comb.io - Clips

Quick! You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human? Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods,

Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

The stock's only worth three kajiggers!

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

One, two! one, two, three!

Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl.

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups.

Bender! j'accuse.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window. I used to stick my rear out the window. If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on. Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made.

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray!

These rare and fascinating deep-sea fish are extremely sensitive to light.

Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry!

Ooh! When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy?

Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of. Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong.

I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

What? Ah! Oh, no way! Not gonna happen! What kind of girl do you think I am? Have I mentioned that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht? She's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

Hey, I know. Let's take Calculon to Hollywood so he can get back his job on All My Circuits! Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic...

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

Yo, what are you talking about?

Fry, are you all right?

You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

The Nimbus! We're saved!

Nice try, buddy.

BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain.

There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey!

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Congratulations, Captain. Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods.

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

But you've got nothing. Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

Some do. It all makes sense.

She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

And the winner is-- Leela.

What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts.

Prepare for action. Aye-aye. (ALL SCREAMING)

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

That's adorable. Ow! But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles.

Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen.

Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

Versus, Billionaire-bot!

And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

(ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money?

Happy New Year!

Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Of course! It's so simple!

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING)

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why?

Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

I'm still not following you.

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

This situation deteriorated fast.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook,

Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess.

Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm--

Come here and give me a sting. Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk!

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat.

I can so relate to that.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again?

BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude.

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale!

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did.

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

Oh. Where's the Professor? Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky. I was out on the widow's walk keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew. It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now.

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened.

There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No!

But if they liked you, then I wouldn't.

- We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

"My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Okay. Nighty-night.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right. Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

will you... (SCREAMS)

Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension.

Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

Nonsense. It's exactly like me.

Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

The rest of you aren't voting for him, are you? - Sure, we are! - Why not? He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you.

Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

(SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.

(GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Mmm! Damn good meat.

Cut! That was terrible! Just stick to the script. And if you don't get it on the second take, you're fired. Let's take five, people. (BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen.

Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

Hurry on inside now. Storm's a-brewin'. I can feel it in my weather channel app. (BUZZING)

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you?

Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh?

Perhaps, like all great men, my ass has a destiny. And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later.

Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS)

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him!

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship! There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair.

Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne? Aaaaaaah! Father, I've discovered the shocking secret... Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No!

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

What do the tones mean?

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

(PLAYING FAST-PACED MUSIC) If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her. Stop playing that lovely song and put up your dukes! (GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online.

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors.

Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Kareem's got the skyhook, but Philip J. Fry's got the space-hook. Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day!

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him. I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

If you'll excuse me.

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot.

Memory deleted.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second.

That's not for you to know.

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

You do not, you big, fat liar.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so,

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

(ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done.

Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote.

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING)

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead. All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her.

I'll just... Oh, my.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

Oh, what's the point?

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

and I've got the Robot Devil's hands! Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty. Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible.

teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent...

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during...

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you...

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

Keep that thing away from me.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents.

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

(YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS) Oh, my. (BELL CLANGS)

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here? If you can't see me, is that private? (GROANS) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.

You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know.

Oh, Lord. It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger,

Cut to the chase, smokey. How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again.

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

What vulnerable opening? All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look.

Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

Now, let's have breakfast.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

(GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself!

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

What is that sexy stink?

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over...

Is this the political process?

Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom,

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh!

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

It's story time.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang? I'm gonna go with yes again. Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds, but you've fallen in with a bad crowd.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious?

I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is.

Come on, old Bessie. Warp drives! Get your warp drives!

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet?

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.

Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Sir, that's not a number.

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

You have much to teach us.

Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Children, your old mother won't be around forever. Oh, shush. And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Yes! The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

(TRAIN HONKING)

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

pays off for the hungry investor!

Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature.

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING)

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

The creature is a shape-shifter.

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam!

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore!

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars! He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross!

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan.

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later?

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

Tonight the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me,

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort?

My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect.

So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me,

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.

Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Tell them I'm in the tub.

Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty.

just ask the question.

The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you?

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off?

Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here!

Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

That's my joke.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame. Steady. Steady. Now!

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so...

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have,

A storm is gathering.

I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it.

This'a berry, berry bad!

Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting.

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser!

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry...

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner.

It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

Hey, I'm trying to score here.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief?

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning? It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect. It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries.

Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone,

Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company! Terrific. Question number one-- What was your overall business plan?

Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm.

I love killing people--

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name.

(SIGHS) Everything but how they smell.

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?

Um, a little help, please. Whoa!

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

He wears sandals.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

My ass! My beautiful--

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what?

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING)

April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow? Right here.

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh!

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter.

What's that scribble-di-gook?

My work here is done.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields.

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck!

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool.

I can't believe he really did it.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history.

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

That's basically what I do every day.

Of course, that's just for starters.

we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

Notice that this obsolete robot... runs on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution... and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night. HERMES: Everyone got along so well today. Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING)

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Goodbye, friends.

I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment. Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices.

Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza. Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

(YELLS) Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Then a couple of these...

(ALL SNORING) Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Fire! What the-- We missed!

I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING)

Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York.

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero... Welcome, friend. I am Ab-BOT, the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys!

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago.

With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore.

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich!

Thee will be done.

We can dip left slide right all night

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR)

Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody.

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson. Leela? jackie. I guess you were right.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?

Oh, my God. It's Randy!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Good news, everyone! Well? What is it? What is what? Oh, right! Ladies and gentlemen.

What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted!

Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin,

Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah!

a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms!

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much.

Forgive me, my friend.

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb.

Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed!

No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize.

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people. People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century--

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now.

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

LEELA: Flight attendant's log. We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat!

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there!

FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself!

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more!

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

we'll know exactly where it comes from. One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa?

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Nice try, little boy.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet.

We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through!

I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me?

Low wine level detected.

Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed!

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things! It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me!

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick.

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right?

(CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon. It saved our lives and our Saturday night. Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

(ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Long ago, life there was ideal. The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy?

Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

Nibbler? Nibbler?

Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

(GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance?

It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive!

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa.

(SIGHING) Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir--

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story!

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy.

I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello?

I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?

I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson.

He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

And it's pronounced guacamole!

This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good.

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say,

Warp drives! Get your warp drives! (WHISTLES) Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship. She's worth a lot of money. I'm gonna sell her at market so my girlfriend can get surgery for her squidification.

And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

(LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

The devil take this predictable colon!

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here?

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend. Just the four of us. Let's go already!

(GROWLING) Oh! What are you, some kind of attack fungus? Or just a moldy schnauzer? - (GROWLING) - (YELLING) Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

this place has class.

...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party!

But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

(OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32?

It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near!

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING)

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

I don't like the looks of this doctor.

Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

I watch TV with that guy. Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction?

The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink?

God rest her zombie bones.

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender.

You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches. Now shut your com-link and make love to the camera. And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

I wax my rocket every day!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared.

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

I was out on the widow's walk keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew. It's been 50 years since they disappeared. I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew. I remember it like it was interesting.

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive?

(ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

I love you all.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's--

Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could.

Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac. Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right.

He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it!

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

A lady that fine you got to romance first.

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom!

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad...

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it!

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do?

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe.

I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun!

Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be Kick it. He could make a good hat rack He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

Double time, soldier.

Ow! My foot's cold.

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor.

Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction.

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth!

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

(SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe.

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching...

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire.

The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead.

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along? Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh!

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif.

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

That's why they jazzed it up.

- Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it!

Caucasian human male. What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage!

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared!

1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

He shut you up, O'Connor.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

No, stop it! That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship.

Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice.

All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll...

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm--

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

The secret was scratchin' really, really hard. And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry--

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound?

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread!

Aah! Hey-- Aah!

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty! Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product!

Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful,

But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough! Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh!

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that.

I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here. Later, if anyone asks when I got away, tell them right now. Forget it, Zookeeper. You're going into captivity. Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars...

Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

I, I've never seen anything like this.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision.

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan,

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions. You need some arm candy.

I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci. FARNSWORTH: My God! FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves. Ho, ho-- Huh?

Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except...

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup. Look out! Look out!

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry.

What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes.

But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was.

Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny!

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

sense of smell, or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field. Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

We ruined! NO-O-o!

(SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain.

Uh, don't worry about the script, baby. We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English!

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

(SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

This is the end!

You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir.

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl.

For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads?

Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me. Hey, Fry. Amy. Leela. Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you.

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there.

Zoidbee want go outside!

I've been giving these out for 647 years. Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate!

Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Not... I. Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time,

That just raises further questions.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh! Hey! Turn that damn music...

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Oh. How about this one?

Because I'm so smart?

Two colors? Wow. (BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds. You young Turks think you know everything.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State of Alabama versus Giant Space iguana, chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor.

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me.

Shut up, square!

He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot.

That was quick.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks!

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry!

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

(GASPS) Manwiches?

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack.

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

(HOOF BEATS APPROACHING) Shh! It's a herd of night watchmen.

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up?

Ah, to be young again...

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

We still have the option of resorting to violence!

I'm back, baby.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely?

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean?

Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip!

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying. Hey, we can't lose. No, Kif. It's too risky. You don't have to do this to prove your manliness. Oh, yes, he does. Here are your mounts.

Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid?

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these.

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite!

I'll never get back to sleep.

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow!

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face!

Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey!

Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray!

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do?

Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no.

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender.

Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh! Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you? Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'. That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere,

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?

Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too, but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

Looks like you're retaining water.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad!

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this.

All right. Low and away. Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame?

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what?

Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

(SCREECHING) (GASPING)

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you.

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy.

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon.

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet.

Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs?

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up.

I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero.

Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here.

And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

Ah, good old Bender.

There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

give me A kiss baby love child do it again

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave.

We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything?

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump!

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Bender, cut it out!

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

How's them eats? Uh--

As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir?

It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

Happy birthday!

(GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill.

I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why.

And stop calling me.

Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom. Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going?

It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips,

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay.

This planet's got it going on.

and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

(COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties,

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.

But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience!

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car.

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny. The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he?

She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says.

No! No! No! No!

Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like,

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah!

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles.

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown. As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm."

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker!

Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

What? Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Impossible. The tanker has 6,000 hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls.

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast.

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely...

And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral?

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them!

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

(MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING)

And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No! While you await your "friend,"

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Uh-oh, a fork in the path. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm...

Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

Then Protocol 63 it is.

Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

None of your business! Get off my back!

No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh.

Hello? Anybody home?

Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING) (GASPS) Leela!

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Come over here. Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire,

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

(SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth!

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

You dumb bastards!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam.

These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

(GASPS) You're a human?

Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right?

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars,

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners!

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

(CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Huh? Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile. Uh, your present may need some assembly.

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together.

No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at.

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Oh. Ah! My heart!

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed.

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great.

But solar plasma is, like, 10,000 degrees hot. Won't that sear our tender flesh, sealing in the juices? Oh, nonsense. You clearly weren't paying attention to what I'm about to say. To the sub-basement!

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well. You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot.

Fifteen. Negative eight.

That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this?

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

(YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override! (BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m.,

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof...

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

Ho... ho... ho!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face.

Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.

Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha!

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye.

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry. Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions.

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender.

This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills?

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out,

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds. Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet. (GRUNTING)

Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends.

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already--

I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever. For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"!

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest. The booty call is at daybreak.

Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

He took a early retirement. Damn.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

- I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.

Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

What does it do?

I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort? I have a plan to get my hands on those purpleberries with new loquat-flavored orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast.

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday,

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with--

Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

I speak, of course, of molten lava...

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh!

Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt! Orange? Purple?

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Yes! In mint condition!

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered.

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

By the gods! He is a machine! No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation...

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean?

"My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device. Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things.

Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

No. I give you the twit-worm!

You got it. Oh!

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Who threw that?

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas.

Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party?

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

then walk away and light a cigar.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply. I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal.

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

What's your problem, homes?

Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him!

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Here's corpsey!

No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus,

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Edna! Ew! My God!

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together?

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway.

(GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas. Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo!

Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy.

Are you with me, fellas?

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz.

And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil. Hurrah! Yea! Exactly!

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University.

(MURMURING) Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt! Fifteen seconds.

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

(SIGHS) and finally death?

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

(SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like!

Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes?

Pizza delivery.

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

(SIREN WAILING)

the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change!

Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

(ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!

What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

Nothing is impossible.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

(ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

Good news, everyone.

I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse.

Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

of the Squash planet-- squished them!

Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated. What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

think twice before you step on it.

She asked first. Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Ugh! In public?

No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp! This one is for the E. coli. Ow!

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was!

Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

(TRAIN HONKING)

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news!

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench.

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around?

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

- I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not--

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Yes, Pa. It's too low.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I--

- be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists.

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING)

Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room.

I say let the dice do the talking.

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead?

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff.

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo?

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it. The year 4000 is severely disappointing.

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland?

He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories. I'll go think some up right now.

In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING)

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh?

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh! Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Well, it was worth a shot.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

(GASPS) The crown jewels.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages.

Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do...

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah!

(WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

Let's do it again sometime.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch?

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria." Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends.

Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved.

Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa?

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun!

Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic!

You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium...

This stinks! Madam is outraged!

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show. Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY)

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God!

To honor my pain, I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory. And this time, the Academy will not deny me. Not when they see Coilette: The Calculon Story. Coilette, your death fills me with...

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

your punishment!

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

I love each and every robot most of all.

I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans,

Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous!

I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? (CRYING)

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt.

But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and, not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York...

Well, you heard the windbag.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

That's so interesting.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning. Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best...

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8. (ALL CLAMOR) Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING)

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish?

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Oh, my God! Who are they? Feh. We are the native Martians. Also, I didn't know buggalo could fly. Only those who revere Mother Mars can fly buggalo. And only they shall have buggalo. And they're us.

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?

We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day?

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

Everyone do the same thing.

Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

The bride has written some vows...

I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining?

Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration. (MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

Little one, get out of there!

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh?

I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell,

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here? Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry.

What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service.

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

You evil, metal dog Aaah!

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon. You're all terrible and incompetent. I resent that.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission.

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride. Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah!

I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

It's... It's... The spark that reignited our marriage? Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING)

How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans."

Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile

Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going.

Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Who could object to that?

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said

Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

What are you doing here, Sean?

No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll see you this weekend. - Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket!

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want.

My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh...

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question.

Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that?

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl!

It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign, we destroy their fleet in one glorious burst of quote-unquote self-defense.

I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

(FRY SHRIEKS) Run, boy! Run! He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love.

Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V."

I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

No, Pa. I love him.

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...?

Bender bit a poo penny.

Really? I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion. Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris.

It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time,

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out!

See you on the other side.

or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball...

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3...

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

(ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

(SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow!

and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

- I'll take four! - Me too!

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom.

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.

but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. (YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you?

we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal.

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

I made free with it.

And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot! Bender rules! Groove on, man!

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

Where are we? Also, when are we?

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again. Sandstorm!

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell.

That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die!

Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it.

Nice knowing you. Ahh! Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game.

because you can't possibly do a scene like this. That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

- Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention.

Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah

I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop,

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now,

Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump,

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck.

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count.

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her. You're doing the right thing. Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer,

"You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy. So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory? I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company...

Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh?

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo!

I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment. Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices.

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express. When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go trust Planet Express for reliable, on-time delivery. Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?

Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece,

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business,

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head.

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Bam! Man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig. Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

(BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming!

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund?

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.

Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive.

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living?

You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw!

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk.

I have replaced your mother.

What was that? Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh.

Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium? They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter!

No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Leela, please tell the others that...

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh? So, what do you think?

It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING) They had their chance. Let's go!

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm! Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon.

I like your dumpster.

Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail!

I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

What's going on here?

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Well, we're boned.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

No. I don't know what I'm doing.

You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters?

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! What are you Globetrotters doing here? We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products.

What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.

Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food,

I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Fry! Oh, sorry.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube.

Hello. Hello, baby!

Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action!

With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move. (GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by?

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep.

Whoa! No! No! No! No!

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting. (EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that?

who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

- I'm a human! - Also good.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis.

Well, good night.

Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra.

I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

(DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much.

Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses.

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah! Whew.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

You look like him. He wasn't neither.

I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Zapp Brannigan! Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him? She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way. Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair.

Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us. Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had, both on the beat and in the sack.

But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home!

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but...

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..."

Then prepare to be embarrassed.

Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni!

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

There. It was hard work,

Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean?

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it.

(BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married.

Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Told you it was safe.

How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird.

There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip.

I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

(ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem?

See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all. You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object,

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found.

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like. Bender, that was the best 40-minute washboard solo I've ever heard. The parts when I was awake blew my mind.

What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars. Thanks so much for inviting us, Mr. Wong. I've never been to a Mars Day barbecue. Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet.

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

I said scram, grapey!

So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

(SIGHS) I was going to tan once.

I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick.

Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before?

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Trees down. Trees down.

Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again.

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud.

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps.

I want to live!

Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

except me. And me. Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry?

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat.

You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

I hate these nerds!

I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot. Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie. I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him...

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Yeah! Yes, sir. Way to suck it! Hey. I-i'm smoking! I'm the greatest! Oh, monkey trumpets.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes. Vintage Bubblegum! The time skips are worse than ever now.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes.

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding-- if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that...

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things!

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control.

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A,"

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television.

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining?

I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

but you've earned my contempt once again.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Behold, my latest invention.

All right, Liu,

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans.

He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that,

You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky.

She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000.

We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines,

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer?

And the winner is--

Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I--

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

I resent that. Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million. And boned.

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one! Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

I'll be out in a second. I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

Robot Hell had a fire, too.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him,

Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING)

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Isn't that interesting, honey?

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm.

Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship!

I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too,

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I'm 40% back, baby!

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship!

Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm?

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene?

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim!

Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property.

Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight...

Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

All right, here's the battle plan.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

He's picking his nose! Get him!

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp.

You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen.

Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife.

The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me.

With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected,

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775.

Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what. I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him.

Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Bender! Down with Bender! As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live. Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it!

Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil

So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody.

Midlife crisis, eh? Lrrr demands the comfort of pop-psychological platitudes!

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Phew! That was close.

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed.

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

And most of them like to look like they care about things. We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco. And we can call it "Bend-Aid" after me, Bender. And you can sing that song you're writing. And I'll let you sing backup. But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce.

Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh!

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever... between the already ill defined robot sexes. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has.

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music!

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something. Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge!

Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone.

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

You see that there? That's called a floor.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

Everybody kick in five bucks.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela?

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING)

That's a chick show.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

I designed it myself.

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it.

Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More!

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually.

We're here to liberate that robot fox,

for a robot! (SOBBING)

It's over eight million bucks. That's a lot of DeNiros.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor?

Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I...

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife. Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app. And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out.

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa!

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can.

I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do.

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Yes? Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. What's that? Speak up, son.

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this.

Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there!

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport. Versus The Chain Smoker.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends.

Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people. (2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement. The four welcomes a friendship to you as well, Leela. We shall manipulate your mind, so we appear to be speaking your language. - Do not be afraid, my child. - I'm not afraid. Uh, good. Good.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

No, I'm good. Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me.

No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot!

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

the one my family kept secret for centuries. (LAUGHS) This is the original contract signed by Reginald Wong. It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for 100 years, after which it was supposed to revert to the Martians.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend.

Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

I am? At last, recognition!

That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip. Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready.

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth.

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house--

(GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Slurm her! So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair?

Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint. Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

We've all talked it over, and-- Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh.

I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

Then you're under arrest. What for?

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way!

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Let's watch, shall we?

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing?

It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait.

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

(GROANING) (BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm. Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night.

No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision.

This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt! Father-Man away.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect?

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.

Charming. Now, into the ditch with you.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET)

mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife.

There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never!

Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on.

Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

15 black. ALL: Aw...

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay. Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that--

What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

And that name is--

but it went exactly like this.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that?

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

(BELL TINKLING)

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS)

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep.

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes.

Looks like you're retaining water.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium.

Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program.

Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars.

just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Eww! It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today.

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry.

Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin! Ow!

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that?

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle. He decided not to let go.

It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment. I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours. That's generous of you. Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you,

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Uncle Vladimir!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others?

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties,

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac?

What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more.

That robot's name I never told you

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn. Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful--

This whole sector is uncharted.

I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

(ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela.

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming? I translated more Martian symbols.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

(CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day. The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

I'd hate to be those guys. Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food."

We're out of fuel.

It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Here, let me help you.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge!

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff. Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories.

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now,

Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Ah, that would be very expensive.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow!

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

"zero-zero-one...

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end!

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

and as soon as I stop hallucinating and blasting puke, I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza, Earth-style. Oh, thank you, magic biped! Mm-mm-mm! You save us-a, sir. If we cannot-a make-a Earth-a pizza, our dream-a will die, just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Honk, honk, honk!

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?

and catch her two-timing me with myself. That's thinkin' like a man. Hello? This is Flexo.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics." I still have no idea. (ALL LAUGHING) I've been telling you for 40 years,

That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission.

(SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back.

Look out. He's got a gun!

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here. She's right. I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Who should I make it out to? Well, uh, to eBay. That's a popular name today. Little "e," big "B"?

Twelve. Three again.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait!

jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

Farewell, my friend.

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

This! You for this.

Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover,

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck?

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig.

Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down! Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts.

I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

I love you, buddy.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death. Look, Leela, I'm sorry.

(SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day.

Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat!

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window

The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine. Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff.

(IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Your Honor, the prosecution roosts.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

Well, that was dumb.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy.

No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better. Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on.

Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes...

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Look out, a solar flare!

Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey?

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy.

You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness.

Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen!

Come on. We have work to do.

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious.

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now.

Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song.

Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard. Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good?

That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior.

Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

Wow. We're great kissers.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie.

We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button.

Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour?

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is,

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

Yancy, stealing is wrong.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit.

- (ALL GASP) - I figured it out! (ALL SCREAMING) (ALL JEERING)

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench. I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender.

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How...

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death.

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry. What's the mission?

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING) (GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon. I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you?

Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie.

This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Now, here's the weird part. The ego and the id are connected not physically, like decent, God-fearing Earth lichens, but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be...

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Well played. Ows.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow!

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE)

Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

LEELA: He did it! He did it!

Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway?

You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

"the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party. Now, we'll need oxygen. I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking.

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender... (BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

"Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym.

Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal.

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

Behold! The Internet! My God.

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish. Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal,

(GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds! (YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle?

No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101.

Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

(SNIFFS) Good God! What's that horrible stench? Stench... Uh... It's probably this stinky bus station maybe. Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable.

has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we?

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side?

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

Who's kicking who around now?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert. What about her? Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker.

More than a little. She's beautiful!

and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

(MIMICKING KISSING)

It's time to activate the bomb.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow!

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter.

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.

But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

I... am... Destructor!

And you are outta here!

Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck.

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Wait! My sandwich!

doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion. Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people--

and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong. Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready!

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

That's a good one. Ow!

No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight,

Very observant, Professor.

Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill?

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

What's this? Two meals in one week?

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

To hell with the turtles!

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold... the death clock.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela.

(IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend.

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela!

Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science. It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs.

It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day!

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Not inno-guilty-cent.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record.

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale.

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

(BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature!

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real?

Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow!

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated.

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow!

It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

No! I want to live.

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Folks, it's worse than we thought.

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans.

ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity.

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--"

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Ho... Ho... Ho!

Let the games begin!

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad.

I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

(FAST FORWARDING)

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration,

Hey, smelly-pants.

Don't look at me!

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me? Absolutely.

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs.

Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah! they cause these dents, or "time skips." You are so smart.

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps--

Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend!

A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

We're going to die!

Zoidberg? (POPPING)

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

And that's how you play the game.

It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING)

It'll never be over, Wendy.

to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh! Yeah, you show him! Let's meet today's celebrity judges. Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me?

For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming,

(WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale?

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do,

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here.

Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

I promise nothing!

Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep. Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm. Wow.

We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager.

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk!

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia--

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions. Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I--

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons. Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place. That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it!

What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer.

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts.

Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Our republic and the Farnsworth family name are saved. And no one will ever know. (CHUCKLES)

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep.

This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done. One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir?

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where?

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man. Da Vinci's lost workshop!

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh...

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete.

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

Okay, you can have my nose.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes! He looks radiant.

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten!

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

I need cheering up, Bender.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings. And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women--

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Aw, you.

If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents.

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

In fact, all life is extinct.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do.

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

See you in class.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

Decisions I made

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth.

Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies. Mercy me, what a day.

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

(MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

(BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

There must be people somewhere.

you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

(GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship.

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart.

WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

The gang's all here.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

I can barely move. It's perfect!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator!

Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

(STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating?

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell?

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace.

I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events. But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it.

What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat.

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING) Fry?

Amy? But that means--

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals.

Cursed by his own hubris.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

We did it. Whoo!

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged.

He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

You are free to go. Sorry about all the rustling and kidnapping. But what about your sacred land? Land, schmand. We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River...

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Allow me to introduce myself.

- Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat,

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry,

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session.

(BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Oh... Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

What the-- We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it.

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu!

And mix them all together in a big jug.

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

No, they were assassinated.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty.

Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character?

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed! (GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me.

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender!

You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

(SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker.

I'm starting over.

That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire,

Oh. I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go.

(ALL SCREAMING)

To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something. What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back!

For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort. From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone. With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time.

Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

Hi, Leela. Fry.

But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

What do I look like? A de-bender?

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with...

I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

So, Leela, will you have the pleasure?

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Well, take this! Oh, my.

in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius.

Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.

Now, this guy had taste.

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine. What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Man, it would have been so much easier to kill it in the cage.

'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

No, it isn't. Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria,

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck!

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes! Ow.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time.

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are.

you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

No one insults the turtles!

It's all-natural. So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew!

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

We sometimes called it a jogging suit. The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Shut up and get to the point!

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS)

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No.

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Don't do it! It's not worth it!

Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

(SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor.

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go! Miss Leela? Yes, Sally?

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

Any new business? No.

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

l-e-e-l-a Leela

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

(GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction!

He that is designated Fry...

Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Good news, nobodies!

Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat. Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined.

LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up?

that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

You all go without me.

Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Ooh, that's snug.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset?

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

No. I just work here.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Breathe, Fry! Breathe! "U leave me breathless"?

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return?

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together!

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this.

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe. Gentlemen, when that sun rises in the morning, we're toast. These are our last moments together.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new?

Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you. Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

- I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon.

Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you.

Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band. Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy?

(ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion...

thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope. The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys!

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look.

Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair.

Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go.

We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING)

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Okay, okay, come on now.

For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight. Please don't stop playing, Fry.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck,

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste. Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall.

Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it. Let's just give up and go to the aquarium again. Now, hold on. I feel like I was chased by a mushroom recently.

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

(ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you.

And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor...

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

You're watching Futurama,

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

(ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus. Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose.

Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning--

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

(ALL GROAN) Well, I lost two straight hands to the Borax Kid.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon. And it was great. We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and... and... these fellas. Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump.

I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING)

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool.

that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls,

Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

(GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two. ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece?

It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic.

Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Giddyap. Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see.

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

Would we have donkeys?

Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things.

Hey, where'd everybody go? Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING)

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

I'm a professor.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park.

Fry has got to go.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes.

(GROANING) (SCREAMING)

Of course, that's just for starters. Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

Next up, contestant number 36!

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

I can't move any part of me. Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

Hello, jerkbags!

Do I hear wedding bells?

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this?

I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York.

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe?

"dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day? Test complete. What is the score?

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20.

I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting?

I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me?

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag,

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

And with absolutely no consequences.

Yep. Buzzed ahead, let 'em know whose aide was comin' by. The mayor's, that's whose. Oh, Chaz. Mmm. Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating?

Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston?

a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here.

For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili.

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

How far away do you think it is?

(WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up. Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Hello? Is anyone there?

Oh, no! Please, no!

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks. Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast!

I died doing what I loved.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me.

Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore!

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright,

but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest?

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing. I didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap. That's my prizewinning Smell-A-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

but up here, I'm above the law.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh! Yeah, you show him!

Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate?

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon?

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots.

Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

(PANICKED CLAMORING)

Pretty long, eh?

Down in front! Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow! My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace.

A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

Eh, no thanks. I'm good.

So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

I'm sorry to bother you,

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it,

I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat? Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did. Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week,

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

There has been quite a rash of fires lately.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions."

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards.

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me...

Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No!

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh!

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals.

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe.

Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity.

Rite my riny retal rass!

Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

Great cow of Moscow!

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo.

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah!

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear.

Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot?

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Welcome to the world of business. Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

Yes. I see. Something involving that many big words could easily destabilize time itself. Is that a problem? Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm...

What? Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator. (SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world. To many young men in the inner city, it is. As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electric current,

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Scruffy knows who killed them people.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew.

I'm just trying to get the leg taste out of my mouth.

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Cheese pizza and a large soda.

Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove! It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one. But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh?

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture, gallons and gallons of it.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers?

(GASPING) (SCREAMING)

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

(GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune.

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING)

(GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us!

Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

I need a stapler!

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Will you guys shut up?

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

Mmm, Soylent Green is my kind of people.

My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop. Fry, look! That's Silicon Red, the universe's greatest folk singer!

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do?

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air.

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Very well. Let there be light! I got it! I got it!

Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money. Loosen up. You can't take it with you. Now, I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me. This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here.

I just told you!

It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me.

But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

and subscription to Cosmo.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

How did you do it? Well, while the Beachmaster was off behind a whale carcass, loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal?

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him.

Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

Mr. President. What the hell?

No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out.

No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr, and since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?

Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this?

(LAUGHS) - What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted!

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too!

Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all. Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for.

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

(GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?

No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see.

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu!

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Give me back my floppy face!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise.

during her "wild" years...

You call that an ink defense?

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Sorry you didn't get to mate. But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect,

Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Death to the crab!

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view.

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool?

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar! We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot. (SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender.

Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives!

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea--

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two... Uh, hello, cuckoo.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing. Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say.

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!

I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING)

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Bring it on, soup can.

You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels! Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah! Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela?

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start,

Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Who's the target consumer?

I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

Leave me alone.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry!

Seriously, I have no idea. Hooray! A tie!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

Now, we have a full schedule of events.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

who just wanna kill for fun.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

One, two! one, two, three!

I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Flexo! Get him!

Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS)

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

Aaah! Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump? Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender?

It's the Carcarons!

I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

He's doing it again.

Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon!

I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push.

Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch. All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show. Can I get anybody a beer? Sure. Ah...

Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason...

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button.

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low!

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me.

Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage! I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years.

I choose to not understand these signs.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Konnichiwa, brother.

Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers? Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream.

Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Boo! Come on! Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style.

she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do?

That's the best thing I ever saw.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

Yeah, very funny.

Why would Fry be immune to the flying brains? Because he doesn't shower? The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave.

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did?

Out of our way. This fox is ours.

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait.

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys?

Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for--

including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Dirty boy! Dirty boy! You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Might I have a sip of booze?

A doctor, honey. Hmm...

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed.

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians!

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem.

(GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks.

and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them.

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh.

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it.

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

(ZAPP YODELING)

The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera. Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man.

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer. I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem?

Have a good one!

Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela.

It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back. Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh!

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

I'm really nervous.

Don't take her out! She's a firecracker!

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Evacuating the planet in three, two...

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back.

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself. Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us,

So, do we have the contract?

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously.

You're that Bubblegum Tate?

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot. Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo.

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children,

If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. It's on.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher,

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

What if a paper were to land in a puddle?

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing...

Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you. As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself.

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance.

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender.

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor?

See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make?

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

Uh... Dr. Zoidberg. Did someone say something about a free hot meal? Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday.

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold.

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure.

Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Fry, are you all right?

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

This is surreal.

Wait, I remember this place. They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride.

I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain Hey, Bender? Yeah?

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

No! Honk! Honk!

I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs. Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements. We've all talked it over, and--

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

Stop them! They cheated!

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

(BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she?

(TRAIN HONKING)

I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING) I did it. I outran him.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal...

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

. Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done.

Dear Captain's Diary--

Mmm! (BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Calcutta, we have a problem.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill. Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.

How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night--

Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there?

Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

All right! I'm rich!

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life--

Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

One, two! one, two, three!

Bot wash, yeah Oh...

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now. It's Fry. Wiggles?

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work! That telescope is as much mine as anybody's. I'm using it whether you give me permission or not.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate?

Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine. Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion.

- Hee-ya! - Ow!

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

Don't let down Pharaoh now. The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families. (CRACKLING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

The people of that village pray for wealth. That was a... practice miracle.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught.

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm?

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

Make sure they use every part of my body!

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create.

Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'?

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon. This is the brass ring, fellas.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed.

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?

Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start?

Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it,

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself.

Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama!

I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

(SIREN WAILING)

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Funny, funny stuff.

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

(ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret.

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.

Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with.

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

(ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes.

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell?

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

To my loyal butler

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender.

Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened?

We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers. We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery. (ALL GASP)

(SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps,

But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either. The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

I don't remember any of that.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!"

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder!

Oh, right. How selfish of me.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

But make it snappy.

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

They're inside! Get them!

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer!

Yay! You did it!

Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong.

Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now.

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.!

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING)

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

Look out for the next thing!

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe! "U leave me breathless"?

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go.

Nah, I'm comfy.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray! Giddyap.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif.

What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really. When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love,

Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN) Preparing for takeoff.

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Oh, I'm doomed!

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

That's no lady. Damn, chico.

It all makes sense.

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment.

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return?

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

All right, let's get this party ended.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass?

We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life.

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands. What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me.

Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

See you guys Monday!

They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you.

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist.

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING)

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic?

Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far.

Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING)

Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

Wait, I remember this place. They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Give it to him, Andrew!

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

except me. And me. Ow!

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom! Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us!

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

(LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES)

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay?

(SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING) The name of the game is Candyland.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together.

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second?

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time.

but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well.

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird.

Faith and begorra!

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here, they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Hurry! We've gotta think of another way to save Bender, or Xmas will be ruined. Especially for Bender. Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo!

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

I underestimated you, medical crab.

Captain Branigan,

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool.

You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators.

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business,

Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry.

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela.

Well, mine's louder!

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor.

Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back. Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me. You should be worried about this!

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

(SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING)

You are so smart. Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars...

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Full speed ahead.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

And that's just the way I like it.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me.

The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent. Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in.

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it?

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!

Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil.

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges,

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here?

Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow!

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit. You know, when I first got broken,

(ALL WHIMPERING)

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes.

Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert.

Silt? Asbestos?

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories.

But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

I'll fetch my hand tools.

It gets lonely and depressing around here, with no entertainment except the (SHOUTS) rigged Bingo! MAN: (THROUGH WALL) Prove it, loser! Well, we should get going. It was great to meet you, though, and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence.

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Hooray! Free sky sticks! (EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa! Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe?

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One.

The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

You're the only woman who ever loved me.

You lousy son of a...

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is,

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket...

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for?

Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty?

Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker.

(GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose.

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What?

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria.

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No!

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me.

You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope.

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on!

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING)

Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but...

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh...

Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

I find the defendant guilty.

You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome. An unattractive prospect.

We'll see ourselves out. Wait, I did it. I got Leela a ticket. (GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me?

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

(RUMBLING) (GROANING)

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great.

backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners!

Farewell. Noooo!

My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s. Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life.

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

- Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No! Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you!

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies! This is what I was expecting. So, uh, what are the rules of this sport? You see that there? That's called a floor.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film.

(RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are.

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship.

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

It's a shmundred degrees, and all we have to drink are non-diet sodas.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

Say, you nose-breathers want to come see some real moon culture, come on down to the Butterfly Derby tonight. Wait, the Butterfly Derby is when? And what?

Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

It's a nice day. We'll take him out to the yard, and after you shoot him, we'll play catch with his bladder. But I can't. He's my pet. You shot your hamster. I told you, that was suicide. (FRY GROANS) He looks kind of sick. What have you been feeding him?

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty."

All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater.

Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles.

I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Cut to the chase, Preach.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

Here, let me help you.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout.

Um-- Um-- just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins. I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that?

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar!

May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries.

Don't worry, now, Amy.

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together.

They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag. Mr. Cobb, you're an intensely private man.

Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not.

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been!

Preparing for takeoff.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts.

Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

You did it, Fry! Yep.

Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays,

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--"

He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again!

(ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss. (EXCLAIMS) I didn't need to hear that. No, and you don't need to see this.

Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

You just used up today's bathroom break.

C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage!

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah?

No! No! Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster.

It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah.

Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for?

You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly. Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit. A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

These balls are making me testy!

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win!

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Aw, yeah! Survival of the fattest! The dominant male, or "beachmaster," maintains a harem of up to 50 females. Okay, harem, let's get to it. Form an orderly heap on top of me. I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest.

You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Holy shoot! Looky!

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch!

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here?

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

(GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

(GROANING) So you're alive, are ye? Ugh! I suppose you'll be wanting to keep your tooth fillin's.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

He consented! You all heard it!

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Keep cool. She's just like any other player.

The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger!

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

Oh, I don't have time for this!

That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload.

Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out.

Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good.

That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

Whatever. Later. Bye.

A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this?

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural...

We'll have to bring her around again. Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

You're sweet, Leela.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

Come on in. I'll give you the tour. Let's see, where to start.

He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg.

I do! Aye! Welshie!

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they? (SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza?

And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu! Who wants a fish?

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

just let me put on my reading glasses.

I hope this is the control stick.

Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence.

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information,

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces.

Aha! Cornered. Whew!

All right, people... And other things. We got some big deliveries coming up, so... Your attention, please. I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today. We gather here every day. I hereby, in front of all of you, accuse Bender of polishing his ass with my toothbrush.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes. What is it, Professor? Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention.

Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela.

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!

You big, mostly empty wuss!

Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot. (SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away!

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that! I guess I needed a few more warm-up pitches. No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base.

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste! Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power!

Maybe we hit a space cow.

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music?

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar?

and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses,

whether it's a whole crowd,

Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads.

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here,

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission,

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt.

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

- Never! - Never! Never!

It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit.

I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela?

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it!

But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do! - Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this?

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Allow me. There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

It's that obnoxious monkey.

with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn!

This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day. Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold!

Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

Leonardo's beard!

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven,

MAN: It's too violent.

Where's that Oscar?

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry!

Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18?

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women?

Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript?

Aw. So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage. Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away?

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention--

You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

other times, they got beaten badly.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang. So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun...

But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

(GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

My ass is my soul mate.

(HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry,

You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface.

Hey, look, Leela.

No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know. (ALL BENDERS LAUGHING)

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop. Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay!

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Forget it, Zookeeper. You're going into captivity. Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough!

Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program.

I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon?

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory!

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon.

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian. But comedy is in my valves. My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star... back in the era of silent holograms. Your uncle was Harold Zoid? This I cannot deny.

Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body.

You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies?

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was.

I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift...

Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins--

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

(ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and... insanity... uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness.

You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk!

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender.

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff!

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS)

Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say?

Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat.

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Let's watch TV.

I'm the greatest!

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand?

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor.

The stapler's collating me alive!

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please?

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club.

Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady Whoo! And the lady is mine she's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

Hey, Leela, look at me!

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid?

Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice. Come on, let's grab some lunch.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday.

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo?

I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo... sorry about crushing your body like that. You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.

Oh, no...! Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie.

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

(GROANING) (BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm.

Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse. That's in the rearview mirror, baby. It wasn't what he said that hurt, it was what was left unsaid. Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is to drive away from them real fast.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

(DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that?

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all.

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something!

Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth! Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah.

Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens! (BIRDS CHIRPING)

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

I do love a man in uniform. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they.

This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

"U leave me breathless"?

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale.

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

and also, Jane Fonda was there.

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Well, 'tis the season.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it.

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

What the hell are you doing here?

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Maybe a digital photo, but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING)

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Fry, look around.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

You did it, Fry!

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be.

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado,

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Can I help you?

Is any of this getting through to you?

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected,

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

No time off! Oh, man.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects.

Hurray! We're three friends at the beach!

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried.

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript?

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

For duck huntin'.

Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah...

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly?

Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

It's the human condition.

And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show! Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING)

Now, to take off my tuxedo.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

It does sort of class-up the place.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it.

I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark,

It's scientific.

The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.

Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny.

What turned them to stone?

I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir. Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that?

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

Bu-u-u-t? But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Damn, that's a good costume.

We have only one option. Protocol 62.

Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious.

Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

Great. We're two days from Earth with no food.

I love stealin' I love takin' things

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

Now I'm here to avenge him!

There. Fixed forever.

Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all-natural.

I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier,

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so.

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

Even older! Huzzah!

Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it!

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here?

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Did you hear a noise? Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up?

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny.

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude. Total hell! It's 10:00!

Choke on that, causality!

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

- I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

You see that there? That's called a floor. Once a butterfly hits that, she's out.

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting?

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now.

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys. The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back.

Who are you? Don't hurt us.

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth?

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless.

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode.

You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you.

Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Get him! My thong!

Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle!

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here!

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere. I will become the best blernsball player of all time! That's statistically impossible. In 77 innings, you haven't gotten a single out.

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

Oh, you sad, worthless human.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa.

No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Bender is falling! Whoa!

Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course!

(GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective,

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works!

In your face! Victory is mine! I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves.

not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

You are so smart. Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump.

It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela!

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind!

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion. Religion? Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

Just stick to the script.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh!

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus?

I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional.

And what about this?

Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

You are so disgusting. I--

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back.

You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Okay, let's just get in, get out and...

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

President Nixon here.

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm. Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey?

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh!

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

The Ronco Record Vault.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes.

Filings to filings, rust to rust.

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING)

I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges.

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

To the end of the universe!

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us,

The British are coming! The British are coming!

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

no. You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

What a nice lady.

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING)

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here. We put up that mirror 'cause this is a blind intersection.

One, two. One, two, three.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway.

Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles. You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me,

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir.

Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage?

Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right?

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story!

A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom. Boo! More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit.

Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing?

Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once. Come on, number six! Move it!

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators!

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity...

Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there.

Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

Okay, stop yelling at me.

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLS) Oh, my. (BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS)

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well.

We flipped a coin before the debate,

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah!

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party.

Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry! That's the secret ingredient of Slurm?

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right.

Oh, it's hopeless.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her!

Hmm. Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots?

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars?

What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving.

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen!

Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish!

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Do you mind showing me how to open the cage?

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence.

just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah.

Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

(SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

(SIGHS) You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on.

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

What are you? Blind?

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man

I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Since when are you my agent?

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots?

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs. (MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art.

I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle.

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty.

Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o!

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Come on, girdle.

But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING)

Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great.

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha...

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch?

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero.

Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho! Children, your old mother won't be around forever.

Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Take a lean back and enjoy life.

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it.

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

I'll fire up the grill.

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know...

You have not won yet. Each book in this room is a gateway to a mental realm, and I shall take you there and imprison you forever! Icky!

That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be.

My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends.

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt!

but I'm slightly thirsty.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah... Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense.

I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

(MONITOR BEEPING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

I can't believe it! I love you!

Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?"

One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula.

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir?

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

I knew this final invention would be a humdinger. Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot.

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly.

in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things.

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful. It's like brainwashing. Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams--

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie. Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

Stop yelling at me!

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious.

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ? Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Free us from thought and responsibility. We shall read things off you. Then do them. Your words guide us. We're dumb. You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Uh-oh. He froze up again.

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds.

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot.

No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff.

Like, what's the story with the yakitori? Help yourselves. But I warn you, that chicken is over a year old.

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

(WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens. Let's see, zoom lens? Nope. They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt!

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Uh... Sure. In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar. I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock?

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom?

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would.

And we're on it now!

Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet. All right, here's the plan.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register!

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with-- Wow! Ow. Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors--

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now.

just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that.

This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes!

I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING)

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Well, you meet half the qualifications.

No, no. Well, yes, actually.

It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan.

Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

Whatever happens, remember-- the flame of my eternal love will burn forever. Of course. But, smoochy-pops, I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack?

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

Oh. Oh. I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid.

Of course! It was so obvious.

You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him.

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm.

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong. So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

The crime is unsolvable.

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only. Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Learning is fun. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

I'm just a simple farmer.

Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night.

Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

(FAST FORWARDING)

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world!

Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest. Ooh! Me first! I'll just step past Leela here. BOTH: Ow! You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay.

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time. How about a lift... to your place? What?

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now?

Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

(BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only.

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have. LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing.

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

Bender is falling! Whoa! Told you it was safe.

Same here. You guys are all right.

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"?

through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success. But I wouldn't even know what to write about. Unless--

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality.

(SNORING) And that's how I got this scar above my eye.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Oh second thought, I'll take that one.

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles. FRY: Blind Joe! Smell with your eyes what I see with my nose.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

All right, I'll go.

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity?

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Oh, God, what have I done?

How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat!

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

You killed Fry.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was!

Move it, you ugly normals!

just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

What's that weird sound?

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa!

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her. So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts! Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in.

Funny, funny stuff.

You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working!

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written. ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here.

beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop. Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Whoa! Whoa! No!

Go yourself. Behold another power,

Don't mind us! Aah!

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky. I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense. That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line!

Bad news, everyone.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea!

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder. I'm at the end of my rope.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky. Kif, follow me up to the observation deck.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING)

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas!

But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line

and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course.

The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

My God! He's gonna do it!

Whoo! And his name is?

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

Okay. This has got to stop.

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

This is my fleam. You use it to peel the skin off your enemies layer by layer till they die or whatever. Neat! Hey, you know who would love fleaming stuff? My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair.

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'? Remember me!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys. Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now.

There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?

(GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you. Humans dating robots is sick.

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is.

Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

Ah! The gang's all here.

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment, a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

What are you looking at, you British bastards?

Planet Express Ship? Is that you? Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home? Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot.

You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God!

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

(TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

(ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X,

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Ow. Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive.

Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

(SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters?

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick?

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little.

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles,

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her!

I must lay down the law about Lrrr's low-sodium diet. You've got to tell her the truth. And lay off the salted peanuts! I'm just trying to get the leg taste out of my mouth. Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there! Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor.

Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

That's it. You just made my list.

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true.

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

plus a Popsicle cart. You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

Sorry about that!

Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure? No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us... about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili. Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o.

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you.

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.

Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship.

That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all--

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it!

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost.

(FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app.

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left.

Now boarding stand-by passengers-- This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?

An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine?

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name?

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Well, let me think it over. Let's go already! (OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

He's in the foundry this very moment.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

My leg, it's broken.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

I don't feel well.

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys.

(SNARLING) (MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE)

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Work faster-- like this!

Men, five, women, less.

Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine?

they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class...

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder.

Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend...

Dance, slave, dance. (ALL GROAN)

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down.

Kiff, clear my schedule.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry?

Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Missed it by that much.

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you?

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all.

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers,

Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

The name's Bender.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too!

It got through. You could really use a shower. You too.

Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes.

It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

What's pink polka-dots?

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

We're whalers on the--

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela.

So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else? Once. With my old boyfriend Sean. But look, that's ancient history, and we need some one-on-one time. I'm up for it if you are.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

Esther, you ugly.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

I think I may have hurt someone.

Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks!

Help. Police. Neat.

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Let my people stay!

You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

to the home for criminally insane humans.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me,

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes?

Kiff, clear my schedule.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

Correct! My button has broken!

You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again?

Good news, everyone.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what?

The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done.

His record's been blanked. Oh, man!

No! It's unbearable!

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

In fact, that's why we loved you.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown?

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck!

What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother.

Listen to my boss words.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard...

Didn't I? No! You didn't!

(TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING)

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning.

Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms. Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees.

or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths. If your Kwanzaa candles ain't 100% beeswax,

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free! Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

(STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender,

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for...

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS)

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique.

Um, duh! Duh, what? Dad, do I have a birthday? Hmm. You didn't have a birth, so, technically, no. Oh, don't feel bad.

Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny.

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING) Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING)

the Goophy Gopher Revue.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

(COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly.

Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING)

A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

My stink gland is weak. Smell.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain,

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

(BEEPING) Sorry, ma'am, I'll have to confiscate your artificial kneecap.

What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G...

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice. Many said I was too extreme when I first called

Don't worry, shippums, with a whole junkyard of spare parts to work with, I'll turn you into a tepid rod. Oh! What the heck? A hot rod!

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman.

We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared. Boo! Boo!

Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready?

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch. Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something. (CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak. His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here,

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.

Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Fire! What the-- We missed!

No, no, no. Not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely.

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

Eating the flag is bad!

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES)

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed.

Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

Ah! Another successful day.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor? Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you.

...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once.

Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow. Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

Negative, bossy meat creature.

Good luck, Bender!

a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't!

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh!

You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love.

I am Darth Stroyer. Darth Stroyer? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. Let's hear the rest. Darth Trocious. Darth Sploder. Darth Urderer. Darth It-head.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure. You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not! How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers!

And that name is--

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING)

How can I ever repay you?

It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread.

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever. Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time...

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster,

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Like putting too much air in a balloon!

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle. He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone.

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Fry, is my colossal eye too big?

So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail! He's single.

and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that!

There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice."

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh--

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie. I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him... and catch her two-timing me with myself.

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband.

(SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral. Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice!

You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you.

Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human!

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski.

Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one.

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

(SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal. Succeed, and I shall reveal to you...

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo... and lead them on a rough, tough cattle drive. Then, when the rustlers attack, I'll make a citizen's arrest. It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.

Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute?

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender.

They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there?

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

I mean, only one eye.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger,

(EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela?

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important--

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY. Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either.

I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender!

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

(PLAYING MELLOW MUSIC)

(WAILING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) A tough act to follow. And now, to follow that act,

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember--

He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.

about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies

- When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops?

It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right!

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you!

I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

(SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal?

Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope. There, now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends,

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa! Whoa!

My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause.

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in.

Sewer mail! He's single.

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

Presenting Mom's friendly robots--

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein.

Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee!

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

May we help you, strange ones?

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

I call it "The Thing Longer".

Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why.

Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there?

It's a shmundred degrees, and all we have to drink are non-diet sodas. (ALL COMPLAINING) It's gonna ruin my figure. Wait, I forgot that Amana here is a refrigerator. If we could supercharge her Freon with a gas compressor, we might survive the heat and make it to the cave. Hey, yeah!

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister,

- He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Eight one-million-dollar chips, please. I think that's about eight. Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette.

Why isn't there a lighthouse to guide us away from the rocks?

Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going?

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now!

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper. (ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow!

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Well, there's worse places to be marooned.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon!

Get those bums.

Hmm... I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries?

Hey, Leela, look at me!

thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching? Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

What? Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year.

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall.

the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

Sure. (GROANS) Hush, Bender! What's your game, Vitruvian Man?

- You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen.

Right. So long. Good-bye.

Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

Toss it in the garbage.

That is so true.

You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it. Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore.

BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in!

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend,

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had. Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah.

Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together.

Then let the negotiations begin.

Shmeezus, it's hot!

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land. Roger.

Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS) We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem?

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

I prefer extortion.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.

Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh!

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain,

that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service?

And the winner is--

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay?

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly.

Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES)

or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm.

Okay, get ready.

I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those. In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over.

Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did,

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair,

Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me?

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss.

but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt.

and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment.

That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural.

(SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.

I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it! Hey, buddy, you're learning. You'll get there.

Here I go already. Huh?

(SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

Steady... steady... don't panic.

And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century.

It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

Bring it on, baby!

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind.

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh... We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet. Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much?

A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Excuse me for a moment.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story!

And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42. Surprisingly dull so far. Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half,

One, two! one, two, three!

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

to replace these bony hot dogs. Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen. Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four." See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

(GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas. Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about--

(GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Ooh. Sorry. What sorry?

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is.

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents. (GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on! That's because you're not me. Hooray, it won't go on! The bureaucra-scan won't let anyone but the assigned bureaucrat log in. (AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat...

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate.

(SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor,

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Where the food is digested.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller.

Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet?

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow!

You're lAte For Hebrew School!

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up?

a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England,

to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP) All right, let's set it up and try again.

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do?

Aah! Damn you! Doh! There! Now, when I'm found in a million years,

Is that even necessary?

Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

(ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone.

Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank...

Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is.

Look, the bone vampire!

Then shut your yaps and back to work Now it's very nearly Xmas

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments.

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees.

I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious. Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you?

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant?

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away.

You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

I'll see you during the recess. If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

Our poodle has two daddies.

Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough.

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Happy New Year!

No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

All right. What else we got?

News, everyone!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days. Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

The deal will go ahead as--

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet.

Quit touching my stuff.

He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really?

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

You're all nuts.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil

So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

What's this under the chocolates?

That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton?

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet.

How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

It's not fair. It's not fair!

Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain. That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

We're gonna have A tv party tonight

Just a few more feet.

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.

(LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible. Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him.

So far, so good.

Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

You leave kitty cat alone!

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it--

All right, let's set it up and try again.

I still have no idea. (ALL LAUGHING) I've been telling you for 40 years, it's the study of alien languages. Why can't you listen? Oh, sugar lump, I hear you when you actually say something important.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive!

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (DOORBELL RINGS)

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no!

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer,

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most?

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution.

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive.

May death come quickly to his enemies.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

(SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

This man has over-gasped.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Give it to him, Andrew!

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity.

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation.

Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest.

I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

It's like magic but with electricity.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!

Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic!

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Quit squawking, fleshwad.

Oh, God, just kill us already.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha!

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good.

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Let my people stay! Neat.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

You're still talking to me. Oops. $10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Let's try for a twofer.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private.

I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining!

Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Here's corpsey!

No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because--

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer.

No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.

- Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful.

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers,

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell!

I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES)

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry,

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things?

He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna.

Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Kiff, we have a conundrum.

I call top bunk. My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING)

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

(GASPS) That's it, I'm sure. I can tell by the words on the crate! Oh, my beloved. You complete me.

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way.

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen!

I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction.

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

You'll like being dead.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela

Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What?

If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING)

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS)

Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips. Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra.

Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

my good chum. But why would God think in binary?

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light.

they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star.

Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh!

I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

(ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS)

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast. Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor.

But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa! NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device,

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train,

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No!

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

I'm a doctor! I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal.

You want to die?

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here.

Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

"See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine. Hey, let me try it.

It's just for a package delivery service.

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking.

Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there! He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window.

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

What's new? Huh? Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Yeah, that is fun.

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do.

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

(BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet.

Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape.

(BARKING) Here, boy. This is for you. (CHEWING) Ahh!

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh.

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please.

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain?

Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh!

I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween. Okay. Bender has her distracted.

We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what?

(BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum. Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet!

When I grow up, I want to injure men by throwing stuff at them, just like you, Leela.

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

What the hell was that?

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

Doesn't matter to me though, I was born with no sense of smell. Really?

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets

Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry.

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever.

Marv Albert here at Madison Cube Garden... where the Harlem Globetrotters take on a squad of atomic supermen... in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever.

Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam.

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes. Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not!

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Balsamic or raspberry?

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again.

Don't sweat it, man.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

(ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

I love you, Bender!

Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets.

(SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend,

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

(ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet. All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull,

What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

I'm on loan from the Louvre.

New York City: The year 2000.

You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

Hand me that backup disk. Did you see me escaping? I was all, like--

Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Maybe I'm always right.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring.

and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS) Ooh! Nice cart.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me?

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius.

Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter? Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery.

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way!

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

- Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh!

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Nude and interrupted.

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not.

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Please, no! Come on!

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court--

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender!

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly.

Huzzahs are in order!

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

This is less fun than previously indicated.

This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

Chicken, water, fire.

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay.

You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid? Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software.

I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something.

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

And that's how you end hunger. Does anyone have any questions? I do, I do! Me, Bender! Yes, the robot with the megaphone jumping up and down. I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day.

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

I still got it!

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

One, two! one, two, three!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid?

Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer.

Activating ice drill!

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first.

She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh! Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you?

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone.

This is Walgreens brand nose paper.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

Hey, look at that weird mirror.

All right, enough of this. There's the atom!

All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five. And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble. Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

I always strongly suspected I was one of those.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

(CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING)

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

(CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente.

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper. I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what?

Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true.

And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned!

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

(SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go.

There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us.

Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone. Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

This calls for a drink.

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

The second thing.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery!

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'. You reserved the whole rink? Yep. Buzzed ahead, let 'em know whose aide was comin' by. The mayor's, that's whose. Oh, Chaz.

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections!

The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left.

A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot.

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Can't we just send our avatars?

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

No, I guess it keeps going.

But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled! Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do.

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah!

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

Times two, carry the one.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

What the hell's been going on around here?

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing.

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

Well, that was dumb.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no!

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her.

Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic. Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld.

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species, showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on. But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Darth It-head. Company, attack! (ALL SHOUTING) Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW! Huh?

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook. Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter.

Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no!

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad?

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether.

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two.

Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Let me give you something to help you relax.

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed,

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Hello! What's all this then?

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady?

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

(ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

You rotten kids!

No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here.

Oy. Now he emotes!

(GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer. (BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

That's it. It's done.

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

(GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth.

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree. The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub.

and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently...

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to...

I'd hate to be those guys.

You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer.

Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

How have you been? Pretty good.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict?

Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount. Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else?

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense! He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian,

Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Kif, show them the medal I won.

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

Well, here goes something...

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma.

(LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out!

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork. (EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

Well, at least we get a window.

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that,

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch. Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells?

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right.

That is one unlucky guy.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

I don't care if that operation will only delay the tentacles. Somehow, we got to find a way to pay for it. Oh, it's no use. There's absolutely no way we can afford to... Wait! We'll sell old Bessie! Fry, take the old gal to market and get the best darn price you can.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD) Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning?

Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly. (GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg,

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Everybody hit the deck!

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off.

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl.

We'll show him who's stupid.

The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go.

That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up.

I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but your friends are a bunch of freaks. Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000? Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka! It's the elusive missing missing link. This will show Banjo, once and for all. ALL: Yeah! What the... AMY: Oh, That's mine.

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God. What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting?

What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know.

We'll have to bring her around again. Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Let's commence preparations for rumbling! Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event.

not even God One and God Two put together.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider.

I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

He was born all right, just like he said. And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday,

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry?

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear!

Come! Your destiny awaits!

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?

Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray! (SIGHS) I was going to tan once.

Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff,

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here. I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em.

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy!

Firing pocket-rocket!

No one insults my mama!

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets.

Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex.

Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up?

Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's--

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

(ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them!

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery?

Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots.

From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us,

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh!

proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Ow! I'm hungry.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven?

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst,

It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark!

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING)

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine. Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron!

Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre.

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions!

I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

(BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this. Once again, Eternulax The Immortal, dead at the age of 26.

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time.

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh!

You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator.

Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Shh! What was that sound?

Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Bender, what is it?

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

Well, how are they?

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

A female leader?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope!

Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Neat. Now for the earpiece.

NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind! Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't!

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh! Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more!

You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

(PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest? This is Oktoberfest,

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams. Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man.

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Bender! There. Good as new.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

What? What's going on here? Wow!

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

We're all named Angus.

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

All right, let's get this party ended.

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think. It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the...

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

Because... my stomach is about to explode.

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date?

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore.

Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry. You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology.

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell!

Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Uh-- I'm not Evans!

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

It's a secret, so keep it under your head...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters.

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but--

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder,

It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

So fresh. Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Okay, let's go through this once more from the--

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes?

One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons. Wow, you're good.

Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

I really like it.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets?

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you? A hidden camera for my bathroom.

I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things.

He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head...

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

Aah! The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Well, I don't love them.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery.

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

You're paying for that.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs.

Only if you buy me dinner first. (LAUGHING)

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar. LEELA: Flight attendant's log. We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago?

I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup. And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

It's another Lucy Liubot.

Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends. And I will not kill him.

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work.

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

"Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that.

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea. We can only hope.

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here.

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

One, two! one, two, three!

Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good.

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this.

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing?

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever!

You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca.

You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

I hope everyone likes eggs.

the Abominable Snowmobile.

And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you! So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth, the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused? I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour!

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss. Here, give her these. And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens.

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home?

That'll prove I'm not insane. Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin,

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

Sure, blame the wizards.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good.

(MEOWING) NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage. This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words."

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh.

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey!

Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING)

All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

If I might interject? You might.

But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor. The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck!

(MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club?

What? That? That's just my personal musk. You'll learn to love it. I know I did. I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit!

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM)

But I can't play anymore!

Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Oh, no, you don't!

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but...

the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together...

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we--

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

I am the man with no name.

Let's watch some cartoons.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out.

I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most. We want McNeal!

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey.

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

This way! Oh! Oh!

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

"It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

I am your friend... Bonder.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Okay, here you go. FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over. But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master?

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go!

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit!

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker.

whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

At last... war has made me into a man. Whee! Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap!

It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

(SCREAMING) (MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K

Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

I could conquer Earth, kill all humans. That's a thought.

Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Kill all modern humans!

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole.

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

Five, four, three, two,

Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho!

You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet!

Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid? There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that?

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just--

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow.

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor!

Whoopsie-daisy.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Kill them before they bring down our whole society.

Hello? Anybody home?

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end?

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob.

I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me. According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

- Bam! - It's okay, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection. Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do?

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

(GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man!

I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human!

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead."

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship. Amy, what are you? Human.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley?

There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found.

a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.

Yes, listen to the father. I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

(EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue?

Which is the one people like to hug?

Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it.

Whew. My God. It's the future.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees! It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw...

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN) Preparing for takeoff.

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over? Who are you? And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies!

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me. Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

becomes head of the Greek Council and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Hmm. My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

(YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL) (GRUNTS)

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it. Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where?

Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

Ah, just as I thought. The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet.

Don't you know anything about girls? "Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off.

Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best.

(ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings.

Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing.

with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother. I insist you stay for a courtesy thank you drink. Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though.

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff!

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'. Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards,

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves.

This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You

Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000. It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING) They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

They're my friends.

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00.

What am I doing?!

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

Here, you drive.

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Unless you die.

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye!

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What?

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that.

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa!

Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

(CHUCKLING) How humorous.

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Capital idea, old sport.

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

(WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle.

the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats.

(LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

(BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Wow. And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING)

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain?

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

I like it. I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions.

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from.

Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return. Odor at magnitude eight.

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile.

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm!

All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know,

Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor?

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants.

Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores.

Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Happy New Year!

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police...

Woo-hoo! I'm popular!

We're here. I followed the bouncing balls. I'll keep the chopper at a safe altitude while you parachute down. Okay. My best friend's life is at stake. I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. Will you push me? I already did.

Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

Ooh! My popcorn's done.

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers. I'll be able to pack my day with twice as many humdrum activities. Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh!

Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched.

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it!

Uh, cross-town express.

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here?

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm...

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

but then we have no memory of it.

Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000.

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest!

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help!

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender. Now find someone and give 'em a good blast. Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson. Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first?

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt,

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

But I wouldn't even know what to write about. Unless-- Okay, I'll do it... if I can make it about Leela. Me? Really? A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah.

Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device. Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind. This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard.

According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb. And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way. Does that thing tell you where the queen bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Sorcery, I say!

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets.

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you,

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works.

What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe. Ooh! That sounds cool. It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit. There it is, the edge of the universe.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there.

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him!

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable!

Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Let's recap what's happened so far.

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make?

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender.

Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No!

Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter,

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die.

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

This is for you. A pogo stick.

Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand.

Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness. The People call our star witness, Mr. X,

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

uh, father-- uh, whatever. Whoa! Faster! Faster!

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga.

Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away.

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There.

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you?

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny.

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil.

In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss. Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

Right, men? You suck!

But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot!

Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff.

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez, he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure. Now's good. (CRACKLING)

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear. Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe.

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war... (ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago.

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

So, how about them Knicks?

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots?

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents.

Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

He must've gone back there to defile it with his nudity! Come on, hurry! (GROANING) Why are you so eager to find the Professor, Fry? Aren't you mad at him? Of course I'm mad. That's been established. I just want to find him for Gram-gram and Shabba-doo's sake.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother,

trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too?

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain?

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch.

You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up...

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes. What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe. Ooh! That sounds cool. It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo! Whoo! And now, the grand prize winner whose experiment will be launched into space...

He's doing it again.

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one.

Oh, man, he got away.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

jiggle the cord.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir?

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards,

He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor.

Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do?

No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth.

Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along.

Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about?

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Another shocking twist!

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting? They saw you save my son. Now, everyone is praying for their own miracles. Very well. What do they want? The people of that village pray for wealth.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long?

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger.

I asked you five minutes ago. You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?

(SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose.

"All female employees must pose nude if requested."

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here. He's so cute. He can do two things at one time.

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot?

I do my best, damn it!

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

An idiot like you is correct! Ah! You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

Dirt doesn't need luck.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend!

May we help you, strange ones?

That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela!

Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound?

Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot.

Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Here you go. "In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay?

No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor.

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

but it went exactly like this.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships.

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

Whoo! I felt that one! Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it.

I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary. I wish I could help raise awareness about broken robots. But what can I do? I only weigh eight pounds.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh! Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into? Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding.

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak.

Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

You are so disgusting. I--

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

(ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch?

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

So... it's just as I suspected all along.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

- I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not-- In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space.

The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built...

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg!

Orange? Purple?

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek.

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh!

Damn! Then you'll need a disguise. Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive!

On my planet-- Reload.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot. - Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay. Oh. Hi, Fry. Is he home now?

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you!

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

BENDER: Aw! What?

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

because I love you.

Be brave, my friend.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there?

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

"This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream! Bad news, nobody.

Sweet ego of Montego!

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally.

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late.

Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. Ah. Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr!

and sometimes the same sex.

Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela.

(SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good,

Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that,

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel,

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

Unless of course... war were declared.

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

Get it? He's coming out of... Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about.

It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

Uh, Professor? Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

We've come for you.

Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Would you like some human with your salt?

A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts.

(SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better. (CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn.

And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw... (LAUGHS)

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING)

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault. Yeah.

Honk, honk, honk!

I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom!

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Want to go around again?

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo!

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis,

that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something. Man, how long is this going to take?

Once a butterfly hits that, she's out.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep.

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model.

Planet Express Ship? Is that you? Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home? Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot.

Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING)

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray?

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh.

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.

Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you!

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy? And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards,

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag?

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

Behold the dance of peace.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no!

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible!

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it. People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

Outsiders! Defend the fire!

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner.

(CHUCKLES) (STRUGGLING)

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind.

Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there?

You know it. Large and in charge.

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive!

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex...

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

(CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive!

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him.

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

My scrapes feel a little better now. Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers?

Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

In how long? Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Wha-- Oh, right.

This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now. You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these...

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know,

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! My love! You made it!

What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

$4.3 billion. To Fry.

Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir,

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message.

Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light.

This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm. Ohh! Yack!

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today,

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

No. It would just go in one ear and out some other hole. Come. Sit down. Now, that I can do. (GROANS) I have a terrible secret to confess, Mr. DiCaprio. I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes.

with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes.

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

(BENDERS LAUGHING)

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups.

Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.

This calls for a drink.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Bubkes. Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me?

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner!

No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast! The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Well, this is it.

Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay" Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely?

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all!

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING)

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

What? Lieutenant Kroker!

No, thank you. I said, do it!

Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry!

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?! Oh, poor Guenter.

to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh!

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later,

I love this job. Me, too.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

Oh, how could Amy leave me?

Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Oh, my God. What the...?

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell? Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you.

I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam. I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna.

Yes, I will. Yep!

It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud,

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

This sounds like a job for--

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented.

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

I know that, and you know that.

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

Well, we're boned.

How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury. I'll see you during the recess.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

We'll have to bring her around again.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered...

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh.

Where's Calculon? And who's this goomer? (WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon. (GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation.

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us.

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you?

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

That was Ndnd. She's taking me back!

Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for.

FRY: Ow! You can come out. Don't be scared.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

Last one holding the bandanna is the new leader.

No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches! Ohh!

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that.

You can come out. Don't be scared.

Succeed, and I shall reveal to you... the age-old secret... of perfect flavor. Oh, yeah! Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No. SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle. He decided not to let go.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No!

You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

I own one share of Planet Kajigger,

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

(ALARM WAILING)

No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready?

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere?

I'll need my personnel file, please.

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

(ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm.

Aye! Welshie! This court will now hear some very sensual testimony...

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING)

All right, buddy, step away from the head.

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome!

For a thousand years, the evil brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere, a giant memory bank twice the size... of three ordinary memory banks. What's so evil about that? They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship!

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Did you hear a noise? Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella!

I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone.

Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull"

What time is it?

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah!

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut!

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

Here are my shorts.

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

No! Ow! Fire hot!

Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay. About this conquering thing,

Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

That's why we were always too tired to play with you.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

What are you, gay?

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Deny my credit card application, will you?

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

Oh! Ouch! It's a three-beanball salad. The Mets fans love it, though, and who can blame them? They haven't had much to cheer about this year. Ooh!

But Mom said-- You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies.

Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky.

Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine.

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund. Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned.

Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards.

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Ooh. Who is it?

Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle. Good luck, Dwight. (RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind... Should we turn on the TV? Nah.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms.

Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes?

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser.

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

What the hell is that?

I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender.

I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot,

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump!

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah!

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self.

Pretend you're happy.

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you,

Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese.

Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate. You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender.

I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS)

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling.

It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you

No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

just another tooth. Ah...

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Okay, good! On three!

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut?

Is it the secret ingredient?

Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you... by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths.

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon,

It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

Take a little bath with me

May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is!

Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

and don't you come back to work until you do!

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be.

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

I love takin' things That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Now I get it! Ow!

Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing! You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"!

no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy! We're willing to listen to your demands.

Now, that's hospital dancing.

And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

One, two, three!

I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door.

Correct. 6,000 hulls.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye.

Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Dark matter indicator? Making a noise.

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Look at him up there. Ahh! Aha! Found you.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

The very instant I became old. Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

Boo! More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe. Fetch.

but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new? I was just regaling your former coworkers... with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love.

Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you?

I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed?

- Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes.

Can I? That's my specialty!

Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds! (YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Yeah, you'd better run.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise!

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass!

Bender, think of the senoritas.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all. Yes?

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?

You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Nothing can stop a monster that big.

it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS)

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Death to the crab!

(YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead.

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight.

As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon. It saved our lives and our Saturday night. Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate.

Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins!

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand

Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out. Don't be scared.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go.

I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting?

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me.

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple--

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B...

We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

(GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open. Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago.

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela.

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start.

You bet, sport. That's why we were always too tired to play with you. I'm so sorry we never got the chance. Oh, Mama! Daddy! (SOBBING) Ahem!

All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

I will go this far and no further.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

I mean, the irony is palpable.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug!

But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

(WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song.

Wait. What are these strings on his lap?

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims!

I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe, probably one you've never even met, and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours! It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say? Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now,

Oh, man, he got away.

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

50, 45, 40. It's all over.

You barely know him.

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Planet Express Discount Prisoner Transfer at your service. Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff. This prison is where you'll be spending your 300-year sentence.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

An open casting call for child robots!

It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will...

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

I'm going to go lie down.

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers!

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes!

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

"U leave me breathless"?

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Accepted again!

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Aww, man. Uh... Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh... What the...

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do.

I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love.

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing?

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Who wants a fish?

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else. I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie!

I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

"Soothing action, action, action, action."

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really?

That's tasty. Too tasty.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Begin again with the crushing!

it's toe-tappingly tragic. Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

Where in Legoland is LeeLa?

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you!

Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided. Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you.

I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

You got it, Poindexter! Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us,

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name?

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live.

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time.

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded. Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and we're back in business.

Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS)

What do you think, Fry?

They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Shh! Nobody correct him!

Oh, that feels good. Yep.

Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything--

Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. So, Leela you must've had your pick of the litter last night at closing time.

I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.

(GROWLING SOFTLY)

Are there any left? There may be one.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me?

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

So, what's in the box already? No peeking!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos,

Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all.

What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted.

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help!

Get it? He's coming out of...

No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning. (ALL CLAMORING)

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no!

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that.

Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators. You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster,

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort? I have a plan to get my hands on those purpleberries with new loquat-flavored orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast.

(ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad!

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. And orangeberries.

Well, here goes nothing.

(BLARING) What's that? Did they pick a new Pope?

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob.

Whew. My God. It's the future. My parents.

Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow! Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters--

(GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food.

No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in...

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion.

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa!

You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you. You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is.

I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you.

MAN ON TV: Coming this fall. Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past. I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

"Stop asking questions, old man,

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there!

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Look out, a solar flare!

The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone!

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in.

Kill-check one is go. (ALL GASPING)

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

April 13. April 13, point two.

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face!

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit?

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all?

Caucasian human male. What?

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests.

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.

Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt!

You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is!

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds. Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

That's pretty much it.

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow!

this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, guys. Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

Honk, honk, honk!

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself?

Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now!

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo...

I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

In your face! Victory is mine!

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky!

No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Let me just adjust the seat.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

We'll bill you for the couch.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! Ah!

I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it. I don't care how suicidal it is. Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it? This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry. It's about pride.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

There's a baby in there, huh?

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Wow. Nice tube.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards.

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

That's so fascinating!

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Now that's entertainment.

After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Relax, friends.

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

trapped there for all eternity!

Kill all humans!

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.

Here comes Delivery-Boy Man! Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

There's no booze and only one hooker.

Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

I'm so sorry, guys.

(BOTH CRYING OUT)

I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we want to smell distant objects? Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention--

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS) Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"?

(IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

Oh, what now? Activate glass window. Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm.

(GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face!

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life.

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt?

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat?

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me?

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again.

Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay.

Get it? It's chlorine.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie.

Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

Please. Describe it to me. (SNIFFS) Uh... It's like summer, with a dab of vanilla and honey,

uh, father-- uh, whatever. Whoa! Faster! Faster!

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right.

Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom?

Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

(GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point.

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music! (SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da!

I'm immortal, baby.

Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew,

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma.

We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up! I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

Bender, do something!

Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Well, I may not have brain smarts,

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS)

A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I learned that from a movie.

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine! I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat.

You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant. Eh. I've seen bigger. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon. Mmm! Mmm!

And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right?

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper. No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke--

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

Me too. Me too. jerk.

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons!

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Kif, show them the medal I won.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir.

Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company.

(GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS)

You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles.

I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is-- Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv!

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds.

Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling?

God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates. What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What?

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer.

Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Hold him down. Check.

I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Whoof! I beg to differ.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

I don't feel well

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl!

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?"

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends?

Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into...

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing?

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz?

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Roller Derby is not a society.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Oh, I almost forgot!

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

What's that weird cat?

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm.

Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp,

Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh! Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages. I saw that! You were good. Let's hear you audition.

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender.

Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people?

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true.

Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

I mean physically. What do you want?

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

Give us back our genitals!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends.

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace. - Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb.

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end.

just hang on. I'll take care of that fire. Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness!

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom.

will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING)

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING)

Tell my offspring I loved me very much...

Told you! Yee-haw!

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me!

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour?

Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon!

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan. What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

Oh, my darling. Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny. Look, 'tis but worthless tin. Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here.

Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector.

What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

My old girlfriend.

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Don't you lay a hand on that angel!

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks,

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is?

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money.

I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind...

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me.

even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw! Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain,

What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Who does she beat up You Clobberella

Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue.

Cool. It's just like the good old days.

It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

The big brain is defeated.

Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV?

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

(GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn,

Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

We just talked, okay? All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going? Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Aw, don't cry, foreign people. I used to work in a pizzeria, and as soon as I stop hallucinating and blasting puke, I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza, Earth-style. Oh, thank you, magic biped! Mm-mm-mm! You save us-a, sir.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters.

I'm an appalling failure!

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible.

(MACHINERY BEEPING) You see, I'm his butler.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Is anything not a robot?

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Make it an implosion.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

But how is that possible?

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater!

MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do

We just got one of these. Rejected!

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender!

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive.

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow!

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening? Oh.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself.

There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

You shot me! You miserable dingus!

(SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

This! You for this. Thanks! No!

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely!

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale,

(SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

Planet Express Discount Prisoner Transfer at your service. Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff. This prison is where you'll be spending your 300-year sentence.

You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Sweden? I don't think so!

The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing. Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life. She'll never know we're her parents.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here.

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true?

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign,

I sure love Leela.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city.

Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen.

I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl,

Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

And this time I mean it!

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of?

Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh! Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages. I saw that! You were good. Let's hear you audition.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal?

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor?

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

NDND: I knew it!

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit. Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady! Hey, junior. She belongs in the exhibit instead of you.

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm

(WATER SPLASHING)

Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

we might survive the heat and make it to the cave. Hey, yeah! But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

Zoidberg away! Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body.

just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one. Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir.

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

So this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home?

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis.

Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is?

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality.

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good.

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry.

Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right.

Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter.

Aah! Oh! Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

That was just a show for the public.

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me!

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

(COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing. Oh, you were so brave and frugal. I'm sorry. Don't hit me.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do.

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Whoa! Oh, what the hell. You poor man. What happened to you?

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

Let me just adjust the focus, F-stop, shutter speed. Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky. Well, someone's in a good mode.

You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

What about my service?

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms?

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown?

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man. Da Vinci's lost workshop! At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa! How could it possibly get off the ground?

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

Good night, dumb prince.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired! So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS) (BENDER GASPS) He did it!

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh?

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany.

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow. Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. And orangeberries. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages.

As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

We're making beer. I'm the brewery.

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.

I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you.

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Bender, insert that giant nickel.

There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

That's a plus. But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched?

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe.

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that.

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us!

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

Ah! That's so sweet.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps."

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot?

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep.

Why don't you just go to hell!

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

(ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch.

I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord.

but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it! Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really?

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi?

I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

When will they learn?

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING)

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP) All right, let's set it up and try again.

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell. Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore. Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Take whichever one you want.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name?

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though.

We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets!

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious...

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries. I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades,

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't. Fifteen minutes remaining. The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation--

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

(DIALING) (GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies.

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium.

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of.

The law is clear.

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you?

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for.

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs,

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you.

How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards.

It was you men who drove this company into the ground. Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got?

Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo!

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species,

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

(ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses! God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace.

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

"Friend"? But I'm doomed!

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles. You're opening a retirement account for six dollars?

The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass!

Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back. It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy.

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

(GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you? Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

Kappa Kappa Wong.

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Wow. Nice tube.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock.

Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something?

These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

That's a big crock of--

Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.

That's what she said! Whoo!

We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah!

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls.

Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice!

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action.

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter. Mmm... mmm!

Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother.

And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?

Things used to be funny around here.

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual. If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

But how is that possible? It's very simple.

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

Hey, Kool-Aid's here.

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle.

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

He'll never find me in here.

Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it. I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too!

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Boiling lead, oceans of lava.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

(GROANING) (SCREAMING)

What's that loud digesting sound?

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Take your hands off me.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts!

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow!

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

You're out of the gang.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow!

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry!

Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto?

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong. And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh! Hmm!

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait...

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me.

The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Get a load of that!

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar.

I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No! Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

Good night, sweet prince.

Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes. Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties?

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil.

We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING)

A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off.

Pizza going out. Come on!

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun.

why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again. Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh.

Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Death to the crab!

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf.

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep!

They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Let's all go to the lobby.

And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system.

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela!

What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender?

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event. Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio!

You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience.

Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

$30? I can't afford that.

Daddy? How do I flush you?

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God.

I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you

Something's come up.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon?

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

(ROARING) Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently. (WHIMPERING)

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

VoilÀ! You got a quarter? Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die...

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Initiating dog brain CAT scan!

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

And the winner is-- Leela.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute.

Good news, everyone.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

What the hell's been going on around here?

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures?

You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history,

Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

They fit together?

Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal.

Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

Hug me, Liubot. I'll always remember you, Fry.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see...

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

What are these things? Get away!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms! Worms to battle stations!

After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir.

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry!

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days. Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through.

Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet.

I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really?

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine!

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No!

Bring in the accused. Oh, my.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham.

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy,

How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

(ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time.

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

Let's see now. Which bait to use...

the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

(GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

I think Bender may be telling the truth. Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence!

of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

No peeking! I don't know what's in there,

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh?

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

(SLURPING NOISILY)

whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

(BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say?

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds.

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen?

light up a smoke.

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter.

Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted!

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES)

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard. What?

Holy... (BLEEPING)

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

They give you a discount if you've been here before. Keep going. We're right behind you.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah.

No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! Leonardo, stop!

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV?

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago. I suppose you're here to tell me to pack it in? Only if you buy me dinner first. (LAUGHING) I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules!

(GRUNTS) It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

I said hand it over.

We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on!

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Let the evening begin. All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing!

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

One, two! one, two, three!

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying?

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Rite my riny retal rass!

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

It's not like you at all. Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo, the fun-lovin' love machine fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune.

Are you with me, fellas?

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

Allow me to introduce myself.

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it!

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow.

which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

But we can always build more killbots.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

(SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders!

Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord.

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area.

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body.

Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that. A half-eaten employee directory. Inspector 5's home address! His ass-ias is gracias!

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot,"

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner,

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business!

(CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah. And it's straight! Coilette wins!

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die.

He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong?

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface? We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale!

(INHALES) Ah... Much better. (SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse! It's like Comic-Con in a submarine! (SNIFFING) Oh, my God! The smell's coming from you! What? That? That's just my personal musk.

That's a chick show.

It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim,

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Where have you been? What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in!

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm...

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon.

Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards!

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

And don't skimp on the nasty.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

I call it Caribbean Drano.

and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender.

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.

We don't got nobody here by that alias.

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

(ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent? Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees.

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I?

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded.

Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack! Oh, God.

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

Well, sure, but who's brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

I know I've heard that melody before. I just can't remember where. Hmm. Perhaps we can narrow it down by seeing what part of Fry's brain becomes active when he hears it. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour.

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

And let this be a lesson to any other albino lobsters thinking of robbing our casino. (COCKS WEAPON) There ya go. Don't shoot! I have a deal to offer you. Sorry. We native Martians aren't so crazy about deals with the Wong family. That's because you don't know the original deal,

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

All right, enough of this.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without--

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny. Huh?

I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

We'll teach you not to lose immediately.

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya.

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog...

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere.

(LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here.

That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year!

Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

fry, throw in the towel.

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics. We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh! We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh?

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Goin' through the 'bot wash

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters?

My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys!

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends--

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

(GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

MAN: (THROUGH WALL) Prove it, loser! Well, we should get going. It was great to meet you, though, and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence. Keep up with your studies, huh? What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad. Mmm!

A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism.

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal. Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40.

Flame creature?

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do?

Who are you again?

$10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh!

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

(ALL SCREAMING) What's this dump? My God! It's the Pantheon!

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

This is not happening.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh!

back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again?

Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS)

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by rolling of the third type. Say what?

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger,

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew!

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick. I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Ah! You muddled the mint well, Alejandro. The lighthouse! Dead ahead! Aye! Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired.

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

(CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology. The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about.

We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action!

ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy.

but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates. What's this under the chocolates?

(CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up. I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off?

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better.

Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show!

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years. It felt like a minute compared to grad school.

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

(SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse!

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA?

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are.

(GRUNTS) There's the old place. Hasn't changed a bit. Put on your glasses, sweetie. Ahh! (FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something.

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

(TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

No. We do have concept of ownership.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us?

No, you shut up, please.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped!

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash.

Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no!

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now,

Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.

Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf. If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love.

We want our TV back.

With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor. Say, you nose-breathers want to come see some real moon culture, come on down to the Butterfly Derby tonight. Wait, the Butterfly Derby is when? And what?

The same deviled egg.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

- (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy.

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

(PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset.

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about.

I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well?

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming.

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear. (CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean.

50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out!

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

All gone. Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk.

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't.

Please, just leave me alone.

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes. Vintage Bubblegum!

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens,

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear.

Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, hunt master.

Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

(LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

- a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund?

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em!

And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this,

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle.

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die. (CHILDREN CHEERING)

We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Ah, U.S. presidents!

We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Ah, just as I thought. The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet.

I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out?

No! No! What have I will have done?

- Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday.

Nice to see you, Zapp.

That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous

So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg?

Wow. A grim day for robotkind.

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop!

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it?

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man!

The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry! Can you really remove all my memories of Fry?

Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon.

Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread.

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

I work there as a greeter.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is...

Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

It was coming right at us! You saw it.

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Okay, everybody do one of those three things. Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up.

Administer the test. Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

For your information, I did this all by myself.

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw...

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

Ride the walrus.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

Come on, universe!

There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

Great. Now we're being crushed.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

Married? Jennie can't get married!

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

LEELA: Use boaty talk!

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo!

So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates.

Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk.

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty.

Hey, that's my cell phone.

The doctor is in.

in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around.

It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

Who put this in here?

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is--

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself,

(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie. (WOMEN SIGH IN RELIEF) Oh. Oh.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park. I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there.

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

(ZAPP YODELING)

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal?

You can come out. Don't be scared. Mmm!

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

All right, I'll go.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me!

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies,"

You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh!

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female?

I love you so much. Hello.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special--

All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club. BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha.

Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES)

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant? He's my pencil sharpener. You betcha! (WHIRRING)

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

With gusto. Aw. So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

You are now dead.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster...

I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Grab some complimentary snacks and let's go! (BOTH PANTING) I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will. Fine.

Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun.

They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Anyway, I should get going.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory.

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Wernstrom! The very same.

Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time.

but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Oh, it haunts my memory still.

I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again. Hello there. Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid."

- Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Free beer. Free beer.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Huh.

Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr.

You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely?

Why won't anyone help me?

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Just your big jangly booty, baby.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

(CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers. (CHUCKLES) Ladies, that is the kind of can-do performance I like to see...

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Hey, that's my brain!

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Three, two, one.

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled.

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh...

If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows.

Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela.

his in-your-face interface.

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Cry baby! Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic.

Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope.

Maybe we can do better for her.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked.

I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder! Don't lose hope, Fry! What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS)

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

until both males are exhausted or dead.

And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do! - Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this? We just wanted you to be proud of us.

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

They went this way!

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING)

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.

My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours. Well, let's get looting.

(ALL GASPING) Fry?

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano.

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship.

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus.

No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild?

But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you. Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields."

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis? (PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy.

How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Let's try for a twofer.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Fourscore and 1,145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation. And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger.

It worked perfectly!

I'd recognize this anywhere. (GASPS) (GROWLS) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe World Series tickets? A trip wire. But who's tripping who?

Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless.

Whatcha eating?

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful,

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

Squeaky, squishy clean.

Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Yes, I did. Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN)

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage.

In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors?

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride?

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

- Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy.

My condolences, LaBarbara.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true.

All hands on deck for mojitos.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

That's my little sugar doodle. Cork your face bladder. I'm working! Sorry. I had that coming. It's not easy being a derby wife.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh.

Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful!

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night. I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love.

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah!

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date.

Go ahead, get into these Net suits.

It's making me hungry.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right.

(GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper,

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Dump him already.

Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk. Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out.

But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Exciting news, people!

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations!

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

It's a Crud and he's got a gun!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists,

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me.

Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room.

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Precious hamburgers?

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS)

Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever!

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

I got me some whale oil, some squirrel oil. Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah? I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Waaah! What the--

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

The mother ship is destroyed.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS) Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03?

the court finds polygamy constitutional.

I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order.

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

In fact, should I do it now?

This is awesome!

(GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me?

He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat.

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us.

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years.

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

You owe me one.

Happy New Year!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear!

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice,

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

Okay. Don't panic.

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Take your base.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world?

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit,

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Ah. It's a wonderful night. It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night. I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor! So, we meet again. Most amusing.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

You can use this as an eye poker.

I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities.

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

(ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream!

Allow me. There we go.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever.

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy?

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place. That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS)

I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose!

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh!

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards?

We did harbor a mutant!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

Hello? Is anyone still alive?

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that.

That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks. Can you make change for a Nobel Prize? Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years.

Aw. She sounds sweet.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya!

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

Yeah, see you later, chumps.

It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano.

Oh, what's the point?

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing,

Must kill all...

Odor at magnitude eight.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later. I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot!

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Well, that was pointless.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

I remember it like it was interesting.

Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

Have you seen my sombrero?

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box.

Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

Welcome aboard, sir.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh.

Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us!

Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is...

- Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler!

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela?

You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world?

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.

Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again. According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir.

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

- Hey, hot stuff. - Hey, Flexo. So since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you at all.

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

The planet's "kerploding."

Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend.

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

See you later, wuv-ums.

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place.

Do you understand the charges?

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Just stay out of my way, boy.

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Great! Hooray for Blindy!

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

Ow! My underbite!

just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting,

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden?

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Hmm. Ah, here's my stateroom.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

I thought it would fit.

Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack! We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings,

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Can you make change for a Nobel Prize? Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either,

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Howard Stern is overrated!

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

(EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes! He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

(GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo.

(SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby.

This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What?

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

All right! I'll go!

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card?

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old...

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu!

(SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

It's a miracle! I can walk! No more crutch or withered leg! Someone's sure to adopt me now!

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei?

Let's blow this tomb. Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living.

Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator,

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Does not compute. Does not compute.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect...

I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING)

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

(CROWD CHEERING)

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned?

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart!

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful.

Hey. What smells like blue?

you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube.

Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery,

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn.

Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy.

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby!

Divorce is final.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

(SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true.

Now vent! Vent like the wind!

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Uh... this. Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing?

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff...

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job.

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner?

Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil.

The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are.

Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

No fair! Bender's innocent!

I hope this is the control stick.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts.

Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

(CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Earth! Indubitably.

three, two-- Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

Please use the beeps.

I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan.

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel...

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Let's "conservate."

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

I agree. The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right.

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh.

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there.

The name of the game is Candyland.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh--

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher.

And another thing.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will.

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again.

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense.

As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield,

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later. She's out.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas.

What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

(MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable.

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS)

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something?

They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord--

Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you?

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Here's corpsey! Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way.

And now, my meddling manbot,

Free soda for all humans!

Can you save him?

you're cute. You're cute.

Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!

Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back?

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.

(WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

if I don't want to be embarrassed.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

I'm seeing double.

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients?

Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know?

Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? I was just about to suggest the same thing.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean?

They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy.

Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie...

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

just as I suspected.

Not if I can get you to a better doctor.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships.

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Careful! That's a week old! I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau,

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie.

One bowl of mild farina.

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news?

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes!

Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher!

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me. Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide!

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface.

my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"?

Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Just be sure to stay out of the methane swamps. (SNIFFING) What smells like methane?

Please, just leave me alone.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

(SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead?

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

He's going to blow!

Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?

Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are. There is but one being who can resist them--

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh Oh, my God!

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here. I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field.

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

- Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect.

Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look. Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos--

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet.

They give you a discount if you've been here before. Keep going. We're right behind you.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Shh! Oh, sorry.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember.

Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more.

Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING)

Just the four of us. Let's go already!

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove,

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life!

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an...

That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest!

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct!

What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago,

Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Let the bloodbath begin!

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course.

It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion.

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

Stop acting so stupid!

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax.

If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party.

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

The beast approacheth!

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted.

It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly. Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

(SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts.

long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it. That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work?

Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"? Only one house to go. We did it!

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk. Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Just... my left hand?

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Aw, you. I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against. - That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you,

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Here is my resignation as vice president.

Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

I didn't want to know!

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care,

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

Oh, I get it. This is cute.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and...

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Fry, are you all right?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

No! Get away from there.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil!

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy?

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more. Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto?

No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread.

Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far.

it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you!

Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over!

The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper!

Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?

would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun.

Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

and monkeys and tarsiers and several lemurs. All primates, really. Hey, guys. We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days. No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings.

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate.

Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

Bend it, bend it

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

None of your business.

people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining...

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

Now I'm all you got!

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING)

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

Hmm! I've heard that line before.

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive. Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go.

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil. Then eat it.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly. All right, let's get this party ended.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate.

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard.

What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk!

You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding.

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING)

(ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit? No. It must have something to do with those time particles...

You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.

So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago.

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING)

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds,

Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface?

A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition,

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh! We did it! We're home free!

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

It's nice. Too hot.

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card?

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

(GUN COCKING) (BOTH SCREAM) Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face, and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate. So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight?

Float for your lives!

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star,

English, please? A fight to the death.

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election.

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy?

An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

Don't do anything that affects anything...

erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah.

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

I trust you... (SNARLING)

I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses. The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth.

I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug!

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man.

This is the end!

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Hey! What the... May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh!

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho.

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry?

Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow!

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

All right! I'm a delivery boy!

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human!

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look!

You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps.

I must say this opens my eyes.

Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote.

One, two! one, two, three!

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?!

Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS)

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great!

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please.

I want to live!

(STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music?

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

An electric wall, eh?

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

All right, Beelzebot.

Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole? It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.

Ah! Another successful day.

So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

(WHIMPERING) Nibbler? Poopsie-doodle?

What do you stupid voters want now?

Peace! We out! Hey, Bender.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Last one. Oh! It worked!

- In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Where'd I go just now?

They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy.

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way.

(BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

(STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy.

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do?

Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba. I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian-- And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients. Eating real food in a restaurant, as we both often do.

(ALL SCREAMING)

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft!

Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her.

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much.

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Leela! Leela, wake up. You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted?

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh!

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough.

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe." What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what?

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

There's hot dogs for everyone.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand.

Fry, are you there? Huh?

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender.

Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

Happy New Year!

just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late.

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well! Thank you, Assie.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon...

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this!

(WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants.

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova,

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass!

Your task is nearly completed.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot?

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump,

(LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job!

By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction.

It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah!

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five,

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too.

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged. It's a secret, so keep it under your head...

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers!

I'm too young to die.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead.

I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script.

Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text--

Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening?

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh...

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure? No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us... about dogs from your time.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

We're looking for something that fits in here.

Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk.

Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate? Well, I sure ain't his grandma. Now, look here, Prof. I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices. Yes. I see.

One, two! one, two, three!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here?

Give me the script.

as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac?

You disgust me. Go on.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head.

(EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

(WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS) Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Can you help me?

(PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I?

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice.

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

It's been two weeks. You wanna play tic-tac-toe again before we eat our shoes? No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar? What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark?

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh. What the hell happened?

Wake up, my king.

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys?

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

You are so smart.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you.

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Wait. What's that?

Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes.

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide.

Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.

Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all-- looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.

I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost. Lost, that is, until I heard you speak at Mars University.

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care...

Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert.

The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition.

Swing the bat, you bum!

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING) (ENGINE CLATTERING)

(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

My hair! My wedding cake!

- They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious. No doubt about it, this place is haunted.

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

Women only room!

Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please.

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

Bender, what's going...

Let's go already

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Kill-check one is go. (ALL GASPING)

I took a nappie!

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday!

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

Rock crushes scissors...

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired! So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person? Uh-oh, jealousy.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement.

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic.

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

One, two! one, two, three!

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not!

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity,"

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

There's a window in the closet. Whoa.

I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape.

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build?

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh?

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you.

To the flying machine!

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Uuh! Stee-rike one! Strike one! A personal best.

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in...

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you?

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways...

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance.

Or do we? No, I guess not.

That is so unbelievably manipulative! Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner.

rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

He decided not to let go.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch.

I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

16 feet?! Go to hell!

How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts.

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

(BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit. You know, when I first got broken, I felt my life was over, but look at me now.

This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes.

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go.

Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi!

Good news, everyone!

I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man.

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

MAN ON TV: Coming this fall.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost.

Pay attention to me!

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

No! You, sir, are a heartless monster, and you will rue the day you met me. Also, can I get my parking validated?

Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

By God, you're right! I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you!

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle?

Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it. That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit.

L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor?

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

You stole my kidney!

I'll call and tell you about it.

I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow. Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married. Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake. I know you're upset that your parents broke up. But what if Zapp really does make Munda happy? What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served.

They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg!

I'll kill you! You bastard!

Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven!

So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you.

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

Before we deliver these weapons,

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What?

Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners.

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

(GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding.

and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, hunt master. Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly?

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

This here the buffet.

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage?

Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight?

Uh, me no speaka da English.

Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch!

Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy?

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God! Oh, how could Amy leave me?

D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

This is gonna be great.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow!

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh!

True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm.

Oop, low on power.

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

Yep, it's going to be...

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah?

Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

he'll save us from--

(SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket.

Of course, my significant soldier.

And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay!

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true?

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work."

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

Wait. This is what we're running from. Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing?

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Please. You give me too little credit.

Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanuka