comb.io - Clips

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

I'm dying of old age!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh...

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING)

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

And rip her shirt a little.

Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah!

Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine,

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening?

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Listen to me, Leela.

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

(ALL GASP) I tried to warn you.

As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm."

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Alien ships approaching, sir.

Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES)

Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

No beam can pierce that devilish mist. Shipwrecks be so common, I make a good livin' out of whatever washes ashore. Found me a whole blue man group once. So you have two jobs? More. I also salvage the wrecks with my bathysphere, and I'm a butcher, if you like blue meat.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap.

Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease?

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid! We're over the drop zone, gentlemen.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery?

The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Now we're slavin'.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout.

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board?

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

(CROWD CLAMORING) I still don't see why you get the window seat.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

What's with Monstro?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob.

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS)

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down...

Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn?

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot!

Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more.

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping.

I get a good vibe from this place--

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park.

No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

So this is where they stick old people.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y?

but what else is new?

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

(BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality.

Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero!

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Wait! I understood that.

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space,

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it.

Well, you heard the windbag.

...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot? (CRYING) It's true! He did it! No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant... to be. So, you really and truly love me?

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle,

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers?

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

No! No! No! No!

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

He's-- He's dead.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian!

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right?

What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

I checked my list. Well, check it twice.

You look great.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

- He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species, showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on. But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey.

Please, sir. I love you like a father.

That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth.

Now, these monkeys I like.

I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here.

I said, hit the hay!

Well, pay the man.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah!

do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir. It's the Carcarons! Oh, meatballs. I forgot they were coming to sign the peace treaty today. Ladies and gentlemen, my blushing translator and I have business to tend to.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon,

Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me?

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

There must be people somewhere.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium?

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity,"

We've come a long way, baby.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Whoo! And his name is?

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

- You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer.

It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy.

For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball. She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

I don't even want to... why is...

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed?

Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know?

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

Patricide. Well, let's work up to that one. How about skull arranging? That is for Grrrl Scouts! Men bring the skulls home, women arrange them. I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge.

Honk, honk, honk!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry!

English - US - Line 21

Hey, Fry, take a picture of me biting my own shiny metal ass. I'd be honored.

Have a good one!

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top.

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners!

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so.

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together...

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

(GASPS) How did you do that?

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Please... Big z.

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created...

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya.

Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off...

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow!

Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

One, two! one, two, three!

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork. So you are using pork! Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years!

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

A can of paint.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader--

So, I hear you're a machine... Ow! Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

All right, enough of this.

They have her totally outnumbered.

Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Good news, everyone.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first?

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

Thank you, Fry.

zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass!

Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point.

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes. Well, who'd have thunk it? He was born all right, just like he said.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey!

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you.

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Look at my crazy passport. Versus The Chain Smoker.

(MARITIME FOLK MUSIC) (ACCORDION PLAYING)

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice.

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone. (CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Now, when you say "special--"

I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second.

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

(ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor?

It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp. Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very...

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing?

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell.

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style.

Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

No, I guess it keeps going.

I've been tunneling for decades,

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

it was pure evil.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too,

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants,

Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate.

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

(SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to...

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship.

But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Dirt doesn't need luck.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

Patriotism, good. Where is it?

I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly.

Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph, and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too? Old Salmonella? Son, I ought to kill you for asking.

Creeped out. Then it's decided! Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes...

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Bring it on, baby!

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase!

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

Ah, screw the whole thing.

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah.

Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS)

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet.

(ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity.

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children?

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think.

keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Balsamic or raspberry?

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

That's normal. Next patient!

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed--

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell.

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Hold. Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

So far, so good.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B.

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Wait! No, thanks.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone?

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

Why won't anyone help me?

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16?

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

I'm lying to make her feel better.

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

The captain's table. What an honor. Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change! Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy!

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of.

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage?

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge.

Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water!

No. No! N-O-O-O!

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS)

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable--

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Well, why is those things?

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past.

Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

I'm bored. Let's drink.

I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

The box says, "No."

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor. Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you--

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped.

had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Women only room!

We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah!

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

Where is the great fountain? What makes it so great? Why does a robot need a codpiece? Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already. Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... (GROANING)

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol. Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never!

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud.

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA.

That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh!

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello.

(GROANING) Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air.

Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

I saw that! Huh?

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

Ew! There it is.

No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

I'll kill you! You bastard!

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

then who are we to judge? Amen!

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

Not necessarily.

Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you.

Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very...

Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun.

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!

Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Hey, here's a giggle.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah!

Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What?

Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer.

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

Warp drives! Get your warp drives! (WHISTLES) Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship. She's worth a lot of money. I'm gonna sell her at market so my girlfriend can get surgery for her squidification.

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

jiggle the cord.

No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

Until time stops.

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

In other words, no. Ohh! All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said--

Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

Because you're idiots.

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!"

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Mutants! They're real.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time.

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

I don't feel good.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story. Hi. It's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen.

Take it off or I'll break it off.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Sorry. I get aroused in crowds.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump! (GRUNTS) Ah!

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Come on in, roomie.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story. I'm sorry, kids. I'm not a natural storyteller. But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right? Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us?

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow!

Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies...

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt! Orange? Purple?

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy.

Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper.

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

I'm on loan from the Louvre.

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class.

Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it!

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

That's basically what I do every day.

More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

Okay, it's about to start. Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

That's it! This date is over! Waiter!

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg--

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow.

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Come on. Get in. Hurry up. Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

Go, Leela! Put it right down the pike! Strike him out, Leela! Do it for the hundreds of women everywhere! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Your attention. Now pinch-hitting for the Poindexters, jackie Anderson! Will ya look at that?

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

All right, Tinny, your double leg transplant is complete. What do you say you give 'em a try? It's a miracle! I can walk! No more crutch or withered leg!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

It says the World Acting Championship is tonight in Hollywood. Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon. If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go.

Hush, you romantic fool.

Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom?

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

But, dustcakes... Oh...

What the hell's been going on around here?

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in?

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold...

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

Do it. Do it. Do it.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat! Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again?

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face?

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

The planet's "kerploding."

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see.

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in!

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

Yep! We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get?

But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch?

Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman.

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh...

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell! (GASPS) The ship that sank in that horrible space storm? Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea.

And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

What's the matter? You scared?

But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah. Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth.

Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your...

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah?

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see--

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes.

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

It's story time.

Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled!

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team

Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

He's my pencil sharpener.

with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Hello? New boots.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Now vent! Vent like the wind! Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste.

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great. No, Leela. In the world of theater there are no second acts. You're not leaving. We're gonna get you your job back.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it! Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do.

I love killing people--

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Did we go too far?

we're in trouble.

Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant? He's my pencil sharpener.

Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat.

Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

This is an outrage.

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Transmission over.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa?

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies.

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry--

The world? That's where I live!

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing.

All you could eat.

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

(IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe.

Edna! Ew! My God!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Incoming yucky.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Thank you, Bob Barker.

Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

You were ready six years ago.

Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks.

The most beautiful love song ever written. ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more...

The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors,

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

Sounds like a plan.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but...

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut.

at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

One, two! one, two, three!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious--

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker. Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on?

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss. Here, give her these. And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

(BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

Oh. Where's the Professor? Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky. I was out on the widow's walk keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew. It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr. Okay, let's go through this once more from the--

Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?

Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop. Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay!

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children. Anyway, I should get going.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Uh, it wasn't me. I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy.

Are you suffering from internal parasites?

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes--

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

What? Did you just say--

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca!

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought. (DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions. Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator.

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Brace yourself for the worst.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again?

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING)

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed.

Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

(MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker.

Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half.

They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside.

To the flying machine!

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela.

Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha!

(GROANING) Oops.

(ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you!

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump.

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

Who can feel like I am a child in love

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth. And then in all his smaller mouths! No, no, listen.

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one

I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?

Popplers can't talk.

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

This show is awesome!

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool. Ooh, this is it! Turn me up. Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool, making off with the contents of over three lockers. More like three lockers and a sink.

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love."

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

Hey, where's my shoes?

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Honored guests and Kif, one of a captain's many superpowers is the ability to conduct marriage. So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is?

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

What's the rent on one of these jars?

Hey, rich lobster

Give several reasons why. For one,

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh...

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre...

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going?

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

I said no such thing. And then I died!

Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy. Bender, where's Fry? I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo!

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

16 feet?! Go to hell!

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this Zoidberg. Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money. Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business. What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you? Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh. Ah, mm, do you have any food? Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one.

Look at my butt! Whooooo!

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

So long, jerkwads! So long.

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake?

you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

It's my booties from when I was a kid. Uh, they're already bronzed. They are bronze. And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS)

Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Where's the Professor?

You see-- Magic. Got it.

But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back.

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Digby? Nibbler?

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

And here we go!

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender! Boo!

It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone!

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh. Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a...

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this.

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth. So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably.

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said,

Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it.

Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

- Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree? ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

(GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

Good news, everyone.

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone.

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara.

We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone!

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it.

I mean killer app!

Well, let's get looting!

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

The professie will help.

What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland.

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot! Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer,

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters"

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

There must be people somewhere.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes.

Yeah, me too now.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I found Bender!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara?

The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

That seemed unnecessary.

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly.

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time.

Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere.

We're ready. Great. You are not going to regret this.

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

(YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

I can't see nothin'.

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner...

Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human.

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

"Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand? It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

I just don't know how we'll get by.

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like,

Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Terrific. Now consider the following.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden?

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal.

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them.

My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

I control all the drones from this single unit.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

Capital idea, old sport.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Happy New Year!

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Yep, my good friend Big Something here.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Stop pecking me!

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

The robot has to go!

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

The devolution revolution has begun! Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle,

Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight. Oh, yeah, you women's libbers really know how to party.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

It's Benderin' time.

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it! Dad? Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

Well, into the toilet.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot,

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet?

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines.

(ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

(ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world.

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan?

Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby! Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot.

Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee!

but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director. Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo?

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I got to check out this brochure.

Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps.

These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat?

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

I'm not even legally a mammal. (SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day. Live bait. Get your live bait here. Whoa!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice. Many said I was too extreme when I first called

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

"Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay!

I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way. Ooh!

Nichelle! George! Walter!

Two. Six. Fourteen.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives,

And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh!

Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

My work here is done.

What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost!

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games,

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing.

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences." If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper!

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch!

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

'cause that is how you're gonna die. (CHILDREN CHEERING)

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition.

We flipped a coin before the debate,

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

By the gods! He is a machine! No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Gravity normal. Air returning.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir.

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

By far, the most important thing is oil

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

Who the hell are you?

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING)

Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew.

I'm gonna spin till I fall down! Whoo-oo-oo!

We'll bill you for the couch.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

Are you two gonna be done soon?

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

I could make the costumes. I have an old five megawatt broadcasting tower in the attic. And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason,

It's so tragic.

Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

Looks like you're retaining water.

How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

And it once belonged to someone very special.

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way,

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world. To many young men in the inner city, it is.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

I'm really nervous.

Wait. Hot lava?

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Not even a little.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

That's how it's passed down, mother to son. But my mommy had no arms! Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Edna? Honey? Edna!

Now, how about a rose for the lady?

Ah, let's face it.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through. (SCREAMS)

So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan. Good morning, lover.

What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

We should print up T-shirts.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

Hello. Hello, baby!

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Okay, everybody switch demons.

I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen.

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal,

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir! (MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than...

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol?

Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

Alexander Hamilton of New York,

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?

What does piano wire count as?

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all.

"A" is for a... Wait!

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again.

Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

(SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time.

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said.

We just need to find that last missing link. I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup. And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Bam! Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps.

Death to the crab!

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place. Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going?

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Bad news, friends.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. Almost got it. It seems to be sort of... stuck. Ooh! I love you!

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Huh? (SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

So, my humiliation is over? Who are you? And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies! Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up?

It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point?

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Uh, hello, cuckoo. The diamond still didn't break!

That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch, if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

Look at me! I'm invisible.

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.

(SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed--

I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right?

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

I want to hear how it ends.

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

My nose! Light of my face!

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift...

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Bring it on, baby!

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by. Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

Out of my way, losers!

You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Wha-- Oh, right.

It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine!

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs.

an A-minus-minus!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Your mistake is being humans.

We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

Rite my riny retal rass!

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage.

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century.

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't!

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is...

Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Do I know you? Have we met? What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive?

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away.

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton. It'll cost you, John. How much are you worth now? I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir.

But don't tell no one. Spread the word.

I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Fry, look what you did.

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

(EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off?

Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you. Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm.

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Who's the gross nerd?

However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie--

Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

That explains it. I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

- Want to see? - Sure.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

Now, to run it through our high-speed romance-alogical datafier. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep. Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm.

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think.

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company?

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this!

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay. Rabbit goes around the tree. There.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

There goes my... life.

Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

(SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again.

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow.

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

Hey, wh-- what?

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg!

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked--

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little...

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges.

Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

(MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

What? This place is crawling with yous!

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action,

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry...

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood?

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!