comb.io - Clips

But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

I'm dying of old age!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it.

Is anything not a robot?

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca.

We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

(WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

And rip her shirt a little.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh...

The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

Listen to me, Leela.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying!

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

This makes me the oldest member of my family.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

Dude, where's my ship?

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Pun definitely intended.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

Eh? Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES)

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease?

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

I flipped a coin.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles!

(GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid! We're over the drop zone, gentlemen.

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker! It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong!

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery?

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Now we're slavin'.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips.

Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want.

And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board?

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

There but for the flip of a coin go we.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you.

I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT)

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

What's with Monstro?

That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991.

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS)

Happy New Year!

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind! Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't! I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful.

Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in...

Aye. Aye. Duh, okay. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

I have these three costumes you could use.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

(BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality.

I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation.

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101.

Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened.

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space,

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant... to be. So, you really and truly love me?

From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

No! No! No! No!

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy?

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--"

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

He's-- He's dead.

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop.

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right?

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of...

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

You look great.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice.

- He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause?

Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee! Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

I don't know what to do.

La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing

That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother?

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

This robot will do everything for me.

So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth.

It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

I said, hit the hay!

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

No, I'm-- doesn't.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down.

No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind. Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you.

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me?

Surely you know McNeal.

Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

All right, I'll go.

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

There must be people somewhere.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium?

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

We've come a long way, baby.

This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Whoo! And his name is?

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with.

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking,

Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Time out! Time out! What's happening? We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time,

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you. I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you!

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball. She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far.

I don't even want to... why is...

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

Patricide. Well, let's work up to that one. How about skull arranging? That is for Grrrl Scouts! Men bring the skulls home, women arrange them. I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge.

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day.

Guess what? Hell is real.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Farewell. Noooo!

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top.

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Girls, girls, girls At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

(ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two,

These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so.

But I'm not done vomiting!

Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes.

Uh-oh, a fork in the path. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm...

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

What do you mean we, mammal?

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Digby? Nibbler?

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass.

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks.

(ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there? Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream?

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off...

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

One, two! one, two, three!

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you!

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

So, I hear you're a machine... Ow! Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember?

They have her totally outnumbered.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

This is the brass ring, fellas.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

Good news, everyone.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me? Absolutely.

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants!

zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Thank you, Fry.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Nobody destroy Leela, either.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices.

Dr. Zoidberg, you're amazing! I am? At last, recognition!

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey!

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

I wish I had died instead of her.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice.

(MARITIME FOLK MUSIC) (ACCORDION PLAYING)

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second.

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

(ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun,

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski.

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style.

Bender and his obnoxious ego.

Okay, take a deep breath.

I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete.

This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

I've been tunneling for decades,

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES)

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

Put it back in me!

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride. Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too,

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't.

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants,

All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino.

Oh, no! Go to commercial.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset.

I don't know how to make them stop.

build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is! (CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Patriotism, good. Where is it?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Bring it on, baby!

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Ah, screw the whole thing.

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS)

into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter.

Who put this in here?

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

It's kind of cramped in here.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

Balsamic or raspberry?

That's normal. Next patient!

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Ow! I-- I mean--

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed--

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

My God, is it possible?

(SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell.

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Faster! Faster!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

We could grow up together.

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

I like your style.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating.

Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

So far, so good.

your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts. "First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes.

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back.

Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING)

Okay, neck, tap, tap,

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

(SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com.

Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

I won't keep you.

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

I'm lying to make her feel better.

I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Well, we're boned.

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

There has been quite a rash of fires lately.

and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

The captain's table. What an honor. Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Oh, you have got to be kidding.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie. Yeah? He may have brains, but I have heart. Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot?

What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right

Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head.

What's your name?

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of.

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor!

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water!

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day...

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS)

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor. Hello. We're here because we, uh...

What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past.

Well, why is those things?

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

I'm bored. Let's drink.

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor. Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere.

The box says, "No."

"The Grumpy Snail."

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

And that includes cultural exports.

Stop! No! Moron!

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag,

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you--

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

(GROANING) Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave.

Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance.

But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING) ...pause?

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off

Messages erased.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Ew! There it is.

No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise. Uh, what's with the getup?

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian. But comedy is in my valves. My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star... back in the era of silent holograms. Your uncle was Harold Zoid? This I cannot deny.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

It's... It's... The spark that reignited our marriage? Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING)

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

then who are we to judge? Amen!

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony.

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower. Hey, there's our little mascot.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me.

Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

The Earth is born!

Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

(SIREN WAILING)

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

jiggle the cord.

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Until time stops.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch!

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

In other words, no. Ohh! All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Because you're idiots.

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!"

Here, let me help you.

Mutants! They're real.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

That was great! And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

I don't feel good.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Take it off or I'll break it off.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers!

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

(ALL SCREAMING) I knew this final invention would be a humdinger. Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge!

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll never be a musician now. Or maybe... You'll be the best musician ever. What's this for?

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Hey, too tight, too tight!

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story. I'm sorry, kids. I'm not a natural storyteller. But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class.

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk.

Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

- Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson.

That's it! This date is over! Waiter!

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye. I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes.

Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

Fry, are you all right?

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

Go, Leela! Put it right down the pike! Strike him out, Leela! Do it for the hundreds of women everywhere! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Your attention. Now pinch-hitting for the Poindexters, jackie Anderson! Will ya look at that?

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Let's find those flowers. We'll split into teams.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.

I fInd that offensive!

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but--

But look in your heart and ask yourself,

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

Hush, you romantic fool.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom?

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones!

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

But, dustcakes... Oh...

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in?

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face?

On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

The planet's "kerploding."

Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

I don't even know you.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars?

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

(HORSE WHINNIES)

No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day.

But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

What's so funny?

Then shut your yaps and back to work

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama!

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman.

What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito--

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Thanks for the help, Leela.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.

But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies,

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see--

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

This here is our penguin preserve.

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much.

Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Mulligan drives the ball. It's going, going and caught by the shortstop. Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching. Mets-a? Short-a-stop-a?

Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

He's my pencil sharpener.

with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming. Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great. No, Leela. In the world of theater there are no second acts. You're not leaving. We're gonna get you your job back.

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

But it was my life.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

Or do we? No, I guess not.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do.

I love killing people--

Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS)

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

we're in trouble.

Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

This is an outrage.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

What's that weird cat?

Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Transmission over.

Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee!

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

- and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

The world? That's where I live!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

All you could eat.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing.

(IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

Edna! Ew! My God!

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Thank you, Bob Barker.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play."

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

You dumb bastards!

He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.

How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

You were ready six years ago.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

Should we do something? There's no hurry.

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

This is a story about all my friends.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Free beer. Free beer.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest.

All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

This wangs chung.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

It's like Comic-Con in a submarine!

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got?

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast.

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Oh, no, you didn't.

No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought. (DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Brace yourself for the worst.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Over here, Calculon! Come on, smile. Quit blinking. Red eye. Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right.

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all,

it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor?

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

In your face! Victory is mine!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Who can feel like I am a child in love

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one

I admire your style, Roberto.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS)

I'm 40% scrap metal.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War.

Popplers can't talk.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

This show is awesome!

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love."

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is?

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Give several reasons why. For one,

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the Omicronian young. We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole.

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it.

He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me.

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Ow! Hey, watch it!

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy. Bender, where's Fry? I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity.

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo!

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

The mother ship is destroyed.

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Stop hoggin' the clover!

Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row, the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he...

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Why with the long faces?

Look at my butt! Whooooo!

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

That is so true.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

So long, jerkwads! So long.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

No more hanging wires!

Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

You see-- Magic. Got it.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

Shut up. I know it.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see...

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant.

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen...

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Digby? Nibbler?

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender! Boo!

It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

All right, I'll go.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Arr! I saw it first.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know,

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

for all eternity.

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

You get that camera out of my house.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really?

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should...

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop,

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara.

We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

Well, let's get looting!

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

Death to the 1-X robots!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

The professie will help.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot! Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

There must be people somewhere.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I found Bender!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara?

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table.

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..."

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now? So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened?

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Stop exploding, you cowards!

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly.

Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

I just don't know how we'll get by.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

'Bout time! That's my boy!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Capital idea, old sport.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

Happy New Year!

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what.

Yep, my good friend Big Something here.

Let the hunt begin!

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time,

Stop pecking me!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it! Dad? Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

(ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I'm not stealing anything!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Aw, you.

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

I got to check out this brochure.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

I don't see any irony in that.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh! No time! It has begun!

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet.

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

Get the hell off my planet.

I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Nichelle! George! Walter!

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh!

You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it!

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper!

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

We flipped a coin before the debate,

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest,

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

FRY: Ah! We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion!

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass.

By far, the most important thing is oil

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

get down tonight get down tonight

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Are you two gonna be done soon?

We're going to die!

Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason,

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Who the hell are you?

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine?

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

To the end of the universe!

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved.

Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

And it once belonged to someone very special.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Now boarding stand-by passengers-- This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

Soothe us with sweet lies.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Not even a little.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I'm bored! Let's go.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it,

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.

I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan. Good morning, lover.

That's my mama.

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Can I at least get a photo? And before you answer that... (CAMERA CLICKS) (CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus.

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

Okay, everybody switch demons.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal,

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

(GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl. Hi, Zapp. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight with me and my mom. You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

Steady. Steady. Now!

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all.

Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

"A" is for a... Wait!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but--

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

(STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Bad news, friends.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

I'm actually gay.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

download porno on a crowded bus,

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

Look at me! I'm invisible.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

(SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Here's corpsey!

$15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real?

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

I want to hear how it ends.

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

There's no such thing as mutants.

My nose! Light of my face!

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by. Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

Out of my way, losers!

Two, three... hey.

Wha-- Oh, right.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon.

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that?

an A-minus-minus!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Is this thing on?

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Rite my riny retal rass!

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't!

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

(LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted.

Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Harpoon, my ass.

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir.

You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

Fry, look what you did.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off?

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Who's kicking who around now?

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

There's hot dogs for everyone.

It's a second big bang!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Precious hamburgers?

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

their life force gets sucked out.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

There goes my... life.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

Sweet zombie Jesus!

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

(GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm... Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we?

Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg!

Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked--

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am.

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action,

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that.

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant!

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo!

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

I took a nappie!

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Nah. Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Women only room!

your keister is doing good.

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp!

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

You fool! You foolish fool!

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

It's been an emotional day for me.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Have you seen this robot?

No! No! No! No!

Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then.

We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean,

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No!

You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy,

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

What the hell is that thing?

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

Just stick to the script.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough!

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Stop! We'll leave.

In fact, forget the park.

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him?

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

One, two. One, two, three.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

Now I'm all you got!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

We're entering the Omega sy