comb.io - Clips

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up.

Okay, start. I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys.

More like Taxachufetts.

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again?

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out,

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

because I like you.

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

Happy birthday!

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself.

It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled

What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

- You mind rubbing it for me? - Uh, sure. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray. And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain

Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette! I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo! All medalists report for gender testing.

Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship.

Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

(SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now.

All right, baby! Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

I'm lying to make her feel better.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return.

Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor?

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer?

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week, backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me.

An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl.

All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

John, are you all right? You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school.

That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

(GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red.

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Leave Todd out of this.

Yes! Right in the Ike!

Why didn't I break his legs?!

It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Oh, yeah? Well, take this!

and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new...

Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night--

Take them to the laundry brig.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk!

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Great Little Caesar's ghost!

(ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio.

Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

I just told you!

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great.

But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions,

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

(BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

As you know, the big break-dance battle is Saturday. So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants, our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest. Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat.

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly.

My God. It's full of ads.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Time for the drum solo. Run!

Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night?

I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

- No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

(CLAPPING SLOWLY) Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont!

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now. I want to enlist.

The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence!

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy?

Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas...

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats.

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth!

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

Yes, I will. Yep! Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Well... Excuse me, sir?

maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

Hmm. It all sounds good.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team!

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer.

Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

for the folk stylings of cylon and Garfunkel! Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art. Are you goin' to scarborough fair

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh... Hey, look. The robot museum. You guys want to learn about robot heritage?

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump! (GRUNTS) Ah!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Let's kick him some more!

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

Aw, crap-- singing.

Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem?

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you?

Yo, Amy, check it out.

Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay.

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan?

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him!

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

A fight to the death.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender.

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot?

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell. Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts."

to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up?

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

by destroying the universe.

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

He found a way. For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes.

The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

l-e-e-l-a Leela

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

I speak, of course, of molten lava...

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw!

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well,

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged!

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by...

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place

We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space.

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING)

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten.

Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made,

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

(GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks.

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie.

Fabulous friends.

This is a witch hunt.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died.

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

We can worry about that in the morning.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Women only room!

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit!

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly."

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

You cheater. Break his neck!

Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train."

Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

Stop acting so stupid!

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa! It's collapsing! What the...

Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah! Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

I deserve free money!

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

My God. It's so... repulsive.

We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play?

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call. (SOBBING)

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig.

eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack. - Hold, maggot! - Ow! Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true,

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid.

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first!

Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist.

(SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS) (BENDER GASPS) He did it!

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know...

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

What I was trained to do.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

(GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out!

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to.

Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled.

Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

Time for you to shut up!

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

It was coming right at us! You saw it.

and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations. I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face. (CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done?

Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Yeah, very funny.

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they?

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Brothers and sisters, let us pry. It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes.

Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff.

I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING)

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery.

(GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him!

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

I'm a real toughie.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

or tried to burn me--

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

(SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you. You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

- Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

It's all about appearances.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing.

Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

No, that's not true.

Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh...

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body."

Shh! Watch your language.

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here.

Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

(FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney!

It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851,

No. No? No! No!

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun.

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe.

Dude, give it a rest.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

but I think we should just be friends. No!

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what?

Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS)

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Now that's the God I know.

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

Sweet something of... of someplace.

Folks, that tanker gave us the slip. But we'll stop 'em here on Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here,

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

Lottery ticket, please. We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance. Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on!

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

It's good that Leela doesn't love us. She'll be less sad when we die.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam?

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

He must be afraid to break character, in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around. FRANCIS: Heh? Come on, let's go check on him. I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces! Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy?

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay?

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence. That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute! No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race.

Flexo? What's goin' on?

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

- Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good.

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams...

I forgot you could tempt me with things I want.

What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me,

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot!

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite,

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable.

No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on?

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud.

Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out. Don't be scared.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily,

Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why?

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING)

Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true.

Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Like putting too much air in a balloon!

Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

Oh. What's it called now?

Yahoo! The system fails again!

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl!

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3,

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela?

You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady?

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain.

What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Choke on that, causality!

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago.

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness.

It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

(ALL LAUGH) Ah!

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got? Sorry I'm late.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

(CROWD APPLAUDING) As Mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th Annual E-Waste Recycling Festival! (CHEERING) Down in front! Sorry. I get aroused in crowds.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Let the games begin!

Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan. Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to?

It's clovering time.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

Yes, sir, many of these entries merit a ride in the mighty bosom of our space shuttle. And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES)

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards.

Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!

I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal?

I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING)

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah!

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis,

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch?

Esther, you ugly.

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family.

(CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

But the trip is far too long. It's only 100 feet! At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake,

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on.

Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this. You know the worst thing about being a slave?

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

I didn't hurt you, did I?

The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences." If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone.

Let's dump it up! This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces. Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room.

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid...

We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats.

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads?

(BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage! This sausage is great!

Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often.

Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom. I mean, my mom's vacuum. My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then...

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

I... am... Destructor!

You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

I can move again. My music career is over.

Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up! Oxygen.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual.

Good news, everyone!

(BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot.

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

I speak, of course, of karaoke.

For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true.

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat! Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

I'm bored. Let's drink.

(ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back. Really? I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion. Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

A hundred dollars a week!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights.

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh!

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage!

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me.

Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true?

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Why didn't I think of that?

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm. Huh?

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot? All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution!

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else.

Greetings, masters! My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence.

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

Preparing for takeoff.

Merry Xmas, everyone.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Well, life goes on... except for you.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS)

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.

To shreds, you say.

I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow!

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR)

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands.

Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient.

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

I request a satanic funeral.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

They Call Me Mr. Pibb.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill.

The mercury is boiling!

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion. Religion? Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have,

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

Yeah, baby. Come on!

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them.

Pretend you're happy. Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

Orange? Purple?

Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Remember me! Remember me!

It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Find molasses candy

Peace! We out! Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

Last time I checked.

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire.

and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people.

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING)

I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found!

Take this, Mr. President, sir!

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack.

I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up?

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward!

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

Poor little guy starved to death.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more.

I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off? (GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No.

Okay, take a deep breath. You're having a little lovers' quarrel, but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning--

You've been drinking too much, or too little.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad...

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now?

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Smite someone who deserves it for once.

Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made. Try and find solace in the fact that somewhere out there, your keister is doing good. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

Gentle hippies, put your filthy hands together... for the folk stylings of cylon and Garfunkel! Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art.

What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true. I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male.

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam? This is unbelievable.

That's an awful lot of eagle.

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great.

Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning.

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme,

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY)

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop! News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me!

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine.

Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury.

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Pet it. Pet it.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was.

don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine.

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee!

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know.

This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s... latest fiscal year. Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet.

(ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything.

Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp.

the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though.

but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait!

Drop the robot!

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

I think you broke the universe.

Are there any left? There may be one.

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of,

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

(LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal.

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry!

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why?

Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff? Challenger-er Bender-er! That's my robot! I own him!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh. So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

I just pray they like me half as much as I do. I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Sounds like fun on a bun!

Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

think twice before you step on it.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it!

I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

And let this be a lesson to any other albino lobsters thinking of robbing our casino. (COCKS WEAPON) There ya go. Don't shoot! I have a deal to offer you. Sorry. We native Martians aren't so crazy about deals with the Wong family. That's because you don't know the original deal,

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Too bad he wasn't an alligator.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right.

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

How did you do it? Well, while the Beachmaster was off behind a whale carcass, loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal?

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

There you go. What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

(GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Okay, now you can panic.

Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work,

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Then what did we just blow up?

Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today.

What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Hmm. We lost Bender. There.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Me too. Me too.

Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

You a big dummy!

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final!

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

Earth! Indubitably.

Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

It's kind of cramped in here.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Whoo-hoo! Randy!

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

Oh, no! I'm boned!

Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right. Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm!

Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

May I help you with some assistance?

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty.

Don't pay me no mind.

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this--

See you in a thousand years.

We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

But we're plotzing here!

How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise...

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Now, without further ado,

(ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

Magnify that death sphere.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

One spoonful to calm me down.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

Amy, I also spent some of my tax rebate... on a gift for you. Oh, Kiffy! It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

No! I can't stand to look!

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me!

They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela.

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche?

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here.

Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

Wernstrom! The very same.

Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No!

You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness.

This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Aah! Oh! Bender, no!

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends.

So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup.

Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

Off you go, apparently.

I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life.

It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here.

(LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that?

What a lonely life.

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation! Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter.

You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers, perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally. Your gasps intrigue me. Explain.

So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

Even me? As a friend. Damn.

It's not-not a smart bet.

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

I am. I already did.

Honk, honk, honk!

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Good news, everyone!

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal?

I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

I've never seen you before, neither.

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go.

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

I'm so sorry, guys.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender?

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules.

No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence.

In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What?

Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp.

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really?

Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable--

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Where's the exploding?

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about.

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny. The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he?

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD)

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Amy. Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa!

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Zapp Branigan, at your service.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen. We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up. You know who McGovern was, right? I don't even know who you are.

One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission.

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo!

Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that--

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone. With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time. So act now! The perfect getaway awaits!

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender.

(KISSES) LEELA: To my wonderful friends, words can't express how thoughtful you've been. I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot!

Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going...

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform.

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

So, he's a folk singer. So what? So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

It might be you.

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge.

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk.

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday!

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth!

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week,

Behold, my latest invention.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God!

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is...

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone!

Those are weeds, jackass!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

You evil, metal dog

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

What the-- What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes! Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless.

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up.

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender?

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

(ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through!

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

But through the American Southwest! I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum!

Robots are made from old beer cans.

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew.

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end,

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah?

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Choke on that, causality!

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

What the hell are you doing?

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um...

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it! Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

We're back for our time machine! Ow!

- Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING)

I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap!

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago.

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

during her "wild" years...

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer! (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast.

No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this?

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10.

Girls, girls, girls At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow.

Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin. Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

(ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that. Okey doke.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago. just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it.

And you, sir? How can I horse you?

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire?

I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum?

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small--

Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Yee-haw! That was fun. What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George,

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water.

Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children. So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest.

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral?

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

(ALL CHEERING) Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now.

My life is over.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor...

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin'

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

carry the seven... got it!

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold!

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

There were no survivors.

You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees. Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo!

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents. Even that team that turned out to be us in the mirror. It's time we gave up. Yeah. I don't know what else we could have done to enhance our performance. Hey, great job tonight, you two.

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston?

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Read 'em and leak saltwater.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?

But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

Holy night! Intruders!

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes?

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me.

Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide.

Ray-blocking power!

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

Sir, that's not a number.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

There. It was hard work,

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts.

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon?

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that--

Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket. I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside,

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies. Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a--

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

(COUGHS) Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button?

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

(SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you. Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me.

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push!

Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

Oh. That's a little bright. All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms!

Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp.

No! I was about to close the deal!

Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

(PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But--

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING) (BEEPING) Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

Damn it. I should have paid more attention in kindergarten. What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING) Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for?

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--"

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess.

Give several reasons why. For one,

Will I be invisible forever?

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we?

There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled

Stop! It's driving me sane!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado,

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear.

Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years!

Greetings, followers.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way,

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady.

I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game. Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you!

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge.

But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING)

must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here?

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone.

I love this job. Me, too.

today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened?

Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on.

And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people?

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me!

Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

- (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans, I'm proud to announce I'm running for reelection as president of Earth, the greatest planet in the world.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.

Maybe you two belong together.

Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment.

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care,

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes?

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

Oh, crud. Every time!

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

I'm going to allow this.

Let's go already

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

I love you, Bender!

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested.

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING) Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please.

That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish?

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

And so we say "good-bye"

Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter!

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Ready? Retreat! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

(SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid.

Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles.

They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles. You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself...

You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you!

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

And now with his annual Xmas message,

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped!

Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

beyond the shame of defeat.

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay.

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster. (SCREAMS) Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar! We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party.

What the hell is that thing?

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting.

Little to the right... there you go.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Ahem! Ah, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention?

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

(SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night

Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry. Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride. I can see sideways in time.

Women only room!

There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole.

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them.

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold.

No! Yes! I don't know!

Where's the Professor? Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky.

10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out!

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose!

Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Approved for all audiences! No!

Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain.

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh?

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person?

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off?

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

You like that one, jack?

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS)

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F.

Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Why did you do all that stuff?

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Of course, that's just for starters. Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Tell my offspring I loved me very much... (GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

I said it. (WAILING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) A tough act to follow.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here.

How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels. (GASPS) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end?

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem?

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America.

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three.

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

So you're really my grandson, huh? Well, it's not quite that simple. See, I got frozen, and your son, Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great- great-great-great... - Eh? - What? Yep, I'm your grandson all right.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

(GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Wha-- Oh, right.

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years!

What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human!

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Yes. And I'm happy to see you. And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid. No. Wait. There's only one way to ensure victory.

I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

Clamps, here are your new clamps.

None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk!

You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

And with that... I have closure.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

Hallelujah, baby.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you.

I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement.

Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry.

Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman?

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry.

Earth's boring.

Yeah, see you later, chumps.

this place has class.

Where did they go?

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships.

Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning? It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect. It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries.

How did this happen? That's a very good question.

You can't hit what you can't see. Ow!

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy!

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

We're going to die!

The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except...

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm!

Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope. The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn...

You're one to talk!

Oops. Elves are back.

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic.

Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen.

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson.

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it!

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Ah, here's my stateroom.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this.

just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies! Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up? No. I give you the twit-worm!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me. There we go.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha--

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes.

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING)

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity!

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow?

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen.

What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now.

How we doing, Amy?

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Mmm-mm! Mmm-uuh!

(ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation...

Set a course for adventure!

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.

Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight,

call my name or walk on by

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg?

then who are we to judge? Amen!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go...

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

How... How did it go?

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Let us handle this, weirdie.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone.

we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish?

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon

Look out! A Central Park badger!

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret!

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded!

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College.

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

And that name is-- Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What?

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Hey, that's what I do.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

Bring on the one called "Leela."

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

After lengthy femputations,

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

You vile racist.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man?

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

My hair! My wedding cake!

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump. Hold on to your helmet. Whoa!

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back.

See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

You doing all right out there, buddy?

but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening?

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

my place or you? Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

(ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

(GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born

(BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

There. Give it a try.

This is the end of all things.

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible.

Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Robot Hell had a fire, too. Right after Bender was there for a workshop.

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.

Don't be upset, Leela. You, um-- You look really cute in your uniform. That's what makes it so sad! I thought I was doing something heroic!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment.

Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait.

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived.

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!

You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack!

Allow me, my lady.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend!

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day.

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo?

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter!

A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.?

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon? (SNORTS) I highly doubt a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear. I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great