Two, three... hey.

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

(BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you! Yeah, but he saved me from my abusive father. Not physically abusive. Verbally. It's a long story I can't get into while we're spinning out.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite,

Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay. Oh!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will.

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert.

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive!

If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Nothing can stop a monster that big.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

We're just two happy couples on a double date.

Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Hello, boys. Whoa!

My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free. Get me the president.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

Yes! Front row!

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas!

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia!

The ship's lost power!

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat?

The veneer is starting to peel.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal,

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch.

You'll be fine.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them.

I asked you five minutes ago. You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets.

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again,

Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh!

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm.

just the way he likes them now?

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

I find the defendants guilty.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

Hey, look, Leela.

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory!

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one.

You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

(CHEERING) Down in front!

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

I'm burning to death!

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive. Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested.

Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

No!! Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House!

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron?

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea!

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune--

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street.

Are you on the junk, Fry?

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase?

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What?

I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal,

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

And a Toblerone.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray!

Whoa, a palace! Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender.

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

(MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

It's a second big bang!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father.

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

Good night, Calculon. What did you say?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling. Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen.

Leela? Amy? Amy!

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point.

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin. Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

All I've ever wanted is to know you.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down.

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

His name was Seymour. He was once intimate with the leg of a wandering saxophonist. He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

Aw, that was uncalled for.

Let's refract this sucker.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said...

Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself.

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone.

Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

(CRYING) Stay off my turf!

Poor? Aw, crap. Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay.

There were no survivors.

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened... in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters. Hmm? Time out! Time out!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone.

Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser.

Pet it. Pet it.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

Screwed again, my friend.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby!

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Well, I don't love them.

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh! Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar.

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack. - Hold, maggot! - Ow! Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true,

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

Straight to hell!

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding...

No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in...

More like episode nine, loser!

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

Big rats there. Me crush with club.

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged.

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees. Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips.

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay!

He that is designated Fry...

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why?

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but...

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were.

I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

(EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like?

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

(ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion...

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two... Uh, hello, cuckoo. The diamond still didn't break!

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

They're getting married.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Here's to another lousy millennium.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

No argument here.

No! Honk! Honk!

Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever.

It's tragedy on a bun.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'...

True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener.

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of--

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again! Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box,

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually...

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

Way to overact, Zoidberg.

You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing.

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though. We can put it on the corporate card, as long as we discuss business. So, yesterday, huh? That business happened, right? Somebody? I'll just pay for it.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer,

That should've been me!

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof...

They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa!

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa?

An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

KATZ: Good show.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

We're back, baby!

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion,

Freedoms such as polygamy.

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Women only room!

The good news is, we found your stuffed animal.

Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple.

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

It's Petunia, your dream girl.

they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday. This was the storage room.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

I don't know how you did that.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone. That's coming out of your pay.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

And what about this?

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

They know how to make ice cream soup?

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually...

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

(ZAPP YODELING)

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Oh, no, you didn't.

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity?

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say

Ow! Hey, watch it!

FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

(EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah.

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining!

To the end of the universe!

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news!

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Ho. What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

just tell me why?

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

(BLOWS TRUMPET)

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

One, two! one, two, three!

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day!

What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume.

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

The two of you are... good friends?

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

(SIGHS) He deserves the truth, Velma. I think he's old enough to handle it. Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Don't wanna talk about anything else

Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

He's in the foundry this very moment.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water,

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable,

Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

(SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

No! Are you people satisfied?

I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser.

After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

just another tooth.

Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

I find the defendant guilty.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping.

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so...

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun. (GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

Oh, g-give me back my hands!

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

Ray-blocking power!

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music?

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

We still have the option of resorting to violence!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Steim. Shalosh!

We can worry about that in the morning.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty! Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy. FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Have a seat, stranger.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable...

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

I'm a genius. Get over it!

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

He's walking on sunshine now.

Ah, U.S. presidents!

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

You are my hero.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

Does that dummy have a brother?

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes.

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

What, I'm old! Listen--

Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this.

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano.

Mr. President. What the hell?

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife?

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it--

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Scuffed kippers, anyone?

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

I could eat. And fertilize.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma.

- You speak English? - I do now.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies.

I say, get the hell off me.

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

A true inspiration for the children.

He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

No! I won't go back! I won't...

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped!

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

And now, my meddling manbot,

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Hooray! Hooray denied!

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?

Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

star of the hit film, Bravehead.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone!

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for.

Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender!

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all--

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen.

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor?

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Burning garbage.

Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure. Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back.

I wasn't wearing it.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive.

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

It's nature. No, it isn't.

It's not starting.

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

(LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever.

We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please. Noon tomorrow. If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank.

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner.

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow!

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

so that just leaves us the one option.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

Found dead in her bathtub.

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Hey, great idea.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why.

Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING) (BEEPING) Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What?

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going?

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

This society is a bunch of idiots.

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence.

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart.

Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

ALL BENDERS: Screw that!

Quick! Let's keep escaping!

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me!

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow!

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

My precious head! Oh!

I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough.

Yancy, stealing is wrong.

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Fry, you're my friend.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor,

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

All right. I give up.

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!"

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Morbo demands comments.

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

(SIGHS) It's hopeless.

(SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

(CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers.

See you in a thousand years.

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

My hair! My wedding cake!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Who put this in here?

Can I pat you on the butt?

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff.

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already!

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology.

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately! But first, celebrity buzz. Linda?

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

the Martians gave us back our house. And our other casino. So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Cut to the chase, smokey. How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon. (BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you.

We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY)

Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people!

Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what?

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

A letter from Bender, my good friend.

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.

Trees down. Trees down.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

I am not a crook's head.

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth,

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder. Why? No reason. No reason at all.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case...

we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

That would explain this heat.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Five, four, three, two,

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please.

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

No. He can't. You beg my pardon? I'm sorry, Calculon, but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat.

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?

What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Let's meet today's celebrity judges. Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

All right, I'll go.

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die.

so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words. (YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth?

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

(BOTH GROANING)

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

Thathu! Ni! One!

But I wasn't injured.

We can worry about that in the morning.

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

- Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much?

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled?

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Dance, slave, dance.

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned?

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Hey, you going to pay for those?

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

He consented! You all heard it!

Cheer up, meat bag.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

There must be people somewhere.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set.

Now, without further ado,

We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og.

So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you!

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall?

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan. So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really.

I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

Look out! A Central Park badger!

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry!

Would you like some human with your salt?

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh.

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

Shut up, square!

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals.

See you at my funeral, suckers!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

(CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender.

(SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome! Psst! Leela!

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning!

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too!

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof?

Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off!

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on.

More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Oh, God... I'm coming down!

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir." Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far.

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

That's a very good question.

But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents. Even that team that turned out to be us in the mirror. It's time we gave up. Yeah. I don't know what else we could have done to enhance our performance. Hey, great job tonight, you two.

I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile. Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere... and plant this quantum interface bomb, blasting them into an alternate universe from which there is no return. Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

I love you, Bender!

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry. Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES)

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES)

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before,

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

(GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me.

we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most. We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself.

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay?

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it. You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on.

Think, you disco duck. Think!

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

What? It was? Hooray!

You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

I told these guys you were cool.

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell!

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon.

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary.

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

Only this time--

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

me, Hermes Conrad.

Give us back our genitals!

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

Son, I think I can safely say--

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide"

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno.

Come on, let's go home.

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous.

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Lay it on us, big boots.

Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here.

Ow! I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars! He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh. What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke."

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei?

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out?

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

No, Pa. I love him.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter.

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet--

Come in, come in.

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

I will go this far and no further.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

My doctorate is in art history.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy!

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

They're inside! Get them!

Hi-yah! Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy. Edna.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Peace out, y'all!

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet.

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord.

At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow. We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez.

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me.

Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope!

no need to leave.

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo.

Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go. Look, please just show some humility, like the other day when everything seemed hopeless. Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic...

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy

FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions,

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance!

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar?

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

You evil, metal dog

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted. Uh-huh. Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up. What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small.

Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby.

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted!

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight!

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Uh-oh. Time to boogie on down to the sauna.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through.

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah!

And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all.

What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm! Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

The best kind of correct.

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

He was also a robot? Dude!

Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

There must be people somewhere.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

What the hell is going on here?

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

I'll say good-bye now.

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Well, if it isn't Grandmaster Phlegm. I heard you're entering the NASA science competition. Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that.

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

He wears sandals.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Egg salad? Hmm.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Whatcha eating?

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Bonder? Is it really you?

and that's not your golf cart.

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

Or I circled jobs in the classifieds you might be good at. Assembling machinery pays well.

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure?

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick?

Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age.

Well, we're boned.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces. Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room.

Oh, my. There. How do I look?

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume.

I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh. Hefty.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Here's corpsey!

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away.

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

So long, jerkwads!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

on the night of December 31, 1999?

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing.

My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris.

All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club. BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record.

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too.

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts.

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh!

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them--

beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch!

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding...

Conquer Earth, you bastards!

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before,

That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

I'm going for a scuttle.

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past.

We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

But Your, um, Martian-ness.

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success,

We are a strictly nonviolent sect.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

The clamps! Right?

You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

Poetic image number 37 not found.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in.

What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse.

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

We didn't see anything... ever.

So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian-- And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients. Eating real food in a restaurant, as we both often do. So, you want to be a comedian, is it? It's my lifelong dream.

(GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

But he'll need to act like we just saw, modest and sincere. You really think it'll work? It sounds like something that might work. Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

I am so great. Bender is great

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

(ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand.

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars?

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed!

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves...

- Hi, Lars. - Fry.

And now this. Why with all the crying?

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

"Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this.

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired.

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler.

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again!

I will now throw out the ceremonial first dump, this old, inefficient vote-rigger! (CHEERING) These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Look out, Earth.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy.

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Get him! My thong!

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Odor at magnitude eight.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people.

One last foolish gesture? Uh...

I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two.

I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

- Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

But I don't think--

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Go to hell, Heather!

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I choose to not understand these signs.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up?

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops!

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

Let's watch, shall we?

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice. Commemorative turkey basters.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid.

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

Like anyone wants to leave the sewer. Am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics."

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy

He's come to finish the job!

Relax, friends.

We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you!

This party pukes!

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science."

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Divorce is final.

"Antiquing"? I'm all right.

I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay. Looks rickety. We better test it.

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Let's "conservate."

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon...

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check!

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead.

How do you live with yourself?

(STRUMS GUITAR)

Oh, yeah! Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now.

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

then the petite women, then the large women again.

All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer. Ooh!

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness. "Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

It's how we met? And then what happened?

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top.

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so!

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt, "all shall perish," blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender? (GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live!

The entire universe was destroyed.

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff...

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed,

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

Edna! Ew! My God!

Here's corpsey!

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg.

It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears,

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Keep cool. She's just like any other player.

What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity. MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid.

It all makes sense.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

It might be you.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went!

(ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck!

No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

(SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

My work here is done.

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick?

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority. Ready to catapult, Sinclair!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself!

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face.

What the hell's been going on around here?

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

I'm a trophy girlfriend! No kidding! These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender?

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%. As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun.

TV gave us the idea!

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

That does not fempute!

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot.

Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty.

Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit,

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

All for one and one for all.

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm. (WHINES QUIETLY)

Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor.

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

(CAWING) A raven's brought word for you, sir. Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony! Oktoberfest?

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo!

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

being a perfect shape and all.

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway.

I have sweaty boot rash!

(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics. Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Give us back our genitals!

We did it. Whoo!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury. I'm going to allow this.

Are you all right?

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

"On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww!

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab. I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world--

The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

What?! I put sunblock on you.

(PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

- You know we don't! - Ooh!

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

Happy New Year!

Talk about a mood killer.

Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him.

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin!

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

So what makes this thing fly? It's powered by love. Aw... Okay, stop loving me so much so we can land. No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

Comin' through!

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Maybe I should take this off.

Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

Merit badges. This brings me back.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

(EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap! You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown.

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean--

Great. We're gonna die.

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee.

it just comes back in a new form.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

I don't need help.

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

There's a surprise for you in my locker.

I always forget that he can talk.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

(GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into...

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

According to Google Hive,

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

We were defeated in battle.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

The murderer. It was...

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

He's five. Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"?

You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior.

I'm just so lonely!

There he is! No. No, wait. No. How long have you been at it? 700 years.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer!

Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Folks, that tanker gave us the slip. But we'll stop 'em here on Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry?

And this time I mean it!

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread!

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

I am? At last, recognition!

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what?

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it?

Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science. It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs.

Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

(ALL WHIMPERING)

It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

Who the hell are you?

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah,

Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone.

And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day,

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic... Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is,

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot!

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

What's his problem?

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate?

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did.

How do you living beings cope with mortality?

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Yes, I was there.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww!

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime. Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people...

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.

On this auspicious occasion,

don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa!

Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life.

Professor! Lava! Hot!

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend.

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new!

Like a sexy Yogi Berra.

Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

Ask her to mate with me.