comb.io - Clips

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

Exciting news, people!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Only this time--

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good.

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

And the winner is...

So, please, vote yes.

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety,

I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk. Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!

Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

(ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

One hundred kilometers.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city?

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable...

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

Mmm... farewell.

don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back. You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE)

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all.

My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Aw, crap-- singing.

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Gather 'round, chumps.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage?

(SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.

Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

No one move. I'm back, baby.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

things will now happen just as I fake predicted.

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

New Jersey was full.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Bender, is-- is that you?

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself, if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time!

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender!

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

(ALL CHOKING) Oops.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

No! No! No! No!

Detonation in two, one-- Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird-- Oh, never mind. Zero!

I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

The tracks lead here.

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

All right! Hooray!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Those bastards!

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock.

Give us back our genitals!

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender.

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends. Uh, brunch. Right.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere.

Saying B... E-n... Der!

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking. And now you're asking for a day off?

and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short--

I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later. Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

Is he genetically engineered?

If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken. Bad news, everyone.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I apologize for nothing!

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat.

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes.

I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure?

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this?

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

(GROANING) Not exactly.

And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Jumping sound! Ow!

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender...

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING)

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

Silence! You all know too much.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Let's get the hell out of here.

What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo!

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego?

You are now dead.

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful.

I don't feel like drinking.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave...

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh. Back in my old uniform.

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it?

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited.

Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do.

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING) Oops.

MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

We're looking for something that fits in here.

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

I don't know when

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me?

What the hell's been going on around here?

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad!

Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

because I like you.

It's all right. You can say that here.

say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

I don't feel well.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

To the Science Mobile!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

Completely out of ice!

Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it. (SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks.

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know?

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

(RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm...

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea!

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured,

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives!

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner. (CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

We can worry about that in the morning.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

(ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going.

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

That was the worst delivery ever.

Fire! Look out!

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God!

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

Your Honor, that facility has been full...

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Allow me to introduce myself.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump

Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

They're my friends.

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

And so we say "good-bye"

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

I get so lonely.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi.

You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

Good luck, Bender!

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit.

No, and you don't need to see this. AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it.

Phew! That was close. And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw,

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago. As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are.

Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8. (ALL CLAMOR) Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg. (RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son.

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

(LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us! Aah!

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me!

will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

Help, Satan! You owe me!

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

I'm willing to take that risk.

I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing?

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick!

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa? I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

I think it was just an airport.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

These people really know how to die.

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Your permanent career assignment.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Greetings, eco-nauts. I'm Free Waterfall, Sr., founder of Penguins Unlimited. Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through.

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

(GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the... Hey, what's my grand prize gonna be? Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy, unless you count the satisfaction of winning.

The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery.

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon. (CHUCKLING) Oh!

Bite my shiny metal ass!

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours. We need to stop that monster, David Farnsworth!

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches.

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

(CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world!

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely,

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

Look, are you going to help or not?!

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

This thing is 40% chromium!

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Poor little guy starved to death.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can. Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart, he wants to prove it by giving her something really good. I'm still listening, you big lug.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Keep going. We're almost outside! Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles. FRY: Blind Joe!

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour!

Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans,

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust?

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage.

Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.

Smells like strawberries.

Five, four, three, two--

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Uh-oh. That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing? It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill. Activating anti-fungal ray.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together. But behold! The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder,

How about these cookies, sugar?

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

I am Bender Please insert girder

Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage!

You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Let the hunt begin!

Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Take them to the laundry brig.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges. Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify.

'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important.

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear?

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected.

But can I "ax" you something?

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides.

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels! Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah!

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface.

I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

I don't know. Maybe.

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) The pee-babies peed themselves.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

Now I'm all you got!

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope. There, now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe.

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING)

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

Truly a great man.

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to?

And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio?

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying?

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished.

I'm leaving you.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink!

Let the games begin!

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous!

You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

(FIRING) (SCREAMS) Go, me!

Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Welcome to the future, human slave.

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

You! Bending unit!

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

Kiff, we have a conundrum.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet. New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed...

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm.

Femputer sentences them to death...

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway?

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig.

(CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand?

I'll kill you! Oh!

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

I'm a tenth-level vice president.

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

They went this way!

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Get a job, you lazy kids.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No!

What the hell is that?

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

What did you do now? Stop doing things.

Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

I surrender and volunteer for treason.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me?

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

(GASPS) Manwiches?

Divorce is final. What?

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash?

You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No! Oh, there's gotta be a better way.

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

"A" is for a...

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I won! I'm the greatest!

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

The hard part was getting the brain out.

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

That's so interesting.

Bender, quick! Waggle something!

So there's nothing to be curious about.

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

(BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.

That just raises further questions.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Then in nine other directions.

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

That's what makes it so funny!

I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better.

That's right. I'm a polygamist.

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes!

And this time I mean it!

(BLARING) Action! Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Death to the 1-X robots!

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father. Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low!

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING) I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll...

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy!

So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think. "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here "like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican." Good one at my expense, Hermes.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit...

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition"

For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch.

for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave.

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything. You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son?

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point?

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

You've damaged your brain, Universe--

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

(ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Do you have any gum? No.

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white.

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Boo! Go to hell!

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough.

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you...

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar.

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

You just say that because you're primitive.

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles. Would you like some human with your salt?

Sir, that's not a number.

If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson,

Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges. Dismiss all charges?

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

What the hell are you doing?

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not,

I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him.

Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

We take them to our leader. She know what do.

Yes, but not by enough.

I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame.

(MOANS) (UNZIPPING)

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules.

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Well, I have studied abroad...

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble?

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

You want some? Sure.

"I'm sending in more trains."

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Isn't it obvious? You are.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh?

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain. It's good!

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot.

You're sweet, Leela.

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message.

Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant. Eh. I've seen bigger. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound?

He's come to finish the job!

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee?

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Professor, no! Don't do it!

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr.

Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

Oh. Ah, man! Phew!

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind?

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Who put this in here? No! Are you people satisfied?

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana.

Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry!

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome.

Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again! Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack?

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

Lay it on us, big boots.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

(CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety!

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist.

I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

I came here from a faraway planet,

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur!

You keep it. I'll remember you in here.

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

(GASPS) Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well!

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Okay. Before those Pilates Nazis come goose-stepping in and take the room,

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Ooh! That's good news.

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

I think I'm going to die.

Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Are you people satisfied?

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

Me... want... engulf... Bender!

What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant.

(SOBBING) Earth is gone!

Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome...

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Give me back my floppy face!

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends. And I will not kill him.

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward!

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm!

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent.

Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

You, too? Will you be my friend?

But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful. Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

That's adorable. Ow!

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

I shall consider it a smashing success. But I wouldn't even know what to write about.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship. Here I comes to save the days.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

You were doing well until everyone died.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long.

Well, into the toilet.

leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for,

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel...

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump? Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

You owe me one.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

We call him Pickles.

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp.

A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of?

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

(ALARM RINGING)

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Hold it, Santa.

you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place

It's not working out, Fry.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them.

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

I wuv my mommy.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

Oh, what the hell.

Don't look at me!

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me!

So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio?

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Well, there's worse places to be marooned.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star. No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well. You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet.

Let's watch some cartoons.

Remember me! I will. I will.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

Zindy! You're even more beautiful from a distance! Johnny cakes!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy.

So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender!

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

But existing is basically all I do!

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

How do you do it? How do you go on knowing you lack the inherent capacity for self-determination? Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Rite my riny retal rass!

I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

No, they were assassinated.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback. You know, I might be able to speed up your reflexes by overclocking you. Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage,

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

Wait... you're the only friend I have.

(CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

That's adorable. Ow!

We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone. What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

War were declared.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

. Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8! Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

That's coming out of your pay.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto?

Leela! You're alive!

the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe.

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment.

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

But the trip is far too long. It's only 100 feet! At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it.

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING)

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

I'm scared and confused.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Can you find him, professor? No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes.

The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor?

Please do not feed the animals!

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Please do not feed the animals!

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends.

Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

(SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out.

Good news, everyone!

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no!

Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

We need your help.

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

Let's go already!

What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make?

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory?

Either way. (WHINES)

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer.

It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create.

I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine.

who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well.

(ROBOTS SCREAMING)

there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again.

Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

This wangs chung.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four.

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape!

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up?

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news.

Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way.

That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is?

When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

I'm sorry. She's gone.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

(BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Ahem. For my next trick,

I'm not hearing a "no."

All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last.

I can give you a surgery. And when it's done, you'll be able to smell everything. Oh, Zoidberg! I want the biggest nose you can find! Dude, you made the finals.

Oh, why, daffodilS.

Who is that godlike figure?

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

So that's where those skin flakes went.

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones?

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

All right, I'll go.

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING)

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay?

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Good, now let me just get the lights.

targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood.

Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop. Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Looks rickety. We better test it. Welcome to our monastery. Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music?

Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found.

some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run!

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

You can drop the hillbilly moron act.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining.

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans,"

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad.

I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters.

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me. Quick!

Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here?

(SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing.

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass!

according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat!

Happy Robanukah, everyone.

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

We'll have to bring her around again.

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir!

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing.

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more! My whole life, I worked on that act, and they hated it. You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian.

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

(GROANS) (BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams.

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

Indeed. We're here on Earth's last unspoiled acre to show the death sphere there's still purity in the world. Begin transmitting. Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup?

I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg. Faster! Faster!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw...

Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate?

Oh! Good work, Glermo.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

You are all fools of the highest caliber.

You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around,

Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!

A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Fire up the sewer gas!

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain.

I'll take eight.

Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

Oh, nag, nag, nag.

Permission to come aboard? Granted, shnookums.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years.

That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What?

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure.

Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

Let's go already!

You're one to talk!

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..."

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Let's recap what's happened so far.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks. Shh! What was that sound?

God rest her zombie bones.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again.

Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

the Abominable Snowmobile.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you!

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

(ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh!

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know.

(SHRIEKING) GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender.

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

This situation deteriorated fast.

They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice. We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense.

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works.

Thanks, handsome.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

They're so cold!

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo.

I'll kill you! That would be best.

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

(SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Then you're under arrest. What for?

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles!

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots!

She sure does. Flexo!

We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy?

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way.

You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy,

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang. So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You?

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay.

He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest! Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew!

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man,

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make?

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

It was me. I'm the hero.

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die! Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. Go on.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for.

Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Phil, you're hype!

I think you're overreacting. Am I?

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits?

Smells good! Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception... to display the national silk surplus.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior.

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that? Oh, my God! Who are they?

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor, could do the operation!

We were defeated in battle.

I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Oh, no, I'm late!

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Uh... (SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING)

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

"this is the one I would choose."

Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't know what I'd do without them.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in? Hey, the blues.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

(SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o.

We were defeated in battle.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray!

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand?

I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

Good news, everyone!

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone?

Like the deadly Prius.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

(ENGINE STARTS) We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING)

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now.

So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit. You know, when I first got broken,

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.

A hundred dollars a week!

Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry. Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

Eyes, look your last.

Squeaky, squishy clean.

All power to the engines.

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

Sounds good. See you Monday! (POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends.

Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies!

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

I'm scare-roused.

Time out! Time out! What's happening?

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING)

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

I love you! Oh, my!

Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though. Couldn't hurt.

Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

I also offer video poker!

Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk.

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums!

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Scruffy, the janitor.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Also, I got this goin'.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Burning garbage.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY)

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps!

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton

Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork. And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King.

This stinks! Madam is outraged!

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check!

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in

We'll have to bring her around again.

Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya?

Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy.

who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the--

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

And I love Leela. Any Leela.

7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela.

A dark day for humanity, folks.

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog.

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private?

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Who put this in here? No!

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What?

I move that we vote on...

A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh...

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING)

Let's blow it up already.

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got. But you've got nothing. Oh, no?

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check.

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS)

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

No, I think it's self-explanatory. No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes,"

sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

Good afternoon, sir.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source. Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

Get them! I mean, seize them!

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards,

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing. The free will unit was just the fevered dream of a madman I once employed.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

An alibi, huh? I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move.

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Bring it on, baby!

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out.

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

I can barely move. It's perfect!

Bite my shiny metal ass.

They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

I don't feel well.

- Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on.

i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING)

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you!

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm. Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

(CRYING) It's true! He did it!

(CRACKING) Whoa!

and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Wow! Superpowers.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING)

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders!

It's all-natural. So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES)

Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man.

Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember-- the flame of my eternal love will burn forever.

Damn the expense!

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out."

No! At last I'm beautiful!

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Now that's what I call fine print.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

in that ditch where I left you, this is for you. Time up-ooh! The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Look out for the next thing!

Is my eye playing trick on me?

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity?

Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry,

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push!

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file?

Addendum. Whoa! NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up.

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

to toy with my emotions.

What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

It's all-natural.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not!

While you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them. There are only a few basic patterns. For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please.

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry?

i Will wait For you

You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Very well. Let there be light!

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Okay! Okay! Quit nagging!

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my!

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Barf like a freshman!

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Well, good night. I had a great time.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed.

Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

(GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING)

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.

That proves it!

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

$3 at the drugstore.

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi?

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Me? Perfectly normal?

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine!

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

And the winner is... Bender!

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls.

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm?

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools!

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president.

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.

Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

carry the seven... got it!

Good-bye, cruel world.

I feign death and stalk thee,

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit.

Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Please do not feed the animals!

And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor. Hey, look. It's our old group picture.

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments.

All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.

I get a good vibe from this place--

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it.

forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do

No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up?

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

whoever he is. Am I right? And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

Welcome home, old friend.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

(LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Oww! Not so rough!

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea.

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

To shreds, you say.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela!

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia,

Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts.

it's the study of alien languages. Why can't you listen? Oh, sugar lump, I hear you when you actually say something important. LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract, and like the fairy tale of face mutant and butt mutant, the love of Munda and Morris has grown stronger every day.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do

This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Deploying ice drill.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

The planet's "kerploding."

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

(SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant. All my life, I've been inspired by great minds.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news?

What the hell's been going on around here?

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best...

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale.

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann.

(GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

Pancakes and sausage.

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

(CHOKES) (GROANS)

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

One jillion dollars.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J.

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force.

I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them?

Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

I... am... Destructor!

Watch and learn.

(GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

Oh, it haunts my memory still.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Y'all wanna stay for supper?

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

I'm starting over.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry,

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Yet, so desperate the city's desire for tourism that they moved offshore, becoming an island and an even bigger Delta hub, until the city overdeveloped and it started to sink.

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

One of his heels.

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor!

You're out of the gang.

It's a widely believed fact.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Death by snu-snu!

I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from.

Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

My first mission. I'm so excited.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser?

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body... into a tender, delicate form. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey!

We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong. Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready!

And you smell like one, too.

I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold!

Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires.

It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

Silence! I concur.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

The secret was scratchin' really, really hard. And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry--

My God, that poor kid. You're the last store open.

More than a little. She's beautiful!

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

Look out, a solar flare!

But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act.

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Off you go, apparently.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump.

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song.

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother.

I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles!

Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far.

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out!

The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um...

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan