comb.io - Clips

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

The planet's "kerploding."

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Women only room!

What? Lord have mercy!

That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything. Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask, but inside I'm as soft and sensitive as a girl made of custard. Custard time? Hooray!

Prairie elephant!

Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Now, what's going on there? History.

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Well, what's it like being a lawyer for the mayor's office... and also the world's strongest millionaire? Well, baby, for starters, you need to be honest all the time.

Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie,

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

(GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Here's corpsey!

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays?

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia! Sorry, babies.

It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country. And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy?

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety! This experiment will determine what food, if any,

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last?

I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life.

but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING)

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women,

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready?

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved...

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

'Sup? Kids ready?

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life.

Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet."

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

For a thousand years, the evil brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere, a giant memory bank twice the size... of three ordinary memory banks. What's so evil about that? They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere.

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh!

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING)

Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Stupid bird, I know where you live! Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

It's funny because it's poisonous.

I'm sorry. What?

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

You stink, loser.

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh!

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

I said shut up!

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry,

(GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace.

I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

- What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

I'm sick of my head doing things.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us.

You guys went obsolete years ago.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

But that's it. No one else. I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads?

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow.

Let's do it again sometime.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

(SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now.

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you!

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

Careful! That's a week old! I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind. I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt. (STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup?

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

(LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

(CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING)

Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

She's nuts! In a few moments,

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day.

If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel. Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera! I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

How about a lift... to your place?

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

Soon your trousers will slip the surly bonds of Earth and ascend to the heavens. I'm gonna blast that balloon! No way will I let God get my pants! Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He.

Sounds delicious. Mmm.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys...

Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy.

ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Wow. Nice tube.

Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen. Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING)

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

Not often though. Mmm.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm--

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure.

Um, a little help, please. Whoa!

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds?

The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING)

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this!

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

Those poor 20th-century women.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you.

Smells like a jockstrap.

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight?

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks,

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him?

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING)

No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy.

This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Enough talk! It's time for action! I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

These people really know how to die. Are you crazy?

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping! I love these things! Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake.

I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it! VoilÀ.

A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum! What are those worms doing to Fry's brain?

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on!

Like the Kardashians.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children. Anyway, I should get going.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will,

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding...

(ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

Well, take this!

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint.

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing.

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes...

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic.

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.

I love takin' things

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

Hey, you guys are good.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly,

You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy!

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Face it. I'm a prize catch.

I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship...

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

And you smell like one, too.

As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth!

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Sounds like a party.

As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump.

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS)

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there?

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper!

Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye?

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

I'll take eight.

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea.

Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there. Oh! Aah! Ohh!

Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That! (ALL EXCLAIMING) A one-eyed princess in a long, flowing tank top.

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go!

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

(DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion!

so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges?

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr!

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next?

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

I'm so hungry. The important thing is

He's my pencil sharpener.

Last one. Oh! It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry!

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language.

(SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime! But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us,

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely.

Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist.

Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka! It's the elusive missing missing link. This will show Banjo, once and for all. ALL: Yeah!

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings?

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really?

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely? Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here?

A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

No! Honk! Honk!

I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

Hey, I've got one last thought.

What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

I am so great. Bender is great

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions. If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints. You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded.

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

No food or drink allowed on the tour.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS) (GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again?

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him?

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better? Shmeezus, it's hot!

And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood! What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks. The slides won't support an adult robot. Good point. Not interested.

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes! He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING)

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob.

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

Let's go already!

Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

What does it do?

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident.

900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots.

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug. Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things. You did it, Johnny. I'm cured!

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers! Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon?

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff. Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine.

Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you!

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow!

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

(SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why?

It's full of ads. Whoo!

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish. There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix.

It's how we met? And then what happened?

They're on to me!

Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

How may I pervert you?

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live. Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen!

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Fry, help, let me in.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too.

Prepare to storm the surface for the Million Mutant March! Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

Alien ships approaching, sir.

Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it 10 minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time. Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.

Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

I told you how And we'll meet up at 10:00

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun!

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Little one, get out of there!

Hello, Lrrr. Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging! Lrrr, why are you yelling softly with the purple-furred one? Uh, it's nothing, my queen. He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

You are so disgusting. I--

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

I'll hit the fuel guzzler.

and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

At least I still have my self-respect.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it!

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet. Noseward, ho!

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

(ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Warships dismissed!

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration,

singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

It's all right. You can say that here.

We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze. I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering, anyway?

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel,

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING)

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Ow! I'm hungry.

You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory.

A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know. Okay, let's see what you can do. One thing she can do is lodge a ball in the dead center of your brain. You better get a batting helmet.

(CLOCK BEEPS) (SMOOCHING) (GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you?

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them?

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

I'm sorry. What?

Hubert Farnsworth?

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met,

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man,

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Completely out of ice!

We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash.

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

It might be a cave. (PANTING) LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No! Greetings, Bender.

(GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve.

You stink, loser.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement.

and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler! As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker. Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on?

The mutant people will arise!

As your god is my witness.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!"

Here's your medal, hero.

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go--

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

to be. So, you really and truly love me?

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up!

Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

(GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING)

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years.

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!

Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over?

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award?

No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them!

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this?

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible?

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

I still remember the combination. Three.

You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final!

I just never realized it until I met you.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up.

Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream,

Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles?

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

And great lift.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a--

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please?

Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

So, how did you wind up getting frozen?

There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky!

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater?

You can sleep in the barn.

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days. The tea of new life is ready. Let those whose love created this life speak each other's names, then drink.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe. Ooh! That sounds cool. It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

Proceed. (CLEARING THROAT) Imagine, if you will... Oh, God. A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy because it's essentially in perpetual motion. (SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny. I will destroy her! And now, extend a formulated greeting to Master Chef Elzar!

just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

It's not fair. It's not fair!

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day.

No. He can't. You beg my pardon? I'm sorry, Calculon, but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

(GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC)

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program.

Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?

Stop eating Popplers!

I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

I had dreams, too! I was going to surf the world's sewers, but I happily gave it up for you. Happily! I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother,

Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh!

Egg salad? Hmm.

Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

Okay. I'm insane.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Just stick to the script.

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple.

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

I should warn you. It's a little under-furnished. I'm thinking of having a window installed. I think the view's perfect already. Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom. Wait. In a minute. A holophonor?

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

the kind against me.

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy?

This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom?

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why?

What? Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

But first, celebrity buzz. Linda? (LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely.

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it!

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING) So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid.

No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V."

Well, let's get looting.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well.

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

All dead! Who would have known playing God...

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help?

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull" He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain

Where did you learn such language?

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

He must be afraid to break character, in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around. FRANCIS: Heh? Come on, let's go check on him. I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces! Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy?

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Look out, a solar flare!

(BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding?

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst.

Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N.

Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain. It's good!

I have no idea.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning. (ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first!

To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy?

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns, until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- well, you know the rest. Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt?

I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter,

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here!

Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying?

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

- What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story. Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing. It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity--

Gumbercules? I love that guy.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

I gots your apologies right heres.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier,

Where's the exploding?

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything--

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge.

That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer... MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

Never heard of 'em.

Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do.

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it. I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor.

ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda.

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost!

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death?

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap!

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry?

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

you'll never find out.

I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me.

Never! A deal's a deal

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss!

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Well, let me explain.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression...

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it,

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry!

A feast is a feast.

Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.

I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

You scored big points tonight, sir. What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend.

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when--

I find the defendant guilty.

What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here. Later, if anyone asks when I got away, tell them right now.

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No!

If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that. You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?

I will go this far and no further.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man! Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it! They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero.

Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend.

You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap! On this auspicious occasion,

I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water,

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

plant one on your woman.

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no.

Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know?

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

Puny human number one, puny human number two,

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass. Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too.

Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions. Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat.

They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering.

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good.

If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

You mean the window? Yes. (HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many?

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant. Ow!

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst,

It's Benderin' time.

It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

(SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela. (GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him!

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it.

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8,

(POWER SURGING)

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

There you go. What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot!

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet?

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence!

Thee will be done.

the hypno-toad.

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires! In this scene, you've just found out your real father...

is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam

(SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

Draining male oil!

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face!

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

I've got nothing to live for.

Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission.

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

I broke your television. Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt.

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool.

I feel a little left out. (GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

Like we did with the barking snakes.

Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate?

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING)

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God!

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore!

Realize it? I don't even understand it. It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe?

they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING)

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance

Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

(GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know? My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out!

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place. Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

You got it. Oh!

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

Help! Help! A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time. Funny, funny stuff.

Hey, look at that weird mirror.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING)

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face?

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot.

Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend?

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

Hey. He's lying.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up.

Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up!

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button?

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books?

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis,

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life,

(CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you.

I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello.

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age.

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight.

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

I-i'll be out in a sec.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect!

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

That's your penis. That's my boy.

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help."

- Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No!

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor! Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What?

How are you? Is he any good?

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Bing-reka! The brain circuit.

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub. Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff? Challenger-er Bender-er!

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show.

His life's in danger.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

I never thought I'd see the day.

What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova. So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route. Whew. No! It's a serious business.

We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

You waste words. We want return of land that was taken from us. Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies."

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before,

You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what? Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen.

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute...

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream!

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job.

I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

Is this really happening or just being staged

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

Steady. Steady. Now!

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

And you smell like one, too.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle.

No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause.

We made it! And some of the animals survived.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world.

Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys. (ALL GASP) No! They did it!

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs.

You were ready six years ago.

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..."

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut.

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot?

Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

All hail the new captain.

All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns. He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues.

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no! Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.

Dumbest Pet in Show!

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Down in front! Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him.

Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half.

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting? They saw you save my son. Now, everyone is praying for their own miracles. Very well. What do they want? The people of that village pray for wealth.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

Trees down. Trees down.

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much!

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now.

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic.

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth. Was it as good for you as it was for the human race? Oh, Zapp. Let's save another planet right now! (SNORING)

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Fire! Look out!

Get 'im, boys! Good move.

And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected.

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi. Enough of your mindless chitchat. Let's get going. Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved.

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii,

I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler.

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed...

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah.

Oh, yeah, now I remember.

May we help you, strange ones?

all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy?

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy.

Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

Oh, you're not even trying.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.

So, tell me about yourself.

Hmm. Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me.

I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.

(BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

(GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression...

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

(HUMMING) Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I...

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes.

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

(GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

- Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir!

I'm willing to take that risk. Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Uh, access denied.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself.

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself!

Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me.

I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

He's got arm hair.

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself. And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Oh, right. If I die, I die.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg,

We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

What a wondrous affirmation of our love and all from the touch of your hand. Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way.

free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X!

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three! Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

It's clovering time.

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on!

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose.

Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

We live to suck another day!

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

(LAUGHS) Wait, whom. Who's tripping whom? (RESUMES LAUGHING)

Terror replaced by cautious optimism.

Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true.

(CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

Brace for emergency landing!

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold.

"Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue.

I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math,

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

Misery, what misery?

That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads.

He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

(EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Aw, he's holding a spoon.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Haile H. Selassie!

Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?

especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope,

And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all.

A'ight. On three. One...

Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Can you translate it? Of course.

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Welcome home, old friend.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry!

These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck!

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

- Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

That heavenly stench.

Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

It's on. (GRUNTS) No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What?

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

If it please the Council...

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot.

Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started. Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true!

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck!

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

Dude, over here.

Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

the Abominable Snowmobile.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces.

I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales.

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

The very bead used to crush our dreams... shall be used to crush your bones! Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for?

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done. You're the best around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down

My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad.

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already?

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth.

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum?

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner.

Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through.

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

(GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet. Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open. Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle.

The devolution revolution has begun! Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle,

Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes.

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch?

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies.

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go.

But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck?

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

Don't be upset, Leela. You, um-- You look really cute in your uniform. That's what makes it so sad! I thought I was doing something heroic!

Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

You really mean it? Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass?

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. It's on. (GRUNTS)

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Hand me that backup disk. Did you see me escaping? I was all, like--

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being!

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

No, no, that was all just special effects.

Low wine level detected.

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers,

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well?

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins!

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive,

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no!

Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents?

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

(SCREAMING) Neat.

Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Ow! My small intestine!

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you?

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Is anything not a robot?

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

(BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING) (YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS) Oh, my.

Come on in. I'll give you the tour. Let's see, where to start.

Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel.

Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

What the... He isn't dead.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet.

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because...

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am.

What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look.

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on!

You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

So, heads or tails?

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer?

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle.

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard?

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had,

(ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

"Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year,

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't?

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned.

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Hey, nice seats.

At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

It's time to take action.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

Let's go already

But this is creationist talk. He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP)

Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band. Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

(GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out!

You'll have to look sooner or later.

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry? Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work?

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

This is a story about all my friends.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

In your face! Victory is mine!

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son.

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume!

There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return. Odor at magnitude eight.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

(GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this.

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished.

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted.

But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room.

Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it.

When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I.

It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics. Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

followed by rolling of the third type.

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Attach brain slugs to them.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages!

Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand? Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way.

Over here with the donut.

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second.

What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no.

I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it!

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me.

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING)

Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault?

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

This'a berry, berry bad!

the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000. It's you! Hey, buddy!

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it!

Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really.

This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you.

We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl. Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out!

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

"Build-a-Bot Workshop."

I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

English - US - Line 21

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it. Next Xmas!

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Uh, good. Good.

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING)

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants.

Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat?

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

Say, what's this? Anyone hear something?

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out. After 40 years, I want to see the world. (SIGHS) What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton,

I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

So this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home?

Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

And the winner is... Robot House?!

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender.

I always forget that he can talk.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

Good riddance. What about my service?

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

- (ALL GASP) - I figured it out!

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

Will you be my friend? Ow!

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep.

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

The Gender Bender! Boo!

Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop." It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci?

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos.

And warm. just do it!

These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them. Mmm...

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me.

that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth...

Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't. (ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry.

(SIGHS) I was going to tan once. What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray! Giddyap.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab.

Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him.

There's the atom! Aw, geez.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh!

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

(BUZZING) Okay, if we survive. Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha!

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Ugh! In public?

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy.

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

diarrhea, desiccation, perspiration,

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal?

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Ready to catapult, Sinclair! Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Let's go already Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole,

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign.

That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS) Poor Philip.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling!

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Item one... Duck! (YELLS)

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity...

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off!

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new?

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5!

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about.

And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine.

Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup. No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

what with their free will and all.

You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender?

(SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know.

Hell, no. I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto. Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks.

No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or...

Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you.

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger.

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank?

Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

This is an outrage!

This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow!

And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch. Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please!

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again!

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister.

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in?

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it.

(BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served!

since mutants weren't allowed to leave the sewers until last year.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants.

You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it. Come here and give me a sting.

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun.

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

The future. Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic?

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Welcome to robot hell. What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him!

Who are you again?

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh...

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah.

Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

All right. Low and away. Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame?

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow! Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.

The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium.

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

That certainly is honest.

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon. We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this? You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew, to be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony. All the grieving families will be there, plus a Popsicle cart.

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in. So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it?

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry?

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys?

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

And then Bender ran.

Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son?

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good.

With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'...

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a--

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this.

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later,

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING)

Scuffed kippers, anyone?

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want!

(ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it?

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain? With the building shaking like this? No chance.

Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder!

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING) (INAUDIBLE)

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

One, two! one, two, three!

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win!

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa.

Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

It's the season finale.

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball!

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God!

Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you.

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful.

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go! I can't believe it!

Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew.

So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think. "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here "like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican." Good one at my expense, Hermes.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed. Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself,

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING)

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

(SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING)

all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color,

Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record.

What's your plan? What plan?

Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

(BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING) (YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS)

Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing.

More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know.

I want to hear how it ends.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies.

NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the--

It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Oh... Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

A robot fox? Huh.

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted.

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Shut the hell up! Ow!

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy.

Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson!

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered.

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering.

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate!

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless.

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus.

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it. I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

The name's Bender.

jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close.

Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons. Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some? "Borry?"

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

(ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper.

Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it?

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil.

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Let's get the hell out of here.

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from...

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship.

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders!

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me!

Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon. You're all terrible and incompetent. I resent that.

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper?

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards,

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina?

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover,

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm.

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever?

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.