comb.io - Clips

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea."

So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Your mama's so ugly!

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam?

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Fire me, iffen you dare.

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Do you have any gum? No.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

Target Robot 1-X, and fire! You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it. The year 4000 is severely disappointing.

Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Come on. Come on!

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle!

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help!

In other words, no. Ohh!

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Burning garbage.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other.

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay. You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time.

To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

You knocked Fox off the air.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING)

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Remember me! Remember me!

The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done?

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands. Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum?

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

Oh, I made myself feel bad.

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on!

Death to the men!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

From those humble beginnings,

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out?

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Must kill all...

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

They'll kill us on sight.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Let what must be done be done.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner?

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it?

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Amy, no! It's too windy!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

(BOTH CRYING OUT)

Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Let the punishment commence!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I help those who help themselves!

Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

Roberto! What are you doing here?

Why is it still blurry?

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me.

got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Yes! Here I come, future!

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you!

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit,

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here. All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Women only room!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G."

Ready? Retreat!

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Correct. This box contains our own universe!

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

I know that, and you know that.

We're whalers on the--

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

It's not starting.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir--

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela!

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry--

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

What? Twenty-seven.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Rite my riny retal rass!

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face,

Would we have donkeys?

De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

What is your purpose here? Huh? All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

Take your hands off me.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice.

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out. Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

May death come quickly to his enemies.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Eating the flag is bad!

We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little.

How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Get the hell off my planet.

Who's kicking who around now? Knock, knock.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

I sure love Leela.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks.

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

I died doing what I loved.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty.

That's not good enough.

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

Professor, you did it.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family.

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

If I understand ice fishing, and I'm pretty sure I don't, we'll need to laser-blast a hole in the ice. No, no crazy technology. Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength to drill a hole the old-fashioned way. I don't see any irony in that.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake!

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.

Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well.

ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace. Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired.

The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us?

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

Me crush with club.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING)

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

He's a unique and beautiful object.

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body!

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you.

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew.

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

Who put this in here? No!

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

You know my favorite part of your song? The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail!

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting.

How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

What's wrong, Fry?

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Team assembled!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

Oh, snap. Ooh...

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

What's that? War were declared.

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you.

All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Some sexy, arousing bread.

Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

(MUFFLED YELLING) (ROOSTER CROWING)

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!

and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

Hey! Turn that damn music...

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going?

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm.

What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But...

Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again,

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

One of you guys do something!

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed.

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine?

Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically,

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be.

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Decisions I made

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species,

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here. Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy!

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Killed? In an atomic blast?

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake!

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe?

The costume contest! The costume contest!

Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah?

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo!

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic.

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine!

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

No, you shut up, please.

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Ever since 2063,

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

More! More! More! More!

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Permission to come aboard?

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

fry, throw in the towel.

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth.

Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!

Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh?

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication. Maybe we can rig something up.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer! Ow!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em. I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands. What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING)

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

(GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha!

Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing.

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

So, heads or tails?

Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Although we are technically in New jersey.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter?

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth!

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future. Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body.

Fry, you're my friend.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose.

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated?

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God! Whoa! Whoa!

What the hell was that?

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

I must be a-- a--

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

I'll put on my tutu.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(YOWLS) They're at it again.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

They know our disgusting secret!

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit.

Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond. Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender.

Oh! You know Elzar?

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian...

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o!

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad?

Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

just ask the question.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row,

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

(CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

when we kiss I see what's in your heart

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

My knee, I scraped it.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Why is it still blurry?

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

You will be destroyed!

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

Him do good Snu-snu.

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke?

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them!

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman.

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you.

No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this?

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh!

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

We need less adventures, not more adventures.

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Mmm. It stinks.

Bad news, nobody.

You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Oy. I lost another one.

They won't stop until every human is dead.

You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

(ZAPP YODELING)

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

And this time I mean it!

(DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

The spicy curried goat.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love...

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

The big brain am winning again!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead.

Read the Constitution.

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Good work, everyone.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

It's called line dancing, Professor.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared!

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela. I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER)

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

Where were you born?

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh.

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Which way to the tiny hookers?

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up.

Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm!

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh! Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages.

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But...

Ow! I'm hungry.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart.

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will?

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry.

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage.

Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go.

I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

You're under arrest for future murder!

He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards?

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on?

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare,

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable.

One eye, purple hair. You're Leela!

The devil take this predictable colon!

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh!

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad.

Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals!

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

Hurry, we're missing our bus! Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus!

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here,

- Hee-ya! - Ow!

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins!

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

because I love you.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

Scruffy believes in this company.

Here's corpsey!

Why did we have to come here at night?

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

Perhaps. What's your point?

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break. Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it!

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone,

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting!

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Kill all modern humans!

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life.

Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism.

So, we're cool? Well, it was a spectacular battle,

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na."

Pay dirt! Hyah!

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

In fact, all life is extinct.

Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel!

Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here,

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

I'm afraid we need to use math.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one...

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um--

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost.

Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

It's going to blow!

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see?

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago.

Ah-roo, very well.

The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Choke on that, causality!

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose.

Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy.

It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go!

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece.

And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good.

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

I'm too pretty.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision.

I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with.

If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet! Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep.

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh!

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me?

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS)

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

We were defeated in battle.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again.

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted.

I've found the secret of robotic free will.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh!

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Why don't you and I ever do things together?

You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait.

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh!

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all.

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh...

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder? I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time!

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

Just the four of us. Let's go already!

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Come on! Yes! Front row!

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes! Ow.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy,

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Let's kick him some more!

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

coffee, coffee, coffee--

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Your tiny, tiny intellect.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

That's your penis.

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant.

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something.

Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

I find the defendants guilty.

What are you, gay?

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

I'll need accomplices.

What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

(SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn!

Oh, God, you're alive!

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

I do not want to shoot anybody.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

I just want this whale to die, die, die!

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much!

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device.

No one makes fun of my nose.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Better mascots than you have tried.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye.

Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake!

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible.

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six.

I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Bad news, everyone.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil.

- Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord!

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers!

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Well, we're boned.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it takeS forever

to be. So, you really and truly love me?

I'm your top of the line, Mom. Notice that this obsolete robot... runs on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution... and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage.

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way,

so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

Women go free. Men stay in chains.

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you. He loved science and was desperate to go to college. He even looked a little like you.

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

(TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman?

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends.

There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century?

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

You may feel small pain.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING)

I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned. Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

I don't know. Fry?

That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING)

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it.

And the winner is... Robot House?!

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

We just got one of these. Rejected!

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

there's the question of what to do with you.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

It's used to it! Whoo!

Save my friends! And Zoidberg! Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be!

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here. (BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus. So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

Hermes? We thought you were the creature.

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

(ALL SCREAMING)

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

(WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself. I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit.

The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go. Very well. Let there be light!

Never! A deal's a deal

Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

Rats. just another tooth.

I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me?

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores.

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that?

Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

No! No! What have I will have done?

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet?

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

Granted, shnookums.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious,

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Three, two, one.

I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Hallelujah, baby.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

We live to suck another day!

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity.

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth!

Let's go already

Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right? It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much.

Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

The Cavern on the Green.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious. Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you?

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think!

And stop calling me.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

The robot has to go.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

Whose blood? Some guy's.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

it's almost sickening.

Let's go already.

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage.

I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer".

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours,

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World,

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr!

Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten. Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here...

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

For the first time,

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now.

Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar. Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV.

(TROMBONE PLAYING) Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat.

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

LEELA: Use boaty talk!

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll. Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?

Hug me, Liubot. I'll always remember you, Fry.

I'm a good captain.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that--

Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS)

Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

He'll never find me in here.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs. And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg!

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

I gotta get outta here! Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate. (GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer! What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Thou shalt not snatch.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters!

Just stay out of my way, boy.

Eight to eight. It's a tie.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

(ZAPP GRUNTING)

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent! I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Yeah, duos are good.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Not often though. Mmm.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on...

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

(GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here!

The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap!

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Nothing. His free will slot is empty. I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot?

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah!

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind.

This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near!

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.

Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Damn it. I should have paid more attention in kindergarten. What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING) Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for?

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise.

It's not even worth watching anymore.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow!

How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter!

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

He looks like Bender!

Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

This show's been going downhill since season three.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year.

Coming up next, Futurama!

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Hermes, don't press that button!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

No. Pubic Library.

Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Hey, rich girl!

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

Your granny can go to hell!

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull!

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.

Okay. I'm happy!

Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here.

We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry?

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING)

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about?

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

I wuv my mommy.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Everybody but me is dying of old age! Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

One, two! one, two, three!

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

I am Bender Please insert girder

They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk.

You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Pardon me, sir--

Fry, stop. She's gone.

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too.

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

You'll give me your hand in marriage Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy!

And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh,

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon.

I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

At ease, darling. Honored guests and Kif, one of a captain's many superpowers is the ability to conduct marriage. So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow! Then shut your yaps and back to work

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions!

Mind if I give the eulogy?

Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am.

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

(SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Want to go around again? I do.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time.

- Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Leave him alone.

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right.

Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah!

We're going to die!

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right!

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup?

I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger!

Hey, wh-- what?

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man,

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together. But behold!

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

the confidence to be your best.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen.

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING)

Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon.

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you.

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association.

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible!

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible.

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law?

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

You're watching Futurama,

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

Be you robot or human?

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx.

Super King has no need for loved ones.

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster, how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Fry, however, does not.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water?

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me. Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy.

"Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

We just got one of these. Rejected!

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

Futurama is brought to you by...

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Sure, baby, I know it.

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work.

That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that.

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that.

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

(AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval.

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person.

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think.

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

There were no survivors.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up?

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

But I am already in my pajamas.

I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

He's gyroscopically stable.

$60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap. Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela?

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had.

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool?

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head.

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

Let's go already!

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Steady. Steady. Now!

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district.

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum...

Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Dance, slave, dance.

He's the evil Bender.

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone.

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

Yes! Right in the Ike!

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

No, no, listen. It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat,

It will be a rich, full day.

He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

Uh-oh. Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles.

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Ick! Oh. How about this one?

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda?

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward.

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive. Hmm...

I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that?

They're hideous!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

I'm up to something here.

Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

My ice cream Manwich!

Good night, Hubert.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

One month, two weeks, one hour,

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Can't we just send our avatars?

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine!

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999.

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Look out, Earth.

And that's how we learned our lesson.

Did someone say something about a free hot meal?

You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Have a good one!

A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips. Good ending. Not great.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

Bite my shiny... metal...

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

You're going to do his laundry?

(BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

(SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me.

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home.

You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody.

you're too damn bright!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be,

I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting,

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone.

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

Odor at magnitude eight.

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Hello? Anybody home?

Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole?

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Death sphere in range.

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me.

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING)

(GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening!

I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo. Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Good night, Calculon.

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Steady. Steady. Now!

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Dude, over here.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

I had dreams, too! I was going to surf the world's sewers, but I happily gave it up for you. Happily! I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite.

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last.

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

(WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer. Oh, yeah!

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school?

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first!

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome!

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu!