comb.io - Clips

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

One, two! one, two, three!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy...

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer!

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad,

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But--

Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead. Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole,

but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING)

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid. My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him.

Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman.

Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999...

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

More like Taxachufetts.

Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs.

Stop eating Popplers!

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy. FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan. Amy and Leela will retrieve the steering wheel so we can steer the ship from here. And Fry and Bender, you'll spacewalk onto the hull and relight the pilot light on the engine.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts,

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste?

(SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

A man can give her a toke of her own medicine. Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

beyond the shame of defeat.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that.

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark.

This man has over-gasped.

How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place?

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

No! Quit asking!

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique.

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

and that's with three E's. Two men on, and they're down to their last out. Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind,

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

(GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again

We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh!

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town

I like 'em tight

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

(GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

You're all terrible and incompetent.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

I gots your apologies right heres.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

How long have you been at it? 700 years.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out.

care to give the what-if machine a whirl?

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough.

You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

You are so smart.

Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Earth! Indubitably.

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers.

(BOTH GROANING)

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it?

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire. So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh!

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death.

Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

Sweet something of... of someplace.

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

BENDER: "Free Beer"?

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

Crap. Crap. Garbage.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century--

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS)

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed!

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions?

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away.

Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh--

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

Hand me that backup disk.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?

Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists,

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep.

Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

- Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow!

Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it! They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

Get out of my office!

I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other.

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse?

Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Whatever. Dad! Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry.

Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot.

Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will. (BOTH LAUGH) (BOTH MOANING)

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry!

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

insanity... uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

founder of Penguins Unlimited.

I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.

What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS)

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry!

Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid--

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself?

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

No! I won't go back! I won't...

On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down Fifth Avenue aboard the Land Titanic, the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

(GASPING) Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced! (ALL CHEERING)

- Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess.

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left?

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.

And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Scruffy knows who killed them people.

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

into the deep, dark waters of commitment.

This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity.

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life.

And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

I will destroy you!

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Convicted, sentenced and executed.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit.

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans,"

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant.

I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys...

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A.

Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

And all I ask in return is your hands... to replace these bony hot dogs. Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys!

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan?

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more: Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Not precious ambergris!

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Ah! Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you?

In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass.

No! The elders have spoken.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Cheese it! Robot House!

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain

I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer. But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either.

I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him.

Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you.

At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is. Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Then shut your yaps and back to work Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how?

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING)

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

You'll be fine.

I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

The court is intrigued.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil.

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

My pants! My lucky pants!

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration,

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override! (BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled.

What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones. Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please. He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg.

Nice to see you, Zapp.

So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Mm. Finding God, that's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend, Bender. I-i don't know what to say. Other than, "Absolutely not."

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained!

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no.

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender."

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) We're not from around here. Hello.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

This is my cloning machine.

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What?

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale!

Miss Vega Four. There it is Miss Universe

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A." Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i?

That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me. Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you.

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir,

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat.

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks.

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on!

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod!

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

I got my eye on you, boy.

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar."

Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING)

I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Holy zombie jesus!

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because...

Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Wait, that's not me.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back.

That seems like a fact worth knowing.

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Prepare to enter...

Uuh! Stee-rike one! Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you...

This is an outrage!

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

Please do not feed the animals!

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

Shove it. We quit!

Unless of course... war were declared.

I think you broke the universe.

at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery,

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Whoa! Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to?

And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator. Really? You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions.

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years!

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

Or other reasons.

Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling.

It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds.

we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo!

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty! (WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate!

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great? You're just jealous. No one loves you 'cause you're tiny and you're made of meat. Could you maybe pay a little more attention to these asteroids?

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Well, life goes on... except for you.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least.

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date!

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

(CHEERING) Down in front! Sorry. I get aroused in crowds. I will now throw out the ceremonial first dump, this old, inefficient vote-rigger!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night. HERMES: Everyone got along so well today.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

What time is it?

No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh!

free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence!

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it.

Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists?

with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Now, that's what I call a great ending.

Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with--

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Bring it on, baby!

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Give him hell, Morbo!

Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium.

Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

mmmbop ba-duba-dop

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once!

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really?

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous.

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare

A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot?

Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours. I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

To the flying machine!

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. Here's the script. Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it,

Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him!

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy.

I'm a delivery boy!

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

I'm just trying to get the leg taste out of my mouth.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

There, little friend. Good as new.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

. Good news, everyone.

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a--

Game over! Phil wins!

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot. My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it!

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch?

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

(STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY) (GUITAR STRUMMING) Then I shot him and stabbed him and stole all his gold

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

File not found.

Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Come back to bed, dearie.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

You folks watch your genitals now.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

Whoa! Check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas! Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest!

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror,

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Death to the crab!

And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

And I can't take life anymore!

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

We want our TV back.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels.

Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy. Well played.

Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River... Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.

I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo!

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

Keep that thing away from me.

You did it all backwards.

your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing!

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

Is that better?

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived.

You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

No further questions.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho...

He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe? Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane...

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus,

WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that?

No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I made a difference after all. You absolutely did, Leela.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide. All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records...

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

"Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance.

May the blessings of the season be upon you.

Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon?

No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking!

Oh, what a McGovern I've been!

(PULSING SOUNDS)

You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

We are not amused.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo!

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

Sir, you don't understand.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere.

All right, I'll go.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us.

God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

Well, 'tis the season.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Let me see those glasses.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having.

This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout

I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

(SHIVERING) It's too cold, Dad. My teen region is freezing off. (SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I once survived an entire week trapped in a Swiss glacier, eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack.

I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

I love you, buddy.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Oy. I lost another one.

Curse this interstellar fog.

To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

Hello, lawsuit.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Dad, do I have a birthday? Hmm. You didn't have a birth, so, technically, no. Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank.

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

(QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo!

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out.

Dead! You hear me? Dead!

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers.

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

With my final breath.

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of!

I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics. We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow!

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

Who put this in here?

El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time,

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS)

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Yes, but not by enough.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago.

Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

So? He seems like a nice kahuna.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan?

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

I'm gonna drop a barf.

Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe?

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me.

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW!

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible?

Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky. Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky.

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry.

Holy night! Intruders!

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale.

Poetic image number 37 not found.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches. Now shut your com-link and make love to the camera. And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

What the-- I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Wheels fell off my house.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled.

That makes me feel angry!

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter,

Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.

Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

Death by snu-snu!

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See?

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

(WHISPERS) Cue screams.

Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran.

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

the tallest volcano in the solar system.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera.

Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see.

I'm scared of him.

Would you like some human with your salt?

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus.

Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular. You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez!

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish.

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

- When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

The captain's table. What an honor.

Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender?

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony! Oktoberfest? (CLUCKS) Sounds like fun!

will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out!

and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh.

David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Everyone's dead.

Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood?

He consented! You all heard it!

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Low wine level detected.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me. Not till now there wasn't. Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

You sound just like my tennis instructor.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

(SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain.

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

(BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right.

(SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant... to be. So, you really and truly love me?

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door! Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest!

Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh!

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

What in Babylon? no!

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

and they slide way across the room.

Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action.

Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction!

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry?

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Oh! I hate that rodent.

One art, please!

Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name? just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag.

What? Lord have mercy!

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered.

This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you. Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY?

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards!

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

So long, suckers!

Mmm. It stinks.

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Don't you have a self-destruct button?

I got busted robbin' that bank again.

I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner?

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it!

We're back for our time machine! Ow!

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Please do not feed the animals!

"Does not compute"?

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

Greetings, eco-tourists! I am the grand butterfly curator... This week. Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season.

Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before,

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

(GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest!

I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich.

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River...

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

(SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Funny, funny stuff.

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING) (BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

One, two! one, two, three!

It was... the Windows logo!

So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish. Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

(VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show. Can I get anybody a beer? Sure.

Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

That's it. I've had it with women.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Then I've risked all and lost.

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age.

Well, I'm stumped.

Oh, my God. What the...?

what with their free will and all.

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

I love you. Oh.

Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

Hmm. He's a witch!

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

You want me to do two things?

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame.

That planet was mined completely hollow.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Then the illusion is complete.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling, but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through.

Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow!

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why?

Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP)

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed.

We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for--

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Sweden? I don't think so!

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender? I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there...

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

It's fake, mon.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

August 6, 1991.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau.

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

To shreds, you say.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Pet it. Pet it.

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting.

Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy,

What the hell's been going on around here?

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms. This way! Oh! Oh!

hijacking your equilibRium

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

Will I be invisible forever?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Roswell, New Mexico.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you. There must be people somewhere.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did?

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

Move it, you ugly normals!

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh!

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS)

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

No reason at all.

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

I'm as mad as I've ever been!

We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day.

'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

That's my prizewinning Smell-A-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know,

I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha!

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf.

We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Slurm: it's highly addictive.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

You're the only woman who ever loved me.

Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Four more years! Four more years!

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

Yes, but they won't listen.

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row,

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that!

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Sacred weed you say?

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

while I was still killing them.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what?

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Ooh! What's that funky jazz?

Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated.

All right, let's set it up and try again.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

(GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned.

KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh!

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

I request a satanic funeral.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

Aah! So anyway, I hope the men have been taking their hyper-malaria pills. Their what? "Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass. Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music.

- Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things.

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy

Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this?

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives. Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

You, wrinkled as a prune--

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake.

(GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job.

I love these things!

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Behold the dance of peace. (BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH)

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow!

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Answer me that, Professor!

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg.

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing? Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness,

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper!

Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh! Hey, save some for me!

about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

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That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Wait, what's happening, friend?

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

Tear it down and try again,

Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours. Well, let's get looting.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. (CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

I must go. There is much to do.

From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Thank you, Bender. I appreciate your honesty.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean. It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it?

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different.

He's a whale biologist.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey!

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

Look out for the next thing!

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela!

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Hello, tiny man.

I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin?

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

Fry! That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity?

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone!

Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him.

Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship.

The crowd goes wild!

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place.

You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow!

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes. In cases of rapid fossilization, I can press this brain scan button, retrieving Seymour's memories at the precise instant of doggie death. I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you,

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

I don't even want to...

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh!

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS) Bloods on the Mobius strip.

I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor.

they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything.

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now.

I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender?

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

(HORN SOUNDING) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs? Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first?

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis?

(MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together?

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate.

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy.

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department.

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for!

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Why won't anyone help me?

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them!

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo!

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Uh, sure. Okay.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not.

No! Get away from there.

I still got it!

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Whew. My God. It's the future. My parents.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

I'm going to allow this.

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness!

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

And this time I mean it!

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

(GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer.

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen.

At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

Oh, my God! Huh?

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Uh, "new"? What sweater?

It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Versus, Billionaire-bot!

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING)

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

I do my best, damn it!

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever,

I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr. The week I spent hiding in your closet, eating your turds, was the best week of my life.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school.

Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

Sure, baby, I know it.

My parents left after you passed out, so they didn't even see you barf. Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter. It's okay, Kif. I'll go get you a tissue from your tote. Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Goodbye, cruel me.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender, the newest member of our paparazzo family. Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Pretty cool, eh?

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings?

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me,

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right?

Good-bye, cruel world.

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

(CRYING) I want to go home!

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING)

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this.

No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

I just mean, your money management skills could use some work. Like, the only reason my family even owns a casino is 'cause we've kept such a close eye on our money for generations. BENDER: You sure have! No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind.

Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame.

and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

The quickening!

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

Kareem's got the skyhook, but Philip J. Fry's got the space-hook. Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping!

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles.

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

Now I'm all you got!

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well,

At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING)

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room.

Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it. That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy!

This capital city Planet Amazonia.

Another shocking twist!

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh?

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut.

Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

(STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

When I see you alone

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Steady. Steady. Now!

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

That's statistically impossible.

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research.

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years. It felt like a minute compared to grad school.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks.

It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again.

That's pretty much it.

Oh, all right. No time off!

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device.

Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty.

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

It's time to activate the bomb.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Not inno-guilty-cent.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

This is where I keep various lengths of wire.

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands,

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh.

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze! Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them!

Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s.

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Chief! Me find huge hole melted in ice, out past Cesar Chavez ridge! Hole go all the way outside! This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore!

A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah. How deliciously absurd.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland.

Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(ZAPP YODELING)

Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item?

It's time for my annual, private get-together with my robot children.

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Update Facebook status home?

You are now dead.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

People of Osiris Four,

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth,

You'll have to get through me first.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

I just know these things.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy! Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am.

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

And I can't take life anymore!

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps.

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f--

I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud.

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

Isn't it obvious?

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Sir, that's not a number.

Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay.

Hooray for the humans!

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Ow! Come on, Fry!

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

Uh-huh. May I come in?

Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

Why did it give us those hallucinations?

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy,

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back? Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest?

College blernsball's finest female hitter making her big league debut... against pro ball's worst female anything. I've never seen anything this bizarre, and I've seen Mr. Belvedere naked. Whoo! Keep cool. She's just like any other player. She puts on her sports bra one arm at a time.

And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves.

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV.

Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions.

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted.

Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Merry Xmas, everyone.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth!

What people skills! She's completely perfect!

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

I mean, only one eye.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth!

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Psst. Is the coast clear?

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Stop them! They cheated!

Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is. Fan beats man!

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

Women only room!

Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land?

Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots!

Hot diggity daffodil!

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Poor little guy starved to death.

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Give me the heavy one.

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

Sweet ego of Montego!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

He's come to finish the job!

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia--

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick!

it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish. (HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling,

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him.

You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone.

Mr. President. What the hell?

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Yep! We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow!

But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Well, that was dumb.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you?

Farewell, monobrains. Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth...

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

This is a mutiny!

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human?

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too. Right, everyone? Yeah. Sure. Do any of you collect Lovey Bears?

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling, but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place.

I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached.

Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you.

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Our universe is doomed!

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

Sweet lion of Zion.

That's not nearly loyal enough.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

What? My mother was a saint!

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Release the giant sloth!

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture.

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

(TOILET FLUSHING)

You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg?

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Yo, ABBA, what's that next door? That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination?

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one. Phew! That was close.

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

"Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh?

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund. So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? What little there is to be had. Tomorrow night at 8:00 then. Smooches. Mwah!

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth.

You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof!

Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years.

Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

How did this happen?

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks?

Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat.

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

(GAGGING) Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love.

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up! And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated,

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert--

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover... tryin' to squeeze into a new girdle.

Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham.

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button?

We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop. Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry,

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong?

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions,

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999.

Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

Sentimental drivel poop!

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

May death come quickly to his enemies.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

(YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this.

Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

But your parents still don't like me. Well, "gloviously."

What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000?

Happy birthday!

scoring 'round the clock!

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going.

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing,

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it.

Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale.

so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad.

Fry, look around.

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx. You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three. That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all.

What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

he would testify that my clients acted without malice.

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What?

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

I gotta go poopy.

through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could. He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

(CLAPPING SLOWLY) Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

Oh, no! I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance. Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity!

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

until both males are exhausted or dead.

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

Let's go! Let's go!

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator!

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Well, once in the park.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING)

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

You were in a zoo!

Let the games begin!

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag, will they spew out like a volcano built on an Indian graveyard?

You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Is someone fired?

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke.

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam.

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg!

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet.

Good news, everyone!

Let's go, Bender.

I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it.

See you in a thousand years.

My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Horse Pepsi okay?

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly?

(SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes!

(CLEARING THROAT) Imagine, if you will... Oh, God. A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy because it's essentially in perpetual motion. (SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again!

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

Oh, Lord, here we go. Look, please just show some humility, like the other day when everything seemed hopeless. Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic... Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson.

Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Dream on, skin tube.

We'll have to bring her around again.

MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily,

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition?

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

Stop acting so stupid!

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story. Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was!

Oh, you speak Fish?

It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you.

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you.

Firing pocket-rocket!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Sweden? I don't think so!

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Animals eat other animals.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo!

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Let's all go to the lobby.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

Here is my resignation as vice president.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

I can't watch... Enough.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

Spit it out, Pookie.

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

Farewell, my friend. Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

"Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

Help is on the way!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

This is my fleam. You use it to peel the skin off your enemies layer by layer till they die or whatever. Neat! Hey, you know who would love fleaming stuff? My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya!

Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Hello, peasants.

What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this. Okay. Take it easy.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow!

10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Where did they go?

Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh!

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

Oh, I made myself sad.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me.

Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab.

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place

Sorry you didn't get to mate. But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me.

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

(EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse.

I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead.

Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

There were no survivors.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Okay, get ready.

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point?

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

You are hereby sentenced to death.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you?

I can't watch... Enough.

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer. Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me. She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.!

Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up. Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces.

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.