comb.io - Clips

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

(CRYING) Stay off my turf!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

There were no survivors.

So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up. Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G.

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Bunk! Bunk, I say!

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

- Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Death to the 1-X robots!

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby!

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh!

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains.

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Straight to hell!

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

More like episode nine, loser!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

And the winner is... Robot House?!

You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.

He that is designated Fry...

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Hooray! I'm helping.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep...

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

(EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home!

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead. All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

No! Honk! Honk!

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender.

It's tragedy on a bun.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'...

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

I do! Kif's given me dozens. Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Let my people stay! Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though. We can put it on the corporate card, as long as we discuss business. So, yesterday, huh? That business happened, right? Somebody? I'll just pay for it.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing.

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

You vile racist.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

That should've been me!

I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa!

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Okay, let's fight. That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

KATZ: Good show.

The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion,

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks.

Women only room!

Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy."

And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"?

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Good news, everyone!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Ready to catapult, Sinclair! Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I don't know how you did that.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back.

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute!

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

And what about this?

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

They know how to make ice cream soup?

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body!

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never...

I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why.

Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Oh, no, you didn't.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide!

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix.

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say

Ow! Hey, watch it!

with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh! Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk?

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

To the end of the universe!

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news!

Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

In fact, all life is extinct.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

just tell me why?

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this...

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

He's in the foundry this very moment.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable,

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles.

Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

(SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay" Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither.

Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world!

just another tooth.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

in 2003 and then again in 2063.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

I find the defendant guilty.

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now? I'm with Bender. Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup.

Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli.

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping.

See you guys Monday!

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music?

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Let's go already

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

We're saved! I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society?

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be,

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

Ah, U.S. presidents!

He's walking on sunshine now.

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

You are my hero.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

I could eat. And fertilize.

My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance. Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun!

Let's go already!

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump.

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies.

so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

I say, get the hell off me.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

No! I won't go back! I won't...

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

And now, my meddling manbot,

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

star of the hit film, Bravehead.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince.

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

Burning garbage.

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure. Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I have love enough for two.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

What do you take with that?

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three!

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

It's not starting.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty.

(LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever.

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

so that just leaves us the one option.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

My ass has blisters from the slide

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Hey, great idea.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

But they make fun women's basketball.

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now.

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

This society is a bunch of idiots.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

(ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Fry, you go with Bender.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

He did it! He actually did it this time.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

I'd kill them all. Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927?

Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Bender can't be Santa.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me!

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og.

I beg to differ!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow!

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Let Claw Plock begin!

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Calcutta, we have a problem.

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do?

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer.

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Fry, you're my friend.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor,

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Because... I have amnesia!

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

(SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless.

(CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers.

See you in a thousand years.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet.

My hair! My wedding cake!

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

You heard the man!

Get the hell off my planet.

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff.

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at?

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already!

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me!

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

I have amnesia!

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Wait. That's not good news at all.

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it!

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people!

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

See you in a thousand years.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING)

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on?

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Who wants a fish?

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back. Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh,

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth,

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds.

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet."

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

That would explain this heat.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook.

Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Oh, it's hopeless.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think.

I love you, Bender!

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words. (YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth?

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela.

Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

(BOTH GROANING)

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

We couldn't let you end up like your older brother. That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert!

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry!

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind? But I've never picked cotton or been on top of Old Smokey or worked on anything all the livelong day, let alone a railroad.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No!

- Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool?

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all. Could one of you guys get that?

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

Dance, slave, dance.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

Quick, while they're not looking!

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Puny human number one, puny human number two,

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned?

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up!

What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Now, without further ado,

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Look out! A Central Park badger!

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party.

Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello?

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

He's... He's dead.

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals.

See you at my funeral, suckers!

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

"Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed.

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract.

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning!

If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Oh, no, I'm late!

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

"It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work--

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly.

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here.

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir." Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven. A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels.

Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

This sausage is great!

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

He's coming out of...

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Gumbercules? I love that guy.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile. Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Who will hug me if I achieve something?

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid.

I love you, Bender!

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

When will the killing end?

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Guh! It's Mom--

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay?

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts.

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh.

What? It was? Hooray!

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes?

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney.

Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998.

Son, I think I can safely say--

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide"

But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo!

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.

Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them!

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

Come on, let's go home.

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Shapely, seductive.

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Lay it on us, big boots.

Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid!

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Oh! What a weird dream.

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

And stop calling me.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this. Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush.

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so.

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police...

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA?

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei?

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out?

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting? Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it 10 minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time.

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet--

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week.

I will go this far and no further.

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

My doctorate is in art history.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Yes, but not by enough.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

I love you, Bender. I love you, too.

Hi-yah! Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2.

Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved.

Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Peace out, y'all!

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death,

You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord.

Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy.

At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow. We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler! As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

No! No! No! No!

Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy...

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here.

no need to leave.

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life? Yes. Let's all talk about Leela's personal life later.

Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive.

If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

(GRUNTS) (BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING) (BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks.

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet.

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe.

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted. Uh-huh. Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up. What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while.

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

I... am... Destructor!

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me.

makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted!

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you. But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

(BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all.

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going?

Fry, stay back!

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger!

But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man.

There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest? Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

You couldn't afford it, honey.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

I can move again. My music career is over.

(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor. Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner.

This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all.

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender?

The best kind of correct.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

He was also a robot? Dude!

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

your punishment!

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh! Hey, cool.

My friends always die if I'm not there to save them.

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

What the hell is going on here?

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery?

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost!

This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Well, if it isn't Grandmaster Phlegm. I heard you're entering the NASA science competition. Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Well, this is it.

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that.

Rejected! (BUZZES)

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING)

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Bonder? Is it really you?

Like putting too much air in a balloon!

(ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb. If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day.

(BENDER GROANS)

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6.

One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Well, we're boned.

You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh. Hefty.

Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

We can't take off without our captain.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Kill them before they bring down our whole society.

In your face! Victory is mine!

(CRYING) What the...

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Here's corpsey!

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

So long, jerkwads!

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

on the night of December 31, 1999?

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

We didn't see anything... ever.

Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing.

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity.

All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club. BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record.

And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future?

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp.

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but... Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them--

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch!

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding...

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground...

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello?

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before,

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer.

Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays, but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it!

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

(CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

But Your, um, Martian-ness.

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender.

They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in.

We're done putting on the bra.

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

(GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

Shut up, Judge, I know it.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Billy Everyteen.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

But he'll need to act like we just saw, modest and sincere. You really think it'll work? It sounds like something that might work. Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor.

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

I am so great. Bender is great

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate.

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

You doing all right out there, buddy?

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves...

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad!

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

"Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this.

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender,

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween. Okay. Bender has her distracted.

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

Look out, Earth.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them. I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die?

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Steady. Steady. Now!

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

Get him! My thong!

You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets. You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone.

Odor at magnitude eight.

It's the season finale. You want to watch?

Hello, Leela. You're fired.

I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

One last foolish gesture? Uh...

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue?

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY) Ah! You know my favorite part of your song? The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone!

Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Go to hell, Heather!

This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Let's watch, shall we?

Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director.

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid.

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous.

Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it.

and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Like anyone wants to leave the sewer. Am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics."

He's come to finish the job!

No! Eva Braun, help me!

Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

This party pukes!

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

Okay. Before those Pilates Nazis come goose-stepping in and take the room, here are the finalists for next week's championship. Bender and Tonya! I just wanna have fun because dancing is fun, and I like dancing.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay. Looks rickety. We better test it.

"Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Divorce is final.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets

I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Let's "conservate."

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum?

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check!

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Oh, yeah! Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red.

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

He's stuck in a loop.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela.

then the petite women, then the large women again.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

It's how we met? And then what happened?

So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our--

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts!

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy.

I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so!

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

The entire universe was destroyed.

Hey, I'm proud of you, Bender. Avoiding sin for almost a full minute. Bender? BENDER: Yeah, baby. You're quite a dish. (GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

This beat bangs Here's my chance

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain...

Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Lovely. Just lovely.

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

Here's corpsey!

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip. FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing,

And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

And this time I mean it!

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

Kappa Kappa Wong.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior.

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

It all makes sense.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck!

Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

(SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town.

That's using your ass.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded.

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority. Ready to catapult, Sinclair!

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

What the hell's been going on around here?

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

I'm a trophy girlfriend! No kidding! These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you.

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here. (HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

TV gave us the idea!

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

That does not fempute!

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot.

One Eye, One Eye!

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other.

This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me.

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit,

Doooooooooooooooo...!

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Not surprising enough.

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

(CAWING) A raven's brought word for you, sir. Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony! Oktoberfest?

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

(WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway.

I have sweaty boot rash!

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

My work here is done.

So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab. I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world--

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

If you'll excuse me. Quick! Whoo!

The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her!

Talk about a mood killer.

Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life.

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself,

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh!

My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets,

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Comin' through!

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

So what makes this thing fly? It's powered by love. Aw... Okay, stop loving me so much so we can land. No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

You've got a degree in bologna.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Great. We're gonna die.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean--

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee.

I don't need help.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Now, here's the weird part. The ego and the id are connected not physically, like decent, God-fearing Earth lichens, but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it.

There's a surprise for you in my locker.

Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

(GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling.

Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today.

Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes. This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into...

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever?

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

We were defeated in battle.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

There he is! No. No, wait. No. How long have you been at it? 700 years.

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer!

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers?

but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry?

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Fry, I'm so glad to see you.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what?

Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

I really like it.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

I don't even want to... why is... What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it?

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting,

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

Let's go already!

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

Fifteen. Negative eight.

It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see.

(ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot.

Who the hell are you?

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

"It was lovable old Bender."

You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder.

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See?

War were declared. Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day,

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin! Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something?

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did.

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

How do you living beings cope with mortality?

It's how we met? And then what happened?

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine.

All right, a tie! I win again!

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

I never want to see you again!

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa!

Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Professor! Lava! Hot!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so--

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean?

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes.

Ask her to mate with me.

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

Exciting news, people!

Come on, girdle.

Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

Brought to you by Fishy joe's.

It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

Kill all penguins.

Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Also the blue-footed booby!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No?

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God!

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes. Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play."

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey!

Well, let me explain.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon,"

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

sorry about crushing your body like that.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Yeah. It is cute.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

I just told you!

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh!

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Oh, you sad, worthless human.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication. Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy?

You shot me! You miserable dingus!

You undersold it, Professor!

Order the cake, damn it!

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star?

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

The Cavern on the Green.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

Ow! Hey, watch it!

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

I don't know. I don't know.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

Mmm-uuh! Uuh-aah!

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

The future is disgusting.

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

It was me. I'm the hero.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

Rite my riny retal rass!

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"?

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

Bender's got the upper hand now.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Who was that guy? Your mama.

Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it. Stop! It's driving me sane!

My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle.

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form.

Escaped? No one escapes.

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

What the hell's been going on around here? Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

(SCREAMING) Blood?

And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES) Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom.

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Any old, useless matter will do.

...who's going to stop me? We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have--

That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here?

If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger!

Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

Gold? Why Femputer want gold?

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh! Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS)

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better.

(MUTANTS CHEERING)

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated!

until we suffer a fate worse than death--

In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages. He's walking on sunshine now.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig.

theft of money.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

"Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms.

I'll never have another moment of happiness.

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ.

causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence!

I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING) What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Your Medicare dollars at work.

- I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much!

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

Now I'm all you got!

Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor!

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

It's that hot, it is!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

Happy birthday, Leela!

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

(BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)

Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

In a few seconds, the brains will finish scanning... the last bits of information in the universe. Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want!

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS)

I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding...

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight!

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding.

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on!

Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen?

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING)

One bowl of mild farina.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor!

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work,

That's a tender area.

GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. His pajamas would be soaked with sweat. Yeah, sweat. Right. GRAM-GRAM: We'd stay at his bedside all night. And whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants, we'd read to him from his favorite book.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Yeah, we're boned.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Futurama. Noun.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Release the giant sloth!

Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty.

and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

Haven't they suffered enough?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

Let's go already Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

(SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now.

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes.

Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot.

I never cared enough to perform it. Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay

Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS) Oh! Still warm!

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Dude, you made the finals. Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker?

It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any