comb.io - Clips

But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

I'm dying of old age!

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Is anything not a robot?

(VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh?

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Oh, my God. What the...?

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee?

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Please. You give me too little credit.

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Oh. Ah, man! Phew!

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

You want me to do two things?

Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid! We're over the drop zone, gentlemen.

(CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Now we're slavin'.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow!

I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING) What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake.

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Sweden? I don't think so!

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well.

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Pet it. Pet it.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

I have these three costumes you could use.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation.

Fry, you're my friend.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy,

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Roswell, New Mexico.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did?

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

He's-- He's dead.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long.

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel...

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

We call him Pickles.

As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee! Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart,

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

(ALARM RINGING)

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

I said, hit the hay!

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

No, I'm-- doesn't.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

I wuv my mommy.

Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me!

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

There must be people somewhere.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Oh, no, no. God, no.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium?

In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that!

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool.

Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

I don't even want to... why is...

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Farewell. Noooo!

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

- Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far.

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

You, wrinkled as a prune--

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Rite my riny retal rass!

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

That's adorable. Ow!

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

War were declared.

Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Answer me that, Professor!

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8! Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites?

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups.

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Please do not feed the animals!

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

Please do not feed the animals!

that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Good news, everyone!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

Let's go already!

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice.

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

(MARITIME FOLK MUSIC) (ACCORDION PLAYING)

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make?

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

It's a suppository.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

He's a whale biologist.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he? There, in his ice fortress.

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style.

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

Okay, take a deep breath.

This wangs chung.

This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I don't even want to...

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh! Ahhh!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack?

Put it back in me!

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants,

Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset.

Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Wow! Ostentatious.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last.

would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Who is that godlike figure?

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah...

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them!

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay?

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo!

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop. Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed--

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

We could grow up together.

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Aw... what's the point?!

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back.

Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING)

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com.

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use.

I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time.

Pretty cool, eh?

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me,

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

(ALARM WAILING)

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg. Faster! Faster!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around,

If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

The box says, "No."

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!

Stop! No! Moron!

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

I'll take eight.

My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Oh, nag, nag, nag.

Permission to come aboard? Granted, shnookums.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure.

Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh?

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Let's go already!

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

(STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack!

That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

They're so cold!

Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

It's time to activate the bomb.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

This is where I keep various lengths of wire.

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy

Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots!

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Update Facebook status home?

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

(SIREN WAILING)

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

You'll have to get through me first.

I just know these things.

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe.

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

I did do the nasty in the past-y.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

(LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS)

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die! Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. Go on.

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Here, let me help you.

Phil, you're hype!

The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

I think you're overreacting. Am I?

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

I don't feel good.

(GRUNTING) Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

Why did it give us those hallucinations?

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

We were defeated in battle.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Let's watch, shall we?

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field.

But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

We were defeated in battle.

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray!

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene.

I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

You shut up, please.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.

Hot diggity daffodil!

A hundred dollars a week!

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope,

Eyes, look your last.

Squeaky, squishy clean.

Fry, are you all right?

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Those are weeds, jackass!

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

How could this happen?

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia--

I'm afraid he's gone.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Good news, everyone.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY)

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton

What's so funny?

Then shut your yaps and back to work

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Our universe is doomed!

That's not nearly loyal enough.

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this?

Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

We'll have to bring her around again.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the--

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen.

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela.

A dark day for humanity, folks.

My leg, it's broken.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh?

Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake.

Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years.

Let's blow it up already.

Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING)

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

How did this happen?

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Good afternoon, sir.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

But it was my life.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I love killing people--

What is it? I burned my finger.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

This is an outrage.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

He's back to normal!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Transmission over.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you!

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee!

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck. Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Sentimental drivel poop!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING)

We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator,

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

You dumb bastards!

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Now that's what I call fine print.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

Brace yourself for the worst.

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not!

(YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this.

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal.

Free beer. Free beer.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push!

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

to toy with my emotions.

Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help!

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

and also, Jane Fonda was there.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx. You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

i Will wait For you

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Okay! Okay! Quit nagging!

Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

This wangs chung.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

until both males are exhausted or dead.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

Any button! They all retaliate!

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

My God! It's the Pantheon!

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

(BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine!

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

Brace yourself for the worst.

Over here, Calculon! Come on, smile. Quit blinking. Red eye. Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious?

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly?

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.

carry the seven... got it!

Good-bye, cruel world.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again!

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out.

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Please do not feed the animals!

We'll have to bring her around again.

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

Space pirates! Space pirates?

an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

whoever he is. Am I right? And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Well, let's get looting.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

Oh, you speak Fish?

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

Oww! Not so rough!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Sweden? I don't think so!

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Animals eat other animals.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Let's all go to the lobby.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

Farewell, my friend. Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

(ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS)

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four,

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

This show is awesome!

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J.

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

I was getting to that one!

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions.

Give several reasons why. For one,

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Oh, I made myself sad.

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court--

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found. MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill.

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead.

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Okay, get ready.

Great Little Caesar's ghost!

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Yet, so desperate the city's desire for tourism that they moved offshore, becoming an island and an even bigger Delta hub, until the city overdeveloped and it started to sink.

Stop hoggin' the clover!

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer. Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body... into a tender, delicate form. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey!

two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah!

Look at my butt! Whooooo!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up. Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

So long, jerkwads! So long.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Look out, a solar flare!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm?

to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

No more hanging wires!

This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

(BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name.

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Shut up. I know it.

BOY: Yeah! Devo!

How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer?

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree.

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will?

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

And clean the black parts too.

- Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what?

Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

All right, I'll go.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line?

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa?

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

"U leave me breathless"?

Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

(SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins.

Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

All right, baby! Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

What? It was? Hooray!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

- Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together!

Okay, that's what I thought.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

What is it? I burned my finger.

Hey, I'm trying to score here.

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet.

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

- Never! - Never! Never!

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela?

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid.

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet.

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go! Oh!

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

The Art of War.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

I'll be whatever I want to do!

Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Dear Captain's Diary--

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

And me, Zoidberg.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

I'm back, baby.

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Well, let's get looting!

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

I fInd that offensive!

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers?

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do!

And you are outta here!

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.

I am your friend... Bonder.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy.

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry.

I'm going to go kill myself.

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney?

(CACKLING) (GASPS)

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them?

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened?

This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

but up here, I'm above the law.

And you smell like one, too.

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

I recently upgraded my funk card.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Okay, take a deep breath.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey.

Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Happy New Year!

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape. Crazy sucker.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

But I'm afraid we had a deal.

Silence, puny audience!

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

Please, just leave me alone.

(SNEEZES) Sorry.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be.

The Gender Bender! Boo!

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS)

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door.

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later,

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

I got to check out this brochure.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

I don't see any irony in that.

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

Get the hell off my planet.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Anyone want butter on that?

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why.

All right, Beelzebot.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Everybody kill everybody!

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Move your freaking hoof, you goat!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party. Goodbye.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck!

Shut up and take my money!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for?

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Hooray, he's back!

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

We're going to die!

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness.

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each. To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

I'm 60% storage space.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position?

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

Come over here.

For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

(GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

his in-your-face interface.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father.

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

We never even left this building. What?

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous.

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire!

And that's just the way I like it.

Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

Well, that was rude.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

One, two! one, two, three!

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

And above all, have fun.

It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?

Remember me! Remember me!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket...

I'm bored! Let's go.

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

The network execubots are coming! Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network.

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

"A" is for a... Wait!

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him.

No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Robot Porno Theater?

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Maybe we can do better for her.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting.

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were--

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Give several reasons why.

So humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

I'm actually gay.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I was getting to that one!

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

No! I'm talking about my ass!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Planet Express Ship, is something wrong? Oh, it's Bender. He's acting so strange lately. Do you think he's gonna ask me to marry him? Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

There's only one way to ensure victory.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk--

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences,

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

You'd be stupid to try.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow! Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

(SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa.

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians,

which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here.

Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Also, good news, everyone!

Hey, there's my little space heater.

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Out of my way, losers!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Two, three... hey.

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

an A-minus-minus!

Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something. What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

No! Get away from there. That's it!

(EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES) I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

There, little friend. Good as new.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Noooo! She's gone.

Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing. Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

Harpoon, my ass.

There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

(LEELA READING)

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell. Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going!

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

A test! I demand a test! Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are.

Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree. Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive. Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark.

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Precious hamburgers?

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place.

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

There goes my... life.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it.

Three, two, one.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

I bid you adieu. Oww!

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Brain! Brain make people dumb.

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Get out of my house, you commie.

Sweet zombie Jesus!

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

It'll get there.

The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Let's "conservate."

Ow! I'm hungry.

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Made a cool hundred mil.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Quick! In there! Huh?

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.

Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb.

Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Happy New Year!

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home?

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

(GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy?

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela.

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d--

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Who's my favorite robot?

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me...

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Shut up, damn it!

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

(ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

I took a nappie!

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

Women only room!

Well, let's get looting.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

You're paying for that.

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth,

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity,

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

Mario not responding!

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

You fool! You foolish fool!

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book.

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing!

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

I'm literally angry with rage!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah!

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots.

(BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot,

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Two, three... hey.

In fact, forget the park.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

And you are outta here!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free. Get me the president.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Aw... what's the point?!

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas!

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Now I'm all you got!

The ship's lost power!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

I'm 40% back, baby!

I'm just so lonely!

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan. Oh! If only I could read lips.

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets.

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

And with that... I have closure.

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

What's next, gay robosexual marriage?

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

It's the season finale.

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune--

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Are you on the junk, Fry?

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What?

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see Hey, rich lobster

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Oh, don't get me started.

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life?

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me?

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth.

Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Hooray! I graduated!

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

We did it! We're the right ages again!

My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Shut up and get to the point!

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Ow! My small intestine!

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say. So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery.

Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

That was a disgusting story.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

Ooh, a bot-mitzvah! Shalom hunger. Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg?

Leela? Amy? Amy!

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Flexo? What's goin' on?

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive.

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

A cuddly baby tapir.

What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

I have amnesia!

So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather,

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said...

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

and subscription to Cosmo.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks.

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh...

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Bunk! Bunk, I say!

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

Don't worry, now, Amy.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby!

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Oh, my God. What the...?

all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Ah-roo. Maybe so.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh!

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

Straight to hell!

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies,

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha.

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

And the winner is... Robot House?!

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Hooray! I'm helping.

(GASPS) You're a human?

All right, let's get this party ended.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep...

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog...

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah!

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

This toads the wet sprocket.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

Huh? Bender! You t