comb.io - Clips

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists...

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that.

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

(AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval.

'Kay! We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops.

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person.

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter!

There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING)

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but...

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about.

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think.

You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business.

Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Now that is irony

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie...

But I am already in my pajamas.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING)

He's gyroscopically stable.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

And you are outta here!

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

This is for you. A pogo stick.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now? So they sent a helpless child to kill me.

He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me?

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool?

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts!

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

Let's go already!

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song,

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

Dance, slave, dance.

Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood!

He's the evil Bender.

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone.

You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up.

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface? We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale!

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits.

Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

My life is over.

Very well. Let there be light! I got it! I got it!

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it.

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

They're not your parents, I'm not your sister...

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Off you go, apparently.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry. Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death!

I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now,

Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Ick! Oh. How about this one?

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

Hands up! This is a stickup again!

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Oh, God! Fantastic!

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak.

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue.

I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

They're hideous!

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation! Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh!

The Maltese Liquor.

I'm up to something here.

Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

Good night, Hubert.

KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

This is for Big Bertha!

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

Look out, Earth.

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

I'll let you punch me for a buck.

Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

That's what she said! Whoo!

And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Have a good one!

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

You know, I was God once.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated.

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead?

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Invalid selection.

Bite my shiny... metal...

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper?

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

(BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

(SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

For starters, only use quality ingredients. Case in point, no more live bees. Oregano works equally well. And when you put pizzas in the oven, don't get in with them. Hey! Occupato.

So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody.

you're too damn bright!

Hey, you burned my cheek!

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich? Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day.

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out.

Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

(SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING) Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now?

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Hello? Anybody home?

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it.

Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Will you be my friend? Ow!

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor. She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening!

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING)

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day!

Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict! They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo. Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens.

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

(ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

(POP SONG PLAYING)

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN)

And you are outta here!

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place.

Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last.

No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

(GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING)

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

(WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down.

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer. Oh, yeah!

Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough.

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school?

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me!

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see.

(CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day. The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space.

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah. Hi.

(ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio.

Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

(BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart. You go fight biggest brain of all.

So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend--

LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Stolen Pez anyone?

Let it ride! (ALL GASP) 34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No.

Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical." Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens? They're not fans.

Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

That's using the old noodle.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Oop, low on power.

Would you like cream? Yes, please.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?

Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers.

no one else take my place

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it?

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

Well, the doomsday device is ready.

I will go this far and no further.

So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay? Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

Robots don't have bathrooms.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

He's come to finish the job!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane...

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain.

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

Will the referee bring out the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil?

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in.

Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on.

Good news, everyone.

I also have a tail!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed.

Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong. And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here?

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

What's that weird cat?

I've met the most dynamite ladybot.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Close the door. You're letting the smut out.

I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on!

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

Now it's personal.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so--

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender.

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them. Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special.

He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly. Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Ho... ho... ho!

My ass! My beautiful--

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa?

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy!

Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman...

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been.

I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

(SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that,

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING)

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Help! I'm stuck!

Actually, Dwight, you're right.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie?

I like your style. I find it very... erotic.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

Thank you. I have no idea what that means. You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse. That's in the rearview mirror, baby. It wasn't what he said that hurt, it was what was left unsaid.

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires? Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows...

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years.

Ew. What's bringing the stank? It ain't my gambling diaper. I just changed it. Must be the shrimp. It's working. Zoidberg, what are you doing? Sorry, I'm just so hungry. Don't spoil your appetite. You need to eat 300 pounds of cash salad.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake?

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

(SHOUTING) Doom!

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything. Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent.

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--"

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Waaah! What the--

If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love. My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Wait a second. You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please.

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

How about we kill you again?

Daddy Bender? Son? Daddy's tryin' to score with a cheap floozy right now. So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later.

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose. (ALL SIGH) Man!

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Sounds like fun on a bun!

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death.

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week.

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid.

Slurm: it's highly addictive.

You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and...

I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names?

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

What! You told her, like, 140 times.

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

(SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING)

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you?

Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

But wait, there's more!

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Holy matrimony.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Hey, I've got one last thought.

At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor.

I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain. Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me,

Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything. You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into...

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh?

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class...

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go.

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole.

No shellfish! That is so unfair.

Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this?

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh? Whatever. Hey, looky there. (SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women. We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile

It's not germs, is it?

Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener?

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb?

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something. Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later?

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

I'm going to allow this.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right?

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

I can so relate to that.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot.

Death to the crab!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

To the sub-basement!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink?

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name?

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written. ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end,

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

(GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell. Yeah, that's why he in here. Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.

Because I don't like being used.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you.

Fire indeed hot!

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

I'm still listening, you big lug. Well, what I'm trying to say is, in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Is this guy a shark or what?

Hmm. He's a witch!

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever.

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender!

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right!

Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K.

Thank you, Angus.

The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello. I am Victor.

You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop.

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah.

Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

And I can't take life anymore!

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose,

His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me.

That's my mama.

Everybody hit the deck!

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

l-e-e-l-a Leela

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us!

This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it!

(STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me.

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

(ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

Angus is right.

Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

It'll be the end of civilized society!

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god!

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

I'm going for a scuttle.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

I have no idea.

Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12,

and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays,

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures.

You're my best friend, Fry.

Amy. Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

Soylent Green-ooh!

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

(KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth.

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Destroy all aliens.

Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties,

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING)

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm?

Now hit the bricks. (SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh?

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

There you go. What have I done?

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

Let's go already

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

I also offer video poker!

"By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed.

Enough with the feelings, you two.

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree?

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever!

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

If that is your Freedom Day wish. Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why? What did I not do yet to deserve this?

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

I volunteer for a suicide mission!

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel.

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem. (CHUCKLING)

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go!

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

First one, than the other.

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Times two, carry the one.

Pizza delivery.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards. Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray!

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

These conditions are deplorable.

Hmm... Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check.

Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line?

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly.

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry.

Trees down. Trees down.

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Whoa! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi.

But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items.

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47!

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Aah! Hey-- Aah!

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus.

Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

There but for the grace of God.

I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often.

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job,

you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Just stick to the script.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty.

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question?

We just released an endangered animal back into the wild,

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

Come on, girdle. Hold.

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature!

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

No. Then... Then...

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals.

Women only room!

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

I find it offensive.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS) Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"?

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff.

If only I could hear your voice again.

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

What's happened to you?

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful. My God, he's become evil.

Well, outer space, I guess.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure!

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Now, he's wearing a hat!

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho.

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir.

Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood!

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents...

I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now.

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Me want snu-snu!

The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand...

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it!

My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

That's what makes it so juicy.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot. What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling.

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off?

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good...

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer...

Hello? Is anyone still alive?

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

You stole my kidney!

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

You're welcome.

Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

on December 31, 1999.

Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability.

Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg?

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view.

This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero.

What's new? Huh?

You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Bender, you better cover your ears.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking?

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Thank you, Scruffy.

I can quit anytime I want.

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Hey, a phone booth.

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

I keep my personal and professional life separate.

You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

(GAGGING) This is crazy. You're from the future?

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys.

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb. And everybody knows, once you delete a photo, it's gone forever.

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Zero. Seven. Zero.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

This ship should be able to sneak, undetected, through the sphere's one vulnerable opening. What vulnerable opening? All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

Well, once in the park.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here, let me help you.

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff...

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

You are now dead.

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra.

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Not often though. Mmm.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Yah! Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York!

Why the idiot convention?

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos. (SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it?

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff.

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah.

- Ohhh! - That's fine.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen?

Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not.

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening!

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth,

(SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

Irie, Professor! Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth...

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Don't come back!

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

Stop acting so stupid!

Zoidberg, show some respect.

That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No!

Fry, you're my friend.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

Good night, losers.

Come back when it's a catastrophe.

and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again?

Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh...

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Kill all humans!

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone.

But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure! Ew! What a dump!

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas? Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING)

Yeah! Then knock yourself out.

Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

(CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

I still remember the combination. Three.

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone! This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Steim. Shalosh!

(BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.

That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization. I think I'll enjoy serving under him. Uh! You know your problem, Fry? You're not ambitious. You should be chief.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment, a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

(COUGHS) Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out.

I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Ah, the Xmas season.

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking...

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There!

(ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No!

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie.

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges!

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

Scruffy knows who killed them people.

Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me.

I will go this far and no further.

Let's just say a little bird told me.

Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet.

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

It's time to take action.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder!

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends.

Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out?

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

I'm acting astonished.

Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me?

I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah! And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive!

I wrote this one-man show years ago, but I... I never cared enough to perform it. Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years.

Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back.

Who put this in here?

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

No. Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there. What's that splork on them? It's not germs, is it? No.

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie.

Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of... Any of you guys got a spaceship?

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony.

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Then it was all on purpose.

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Everybody, do the Bender. The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

You were in a zoo!

they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where?

What a lonely life.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

"So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack!

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him!

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

I didn't hurt you, did I?

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6?

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it!

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

Oh, God, my tract.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

And this time I mean it!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific.

You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS)

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

(BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

Could you hold my purse for a minute?

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun. D'oh! Hey.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker?

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats. Oh! I'm sorry.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest? Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING)

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

I could take him or leave him.

It's funny because it's poisonous.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior.

I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone.

Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building!

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin.

Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And?

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great.

I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever.

They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes!

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

What are you, gay?

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

This is the end of all things.

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably.

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

Radio City Mutant Hall.

Well done, Amy. I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market?

You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there...

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back. It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift--

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me.

That's it! Happy birthday!

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

Good night, dumb prince.

This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost?

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner,

We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts?

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though.

You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal.

Bad news, nobody.

for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, hunt master.

If it please the Council...

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn,"

She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping.

(BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice. I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters.

I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe?

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

(READING TEXT ALOUD)

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

Do you have any gum? No.

It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure? No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us... about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

(BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

So much for the Cyclops race.

She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

I've got the heart of a human. What?

Sentimental drivel poop!

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund. Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely.

Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

The whale-- he be white now! Ow! Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg. Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

I can't bring myself to describe it.

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something?

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

People of Earth... Shh!

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way.

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something!

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe.

It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees. Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

I can't believe he really did it.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong.

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final.

Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry.

We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep--

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home? Sorry, boy.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Enough, you two.

(GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo.

Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated.

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Then along came Bender. Hmm?

I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower.

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks.

A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

We didn't see anything...

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

Please. You give me too little credit.

The crowd goes wild!

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night.

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word.

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer...

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp! Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please. If someone could spare me money to buy shoes--

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure.

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you. Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe.

(GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind.

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk. So the picture robbed them of their souls?

Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Someone's been a bad computer.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING)

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING) What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake.

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Here's to another lousy millennium.

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue,

Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

No! So, we're cool?

Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan. What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past. I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen. And some cops get help from angels. Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

your keister is doing good.

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth?

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

I'm so into you. Oh, my!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures.

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh! (PULSING SOUNDS)

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine? He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it.

Four million lines of BASIC.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Set a course for adventure!

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you?

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit!

There's a way off this planet.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Yes, I will. Yep! Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Fire! Look out!

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

We have to talk about our arrangement.

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with...

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too!

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

Fry, you're my friend.

All right, it's time to get to the bottom of what, at this point, can only be called a mystery. Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon. Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. I'm not going. Re reither!

Wait! No, thanks.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president,

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second.

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

- Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something.

Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens.

Push, push! Use teamwork!

At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

(PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow!

- What room? - Bathroom.

You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God.

One art, please!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Honey unit, I'm home.

Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

What are you? Blind?

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu. Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout--

How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural...

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters.

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man.

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart,

But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second?

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man.

Pizza delivery.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time.

And I'm his friend jesus.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Don't stick your tongue out at me.

Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP) I was programmed to take credit for this. Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest!

Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions. Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Oh, no, no. God, no.

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight,

Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions.

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia,

Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

Giddyap. Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars?

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

Holy night! Intruders!

Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina?

Wha-- Oh, right.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

Little one, get out of there!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life!

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny. I will destroy her! And now, extend a formulated greeting to Master Chef Elzar!

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

Oh, yeah, I get a good feeling about these. "Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters.

Well, the way I see it--

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate! The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really?

(SIRENS WAILING)

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?

we are baby love child

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

Wow, the interesting thing about that is...

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for!

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

Come on. Come on!

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood?

Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley,

And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along? Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home. Yeah. I mean, how many planets can there be?

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really?

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters.

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer...

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob.

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female?

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites?

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

And now a man who needs no introduction.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups.

I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting!

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

Bender, is that thou?

Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles.

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy!

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home.

It was Zoidberg!

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

It's a suppository.

No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack!

that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh!

People of Earth... Shh!

Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame. Steady. Steady. Now!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way. But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he? There, in his ice fortress.

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack! We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Whoa! No! No! No! No!

What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook?

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh! Ahhh!

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works.

(MOANING) (RAPID BEEPING) (GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack?

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G...

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want?

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species,

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

And when I directed Star Trek V,

Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment.

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock.

Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Funny, funny stuff.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy?

The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth.

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured.

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Wow! Ostentatious.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone.

(FRY SHRIEKS) Run, boy! Run!

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was.

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as...

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap!

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming? I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

(GROANS) (CRYING) It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable.

So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah...

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

He's picking his nose! Get him!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

No. Then... Then... it was you.

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh?

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich.

You're free to go.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

(SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball.

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow!

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero.

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness!

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes!

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera!

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.

I was just curious because of the armed guards.

Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen? No! No!

I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Aw... what's the point?!

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Allow me to demonstrate.

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been?

Get those bums.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens. Let's see, zoom lens?

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out.

Her Slurm will taste foul.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades,

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

That's it! Happy birthday!

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew!

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly.

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again. We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time.

And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

Hardass. I heard that.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING)

Another job well done.

Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today.

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

That was a hell of a massage.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode.

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable.

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did.

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

And here's your check. Bam!

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

(ALARM WAILING)

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover... tryin' to squeeze into a new girdle.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

I find the defendant guilty.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love.

If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's--

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

(POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES)

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm.

I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between.

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

(MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... Ten minutes ago? Oh!

Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE) (BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out.

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't.

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

A week at the most. We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

This guy sure loves porno.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh!

Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect...

What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

And a flannel shirt.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family.

Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

Well, that was dumb.

Great news, everyone.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack!

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on!

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head.

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months,

We don't have long.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until...

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is,

Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time...

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things.

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone,

Now, that's a pun. Ow!

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

I'll get the water boiling.

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal!

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

(GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

I want my hands back

would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern...

We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah!

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right! So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on.

Death to the men!

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card.

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

So next time you see a lowly salamander,

This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments.

What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat?

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe.

Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

(LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS)

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart. Average, please.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it!

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town!

Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Okay, everyone, come and get it!

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

I deserve free money!

(GRUNTING) Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

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