comb.io - Clips

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time!

We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus.

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection? I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you are not perfect. Am so. Are not. Is too! Says who? Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect.

blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

(LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt.

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Whoa! Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight. Whoa!

Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe.

Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler! As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes.

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

There you go. What have I done?

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

When will they learn? Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen! Damn!

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can.

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee! Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait!

Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

(SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

You're not acting hard enough!

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

And I can't take life anymore!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

LEELA: Flight attendant's log. We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting. The womenfolk can cook what we catch. No one put you in charge, Husband.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity?

I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur,

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

We ruined! NO-O-o!

in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING)

with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh! Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk?

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Pay dirt. Lovely, isn't it?

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave.

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this!

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors.

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well.

Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet. I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful.

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

Your best is an idiot.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything--

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING) The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

I'm not actually 150.

There it is, the stately capitol of Fry's bowel-- a heavily guarded fortress surrounding the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

C... B, Nail! Final answer!

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it!

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk.

Give me back my floppy face!

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

(SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help!

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees. Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh?

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Robots don't have bathrooms.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks!

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror."

You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child. You scored big points tonight, sir.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me?

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye! Don't worry, shippums,

To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard,

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what?

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books?

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Smell with your eyes what I see with my nose. (ALL GASP) Well, well, well, what have we here? Seriously, what is that? It's whoever or whatever just emptied out your safe. All right, shoot him, Blind Joe.

Previously on All My Circuits.

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans!

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify.

Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither.

And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh!

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste. You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste,

(LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

I'm going for a scuttle.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender?

No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

It was Zoidberg!

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die.

Tell them I hate them.

The captain's table. What an honor.

(LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish. Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund.

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna...

Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all-- looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad?

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won.

Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic.

Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money!

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay?

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check?

You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship.

The murderer. It was...

Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater.

How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

No! No! No! No!

But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

It was brisk. I dressed in layers.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap. Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one.

You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back. Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up. Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im!

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom.

I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Ugh! Aw! You sure you won't come to your mom's wedding? There'll be chicken or fish, circle one. I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But...

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

but you've fallen in with a bad crowd. I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school. Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes.

You told them about that?

Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years.

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no!

Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife.

I find it offensive.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

I said that's enough. Get her purse!

I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story. Hi. It's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one. No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat.

Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here.

with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork. And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me.

All My Circuits is brought to you by...

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser.

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today.

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you,

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

'Cause I'm here to get involved in it.

I will destroy you!

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper. No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke--

Mmm-uuh! Uuh-aah!

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

Oww! All right, team. let's go find that clover. Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too!

I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps.

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee!

Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second!

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

A floor? We live like kings!

Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School,

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

- When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper!

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

My God. It's so... repulsive.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours. (CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep!

If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

My God. A million years.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred...

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need--

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING)

But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift.

No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax.

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag.

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah!

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history...

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

And then Bender ran.

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you. What is it? Is there someone else? What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

Hurray! Hurray!

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol. Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles.

We sometimes called it a jogging suit. The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery.

I can't quite read the sign.

I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms!

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap! On this auspicious occasion,

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM)

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

No! While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

I must really be... in hell! No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows? Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

What? Lord have mercy!

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

The very instant I became old. Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

Stop! No! Moron!

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil--

I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

He's so polite.

Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Don't eat my butt!

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Good luck, Bender!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

But I've never picked cotton or been on top of Old Smokey or worked on anything all the livelong day, let alone a railroad. Then go live among the railroad men, why not? You'll come to understand them, just as I now understand the ape-men of Earth. As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING)

You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

So... how's business?

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane. Well, now, in all my years as a hunt master, I've never seen anything like this.

Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap.

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good.

I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back!

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

(ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING)

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio...

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum.

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough! Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony.

(MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise!

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look!

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say?

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you. Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse. Leela, you're my daughter and I love you, but cram it! Is this a bad time?

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live.

I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death,

Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me?

My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

Get 'im, boys! Good move.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Well, I think we can do better. This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard. What? Welcome to Debate 3012,

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday!

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

I know how it feels to be alone.

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense.

Oh, yes, he does.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me!

By a vote of six to three,

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

This is so beautiful!

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares. I have nothing to hide anymore. Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted.

Men, five, women, less.

(STATIC CRACKLING) (EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop,

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!

Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful.

Exciting news, people!

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump

(ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy.

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone,

Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement.

I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action.

requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so.

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping--

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting?

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what? Dad, do I have a birthday?

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

His acting module is booting up.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime. Off you go.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die,

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Smells like a jockstrap.

Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true.

I promise nothing!

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

Oh! I'm so lonely and easy.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a--

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Are you all right?

Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah? I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small.

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

(WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent.

I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child,

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why?

All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down--

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Time for the drum solo.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

I thought we were near the rocks, but I don't see the lighthouse, so everything is fine and we can relax. All hands on deck for mojitos.

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh!

Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy! I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds. I'm taking this to a comic book convention!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it. That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh,

I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

(GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today,

Or whatever! Fire!

I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

I'll need my personnel file, please. Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No. SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual.

What the... It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Out of our way. This fox is ours.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

There it is Miss Universe

(SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together,

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

(LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted.

What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life!

Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him.

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Yes, I did. Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN)

She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

NO-O-O-o! Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced?

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right!

Maybe there's another way. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff.

Tell them I'm in the tub.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to.

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh!

(GULPING) (BURPING)

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay?

All right! Lucky pants!

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh...

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

You stink, loser!

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell!

This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots?

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body!

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow!

Can't we just go?

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much!

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

(ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event. Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! (ALL CHEERING) I mean, da Vinci! (ALL BOOING)

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

No! Nibbler. Psst.

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei?

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Presenting the Queen of England,

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box?

What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me!

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer.

You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold... the death clock.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish. Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract...

Now, he's wearing a hat!

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

So, tell me about yourself.

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known.

And clean the black parts too.

Yes, definitely.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born?

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser. I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party.

No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget.

That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

Say it right now, baby

Are you with me, fellas?

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Rejected! (BUZZES)

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

She'll kill you!

I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out.

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing.

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor?

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

(MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE)

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa!

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

(SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal?

You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him.

They're getting married.

After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night?

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING)

Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something?

It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny.

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution.

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender,

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here.

Quick, let's duck in here.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar. Aah! Aah!

Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Ooh, customers! Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh!

I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

(SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell. Yeah, that's why he in here. Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh!

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you.

Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable!

but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets.

You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple.

Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

The pharaoh has spoken.

Whoo! And his name is?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

The Ronco Record Vault.

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Everyone's dead.

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

They're getting married.

And me. Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady.

Then let the video games begin!

Double yes. Guilty!

I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

(LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh. Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS) Poor Philip.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

You mean, like my penis?

To the laboratory.

BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

My work here is done.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot.

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

(MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

(GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will.

Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone.

no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

Shh! Watch your language.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe.

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment,

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

(HOCKING) Nice. All right. Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith,

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace.

Let's get this show on the road.

- and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Hey, you going to pay for those?

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night--

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through. (SCREAMS)

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her!

She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there?

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father!

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar. Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't.

Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't

Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad! We are all one, with one mind, one purpose, one pact.

and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy!

Wait. What's that?

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me!

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Thou robots really cracketh me up.

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious...

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Fry! Although...

Ah, here's my stateroom. Whoa, where is it? Come on.

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

Careful! That's a week old!

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame?

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait!

Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no!

while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

(RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology.

Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on!

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh!

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't.

Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating!

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew!

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.

(BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

I flipped a coin.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible.

Obviously, the murderer is--

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

I like your dumpster.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi.

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya.

as long as they vote for Nixon. But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

(SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Who do you think you are? God?

Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues.

Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender... (BOTH PANTING)

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine! I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat.

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions.

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do?

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man!

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

You haven't ignored the last of me.

VoilÀ! You got a quarter? Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold!

Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying.

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and... My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

(ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that. Okey doke. One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why?

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there. Oh! Aah! Ohh!

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Wait. This is what we're running from. Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

In fact, all life is extinct.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders...

Rite my riny retal rass!

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

I doubt that very much.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah!

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in.

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks,

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet?

And with that... I have closure.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live! Hey, it's Leela.

We have only one option. Protocol 62.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right?

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo. Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo.

All glory to the hypno-toad.

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone.

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little! There is one way, but no, it's too horrible.

Sweet something of... of someplace.

The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

(PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow!

You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to.

Wow, you're good.

Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"! Clothing! Delicious clothing! We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp.

We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God!

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm?

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

Pet it. Pet it.

it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

So, how about them Knicks?

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck!

But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles...

Well, okay then. Yes, it's been lovely. Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS)

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be...

Oh, you speak Fish?

My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

What the hell are you talking about?

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Hermes. All right, all right!

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

Leonardo! You're alive? Here? You've learned my great secret. I was but a visitor to Earth. In truth, I am what you call a space alien.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow! ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug.

I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag.

Now, when you say "special--" Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I did like the part where they screamed. This is mine, right next to the center square. Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

It's like summer, with a dab of vanilla and honey,

Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star,

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

And you smell like one, too.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them.

College blernsball's finest female hitter making her big league debut... against pro ball's worst female anything. I've never seen anything this bizarre, and I've seen Mr. Belvedere naked. Whoo! Keep cool. She's just like any other player. She puts on her sports bra one arm at a time.

Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

That's so sweet.

I'm lying to make her feel better.

Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

(OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace.

I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh!

Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

I'll lend you this. Fry!

Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

I beseech thee. Rise up against them.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay?

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that!

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more!

Please. He too much of a wimp. Yeah. I'm sure it was all Mr. Zapp Branigan here. Please. You give me too little credit. Captain Branigan, you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great.

Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this,

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is!

Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.

Hooray for the pigs!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you--

(ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula.

Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived?

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums!

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor...

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

As always, once I release the fox,

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell." Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business. We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad!

It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

In theory, it could work.

you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

theft of money.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no.

Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason. (GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo!

Mark, set, go, yo!

Countess! Countess! Bender!

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

We hope to see you soon for tea.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight?

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten.

Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Four. Three. Two. One!

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work? Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING) ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility,

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING)

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy.

Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too!

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life--

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera?

He's coming out of...

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done?

To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr!

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now?

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy...

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney!

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts.

would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing. It's one thing to win a fixed fight--

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay!

Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

No one messes with Mom. Quiet, you.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer.

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

It's a "T." It goes "tuh."

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood

Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared.

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(BENDER GROANS) Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

It's me! No one else look in this mirror!

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things! It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

I'll avenge you, master.

Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more.

Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom. I mean, my mom's vacuum. My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop.

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp--

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children. So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley.

Greetings, Earth morsels.

Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender.

How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this!

while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home?

Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

Can you find him, professor? No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it!

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs!

I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

That's an order, soldier.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday. This was the storage room.

Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop.

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS)

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Please do not feed the animals!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies?

What do the tones mean?

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off?

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.

Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Average, please. Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird.

Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy.

What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting.

Also, mine has air conditioning. (ZAPP YODELING)

I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

It's like Comic-Con in a submarine!

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's".

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

No! No! No! No!

Steady. Steady. Now!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

(GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons. Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

That's why they jazzed it up.

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead.

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat!

Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Hambone, hambone!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Well, uh, to eBay.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear...

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs!

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc.

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

(CATS MEOWING) (STATIC CRACKLING)

My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished.

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough.

I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her!

Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

I like your style. I find it very... erotic.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here.

(ZAPP YODELING)

That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat."

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks!

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence.

Hey, you burned my cheek!

If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go. So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help. Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup.

Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

(SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep. Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo!

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable?

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure?

Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa! It's collapsing! What the...

And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky?

so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon?

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die.

Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland.

Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here!

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

Ooh. Pimpy. What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

There, little friend. Good as new.

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back!

Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING)

But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug!

It's full of ads. Whoo!

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

I'll try a bite! NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them.

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself. I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better.

I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown!

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards?

Seymour! Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic.

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here,

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself. Subjects, please enter the chamber.

We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir!

Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Hmm? Let me see that vial, Bender.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you!

We've been right now the whole time.

Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

I felt my life was over, but look at me now. I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!"

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting.

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you?

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS) Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns? (SNIFFLES) So now what happens?

There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century?

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot.

I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name? just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy.

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Stay off my turf!

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

Pizza going out. Come on!

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough.

Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

Yes, I will. Yep!

I saw that! Huh?

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not!

Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays, but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it!

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a--

No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved!

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

My God! It's the Pantheon! This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover? Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket?

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god.

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us!

(CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over!

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy. Well, that's the last one. But what does a monkey financial services corporation want with a fleet of classic cars? We don't want the cars, just the tires! Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here.

Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar!

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection...

No beam can pierce that devilish mist. Shipwrecks be so common, I make a good livin' out of whatever washes ashore. Found me a whole blue man group once. So you have two jobs? More. I also salvage the wrecks with my bathysphere, and I'm a butcher, if you like blue meat.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong!

You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help!

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems.

We sure are cheerful this morning.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting.

A dirty, filthy slob.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

Bring it on, baby!

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability?

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Ah, relax, chum.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees.

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara.

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me,

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh.

You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait.

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny.

We didn't have a word for it, until now.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't!

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear. Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name.

He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really?

But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something. (CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak.

Well, we're boned.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care." And... finished!

No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in. So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it?

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight,

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg? I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor,

Fire! What the-- We missed!

(ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus.

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh.

Nice catch, idiot.

So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit. Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady! Hey, junior. She belongs in the exhibit instead of you.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Give it to him, Andrew!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up? Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood... to make a deal with you.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead.

It's my booties from when I was a kid. Uh, they're already bronzed. They are bronze. And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you.

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible.

He's back to normal!

All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

(ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

(DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay.

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket!

At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

See if I can't get ya tried as a juvenile. Oh, Chaz. I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you?

That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa! Aw!

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Look at his adorable little feet.

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

- Hey, hot stuff. - Hey, Flexo. So since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you at all.

Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape. Crazy sucker.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

There's your problem.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems...

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion--

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

"But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Zapp Branigan, at your service.

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck,

No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING)

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell--

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

He's stuck in a loop.

No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Oh. Ah! My heart!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom!

I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry?

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man. (DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years?

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards.

Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Is that it? Admit it!

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is,

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor.

Trees down. Trees down.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Why won't anyone help me?

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes. In cases of rapid fossilization, I can press this brain scan button, retrieving Seymour's memories at the precise instant of doggie death. I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

This toads the wet sprocket.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio. Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce...

Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull" He wants a brain

All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar.

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds.

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.

That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous

and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo... sorry about crushing your body like that. You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(SCREAMING) Neat.

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish.

(ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

(BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

That's a wrap, everybody.

don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate.

Here, take this!

I died doing what I loved.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump!

Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine,

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how.

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh!

I'm just saying, is all.

A net gain for our great city!

(ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah.

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth?

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men! I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory,

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer! (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man! You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?

You were saying, Mr. Fry?

Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights.

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

He that is designated Fry...

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you. I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you!

Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please--

Now, may I please have that cheese log? O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success.

This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.

Leela! That's not very nice.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line.

Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes.

Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that.

I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution.

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk!

tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35!

It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk.

Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

Go, boy. Follow that stench. I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here.

And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right! So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over.

As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

And Conrad is disqualified!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again!

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded.

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Come on in, Gary.

No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

It's my invention. We do it my way.

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy!

Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Look out, Earth.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

(SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand.

Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube.

jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out.

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Calculon, no! (GROANING)

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Could you repeat that last part?

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things.

Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) The neighborhood strip club.

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

(SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action!

I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though. Couldn't hurt.

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine. What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard!

Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor.

please welcome a man who started as a slave,

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh!

Hey, wait a minute.

A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files. Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home.

(GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship! Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

I feign death and stalk thee,

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh...

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure.

It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth!

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste! Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Wow. This is beautiful.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

But that's it. No one else. I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine.

You're my best friend, Fry.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds!

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it!

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

(CROWD GASPING) My God!

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up!

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope. The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn...

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it.

and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one.

blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes.

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Last one. Oh! It worked!

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop!

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

This is gonna be great.

Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off!

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS)

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano.

That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

You shut up, sir.

Miss Wong, I mind everything.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

after meeting with top voodoo economists,

Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing.

Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

Someone's sure to adopt me now! Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me.

I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

"It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar.

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

One art, please!

Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not.

(ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING) Hello?

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

(GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled. (GRUNTING)

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot?

so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people.

And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting.

And so I would fain commission you write an opera.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids.

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence.

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr. Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot.

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns.

Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Interesting, if true.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really?

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say?

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender? (GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar?

There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.

Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye. Whoa! My home!

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Here I come, Kif.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000. It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened?

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

(MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING)

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots?

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

(SCREAMS) Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Is it the secret ingredient?

When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING) (SIREN WAILING)

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before,

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY!

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

(SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING)

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain.

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies.

Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.

of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry.

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit.

That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by?

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle?

Um... a grayish blob?

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

This is actually quite elegant. It's not what I was expecting. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies! This is what I was expecting. So, uh, what are the rules of this sport?

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper!

(ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day!

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break.

just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm. I'll just have everything on the menu.

Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots!

jackie Anderson. Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh.

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING)

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

(GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds,

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose.

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Lobster. You want some? Sure.

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

(SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent.

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right?

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage,

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that?

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have,

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified.

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING)

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

Wait. Hot lava?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself. And I said I'd try my very best.

Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM)

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS) (BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY)

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

(MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh... What the... All right, good enough. Let's go.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING)

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Go see a saucy puppet show.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

(ZAPP YODELING)

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Here, let me help you.

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far?

Me too. Me too. jerk.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight. Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on.

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.

help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo!

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

On my planet-- Reload.

So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory, sense of smell, or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field. Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem.

No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

SHABBA-DOO: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own.

I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion!

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Relax, friends.

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown?

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely.

with a big, big crown!

It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning,

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth. So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

For your information, I did this all by myself.

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us?

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true.

(CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm.

Her caviar is on your neck!

Folks, that tanker gave us the slip. But we'll stop 'em here on Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.

A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

This will not stand!

If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these.

Him do good Snu-snu.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards.

I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Says who? I didn't witness anything!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good.

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

So, I'm sending you on one last mission.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight?

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35!

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper?

This is my cloning machine. This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional--

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha! Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops. Now move it along, nothing to see here. (ALL CHEERING)

It Og's first time. Be gentle!

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag?

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Let's go get drunk.

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice.

Why always the fighting?

Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

What time is it?

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going?

And the nominees for best actor are--

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

(ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV.

Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

(CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up!

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

I can quit anytime I want.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh.

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body!

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

Why, Antonio? Because...

After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

That guy won't be going home to his kids.

But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand? Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way.

Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye.

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

Splinkies! What was that?

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Here's corpsey!

into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS)

Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample.

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat?

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch.

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh!

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Free soda for all humans!

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help!

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm. That robot's name I never told you Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud

(CHEERING) These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are. So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

(YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL) (GRUNTS)

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Vamanos! So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know.

Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted.

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes!

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

I'm sick of my head doing things.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women,

Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B.

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

(LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God...

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder!

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor.

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in.

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

Happy New Year!

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Animals, attack! Please do not feed the animals!

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

There they are!

Supermen lead, 45-42. Arachneon with the steal, to Thorias. Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"?

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages. I saw that! You were good. Let's hear you audition. Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

(BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working!

He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments...

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

Okay, good! On three!

Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree.

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we?

As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality.

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo! (ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know.

Stop them! They cheated!

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

Harder! Harder!

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

Can't we just go? Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man. Uh... Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh...

Space pirates! Space pirates?

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal.

makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says."

Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there. Brothers and sisters, let us pry.

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now. It's Fry. Wiggles?

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns. He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?!

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork. Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office,

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it?

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job?

and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

No one except a legendary limbo champion.

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us. I've been thinking a lot about this, and, well, would you move in with me?

Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

Application for ingress approved.

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it!

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill. Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes.

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want.

Must kill all...

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello,"

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me.

Choke on that, causality!

(POWER SURGING) (BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway. Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil,

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah?

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored.

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow!

Hold out your arm. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow! FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you.

I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed.

Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

(GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

(CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think.

Who the hell knows?

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke?

We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

Hey, where's my shoes?

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

Hello. Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo.

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

Well, into the toilet.

Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

That's the best thing I ever saw.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said?

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes!

How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire!

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps,

Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over. But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master?

Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot!

It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING) (GASPS)

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot.

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh. Oww!

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles...

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell?

I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here.

We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock.

I watch TV with that guy. Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Oh. That's a little bright.

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING)

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Aah! Damn you! Doh! There! Now, when I'm found in a million years,

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull"

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send.

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much.

It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K. What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!

It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body.

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table.

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING) (INAUDIBLE)

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

(SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator...

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared. Boo! Boo!

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm!

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

Slow down there, Sigmund.

We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes!

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Curse my natural showmanship!

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain?

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity!

Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

There they are!

Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you.

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster!

Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you,

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah!

Sorry. It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop!

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise.

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura.

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS)

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh,

That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

Is someone fired?

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

But make it snappy.

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

Yeah, what are you, chicken?

Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of... Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life.

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance?

Get me the president. Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all.

Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face.

There's no trace of Inspector 5!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

One more lap! Nah, half a lap.

Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Whoa, is that a fleam?

Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

using high-speed telepathy.

Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here! Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

(WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court. Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup.

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate--

And this time I mean it!

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that?

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like?

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll.

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard!

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

(GRUNTING) Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog.

Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere... and plant this quantum interface bomb, blasting them into an alternate universe from which there is no return. Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

(GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

I love you, buddy.

Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela!

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

No time off! Oh, man.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me. Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat? Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did. Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week,

No, that's how you always look.

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows.

Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion.

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto?

It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

for all eternity.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti. (ALL SCREAMING)

But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more. I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled! Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine.

Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond.

You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

My pants! My lucky pants!

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That! (ALL EXCLAIMING) A one-eyed princess in a long, flowing tank top.

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights.

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it,

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you.

My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it?

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

Hubert, I'm sorry.

I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

He decided not to let go.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

How do I put this delicately? I'm smellier than a whorehouse's outhouse! That's terribly vivid. Doesn't matter to me though, I was born with no sense of smell. Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you! (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said--

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir?

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

"Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before?

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing.

You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine!

BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea. (BOTH EXCLAIM) Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See?

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

(EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky! FARNSWORTH: I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

(GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like!

Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek!

really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations"

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah?

Come to mention it, yes.

Good news, everyone!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

he'll save us from--

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball...

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Please use the beeps. Oh! Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

What vulnerable opening? All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Let's do it again sometime.

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet. Okay, then. Make yourselves at home. Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Perignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

That's coming out of your pay.

the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

(SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror.

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah! Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet!

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe?

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

And the winner is... Robot House?!

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.

Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Red-hot glowing ass!

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING) How... How did it go? Just perfect.

and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words. I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell."

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for? It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew!

Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest. The booty call is at daybreak.

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow!

(MINER GRUNTS) (ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it.

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever.

I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

Those were dark times.

No. Then... Then...

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

The common cold died out 500 years ago,

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride!

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

That's coming out of your pay.

So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world!

Kings? Silence!

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby.

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

What in Babylon? no!

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind.

Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows? Finally, a bee farm that's open late on Kwanzaa. Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive?

But we're plotzing here!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience!

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Hey, sugar cookie!

That's impossible.

This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler?

We're whalers on the--

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad.

Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle.

What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant.

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate!

How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit. Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you.

Then shut your yaps and back to work Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship!

All medalists report for gender testing. You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-oil sex check? Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me.

We're back, baby!

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

but what else is new?

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before,

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

there will be terrible consequences.

Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone.

Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all.

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

whoever he is. Am I right? And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter,

But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon.

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

Let the hunt begin!

I don't believe it!

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh.

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

For a thousand years, the evil brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere, a giant memory bank twice the size... of three ordinary memory banks. What's so evil about that? They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy.

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me!

- Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break. Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement.

No! I want the real teen experience--

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

Stop acting so stupid!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.

You lack the will of a warrior.

Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender.

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit.

I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us.

Oh, that feels good. Yep.

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word?

In tears! I'm changing the channel.

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be?

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery,

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

- Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING)

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is...

Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?

but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay. Rabbit goes around the tree. There.

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned?

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh--

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber.

In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished. (GROANING) Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING)

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?!

Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake. I know you're upset that your parents broke up. But what if Zapp really does make Munda happy? What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

No! Honk! Honk!

Good work, everyone.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning.

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. (GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out.

Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and...

For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do?

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

this Cadillac of men,

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad?

Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting.

Is any of this getting through to you?

Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter.

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting!

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list?

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What?

and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel.

Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise.

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

Sentimental drivel poop!

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes.

Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds.

Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

- Agreed? - Agreed.

Perfect. This ought to make me stand out. Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies.

Well, you didn't!

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight,

I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Is that what this is all about? Please, just cut it out now. Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, amazing thing I can do to make you love me. And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever--

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends.

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

A fancy dress gala?

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world!

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y! No. He can't. You beg my pardon?

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash!

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Been alone here, tending this light longer'n I can remember. (BELL DINGS) That'll be my cup-a-soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember. This is a dangerous coast. We didn't see your light until it was too late. No beam can pierce that devilish mist. Shipwrecks be so common,

Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper. I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do!

Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars. Thanks so much for inviting us, Mr. Wong. I've never been to a Mars Day barbecue. Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet. Okay, then. Make yourselves at home. Don't mind if I already did. By the way,

And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these.

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness.

Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Ouch! It's a three-beanball salad. The Mets fans love it, though, and who can blame them? They haven't had much to cheer about this year. Ooh! Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending.

Sorry. I overslept.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air.

The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done?

Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No?

Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Son, as your lawyer,

Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized.

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think. It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the...

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart,

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices. Yes. I see. Something involving that many big words could easily destabilize time itself.

I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand.

Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people."

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream.

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners.

If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow!

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk!

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things (ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that.

I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect...

Then Kif flew Betsy, rescued me from the tornado,

Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember-- the flame of my eternal love will burn forever. Of course. But, smoochy-pops,

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar!

Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be!

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

(BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS)

That's it. You just made my list.

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

Planet Express Ship, is something wrong? Oh, it's Bender. He's acting so strange lately. Do you think he's gonna ask me to marry him? Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

(SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats.

Oh. Well. So long anyway. Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING)

I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible--

except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post,

Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down. Well, hello there, handsome.

Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they?

Leela, take my hand!

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success.

Well, we're boned.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Hey, that's my watch.

I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

No, we're fine. Don't worry about it. Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp!

You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry?

I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

There it is, the edge of the universe. Far out.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye.

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down! Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen!

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't.

...and Bigfoot is down!

Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired.

- Yeah! - Cut it! Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage!

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

Coilette, your death fills me with... Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door!

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s

I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum.

Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief.

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero!

However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man.

And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

Nothin' but nebula.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay.

A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg.

I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what?

Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset.

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment.

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost!

Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason. (SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey.

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me.

Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

(CHEERING) (SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo.

Ah! Another successful day.

Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict! They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

The robots have taken Suffolk County.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come.

They're not fans. That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery. Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work. This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face!

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash.

Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool.

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad.

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans?

Leela! Leela, wake up.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me?

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life.

See you in class.

And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me!

Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs.

You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go!

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

Here's the entrance.

My baby's milk money!

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building?

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday...

Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Well, now what are we going to do?

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Yes! Here I come, future!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

This is hard. Now I know why butterflies are always so grouchy. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome tonight's volunteer victims, Turanga Leela and Amy Wong! Hang on. We're not quite ready to...

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

I'll just be a minute.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet. All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Whew. My God. It's the future.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like...

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork.

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming. (GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone,

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING)

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me?

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

In how long? Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

Does not compute.

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant.

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant!

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity.

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away. There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin.

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America.

I can feel it in my weather channel app.

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

(EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it.

Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian.

He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds

Negative. Will you go out with me?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

(GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface,

the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet...

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Harpoon, my ass.

My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m. The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper,

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING) (ENGINE CLATTERING)

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Enough chitchat.

Someone's acting awfully aluminum.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

- Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come. Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again. No one will ever want to mate with me.

You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye?

Balsamic or raspberry?

My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray.

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

"Death by sonic diarrhea."

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food.

I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump,

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne? Yes. Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it.

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender.

Well, once in the park. Mmm...

In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this? Two meals in one week?

a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron! I hate waiting in line to die. Move it along, grandma. Stick your hand in and take your chances. CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next!

Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden. Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes!

"All female employees must pose nude if requested."

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents. Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children.

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out?

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes.

Aah! Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

How have you been? Pretty good.

For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment, a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender.

What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela?

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

(ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs.

Deploying ice drill.

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS)

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

And so we say "good-bye"

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah!

I can't watch... Enough.

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all?

Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

there is virtually no chance of finding him.

Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING)

I can see sideways in time.

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

We're back, everyone!

There's the door.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess. This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace!

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges,

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

(SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock!

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent...

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

just like that huge mushroom in my shower. Hey, there's our little mascot.

We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile. Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter?

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

(PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand.

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog!

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing,

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad. Mmm!

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH)

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot!

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Allow me to demonstrate.

I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me.

Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

I love you, Bender!

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Divorce is final.

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A. Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him!

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Can't you hear those cavalry drums hijacking your equilibRium - oh, yeah - midnight snacks in the mausoleum

but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay?

Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care.

(SLURPING NOISILY)

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars! Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd,

No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful!

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way,

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me,

I have these three costumes you could use.

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again.

Look, are you going to help or not?!

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS)

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun.

I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary. A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful. I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart.

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

You can't do this!

just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute!

Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything.

Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain,

What the hell's been going on around here?

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later?

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just--

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings.

Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

FRY: And the rest!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know,

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

(SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING) The name of the game is Candyland.

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

- Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner,

Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television. Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff,

Among other things. Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ?

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion. Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James.

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha!

I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper!

We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering.

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck!

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Twenty-four hour Laundromat.

You owe me one. Whoa.

Look out, a solar flare!

Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

Okay, here I go.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable.

(LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!

Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses.

You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig!

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

I took a nappie!

God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating!

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face?

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer.

It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Oh... What's wrong? Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot. Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

"Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet. Good morning!

What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks.

I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

(WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Observe. Fetch. Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish!

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff.

Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation. Tell it, preacher! That equals true.

And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies!

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records,

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed!

A member of our brotherhood... sits at these controls every hour of every day, scanning the heavens for God. There he is! No. No, wait. No. How long have you been at it? 700 years.

And I'm voting against the cat hater!

Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep. Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm. Wow.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself. I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit.

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up!

DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Who put this in here?

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor!

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here.

No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

No!! Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it.

What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop!

Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired. Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show!

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before,

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand.

Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty.

makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later.

But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area.

How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things.

Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants. For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up.

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer.

I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon.

My God, is it possible?

And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble!

I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving--

Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine,

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already.

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am?

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed?

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing.

Hey, Fry, think fast.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela.

Hush, you romantic fool.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry?

And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here!

Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

Happy birthday!

We should do something!

That's all I'm programmed to do.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold!

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

The ship's lost power!

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

(ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING) Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling,

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth?

I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

(DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything...

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate. (GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash.

You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me?

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s.

the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry.

Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold.

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye.

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela!

How did this happen? That's a very good question.

Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now. Up next, the award for Best Delivery Boy, Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me.

I got it! I got it!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules.

Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse!

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

I must go. There is much to do.

How did you do it? Well, while the Beachmaster was off behind a whale carcass, loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal?

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

(GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what?

I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

(TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout.

Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.

I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done?

Of course! It's so simple!

with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy.

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight!

Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

(SPLUTTERING) Ah!

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

(GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Nude and interrupted.

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bender.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

(SCREAMS) (THUDDING) Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Giddyap. Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars?

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape!

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

What up? Word. See?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now?

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food.

One, two. One, two, three!

This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to... Oh, no!

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either.

even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead. Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events.

It's very simple.

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor...

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci.

You know, as a major Hollywood director I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie. And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes.

But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia--

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone.

Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend,

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

No! Yes! I don't know!

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord.

You do not, you big, fat liar.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender.

(GROANING) Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

Sorry. It's too grumpy!

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What? It's simple, you simpletons. Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun...

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

(CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology. The lady from work is winning!

Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator. This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives?

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop!

Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

(SHOUTING) Doom!

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo!

Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature.

He's-- He's dead.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Get him! Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.

I'll avenge your death, son!

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone.

And warm. just do it!

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain

Sometimes I doubt you even exist.

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

(BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back.

Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

Oh, good! A physical!

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know,

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt,

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be?

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important.

FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension!

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time,

What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives?

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation...

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information!

Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

Science cannot move forward without heaps!

That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Mm, mm, mmm! Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Nothing to see here, old girl.

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys!

So what makes this thing fly? It's powered by love. Aw... Okay, stop loving me so much so we can land. No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

Oh, my God! Huh?

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

What was that? Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

I'm kind of busy.

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art. Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

still in the abandoned automotive lab. You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

(INAUDIBLE) Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit!

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends. Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to.

but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better.

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

(SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee.

I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man...

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure?

Wait, what's happening, friend?

Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH)

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy.

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING)

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

(YELLS) We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.

Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans,

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Quick! You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

oof! Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry?

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Thanks, handsome.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.

I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now, to get all serious. It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty. Gene Tinker, bus.

Excellent choice, sir.

Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor. But I'll give it a try!

Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal?

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives--

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Would you look at that gem?

In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

This is awesome!

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

(IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

You cheater. Break his neck!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Do what you will, but we'll see who has the last "ho." There. Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel!

The cat's out of the bag now.

Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy?

What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you... by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon.

Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Okay, that's a good point.

(CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

No! He'd come after me!

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity. Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt!

It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said. So what do people do for fun here?

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence. That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute!

And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely? Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here?

Eighty-one, thallium. Eighty-two, lead. Eighty-three, bismuth. SHABBA-DOO: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own. So we kept him on the farm as long as we could. GRAM-GRAM: (SNIFFLES) But one night, he ran away, taking nothing but the clothes on his back. (WHOOPING)

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist.

Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

(CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage?

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

(ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight--

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous,

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again,

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow!

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS)

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand.

The clamps! Right?

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that,

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh!

Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop.

And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender!

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top.

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV?

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

So, how long will it take?

a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians!

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants!

it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard. Okay. I hope I never see you again.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face?

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

I was getting to that one!

We can worry about that in the morning.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower.

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three.

Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that.

And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it.

You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson.

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

(SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

I also have a tail!

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on!

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

His ass-ias is gracias! Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene. Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium? They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter!

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you,

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded.

Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus!

(SHOUTING WAR CRY)

The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

Toss it in the garbage.

Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea. NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature,

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

I want to hear how it ends.

Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building. Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets!

What up? Stick to the oath.

Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

Do you think we should? Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether.

And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler!

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body?

It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

(SIGHS) The open road! Not a ship ahead of me. (ENGINES REVVING) Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers!

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you.

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

Ow! What was that?

but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son.

Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

You miserable dingus!

Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking?

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you?

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

I'm a banking industry regulator.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.

ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender.

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING)

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants.

Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Could you hold my purse for a minute?

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me?

Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act.

Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening?

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid. No. Wait. There's only one way to ensure victory.

Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero!

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Your words guide us. We're dumb. You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is.

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

That story was preposterous.

We kill her now?

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy. Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it.

Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards. What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang.

Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler. Who are you?

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles. And if you're worried, you can always move down here with us. In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail!

I saw that! Huh?

Behold the dance of peace.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots!

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't! I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives--

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species!

Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING)

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Quick, while they're not looking!

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's...

And here it is.

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

want to kill all humans?

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew!

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up?

Hi, Leela. Fry.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias.

I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Power friends, go! Power friends, go! Oh!

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V." Trey, "V." Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads.

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery?

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that?

Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I...

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

This casino belongs to your people! (ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security!

I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will?

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

I still don't see why you get the window seat. Folks, this is your captain. Our snake tanks are fully loaded, so once I figure out which button launches this... - (ALL GASP) - I figured it out! (ALL SCREAMING)

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up,

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow!

My ass! My beautiful--

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

We are not amused.

Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.

MAN: In the year 105,105

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

All for the Love of you

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already.

Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure.

We're going to die!

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to--

Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna? This time you'll have all the human comforts.

As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm."

I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start,

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

No. He can't. You beg my pardon? I'm sorry, Calculon, but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us.

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started.

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.

Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust,

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

I can't take it anymore!

Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards?

Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

He's gyroscopically stable.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see...

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you.

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy.

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow! Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to?

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish. Call them what you want. I call them a free meal.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth. To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers,

Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

How does a robot join this monk outfit? Just put on this monk outfit.

My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun. Kif, you did it!

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING)

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

Let's go into my chamber. It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia.

Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies!

No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Here, let me help you.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you. He loved science and was desperate to go to college. He even looked a little like you.

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

I'll rest easier not knowing where they are. So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

The mercury is boiling!

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside. What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts.

Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy.

you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No!

Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here,

I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua! Qbert, as my successor I'm trusting you to carry on my work. These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing.

So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

- Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender!

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia.

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

But it's 10:00 in the morning!

Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply.

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze?

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

(ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No!

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?!

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh!

No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars?

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm.

What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor.

So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them.

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

HERMES: Everyone got along so well today. Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now?

(YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead.

(DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) At ease, darling.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you.

Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock.

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post.

That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media.

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.

Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God!

(GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Thank you, Angus.

The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through?

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me...

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa?

Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial?

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat.

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious--

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left.

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

Let's go! Let's go!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

I love this job. Me, too.

That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons!

There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow. LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up.

Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

I don't feel good.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves. What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst.

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry.

Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness. The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance. - What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink?

and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition!

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Nice knowing you. Ahh! Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

An infinite loop? I don't have time for that! Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life.

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe.

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus.

and special guest Bender!

You barely know him.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

He should have used Planet Express. When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go trust Planet Express for reliable, on-time delivery. Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans.

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag, will they spew out like a volcano built on an Indian graveyard?

We need less adventures, not more adventures.

I don't feel well.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

"The Grumpy Snail."

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

He's my pencil sharpener.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Let's "conservate."

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps.

We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons. Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING)

That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on!

We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet?

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf.

Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it? Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk?

You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither. This is the Holo-Shed.

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Give us back our genitals!

That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school.

Sorry. This planet has a moon problem. So what makes this thing fly? It's powered by love. Aw... Okay, stop loving me so much so we can land. No problem.

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS)

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar?

They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready.

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube.

Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here.

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING)

(BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

- and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies!

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all.

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay?

Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it.

I'm back, baby.

There you go. What have I done?

Kittens give Morbo gas.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect!

Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

Stop them! They cheated!

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

(SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists,

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you,

35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

(ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Hello. I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

just let me put on my reading glasses.

Maybe we can do better for her.

Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant?

Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell? Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

- I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life?

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?

Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions!

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars,

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box.

Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

I left my window open, and moths got in.

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh!

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench?

but I think we should just be friends. No!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so...

You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence?

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him.

Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Ooh, there's one left. Mama. Stop! Stop eating Popplers.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.

It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside.

Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage?

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake!

Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys?

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much. Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling...

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Bender rules! Groove on, man!

Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong.

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch, if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight!

Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

I'm so into you.

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine.

upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Please. I need something to settle my stomach. The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer...

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite.

Do I know you? Have we met? What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

but I've got an ace up my hole.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing?

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray.

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting?

(RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me!

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.

(ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow!

You stink, loser.

So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted!

Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups.

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore...

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender?

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

(PULSING SOUNDS)

Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name?

That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star,

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

I am Bender Please insert girder

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

An omen? Dinner. Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money.

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding,

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever! Huh? Follow him! It's our only way out.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot?

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom,

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl.

Help! Help! A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one. I'm sorry, buddy.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

Still, very few takers.

Then we'll go with that data file. Correct.

What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time. I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer...

What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories.

What I was trained to do.

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Hmm... I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Low wine level detected.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it! Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out.

We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps?

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean.

(SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow.

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced.

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap.

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor. Hello. We're here because we, uh...

Game shows are back.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

All right! Hooray!

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

This time you'll have all the human comforts. We'll get a couple of toilets some food cookers, maybe a puppy... it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff.

6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic. I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come.

For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow! Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes?

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

(MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty.

Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain,

there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet! All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Now, that's hospital dancing.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy.

I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this.

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero... Welcome, friend. I am Ab-BOT, the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us!

Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick. (REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies.

Large bet on myself in round one!

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Hello, peasants.

So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

Look at me! I'm invisible.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore?

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh.

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral.

Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow.

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender! This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew. Hello.

- Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect.

Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot. Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy.

Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher!

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.

(GASPS) Manwiches?

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Yes! Front row!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Listen, you filthy crab.

What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole.

We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it.

And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women--

Remember me! I will. I will.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know?

English - US - Line 21

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad...

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow. Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Fire! Look out!

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do!

Doooooooooooooooo...!

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah! they cause these dents, or "time skips." You are so smart.

for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is--

Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey.

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please.

Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh...

I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it! All right. Then just one hand. Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two.

My God. She's gone.

Leave me alone.

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves?

They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

You want to die?

Angus is right.

We'll make it. Or die trying.

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question?

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him,

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us.

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride.

I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

I'm at the input console. I'm a little nervous, and I've got brain in my butt crack. Roger. Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape. Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right?

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system.

Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

(GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING)

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait. Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened! Bam? I've met the most dynamite ladybot. Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Death to the men!

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

FARNSWORTH: I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler. You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink. How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

Oh. What's it called now?

I made you some trail mix for the flight.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second!

Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Fourscore and 1,145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation. And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger.

And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you.

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry.

I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Trey, "V." Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years.

The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

You both should be in here instead of me.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Dance, slave, dance.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them! Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles!

(GASPING) Oh! (CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Flexo? What's goin' on?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business,

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down?

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

I'm zeroing in on him.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"?

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo!

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode.

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich.

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed...

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Float for your lives!

But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

I want to enlist.

All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho...

Of course, my significant soldier.

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here. Our republic and the Farnsworth family name are saved. And no one will ever know.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God!

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember?

Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all!

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Look out, a solar flare!

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu!

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom!

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why.

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Perfect. This ought to make me stand out. Look how ridiculous they look.

Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity.

That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific.

Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

created the box containing your universe.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals?

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

Take him down to processing while I stay here and get hooted at. Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Whoopsie-daisy.

I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death!

You bet! Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

i Will wait For you

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No! So, we're cool?

and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING)

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus?

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Husband, show a little Ku'umba and fetch some beeswax before Kwanzaa ends. Sweet candelabra of La Habra, LaBarbara. Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows?

I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS) Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born?

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh!

Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth,

Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked,

"These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..."

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws?

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender.

it's the study of alien languages. Why can't you listen? Oh, sugar lump, I hear you when you actually say something important. LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract, and like the fairy tale of face mutant and butt mutant, the love of Munda and Morris has grown stronger every day.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

Thank you. Come again.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper.

Stop! Stop shooting!

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Mind if we crash here tonight?

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Rock crushes scissors...

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished.

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story.

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But...

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like.

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both.

Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif.

Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

What, now there's a bird involved?

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door!

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Sign here on this Supercuts coupon. I don't know. Don't I need a degree to write gibberish for toddlers? Come on, Miss Leela. Don't be a 'fraidy cat like Feffernoose. Okay. I'll do it to show you kids you can succeed at anything, if you just luck out hard enough.

You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam.

The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah.

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Allow me. There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

(BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap!

But there's still one cop with no special abilities whatsoever. There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television.

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here.

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Wait! No, thanks.

No, no. Well, yes, actually.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

That's a tender area.

Rite my riny retal rass!

(SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence,

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

the hypno-toad.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race!

Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little--

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha... Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage. No wormy fruit on this tree. What about Fry? (SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle?

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8,

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

What is the meaning of this symbol?

I have sweaty boot rash!

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Only this time--

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device,

Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion?

He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here.

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base. Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not.

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

I apologize for nothing!

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops.

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life,

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

It's that hot, it is!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes.

This is my wife, Darlene. We met at the 99 cent store. You're married? Wait a dang minute. One eye, purple hair. You're Leela! The crazy one that Sean dumped. It was mutual! Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation.

Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body!

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.

My work here is done.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night--

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

I've got the heart of a human. What?

Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it!

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

How long have you been at it? 700 years. We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer.

Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus,

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

(WHIMPERING) (GROWLING) I'll save us by scaring him off with my crazy war noise. (PURRING) Crunch all you want. I'll make more.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend.

Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby! Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink.

At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

This is mine, right next to the center square. Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile. (BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on!

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto?

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation.

Hey, Leela, look at me!

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children.

Oh, no, I'm late!

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out. After 40 years, I want to see the world. (SIGHS) What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us.

But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey!

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

I hate you! I hate you!

It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship? There but for the grace of God.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck.

This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over.

(CHOIR MUSIC) ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Please, stay calm.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know. Okay, let's see what you can do. One thing she can do is lodge a ball in the dead center of your brain. You better get a batting helmet.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me!

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day,

Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Aw, somebody likes snouts.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING)

(BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

$30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

(BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up?

i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

(GASPS) You're a human?

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING)

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING)

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Hold on! I refuse to fight.

I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered.

But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

What? We survived the crash?

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Fire up the sewer gas! Move it, you ugly normals!

your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown.

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better.

Look out, a solar flare!

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif.

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage!

Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food.

Your Medicare dollars at work.

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did.

I... am... Destructor!

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went! You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots.

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today.

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz?

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING)

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening?

Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook,

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition.

So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

And that employee is... Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed.

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes. Dr. Zoidberg, she's great. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great.

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon!

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks!

Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire!

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

helps ease the pain. It's good!

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking...

Welcome to the show.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

- All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting."

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no.

The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes,

Well, you're looking great.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew--

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash?

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left. It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file?

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

(SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

I am? Huh! Maybe Zapp isn't the only one who's marriage material. You're getting there.

Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there?

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Oh, no, I'm late!

From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident.

If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut!

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church. Sound off as you jump.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES)

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

(SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys,

I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles. And if you're worried, you can always move down here with us. In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail!

For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run.

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

This is the end of all things.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead?

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No.

Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind. Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

Behold the dance of peace.

Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha--

Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move. (GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this?

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Faster! Faster!

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony.

Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm?

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3...

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

You know you love it, sugar engine.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break!

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet.

But through the American Southwest! I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum!

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious. No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt. Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii,

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out? And the walls. Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore. There, there. You're just having a midlife crisis.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew.

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

mmmbop ba-duba-dop

We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

- What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

I'll do my part.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds. Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping.

(EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Behold! The Internet!

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

A new era of justice has begun. What?

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here?

How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions. You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

Well, that was pointless.

I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah. My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians.

Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

You are not the one we want.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING) The name of the game is Candyland.

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed.

Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun...

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache.

From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron.

Deploying ice drill. Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood.

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

Is it a kind of hair spray? No!

for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Oh, man, this is great.

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster.

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed!

What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

(CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) We'll teach you not to lose immediately.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star.

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly.

Welcome to MomCorp.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find.

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets.

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy,

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Oh. Ah! My heart!

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy.

I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy--

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Initiate containment procedure.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Oh-oh. Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two... Uh, hello, cuckoo. The diamond still didn't break!

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment,

I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you.

They know our disgusting secret!

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people."

Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it.

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

"Stop asking questions, old man,

I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT) Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat. I guess I was just jealous.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured!

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

I'm back, baby.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Warp drives! Get your warp drives! (WHISTLES) Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship. She's worth a lot of money. I'm gonna sell her at market so my girlfriend can get surgery for her squidification.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot,

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height--

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela

We're back, baby!

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other,

One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

I don't need help.

And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

Can't we just send our avatars?

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces.

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

He wears sandals.

You owe me one.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass!

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...

This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this?

This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS)

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Woo-hoo! I'm popular!

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Does not compute.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

They have phones in booths now?

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Hey, sexy mama...

Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest...

I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport.

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

And it's straight! Coilette wins!

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Draining male oil!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

One! Yes! Here I come, future!

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry.

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!" What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg?

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause!

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

Whoo-hoo! They got medals. I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend?

So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

One, two! one, two, three!

Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed!

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot. But when a robotic Nixon is on the loose, we have a duty to take action.

What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Oh, what the hell.

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

What? Who are you?

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

I'll save you, Nibbler.

Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too?

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots?

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

I love takin' things

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis?

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail. (BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender,

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher,

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107!

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either,

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go!

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas?

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

Bye, last proton.

Hey, nice seats.

I love each and every robot most of all.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny!

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool. They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

Don't do anything that affects anything...

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

What? Ah! Oh, no way! Not gonna happen! What kind of girl do you think I am? Have I mentioned that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht? She's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender! As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

There they are!

Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow!

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela.

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

What the hell is it?

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

No! Get away from there.

No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad. Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here.

Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

Wow. We're great kissers.

Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter.

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray.

No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000.

(EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like... - to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho.

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony.

since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity.

- Don't stop. - Ew!

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe,

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it!

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

- Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Galloping gators!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Now, that's what I call a great ending.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now,

Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Merit badges. This brings me back.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up.

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Fry, just be quiet.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

My body's 40% titanium.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Ow! Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to...

You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.

All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide!

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty, we will achieve harmony between our worlds. Zapp, honey, this is the wrong document. It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign,

We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert...

No! Put that back and turn it on!

And that name is--

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Sign the paper.

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

But you've got nothing. Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it.

He's no worse than Bender.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia,

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms! Worms to battle stations!

Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother.

But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Wait, I have an idea.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns, until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- well, you know the rest.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners!

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale.

I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero. A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry?

No good. It's full of steam.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters,

presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah!

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter.

There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

We're back, everyone! Party!

Freeze! Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

Item seven, our corporate tax rate remained unchanged this fiscal year. That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

If you'll excuse me.

That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet.

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

(MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh!

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been?

But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories--

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

By far, the most important thing is oil

See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating?

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is--

(GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide!

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000.

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened?

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Stop! It's driving me sane!

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls.

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

(CLOCK BEEPS) (SMOOCHING)

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful!

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

beautiful Women--

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

What's that scribble-di-gook?

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future!

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

Looks like you're retaining water.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Mmm. That's crisp. Yes, but no more so than your squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight. (SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner!

Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat...

Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that.

Now vent! Vent like the wind! Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who?

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

but I think we should just be friends. No!

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender...

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes!

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Lost something?

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners.

I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love. The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one. Phew! That was close.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you. There must be people somewhere.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo.

Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela. (CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School!

(BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING)

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at--

it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you!

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad?

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Eh, why is your number "7/8"?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I choose to not understand these signs.

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

(SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Good luck, Bender!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow!

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Aren't we going to cuddle?

Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T."

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid--

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television!

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem?

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book.

just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Billy, do you want to walk your dog?

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING)

It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down?

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello.

Fabulous friends.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.

(LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years.

I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you.

Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

You're pure lowest common denominator.

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see--

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him?

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

You are so smart. Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk.

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag,

The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener?

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Okay. I was just at this part--

Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir.

Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender! Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that?

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender.

You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

Missed it by that much. Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE)

From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

And take it easy

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh. Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this!

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot!

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Accepted again!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here. Later, if anyone asks when I got away, tell them right now.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

Your call is being-- Connected-- By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers.

(READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP) (CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead?

I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister."

Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Maybe I'm always right.

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Don't worry. They're (SNIFFLES) unused. Oh, I'm sorry. I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain.

Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I...

Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

(FIRING) (HISSING)

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing!

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt?

He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.

Hooray! I graduated!

Take them to the laundry brig.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said?

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things!

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar. Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd.

Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes! Hey, fatso, stuffa you face!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

(STATIC CRACKLING)

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

This'a berry, berry bad!

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

That's it! Happy birthday!

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner?

I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.

your punishment!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry?

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

Relax, friends.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Now hit the bricks. (SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh?

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

So far, so good. Then what?

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend.

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos."

Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

My gonopores! Look it up.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

(ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here!

Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! Ah!

(HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh!

We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb.

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left.

Let the bloodbath begin!

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating!

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots.

(SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day.

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem?

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom.

(WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go?

See you on the other side.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry!

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you.

Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this.

So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

(WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it!

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama."

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you.

It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love

Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second!

Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium.

bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING)

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore.

It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat.

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Wha-- Oh, right.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this. Okay. Take it easy. Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex...

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me.

Push, push! Use teamwork!

Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true.

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

We'll have to run some tests back on Earth, but I think we've stopped the time skips. - All right! jammin'! - Hooray for Leela! And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

Oh, God! I'm dead!

Will there be cake?

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip!

I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good.

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender!

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that.

Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%. As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player.

Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action!

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

I love you! Oh, my!

One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man.

What's your game, Vitruvian Man?

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh...

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Oh. Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York.

Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message,

Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip?

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts--

I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

Ah, the scent of a rose.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.

Down in front! Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Oww! Futurama. Noun.

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal,

All right, let's get to work.

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING)

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle.

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind. Oh...

Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy.

Not till now there wasn't. Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship.

Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it?

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon.

and Fry refused to save me.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom?

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge.

an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

(GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior.

The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before?

Spa Five? Is it good?

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

No. No? No! No!

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Yo. I read the script... and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire.

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

As for me, I went temporarily insane...

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son. - Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class...

I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

New York City: The year 2000.

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight.

the hypno-toad.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome. This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go...

"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that.

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine,

"Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

(SIREN WAILING) (MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile.

Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"?

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy?

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies.

Oh! Ouch! It's a three-beanball salad. The Mets fans love it, though, and who can blame them? They haven't had much to cheer about this year. Ooh!

Security to bar area. Security to bar area.

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn!

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

(COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Why does my foot hurt?

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

(SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to...

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet?

or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school.

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What--

The "X" makes it sound cool.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember--

There must be people somewhere.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin,

Aw... what's the point?! Bender? My God, you're a mess.

It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

(BURPING NOISE)

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan?

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that?

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program.

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

(ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

(ALL SCREAMING) What's this dump?

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Give it to him, Andrew!

First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents. (GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Here comes Delivery-Boy Man! Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum?

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live. Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole?

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me

But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon. And it was great.

Merit badges. This brings me back.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol!

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me,

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day. Hey, Bender, did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for? Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life.

Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

May we help you, strange ones?

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right. Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm!

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

But I saw Earth explode!

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building.

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself.

We're ready. Great. You are not going to regret this.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt,

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you.

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

It's humbling to be back on my old soundstage as a bit player. Humble is good. Your self-esteem took a beating, but that's what brought out your true talent. Yes. You land hard when you fall from the top, right? I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right.

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation?

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet.

You have not won yet. Each book in this room is a gateway to a mental realm, and I shall take you there and imprison you forever! Icky!

One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

(PIANO PLAYING)

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love. The law is clear.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg!

Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk.

This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring.

One Eye, One Eye!

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a...

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it!

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs.

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip.

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

Maybe the best there ever was.

Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron,

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said

I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen. Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that. How do we sign?

Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

Is it working? This is sucky!

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy...

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male,

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about!

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh!

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom. Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

And you have inoperable cancer.

Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I...

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium!

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin'

Oh, you're right. I can't.

Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me.

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for standing us up... on the only visit to the surface we'll ever have. I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello.

Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos."

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies...

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah...

Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots--

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

Good morning, lover.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING)

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic.

Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

But we will go on until we find the Almighty.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him!

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well! Thank you, Assie.

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10.

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about?

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Cheese pizza and a large soda.

So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right?

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason. Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful!

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Come closer, and I'll expose what I know. There's nothing. He's as clean as a freshly waxed buttock. Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?

Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner!

You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Come. I'll show you your quarters. Ow. Ow. Ow.

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap!

And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just...

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

(CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair!

See you at the fight.

but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents. Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children. N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

So every religion is wrong!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Any button! They all retaliate!

Gross! Go, man, go!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out,

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage.

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

(CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day,

Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy? Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it!

Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year! In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important.

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods,

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well.

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon!

So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha!

and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome...

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg.

I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid? Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil,

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz?

(BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace, evidently forced into servitude aboard a crab fishing boat.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one,

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me?

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X...

Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean.

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer. I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

My disintegrator ray really works!

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off.

Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today. (YELLING) (GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy.

Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive?

Here's to another lousy millennium.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Okay. All set. Lights.

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Oh, no, no. We're married.

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan.

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

- Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp.

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it.

If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it. So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries?

They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar?

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over.

I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

the New Justice Team!

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now!

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap!

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner.

Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly.

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years.

You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr!

The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been?

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not!

Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away...

(GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen.

He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears!

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender.

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you! Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband.

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone?

Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar?

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do!

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy.

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private!

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel?

Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams!

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

(SCREAMING) (ALL YELLING)

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that,

We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared.

Stop right there!

Silence, puny audience!

And you smell like one, too.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind. I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt. (STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup?

Or does that confuse you? "See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy.

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers.

You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive.

Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree?

a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight.

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone!

Hey, I have an idea.

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount,

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead.

Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

And you are outta here!

Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Bu-u-u-t? But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet."

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Seriously? Why?

They're inside! Get them!

Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do.

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here. It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium?

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him.

My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go.

Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood!

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160,

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

We're out of control! We're heading straight into the electric field. What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss!

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me?

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie? Look, outdoor theater.

what with their free will and all.

Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing.

Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo!

Hey, forget about it.

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Well, that was dumb.

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

Well, once in the park. Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Mutants! They're real.

Fry, is my colossal eye too big?

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Fine. That or the bone one.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers.

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken.

Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

(COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING)

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep.

Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers,

Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Pack of highly. Got it.

You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

Who's the gross nerd?

If rescue doesn't come soon,

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What?

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry.

I work there as a greeter.

And I smell bad.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

(GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you.

There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship! Oh, dip!

MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here.

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good?

LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose. (ALL SIGH) Man!

(GASPS) How did you do that?

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop.

Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won!

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Who's my favorite robot?

Oh, man, there's always a catch! I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it!

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS)

How does a nobody like me get famous?

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it.

People of Earth... Shh!

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame for the love that I feel just from hearing your name You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami-- I wuv my mommy.

We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth. Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that?

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back?

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help.

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough.

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

A mission of peace.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box,

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people. (2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow,

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

What? The very idea!

To the flying machine!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

(GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks.

Yeah, you'd better run. Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

I just told you. You've killed me!

Take me to your leader.

It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Good news, everyone.

(CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo!

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

I never felt so empty inside.

The deal will go ahead as--

Hey, where's Amy and Bender?

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Funny, funny stuff.

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

Can I help you?

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable...

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard!

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%,

They're inside! Get them!

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato. Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy.

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

(TRAIN HONKING)

It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye!

Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

(WAILING) Okay, let's go.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you.

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

(BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy.

What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching...

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

(GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show. And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough.

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind

A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.

Animals go in the corner. The corner.

Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe.

The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow.

Take a lean back and enjoy life.

Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

Hermes, don't press that button!

I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I--

Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring.

Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead.

That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute!

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

Only one way to find out.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..."

Let's watch, shall we?

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

See you in girl hell.

He's a big ol' hero! Hooray!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives!

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad!

You bastard! I'll kill you!

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Oh, no, Poor Bender.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.

Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

Well, he'll make a nice heap.

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

It's only a matter of time now.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

It'll get there.

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold!

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING)

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime?

What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room...

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom.

And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

What just happened?

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival.

(ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING)

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right?

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

We flipped a coin before the debate,

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.

It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Call it in the air.

You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

After lengthy femputations,

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan?

Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person!

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Ahem. For my next trick,

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS)

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode.

They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you.

Addendum. Whoa! NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up.

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING)

Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world.

As your god is my witness.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something?

That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her.

Don't make me hurt you.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot?

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers! (CROWD CHEERING) Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops. Now move it along, nothing to see here. (ALL CHEERING)

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff...

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted. Well, fans, Boston's turning the last game of the season into a real squeaker, and that's with three E's.

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm. Hmm.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay.

But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends,

Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero? Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right.

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday!

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in.

(ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass!

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Our top scientists went to work.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us.

If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination.

Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir--

- Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it?

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Aha! Cornered. Whew!

Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there?

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your...

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst.

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes!

FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV.

Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters?

I just told you!

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

(MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

All right, I'll go.

You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices. Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on.

I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich,

Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle.

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

(CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology. The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

And this time I mean it!

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents.

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor.

Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang. So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement.

The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started.

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense! He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy.

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Cram it, lobster.

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

(EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey?

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

Before we deliver these weapons,

- No! - No! Do a flip!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide"

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show.

- Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS)

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

It's a miniature fruit salad tree.

Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you.

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

you'll never find out.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married!

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'?

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever. For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Uh, deep space. Deep space?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Hey! Yaaah! Yeah!

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards. What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better.

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

(CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

(GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

Next up, challenger Bender, a student of the legendary Helmut Spargle. Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man.

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair,

Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the...

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting. (EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity.

You go fight biggest brain of all.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it!

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat!

We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Hello, peasants.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe.

A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

Bender, hurry up!

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

It's time to activate the bomb.

What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing. How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

(ENGINE CLATTERING) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

Give me back my floppy face!

I won an award today.

Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella?

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

I'm not even legally a mammal.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship.

I'm back, baby.

Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe.

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Yes, we do. True dat.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now.

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because...

Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors?

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups.

- Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm--

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up!

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli,

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Help! I'm under attack!

Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain."

Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes!

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency.

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels! Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here. We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement.

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

It's all right.

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay.

(STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it.

He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt! Father-Man away.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend!

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles,

(TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion,

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me.

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead?

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

This is my best protest sign ever,

Come back to bed, dearie.

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer,

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice.

I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time,

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head. Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler!

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig!

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00?

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit?

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING)

Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho.

the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

One, two! one, two, three!

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

I don't have time for this shazbot.

Good night, employees.

Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops!

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING)

And it's mandatory!

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

(GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her

It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be.

Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Don't worRy, be happy

I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Stop doing that!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

no need to leave.

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents...

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is-- Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv!

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

(SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good,

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

how long this is going to last?

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will!

Well, the way I see it--

Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah!

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents,

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right? You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad.

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so.

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back?

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

That's using the old noodle.

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

What say you and I knock some very sensual boots?

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark.

Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender?

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

- Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork.

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale,

Ow! I'm hungry.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too. You? Why? To prove that I can put divisive partisan politics aside to participate in a break-in.

I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

Robots are made from old beer cans.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no.

will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

the Martians gave us back our house. And our other casino. So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway.

Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia...

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

All right. That's the necessary number of times.

(GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office. Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm...

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense? Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

(ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No!

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra?

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

(GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory.

I live in a dumpster.

If you'll excuse me.

This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say,

Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis?

The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding.

The robot. The Zero "G."

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS)

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust.

Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this."

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot! Bender rules! Groove on, man! Rock it, Bender!

So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box.

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes. What is it, Professor? Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it! Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse.

you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim?

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?

Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow! My first space delivery.

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

One, two! one, two, three!

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Okay, let's go through this once more from the--

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but--

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right.

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people.

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

We've come for you.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Last time I checked.

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

(ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right?

My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts.

Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her. So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me? Hey, you know who loves secluded picnics with just you and me? Uh... Dr. Zoidberg.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender.

but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently.

Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

we have a duty to take action. Idiot.

Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold!

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over...

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to.

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing.

I'm lying to make her feel better.

I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

One drug company was close, but I arranged...

This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

(FAST FORWARDING)

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain.

We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh. Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor?

Great is okay, but amazing would be great.

The tracks lead here.

Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Pizza delivery for, uh...

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

You don't mean that. But I do.

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks!

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo! That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela.

So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

You may feel a slight sawing.

Fry! Whew! Fry!

You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"? Only one house to go. We did it!

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at?

The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket.

Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive.

The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you! So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked.

Please do not feed the animals!

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING)

Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race.

In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Look at him up there.

We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan. Amy and Leela will retrieve the steering wheel so we can steer the ship from here. And Fry and Bender, you'll spacewalk onto the hull and relight the pilot light on the engine.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender.

The planet's "kerploding."

He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

So? I'm just as important as him.

Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed.

(GROANING) (CHOKING) I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow. We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all.

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not your claws.

Low wine level detected.

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body,

The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation...

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times,

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage!

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Give him hell, Morbo!

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did. Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here.

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care

Here's your medal, hero.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY) Ah! You know my favorite part of your song?

What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil! Removing item.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

Three, two, one...

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent?

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me.

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

Yay! Calculon's back!

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular?

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right?

Cheers. Cheers.

French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are.

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner.

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight. Please don't stop playing, Fry.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket. Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel.

A well-calculated move.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

or tried to burn me--

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Let's go get drunk.

Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

(EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you.

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING)

But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

- Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

But first, celebrity buzz. Linda? (LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo!

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.

If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go!

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan.

We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number?

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now...

Quick! In there! Huh?

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

(ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait.

What's that, old friend? My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy. I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING)

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

(GROANS) Oh, I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. I can't believe we're only 12 feet from the parking lot. (CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth?

What are you gonna do, kick me out?

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Well, it won't work, sonny.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say?

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great.

Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good.

Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

Right, Boxy? And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. What? And you're not the father. No! (LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they? You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o! Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Daddy done good, huh?

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

Okay. It's crime time.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana! Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh? Whatever. Hey, looky there.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it! Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single.

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

NIXON: Warning shot.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day?

No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man.

The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good. Captain's journal: Stardate, uh--

Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job?

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants,

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

The future. Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic?

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it?

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS) Ooh! Nice cart.

A woman? I'm scared.

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?

Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror,

I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off.

Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING)

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Now's good. (CRACKLING)

Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister.

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers,

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there! Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

(IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies?

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING)

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence!

Don't you love me?

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Be you robot or human?

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible!

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you.

I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Finally, the atom is safe. Huh?

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail.

Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart.

You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do?

(YOWLS) (GRUNTING)

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then.

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now?

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards?

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance?

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla.

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

We were defeated in battle.

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher...

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls. What are you doing to my ship?

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees! It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from.

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one!

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life.

You see that there? That's called a floor. Once a butterfly hits that, she's out.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

For this highly Controversial mission,

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Get out of my office!

Interesting. You wish to cook,

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose?

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over.

But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk!

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

My God, is it possible?

Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place.

Whoops! Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

being a perfect shape and all.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that!

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party.

Gumbercules? I love that guy.

I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

Don't make me hurt you.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

Easy, Leela. just finger-roll that star into the cosmic basket. just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.

Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box!

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes.

I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind. Oh... What's wrong?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha!

Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

Are you nuts? If she could smell, she'd smell you! Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time! This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch! Cut! That was terrible!

You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

So, I hear you're a machine... Ow! Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

Hey, looky there.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

(LAUGHS) - What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted!

Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

We did it, Fry! Fry?

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic.

I'm dying of old age!

Get ready, Fry.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism.

or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

(SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream?

The Cavern on the Green.

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

Whoo! If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good. Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13.

But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else.

What the-- We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you?

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission?

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Hey, look, Leela.

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

No! Nibbler, come back!

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released.

We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found.

We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess?

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

It's like brainwashing.

I designed it myself.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown?

I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

I shouldn't be here.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh. Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it.

So soon? Oh, well... Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay.

Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS) Tell my mother to pick me up outside Quiznos.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza! KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong. And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look.

You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work."

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine,

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Someday you'll understand that.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you?

Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot.

I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Father, I've discovered the shocking secret... Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn.

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy.

Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Kif! jump! My hero.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

(GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

Calcutta, we have a problem.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time. An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay!

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport. I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar.

We're just happy to be involved in your life. No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents.

Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself,

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy!

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

(CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth?

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me. Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity.

What do you stupid voters want now?

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool! (LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry?

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say?

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo! I don't get it, Michelle.

Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up.

Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.

Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

She sure does. Flexo!

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh.

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh...

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger,

No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Yeah, me too now.

I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it.

Not really. Except for one person. Who was it?

I was programmed to take credit for this.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on. ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees,

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make.

Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty! Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug

Last time I checked.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops.

And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest? This is Oktoberfest, the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture.

Come back when I've had some sleep, baby. Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING) The key is knowing precisely where to strike.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

I hope this is the control stick.

Well, for the next week, we'll be doing hundreds of trust falls from every possible height and level of gravity. Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant. Leela, do me a solid and pick up the next space hitchhiker you see.

Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus.

It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum.

but I still have a trump card.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that.

I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor.

but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice. Commemorative turkey basters.

(GROWLING) Oh! What are you, some kind of attack fungus? Or just a moldy schnauzer? - (GROWLING) - (YELLING) Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy! After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Right. If they try to look in the box.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient?

Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey!

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry.

The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

We're out of fuel.

(LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

(YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

(GRUNTING) I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic.

This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now? I'm with Bender. Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see?

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Here is my resignation as vice president.

Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead. We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land. Ow.

Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God.

Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush.

Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z.

You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

Right? Am I right? Oh, yeah, he's right. Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys.

Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board!

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there.

Okay, here I go.

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho.

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Who put this in here?

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

(SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker.

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster,

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

Nobody destroy Leela, either.

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form. (SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine. They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are.

Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa! Aw!

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame.

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

I was getting to that one! So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived?

We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest.

Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel! (PASSENGERS CLAMORING)

Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work,

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving!

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say.

et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more.

Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

He's picking his nose! Get him!

You shouldn't have.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay. So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I?

Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay. Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow.

Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering.

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive,

just past Teddy Bear junction.

Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

Hello? Is anyone there?

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A."

Girls, girls, girls At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow.

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor.

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity?

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

A dirty, filthy slob.

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah.

Anything in the trap? Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait. Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room. I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come!

All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye.

Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race!

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

A land I didn't make up

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true.

Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time.

who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

What? Are you talking?

It was me. I'm the hero.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there?

Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

- "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick!

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

Not one place even remotely livable.

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script,

Old? Don't call me old.

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

(CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything--

Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

I'm back, baby.

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot.

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero...

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums.

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Stop! It's driving me sane!

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Odor at magnitude eight.

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence.

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot.

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by

Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long. Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

That dress looks great on you.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

(CHUCKLES) BENDER: Yeah.

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye."

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh...

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here, they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic.

Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming.

Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No!

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

In theory, it could work.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old?

I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this?

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (CROWD CHEERING) Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds!

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender.

The noble sewer mutants.

As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today,

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace,

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine...

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Do you have any gum? No.

I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach.

I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are. There is but one being who can resist them-- a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack.

(LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand!

Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

That's El Chupanibre.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

or just one diehard fan. Aww. Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy,

I mean, only one eye.

do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

You and I are enemies now.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow?

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill. Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer. (BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

What? What about what?

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

If you let go, I let go.

Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too? Old Salmonella? Son, I ought to kill you for asking. We met doing hard time on a Mississippi chain gang. And she'd been with me through 30-odd convictions. Thirty? You must be quite a bungling lowlife. Anyhow, about the guitar.

You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

I said not now!

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark,

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

Things used to be funny around here. Noses were picked, pants fell down. So, what changed?

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Hello! What's all this then?

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3--

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store.

Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot. You'll have to testify in open court. No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha!

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

This'a berry, berry bad!

And then he did it. His new technology is great.

You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator.

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest...

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

on the night of December 31, 1999?

(SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really?

I'm a genius. Get over it!

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Please don't. See you soon.

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

I like those odds.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor?

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto...

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry. What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh...

It's a nice day. We'll take him out to the yard, and after you shoot him, we'll play catch with his bladder. But I can't. He's my pet. You shot your hamster. I told you, that was suicide. (FRY GROANS) He looks kind of sick. What have you been feeding him?

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over.

What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects.

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Oooh, that feels funny.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid.

To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

That's why I'm firing you now. I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it!

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing.

But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable!

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS)

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have. Coilette, I'd like to spend some... quality time with you.

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad.

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it.

Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING)

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery.

Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

I'm a bender-- I bend girders.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records...

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better.

Where's that Oscar?

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second?

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons!

'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in.

El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith.

Same place as your species... the beach.

I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't.

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

Well, 'tis the season.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Oh. Oh... Hey, look. The robot museum. You guys want to learn about robot heritage? Um, all right. Not really. Well, if you insist. But you're paying.

Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass. Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh!

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed.

(COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

so I'm writing it in my own ink.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot, I'm the luckiest man-bot alive.

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

(SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun

Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little.

Hello? Anyone? I guess it's just us for all eternity.

Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler. Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics." I still have no idea.

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke.

As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING)

Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

(SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district! (DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone. See you! (BEEPS) Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What?

Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax.

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry!

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a--

I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Clam up, Founding Fathers.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh!

Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no!

Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps,

That hurt! I know.

Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun. (GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both!

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively. Wait. You're a lawyer? You're hired!

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son.

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

A mission of peace.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks.

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings?

That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

My fish got away.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that...

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING)

(SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

I don't know what to do.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

so they didn't even see you barf. Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter.

These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard! Maybe I have been selfish, hiding my ass under a bushel.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from...

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh! Hmm!

Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

(GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you.

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid!

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth... That's my name. Don't wear it out. ...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot?

Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay.

Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas!

(RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING)

Be very gentle, folks.

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38!

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived.

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your...

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will.

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out?

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live.

It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles.

Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

That's not a bad idea, Fry.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down!

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here?

Fly the white flag of war.

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel

I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off.

I hate you all!

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

- Never! - Never!

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express...

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out.

Son, I think I can safely say--

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody,

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

This originates from the heart!

The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

(SCREECHES) (ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

I learned it from a decongestant commercial.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

I assume no one survived?

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust?

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer!

Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight?

Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

Cheer up, meat bag.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh?

Ah, screw the whole thing.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Could you repeat that last part?

Last team flying wins.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me.

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name.

And with that... I have closure.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

- 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too. You? Why?

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm. That robot's name I never told you Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him! Whoa!

Oh, my God. What the...?

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first!

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

So, you grow hemp.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Is anything not a robot?

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender! This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

a carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry. And I remembered the last time I was truly happy.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid."

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake,

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference.

You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks.

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

May I crash on your couch?

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING)

In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes."

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob.

It's cool. Back off!

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.

It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

It'll be the end of civilized society!

All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume.

My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING)

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

And you are outta here!

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing. (ALL SNORING) (THUD) (ALL EXCLAIM) What? Huh? I guess we're here. Let's make the delivery. FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything?

Bender, what's wrong?

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Sure, blame the wizards.

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

Happy Freedom Day!

Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano.

love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

I'm just a simple farmer.

Thank you, Scruffy. (SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

(SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind

(MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God. Well, that was disturbing.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

See you in a thousand years.

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters.

(QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can!

We've got a very special delivery today.

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair. I'm not giving up yet.

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How?

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Give me back my floppy face!

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril.

Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

That's right... no body.

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

(ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC) ALL: Oh!

it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Daddy done good, huh?

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah!

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions,

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

(GROANS) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try.

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

All right, Tinny, your double leg transplant is complete. What do you say you give 'em a try? It's a miracle! I can walk! No more crutch or withered leg!

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three... I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull"

Halt! Visitors are forbidden.

Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

(BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic!

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment! Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women.

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

(CHATTERING) MAN: Go back to Roboklahoma!

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers!

Hello, boys. Whoa!

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive?

What the hell is that?

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads.

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away?

And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out!

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me?

All right, listen up, nitwits.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

Huh? Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible,

Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Hey. Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now?

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity,

Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling?

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon.

Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good.

Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity?

He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking...

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud.

Oh, it's hopeless.

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Who wants lobster bisque?

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Ew! There it is.

Who put this in here?

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

(CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY) That is one sexy bridge abutment.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

We just need $11 million. And boned.

Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Me too. Me too.

Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats. Ha! Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

LEO: Fore! Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us. Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion. (LAUGHS) Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like?

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker.

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on?

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it?

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Oh, no. No more implants.

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two."

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

Stop griping. Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe,

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane...

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

Stop hoggin' the clover!

What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

If you call that living.

Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich.

There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe!

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

FARNSWORTH: You've got a bright future, Amy. As sure as the sun sets in the east.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud?

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

(GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

Problem solved.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe?

Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found!

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four,

Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

I can quit anytime I want.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging,

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

We've got to get Fry's message to the people. People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap!

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh?

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

It's too low! Quick! You did it! You actually did it!

Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it!

I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh! Hey, save some for me!

While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it?

(MUFFLED YELLING)

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.

What words? Star Trek?

There's no booze and only one hooker.

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Bender is back.

That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl.

What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train."

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

You can use this as an eye poker. Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not?

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

Killed? In an atomic blast?

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

There has been quite a rash of fires lately.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela?

and that's not your golf cart.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell!

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters?

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

(POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Close the door. You're letting the smut out.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

No! I can't stand to look!

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents,

So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Thank you, Hermes.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected.

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns? (SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

And this time I mean it!

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

What could possibly--

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can.

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce.

It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm!

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Here's your medal, hero.

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite.

order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby!

Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it!

Here, let me help you.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts,

I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover.

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead.

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

What the hell are you doing?

For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS)

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a...

So this is where they stick old people.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

It's a deep space emotion detector.

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie?

Fry? Is it really you?

The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.

his in-your-face interface.

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here.

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him.

make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope.

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie--

I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon.

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But--

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants!

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

We'll have to bring her around again.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years. Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

- Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you. But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic...

The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more.

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

Coming, gigantums!

Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine Why don't you come on over sometime

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Now, get in here before you freeze. Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Fire 'em all. Mm-hmm. Mm. Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson.

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

The sparks keep me warm.

Instead, she's with her ex-boyfriend and I'm stuck with a pair of skilled mechanical hands. Say, I don't suppose you're free later? Then I have no choice.

We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

(SCREAMING) You girls have moxie. We're going to beat it out of you.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi!

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

(SIREN WAILING)

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

Uh, in a small way, yes. But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things.

(CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight?

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid.

But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God?

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

Bender, cut it out!

In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother.

It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way. But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

(GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

Look out, little drunk Sheila!

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

so as to scan itself, completing its thousand-year task. This is your one chance to enter the sphere! Scoot! Scoot now!

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk.

Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

My best friend's life is at stake.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good.

No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

(IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully. I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden when those drug lords blew up the Celtics. But I was drunk, wicked drunk. Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

You're the last store open. I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand,

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you.

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection.

(MONITOR BEEPING) (MUSIC CONTINUES)

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of?

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold!

I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren. This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger.

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager.

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Uncle Vladimir!

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach!

How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me.

It was me. I'm the hero.

Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay.

Like what? Ooh! Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa. Man, that one was a blast. It wasn't just a blast.

The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

That's coming out of your pay.

The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date.

Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

A valid question.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

What are you scared of?

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

There. It was hard work,

The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable,

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh...

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING)

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

Reverse mortgages. Get your reverse mortgages here.

We can take them. On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down Fifth Avenue aboard the Land Titanic,

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have--

Is that a cooking show?

Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up! And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated,

Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar.

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes! Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it.

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(MACHINERY BEEPING) You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say?

You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

One month, two weeks, one hour,

he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

(GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you? Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll. Don't be silly. Zapp's a perfect gentleman. And so handsome. Did you know he wears a velour man-skirt? (GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin. All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed.

Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking!

All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What?

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive!

Ow! I'm hungry.

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league. There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks.

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble?

Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela?

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.

it's a then. The future.

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan.

The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh! Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day! (JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches.

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

The Titanic. Looks nice.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Hey, smelly-pants.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha--

His legend lives on!

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables,

I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off!

(BUZZING) Okay, if we survive. Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

This is the end!

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies.

So, whatever happened to this seven-leaf clover? I hid it in a secret hiding place... whose location I never told anyone, not even Scruffy.

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence--

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three. Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things.

I'm Slim Shady.

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul.

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast!

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif?

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

To the Science Mobile!

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Not Santa. There he is again!

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light?

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

And no one will ever know.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert.

There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B."

Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer.

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves.

So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love. The law is clear.

and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before...

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN)

Where go beautiful man?

Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone.

Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Dump him already. I'm trying.

We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected,

Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet.

A true inspiration for the children.

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news as well. Let Amy tell us. That way, it soften the blow. Why Amy being so quiet? Um-- Well, um-- That is, um--

But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet?

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Ahh, this is-a why I love Earth-a-- beautiful, star-brightened day, friendly blernsball game with chum pals. So pleasant for everybody. Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that!

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Three, two, one.

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg.

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

"Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela. What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

In your face! Victory is mine!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress.

I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy!

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of--

FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control.

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her.

I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya.

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Thank you, Fry.

Are you with me, fellas?

CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?

insanity... uh, integrity.

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti.

Nixon out! (HOWLS)

I'm done talking.

but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

I know, I know. It sounds absurd.

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company?

Vintage Bubblegum!

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Infinite joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again! That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

(BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.

Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish. You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century.

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

it's toe-tappingly tragic. Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack?

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING)

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

And Super King, the best one of the three!

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button.

Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question.

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything.

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really?

He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball--

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher.

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you? First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop.

There's a window in the closet.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for...

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Ladies, here are your demeaning, skimpy stewardess outfits.

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

(BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter!

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk?

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

I'll avenge you, master.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir?

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles!

- But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends,

Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said. Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you!

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead."

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Lick my frozen metal ass.

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What?

- Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there,

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not?

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING)

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore. Dad! We screwed up!

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating!

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

"Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead. Oh, yeah.

- Ohhh! - That's fine.

and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays,

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Not enough-- Duh--

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar!

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company.

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport. Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell!

So, you want to come in maybe? I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it. Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us.

You're all terrible and incompetent.

Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.

Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that. What'd I miss?

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

We are the robot elders.

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent.

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things-- my good chum. But why would God think in binary? Unless... you're not God, but the remains of a computerized space probe...

How do you like me now?!

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

Oh. That's a little bright. All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes.

and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

I know now what my primary function is.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay?

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed.

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff.

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them.

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING)

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa!

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

It's like skateboarding.

How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya?

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it, just as a chick inside a three-dimensional egg could be seen by an observer in the fourth dimension. Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh!

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that?

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra.

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels!

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose!

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go.

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me!

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

To save yourself or save Leela. One! Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again!

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together!

How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield,

if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature.

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.

When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?

Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here.

The big brain is defeated.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested.

Two meals in one week?

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant.

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected! Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!